Falling for life wave after wave- a blog
- Thread starter Kiwong
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Kiwong
Well-known member
Maybe all the darkness I experience as a human is the penance I must endure before I awake in a flying dream, re-born as a bird? Flying high, free at last, from the meaningless words and thoughts that weigh me down like a lead weight. I go through this life and I don't fit as a human. Is that because somewhere inside I have the soul of a bird, ready to fly from this painful pull of humanity, and be set free to fly.
I was meant to be born a bird, I don't belong on this earth as a person.
The natural world a million miles from the troubles of the human world is what I want to see. Those untouched places where humans can't reach their destructive clutches. Where Storm Petrels dance lightly like ballerinas on top of the ocean swell, where Providence Petrels glide instinctively and speak a language of wind, clouds and current. On winter beaches where I share the wonderful company of the rising sun and waves, and speak to my good friends the Sooty Oystercatchers, Crested Terns and Reef Herons. In a wilderness alive with wildlflowers, with only Crimson Rosellas for company flying fast through mist cloaked trees.
I only venture into the human world out of necessity, to run, because that is closest thing I can get to flying.
I wish I could hover like a Kestrel above the Blackbutt crowns of the Showground as far out of the reach of the human world below as I am comfortable with. Perhaps I could direct a few well directed bird poops in the direction of some of the humans I like least? That would be un-bird like. I'd rather that the human world be forgotten.
That would be Karma
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
Pink Floyd Learning to Fly
I was meant to be born a bird, I don't belong on this earth as a person.
The natural world a million miles from the troubles of the human world is what I want to see. Those untouched places where humans can't reach their destructive clutches. Where Storm Petrels dance lightly like ballerinas on top of the ocean swell, where Providence Petrels glide instinctively and speak a language of wind, clouds and current. On winter beaches where I share the wonderful company of the rising sun and waves, and speak to my good friends the Sooty Oystercatchers, Crested Terns and Reef Herons. In a wilderness alive with wildlflowers, with only Crimson Rosellas for company flying fast through mist cloaked trees.
I only venture into the human world out of necessity, to run, because that is closest thing I can get to flying.
I wish I could hover like a Kestrel above the Blackbutt crowns of the Showground as far out of the reach of the human world below as I am comfortable with. Perhaps I could direct a few well directed bird poops in the direction of some of the humans I like least? That would be un-bird like. I'd rather that the human world be forgotten.
That would be Karma
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
Pink Floyd Learning to Fly
Kiwong
Well-known member
It doesn't matter what strangers might believe, what really matters is your own self-belief.
Today could be the day to start. You turn your mind in the direction of belief, and move towards what might be possible. For years and years I've been lost in introspection, anger and fear.
Even so I have achieved. I have achieved things I didn't believe were possible, by fighting and making an effort. It is suprising once a thought gets through that I start to act on it. My marathons were an example of that. I transformed myelf physically from someone living in pain and ill health, to someone who can run ultra marathons. I overcame a fear of water to learn to swim as an adult.
I finally made an enquiry about setting up a web page for my photos. This has been a dream for a while. Yesterday I was suddenly focused on what might be possible. Maybe this could be a new direction? Self-belief, I believe it might be possible, and that is all that matters, not the opinions of strangers that I seem to get so lost in.
Maybe I can live and work alone, be my own boss.
Also I started to believe that I can find a new place to live. Somehwere with a view, somehwere I call home, somewhere I can have privacy, where I can have a native garden, own parrots and cockatoos.
This afternoon a dream became a bit clearer. A possibilty to live in new place with ocean views. That would be wonderful to wake in the mornings look out my window and see what the clouds are doing. To have a balcony with a view of something. The place is still being built, which gives me atimeline to work towards leaving where I am currently living. My mind was thinking outwardly on possibilities this afternnon. A late autumn day that may have clicked a dream into action. Maybe a big change for the better is possible.
Shame
Nut, head job, weird, weirdo, insane, soft, strange, nut case, creep. Those labels hurt a lot because I like to believe I have some intelligence. I have written these labels in my blog before, but have deleted them out of shame. But why should it be my shame?
There are other labels and insinuations that I find devastating that I can't write here.
I have to believe that despite these labels, I have value as a human being, or at least potential if I try, to learn from my mistakes. There are other labels too, positive ones, intelligent, talented, creative, inspiring, brave, generous, and they are true about me to.
As I have written before the label I like the best is survivor. I take pride in that. 53 years old and still here, despite everything.
I have survived- I guess it proves I am stronger than labels.
