Family Gets Mad When I Panic?

[LadyWench]

Let me start off by saying that I suffer from a few different things. My main problems, however, are obsessive-compulsive disorder with hypochondria and panic disorder. One always leads to the other. If I'm worrying about my health, it's almost guaranteed I will have a panic attack. I always obsess about my health. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I live with my mother and boyfriend. Basically anytime I start freaking out over health issues and it leads to anxiety, they get mad. I'll elaborate:

I realize that living with someone that has these problems can be frustrating. I understand that knowing you can't really do anything to help or fix it, can be rather irritating. I get all of that. I think at this point, though, they are just excuses. Whenever I start worrying and having a panic attack, my mom will get mad. She will walk off with an attitude and not listen to me. It's like she doesn't even want to be around me when I'm scared. It's as if I'm annoying her and in the way. She makes me feel like life would be easier for her and others if I simply didn't exist.

My boyfriend acts the same way. He didn't used to. He used to be very supportive of my panic attacks and would do his best to help. Not anymore, though. I think he's grown used to it. Like the other day, for example. I was afraid that I was going to cough up blood (long story). I stood over the sink and kept forcing myself to cough, to see if it would happen. At one point, I swore I saw two spots of red in my saliva. I started freaking out, and he said "f*ck this" and walked away. I started crying and freaking out because I was so scared. I didn't know what to do. I had to beg for him to come back into the bathroom and help me. I ended up being fine and nothing was wrong with me physically. It's just a weird fear I have and I've been sick lately with an upper respiratory thing. He came back to the bathroom and was nicer and stuff. I think he felt bad for the way he reacted. That doesn't matter, though. It really hurt me. My mom hurts me when she acts like that, too.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else deals with this sort of thing? Are there people that become mad and/or frustrated with you for having anxiety? It's just difficult for me to comprehend all of this. It's as if they think I can control it or am doing it on purpose or something.

Thanks for reading. I'm sorry this is so long and lame.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Long, yes. Lame, no. Please, speak your mind when you feel you must.

I have been told I am strange. That happened when I began ignoring my trouble - AvPD. It's me I guess. So I don't deal with troubles like you have.

People become impatient sometimes. And will say or do things they don't mean to say or do. Conversely, some people are not or refuse to be understanding, supportive.

Try to keep calm.

By the sounds of things you deal with a lot. I apologise I haven't offered much nor can I assist any further. It seems I am at a loss for words.

 

[kihira]

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[coyote]

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else deals with this sort of thing? Are there people that become mad and/or frustrated with you for having anxiety? It's just difficult for me to comprehend all of this. It's as if they think I can control it or am doing it on purpose or something.

Thanks for reading. I'm sorry this is so long and lame.

When my marriage was falling apart, and I was trying to figure out what was going on with my own emotional/psychological problems, it was very distressing that the woman I loved seemed not to care about my problems or want to help me in any way.

I spent a long time holding onto that pain, blaming her.

But the thoughts and feelings I was having at the time were born of sickness. My anxieties, fears, avoidance, and self-destructive behavior were irrational and unhealthy. No matter how valid they may have seemed to me at the time, I realize now that it was unfair of me to insist that the people around me should be pulled into the madness.

I realize now how difficult it must have been for her - how painful it must have been for her to make the decision to look after herself by asking me to leave.

Perhaps it was for the best. If we couldn't weather the storm, maybe we weren't really meant to be together.

I wish it could have been different.

 

[kihira]

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[Section_31]

Im not going to lie, before i knew what mental illness was, before i realized it was real, and before i realized i even battled with it myself, i used to get this way. I used to be an @$$hole.

I would get frustrated and angry with my wife, then girlfriend, wondering why there always had to be drama. Then when i realized things like this do exist, and that i myself had them, i felt so awful, no words can possibly describe it.

The thing is, i dont know if they (your family) do or do not believe in it, even if they say they do, to alot of people if they cant see somthing, it doesnt exist. Its a tough nut to crack.

I feel for you, and if there is ever anything anyone on here can do, you know you can tell us.

 

[Feathers]

Yup, like Gunman says, some people don't believe in anything they don't 'see'... Also, they may care about you and it can be difficult for them.. I get freaked out by too much death or illness talk too.. And yup, I've sometimes wondered if I might have some odd diseases or such too... It's best to lament to a friend who might understand, or maybe look up health anxiety forums? (I don't dare to go there though lol.. Someone from another forum likes to go there and ask questions though...)

As for respiratory problems, I had them once too, I was very stressed... I then went to a doc who had my lungs X-rayed and had me see a specialist, who said it was okay, and also, the doc made me laugh and see things differently (I was worrying about something and he just made the craziest suggestions and made me realize it was not the end of the world and there were lots of possibilities in the world etc) - so I got better lol..
So I suggest actually seeing a doctor and talking to any understanding friends, if needed.. And maybe see a therapist if you can? They're paid to listen-?