^ I'll see how long that will last before I delete
Happy thought
I have a few happy thoughts the last couple of days. Maybe some dreams gaining momentum.
Back on the horse
A new day is about to arrive. It is 6:12 am and rainbow lorikeets are calling from the trees, an almost cloudless sky. Time to saddle up get back on the horse and face another day in Dodge Harbour. Get out there and keep facing the fear, I want to keep doing that
AI ran 8km around Maclean Street Oval. My Achilles was a little sore but it didn't stop me running. I guess that is a victory. I also went shopping in Coles where I have had problems with staff talking about me over the last two years. I used the auto teller. Get back on the horse, and face the very real fear I have of this place I live.
Today could be the day to start. You turn your mind in the direction of belief, and move towards what might be possible. For years and years I've been lost in introspection, anger and fear.
Even so I have achieved. I have achieved things I didn't believe were possible, by fighting and making an effort. It is suprising once a thought gets through that I start to act on it. My marathons were an example of that. I transformed myelf physically from someone living in pain and ill health, to someone who can run ultra marathons. I overcame a fear of water to learn to swim as an adult.
I finally made an enquiry about setting up a web page for my photos. This has been a dream for a while. Yesterday I was suddenly focused on what might be possible. Maybe this could be a new direction? Self-belief, I believe it might be possible, and that is all that matters, not the opinions of strangers that I seem to get so lost in.
Maybe I can live and work alone, be my own boss.
Also I started to believe that I can find a new place to live. Somehwere with a view, somehwere I call home, somewhere I can have privacy, where I can have a native garden, own parrots and cockatoos.
This afternoon a dream became a bit clearer. A possibilty to live in new place with ocean views. That would be wonderful to wake in the mornings look out my window and see what the clouds are doing. To have a balcony with a view of something. The place is still being built, which gives me atimeline to work towards leaving where I am currently living. My mind was thinking outwardly on possibilities this afternnon. A late autumn day that may have clicked a dream into action. Maybe a big change for the better is possible.
Shame
Nut, head job, weird, weirdo, insane, soft, strange, nut case, creep. Those labels hurt a lot because I like to believe I have some intelligence. I have written these labels in my blog before, but have deleted them out of shame. But why should it be my shame?
There are other labels and insinuations that I find devastating that I can't write here.
I have to believe that despite these labels, I have value as a human being, or at least potential if I try, to learn from my mistakes. There are other labels too, positive ones, intelligent, talented, creative, inspiring, brave, generous, and they are true about me to.
As I have written before the label I like the best is survivor. I take pride in that. 53 years old and still here, despite everything.
I have survived- I guess it proves I am stronger than labels.
^ I'll see how long that will last before I delete
Happy thought
I have a few happy thoughts the last couple of days. Maybe some dreams gaining momentum.
Back on the horse
A new day is about to arrive. It is 6:12 am and rainbow lorikeets are calling from the trees, an almost cloudless sky. Time to saddle up get back on the horse and face another day in Dodge Harbour. Get out there and keep facing the fear, I want to keep doing that
AI ran 8km around Maclean Street Oval. My Achilles was a little sore but it didn't stop me running. I guess that is a victory. I also went shopping in Coles where I have had problems with staff talking about me over the last two years. I used the auto teller. Get back on the horse, and face the very real fear I have of this place I live.
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I saw this the other day Kiwong it's kinda like a bird's view of county wicklow in Ireland. I dunno I thought of you, I thought you'd like it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnkzP-pEUwI
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Kiwong
Well-known member
Ghosts.
I wish sometimes that I was a ghost and could walk in the moments in time between the waking world of people. I don't belong in the world of people, I am more of a label than a person it seems.
As a ghost I could still see the ocean, but be safe from the intrusion of the human world on the peace I feel sitting alone on a headland. As a ghost I could let go of all the anger, fear and failure I feel inside as a human being right now. Somewhere safe and forgiving where all my mistakes don't matter anymore.
Maybe Lenny the Cockatiel would come sit on my shoulder for a while? I like to imagine she is a free spirit now - flying free.
As a ghost I can let it go of all that pain that hangs so heavily around me in this life, except in those moments when my soul ignites before the angry ocean, or when I see a wildflower, or when I get a clear run on the creek trail.
I think it is in those very rare seconds that I get it right as a soul. That is my potential. I think it is my mother's creativity coming to the surface.
On my run today I imagined myself running a place in the Coffs Harbour Half Marathon, and standing on the podium with my medal and looking to the sky and asking "Can I come home now?" That's where I want to be home with my parents, a child again. I think a lot about going home.
Another day is all we have
Another day, to try, to do better, to live.
When you live through the worst of times, when you fear that you may not make another day, that is when the new day is never more welcomed.
The grey light slowly filtering through the blackness. A Kookaburra calling, the dawn chorus of rainbow Lorikeets. A knowledge that I have made it through.
It is such a relief to see that beautiful light, the sound of New Holland honeyeaters calling, the meaty sweat smell of Hairpin Banksias flowering.
Sometimes the mornings after my darkest nights are the most wonderful. The extreme between despair and a new chance to live. A new day, never to be taken for granted in the same way again.
There is good in everything, even darkness and despair. Without darkness and despair how can you truly know the wonder of happiness?
I wish sometimes that I was a ghost and could walk in the moments in time between the waking world of people. I don't belong in the world of people, I am more of a label than a person it seems.
As a ghost I could still see the ocean, but be safe from the intrusion of the human world on the peace I feel sitting alone on a headland. As a ghost I could let go of all the anger, fear and failure I feel inside as a human being right now. Somewhere safe and forgiving where all my mistakes don't matter anymore.
Maybe Lenny the Cockatiel would come sit on my shoulder for a while? I like to imagine she is a free spirit now - flying free.
As a ghost I can let it go of all that pain that hangs so heavily around me in this life, except in those moments when my soul ignites before the angry ocean, or when I see a wildflower, or when I get a clear run on the creek trail.
I think it is in those very rare seconds that I get it right as a soul. That is my potential. I think it is my mother's creativity coming to the surface.
On my run today I imagined myself running a place in the Coffs Harbour Half Marathon, and standing on the podium with my medal and looking to the sky and asking "Can I come home now?" That's where I want to be home with my parents, a child again. I think a lot about going home.
Another day is all we have
Another day, to try, to do better, to live.
When you live through the worst of times, when you fear that you may not make another day, that is when the new day is never more welcomed.
The grey light slowly filtering through the blackness. A Kookaburra calling, the dawn chorus of rainbow Lorikeets. A knowledge that I have made it through.
It is such a relief to see that beautiful light, the sound of New Holland honeyeaters calling, the meaty sweat smell of Hairpin Banksias flowering.
Sometimes the mornings after my darkest nights are the most wonderful. The extreme between despair and a new chance to live. A new day, never to be taken for granted in the same way again.
There is good in everything, even darkness and despair. Without darkness and despair how can you truly know the wonder of happiness?
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Hoppy
Well-known member
Kiwong
Well-known member
Joining the world of missing persons
I'd love to just disappear without a trace, and leave all the small town gossips scratching their heads and wondering where did that weird guy go? To be able join the world of missing persons like the lady in the Talking Heads song "And She Was."
Maybe we could hang out? She sounds like my type of person.
We could float above the roof of Woolies, way out of reach of the schmeeple in that crowded purgatory of, smelly cars, blinding lights and plastic packaging. We have reached a pleasant elevation of chilled out peace. Glide outside the seventh storey window of MBT house. Smile and wave, smile and wave at the busy bureaucrats going blind staring at their computer screens; another interminable tea room gathering is in progress. We are on our way to the outer edges of atmosphere.
Over and above the faded blue steel roof, the rusted satellite dish of my unit, finally having escaped that stuffy hell on earth. The high pitched whiny revving engine of my neighbours hotted up car now receding to a whisper.
Keeping easy pace with startled Pelicans disturbed into flight from a Coffs Creek sand bank. We see a lone Black Cockatoo and steer it in the direction of its flock. A gentle nudge from a cloud.
Soaring above the early morning running squad straining on their reps, in colourful training gear. Finally free of the fear I feel standing amongst those strangers; and struck by the ego of it all, the competitiveness.
Up in the clouds my skin, every cell in my body now firing crimson as the sunrise clouds move around and through me. I close my eyes and that rational light soothes every fear and aching human pain into unknowing.
We close our ears to the noisome Politician spruiking for votes in the park. Beyond the reaches of the vultures giving out how to vote papers at the polling booth.
Over the beaches and headlands, the ocean, the green rips flowing out beyond the golden sand, the waves crashing white in between.
Hate to break it to you schmeeple, I am happy up here, and don't want to see or hear from you ever again.
The world was moving, she was right there with it and she was
(Hey, woo hoo)
The world was moving, she was floating above it and she was
(Hey, hey)
Joining the world of missing persons and she was
Missing enough to feel all right and she was
And she was
And she was
And she was
I'd love to just disappear without a trace, and leave all the small town gossips scratching their heads and wondering where did that weird guy go? To be able join the world of missing persons like the lady in the Talking Heads song "And She Was."