I sometimes prefer to just journal things, and research or ask online... At times, my worrying kinda made mom worry and sorta gave her palpitations, so I try to not make her worry too much..
It's difficult sometimes, I just do EFT or journal or vent online..

 

[LadyWench]

Thank you for all of your replies. I greatly appreciate it. I was actually nervous to post this because I figured nobody would reply or even acknowledge it, heh.

Sial Axetder: Thank you for your response. I'm glad that you don't think my thread was lame. I understand that people become impatient and are unsure of what to do or how to react. It's just difficult to deal with on my end, too.

phocas: I'm sorry. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I imagine it's tough to deal with. I try to see things from my mom's perspective, but it's difficult. At least you realize your actions and want to change them. That's what matters.

coyote: Wow. I'm so sorry. I wish things had worked out. You're right, though. It isn't fair to bring someone else down and suck them into the madness that is mental illness. I don't expect my family to put up with me and my anxiety. I just wish they would either be supportive, or just completely leave me alone. I'd rather be left alone, than have them mad at me and treating me like garbage.

The Lone Gunman: Thank you for sharing that. I'm glad that you now see what you were doing wrong and that you are actually not so different from what you had been criticizing. I know that a lot of people don't "believe in" anxiety and such since they can't see it. However, I find those people to be rather ignorant. The evidence of its existence is quite clear. Sadly, it controls a lot of people's lives.

Feathers: Thank you for sharing your experiences. It's good that you saw a doctor that made you feel better and see things a little differently. I actually went to the ER yesterday evening because I thought I had a fever. And with me being such a huge hypochondriac, I thought it was my only option since the doctor's office was closed. I didn't have a fever after all, and he said my lungs were clear. It was a huge relief. I know the fears will be creeping back soon enough, though. I have been in and out of therapy since I was about 4 years old. It hasn't helped me at all. I live in a very small town with crappy counselors that don't know what they're doing. It's unfortunate, but there isn't much I can do about it. :/

 

[Feathers]

Hey, in that case maybe just hide it from your folks and write in the journal... and do EFT/TAT... or such... It may also help to learn about things yourself, some books can be better than therapists, people online write..

And make sure to tell'em what you told us here: that if they see you obsess if they can just leave you alone, that you know you're probably imagining things, but sometimes it's difficult not to worry... I come from three generations of worriers, and when my mom told me to stop worrying, I told her it's easy to say it and not so easy to do it, as she well knows, and pointed out how she has worried about us or about some irrelevant things too, etc. (Totally different things than *I* had worried about, but still, it's a bad habit/condition probably... partly maybe 'inherited' genetic predisposition, and living next to a chemical factory, and probably not always ideal nutrition, partly learnt behavior probably too...) Grandma worries about seemeingly irrelevant things too, sooo...? There may be other examples in your family, and it may be helpful for them to see it that way too...

 

[LadyWench]

Thank you again, Feathers. You're right. I imagine it can definitely run in the family. My mom has worried about incredibly silly things in the past. You know how parents can be. She is a huge worrywart, actually. So, you would think she'd be a little understanding of my fears and such. But nope.

 

[Feathers]

Yeah, exactly because they worry so much every little sigh is a possible source of threat and discomfort for them too... I imagine you might be HSP (highly sensitive person) and your mom too... So just imagine your pain must feel very painful to her.. I know my mom was more upset than I was when I was little if I fell or hurt myself by sheer clumsiness or something like that.. so it may be just misdirected empathy!! So they don't deal with their own upset well, and may feel, 'Ohh, not again!'... It sucks, what can you do though?

Plus, they may blame themselves for not being better parent/bf/whatever... It may be guilt tripped up with feeling terrible about it and not knowing what to do.. It can be very frustrating.. And they may not deal with it in best ways... Are they dealing with their own lives and working on nutrition/lifestyle/having other meaningful things in their lives...? Sometimes parents can sort of 'hang' on kids (at least mine did, at times) and it was very frustrating to be their main focus of living.. It's actually easier if they have something else in their lives, like the charity or the choir etc. And if they hang out with cool constructive upbeat people too.. and do interesting things.. So they don't just sit around and mope and worry about kids lol..

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

I can see both sides of the situation. I know what it's like to have worries and anxieties and start to panic. I know what it's like when people seem to just leave and walk away and don't help you with what you are going through. It sucks and it's scary. It can be very frustrating to not have that support system.

But I also know what it's like to live with someone who has severe anxiety and what kind of environment it causes. I know that it is not your fault you have these fears, I know it's not your fault that they get out of control and you can't stop the thoughts; but sometimes I wonder if just walking away is actually more of a support system than sitting there and holding your hand trying to talk you out of it.

It is very frustrating trying to sit there and talk someone through a panic attack or a worry, or whatever. Especially when it's the same thing day in and day out. It's not that someone just doesn't believe it isn't real because they can't see it, it's just very difficult to relate to. Especially because people go through struggles everyday. People conquer and beat fear every day, so they feel like, "well I did it, so why can't they?" (this is my guess)

Maybe they don't know how to help you, maybe they have hit a brick wall and just don't know what to do anymore.

Try not to get upset with them. It's not that they don't care or that they are making excuses.

I could go on and on about this, mostly because I have so much experience with both sides, but I will end it here. Just try and work through things, try to sit with the anxiety until it passes/lessens... You can always come here and talk about something you are worried about, and everyone will be here to support you.

 

[LadyWench]

Thanks so much again, you guys. Your replies really mean a lot.

Feathers: I agree that I am mostly likely a highly sensitive person. I think I've always been that way. When it comes to my specific fears, I get very scared, emotional and sensitive about it. My mother is also sensitive, but not in the same way. It's easy for her to just simply be a b*tch, lol. I won't get into her, though. It would take all day to talk about HER problems. She and my boyfriend both work. They have lives and responsibilities. It's not like their main focus in life is me. I wouldn't want it to be! What a crappy life they would have in that case, haha. I just wish they would handle it a little better, or like I've said before, leave me alone.

MsBuzzkillington: You have some great insight. Thank you. It's good that you are able to see it from both sides. I'm trying to. I don't know why I've just suddenly decided to start complaining about all of this. My mother has acted this way my entire life. I don't think she knows how to be supportive. She only thinks about herself. And in this case, I'm probably only thinking about myself. It's kind of hard not to when I'm scared out of my wits, though.

Brooklynn: Thanks for your response. Like I've stated before, I understand how frustrating it can be. Especially when you just don't know what to do to help or make it stop. I've told both of them my feelings on this matter before. I've only told my boyfriend once or twice. I've told my mom countless times throughout my life. She just blows it off and says she doesn't act that way. She has issues of her own, though. I shouldn't even get into that, lol. As for my boyfriend, though...I don't know. He'll act all pissed off and then basically apologize a little later. I think he might realize how it makes me feel and he feels guilty. I don't think my mom is capable of that.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Its because people who do not have panic disorders will never understand it. my dad used to get really frustrated with me when we used to work together...he did not understand. Now 6 , 8 years later he at least has a better understanding of it. I don't think even most therapist know what its like to have these disorders....they just go by what bunches of patients tell them and then just go from there in making there diagnoses and assumptions. I will always believe that nobody can truly understand unless they have a mental illness. Thus saying we know more about it than even therapist do. I know to some this may sound absurd but its the way I feel about it. We have lived it....most therapist have not. I have always heard that some of the best therapist have mental illnesses of there own.

I've always thought LadyWench was nice, but I couldn't think of anything constructive to tell her. I can't relate to or really understand OCD. What sort of advice would you give LadyWench's mom and boyfriend if you could talk to them?

 

[Feathers]

LadyW, well, if your mom and bf both work, there may be other dynamics in play... They work and work hard all day, and you 'do nothing at home' and 'have fun all day'... and then 'complain'... (??) (I know there's work to be done at home too, and sometimes more than elsewhere, and it can be more miserable to stay alone at home, often there's a fun and sociable factor at work too.. - it may be just what they think though!! That's kinda what my parents have thought at times!!)
Your mom can be bitchy if 'on top of that' you don't do housework, or don't do it exactly the way she wanted to, etc (if she's anything like my mom/dad!!)

So... in that case, I'd suggest some life outside of house for you, if you can? Maybe do some volunteering, or join a club or artsy/crafty/eco/herb society or something that interests you? Might even help with the anxiety, and you might meet some nice people.. so you wouldn't totally depend on your nearest ones?
That might make them appreciate you more too!! If you're not 'always there' and have a life and plans of your own and they see other people appreciate you etc!
(It might even distract you from worrying etc sometimes!! It's helped me feel better many times! )

 

[LadyWench]

Barry: Thank you for your words. They were very helpful and I couldn't agree more. I've always felt that therapists would never truly understand mental disorders unless they actually experienced it themselves. They are simply reading books and going off of what patients have told them. Unless they have personally experienced it, they will never truly "get it". My mom and boyfriend both know and comprehend OCD and panic attacks. My mom, especially. She's read up on it and she was actually the one to discover my issues when I was like 3 years old. So, I can't say that their frustration and such is based on ignorance, because it isn't. I wish I could, actually.

Nathaniel: Thank you for what you said. That was very sweet of you.

Feathers: I imagine you're right. I basically sit at home all day, doing nothing productive with my existence, and then I "complain" and worry and stuff. I appreciate the fact that they work hard and everything. I thank them a lot and try to make an effort to help around. I'm usually just unmotivated and depressed to do anything. But I do try. What you're saying makes sense, though, and I believe it could possibly be their mindset. I'd like to maybe volunteer at the animal shelter, but I don't know what I would do if I were to have a panic attack while over there. I would be totally embarrassed and scared. I guess this is why all of my mental issues completely govern my life. Thank you for the suggestions, though! I appreciate it.