Maybe we could hang out? She sounds like my type of person.
We could float above the roof of Woolies, way out of reach of the schmeeple in that crowded purgatory of, smelly cars, blinding lights and plastic packaging. We have reached a pleasant elevation of chilled out peace. Glide outside the seventh storey window of MBT house. Smile and wave, smile and wave at the busy bureaucrats going blind staring at their computer screens; another interminable tea room gathering is in progress. We are on our way to the outer edges of atmosphere.
Over and above the faded blue steel roof, the rusted satellite dish of my unit, finally having escaped that stuffy hell on earth. The high pitched whiny revving engine of my neighbours hotted up car now receding to a whisper.
Keeping easy pace with startled Pelicans disturbed into flight from a Coffs Creek sand bank. We see a lone Black Cockatoo and steer it in the direction of its flock. A gentle nudge from a cloud.
Soaring above the early morning running squad straining on their reps, in colourful training gear. Finally free of the fear I feel standing amongst those strangers; and struck by the ego of it all, the competitiveness.
Up in the clouds my skin, every cell in my body now firing crimson as the sunrise clouds move around and through me. I close my eyes and that rational light soothes every fear and aching human pain into unknowing.
We close our ears to the noisome Politician spruiking for votes in the park. Beyond the reaches of the vultures giving out how to vote papers at the polling booth.
Over the beaches and headlands, the ocean, the green rips flowing out beyond the golden sand, the waves crashing white in between.
Hate to break it to you schmeeple, I am happy up here, and don't want to see or hear from you ever again.
The world was moving, she was right there with it and she was
(Hey, woo hoo)
The world was moving, she was floating above it and she was
(Hey, hey)
Joining the world of missing persons and she was
Missing enough to feel all right and she was
And she was
And she was
And she was
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Kiwong
Well-known member
The last few weeks have been tough, maybe I even made a fool of myself several times, but the sky hasn't fallen in yet. I look out the window and it is a cloudless sunny day, and I will drive up into the mountains to get photos of wildflowers. It's winter so there probably won't be much out in flower, but I can always get photos of ferns.
I've had an injured Achilles and not able to run much. And when I can't run my thoughts really run into darkness. Constant worry that even the rare positives I hold onto in my life are winking out one by one. I read my blog over the last two years and I am shocked and ashamed of some of the fearful and angry rants I have written.
Then, last week the logos for my new photo website arrived. With a rainbird=yellow-tailed Black Cockatoo flying wings outstretched above my site name = Rainbird photography. Just as I dreamed. I was so happy when I saw this, I just sat down for a while and bawled my eyes out. When I have my web page up and running this will be a huge achievement. There is a really positive, creative side to me too, and if only I could expand on that.
Achieve. That's the new word running around in my mind
If I can achieve this then perhaps I can achieve other things too?
I've been speaking to my sister about moving from where I live to a new place. She offered to help, my brother-in-law is a builder renovator. There's no privacy, I can hear the neighbours through the walls. There is a lot of tension, my neighbours don't like me and I don't like them. They call me "the nut." The guy opposite thinks I am looking at him. His hotted up car wakes me at 5:30am every morning as he heads up the driveway to the gym. A neighbour threw a cigarette but into my courtyard last week. In the days after Lenny died, one neighbour yelled out how they were glad they were she flew away from me. I think I said out loud "what weird neighbours I have". They have late night parties at times, one of the neighbours needed an ambulance after a drug overdose. I don't sleep well, cars, the voices of people walking down the courtyard wakes me. I imagine they are all talking abut me. I am dug into such a big hole here.
I rang my sister last week, and she told me she was distressed after speaking to me, and concerned for my health when she listened to my concerns about how I am living. She's offered to get my brother-in-law to help, they live over the other side of the country. What she was planning seemed to be a kind of intervention. It's good to know my sister is there, but my ego clicked into gear, and I have a big ego, a lot of pride. I thought I am not a basket case, I am capable. So this week I got the pest controllers in, next week I have two cleaners coming in to spring clean the unit.
I will investigate getting new carpets and a fresh coat of paint. Moving the furniture around will be hard by myself, I am not sure if the tradies would help with this. That is where my brother-in-law might help, but he is a 4 hour plane flight away. I really want to do this.
I'm getting the most joy out of my photography. They have been used on the local radio website page, and in the newspaper. The lady at the radio station said they were magnificent and I was talented. Man, that felt so good to hear that. Suddenly the sun came out, and I began to believe in possibilities
Seascape photographer is a another name that runs through my head. I am a seascape photographer. How would a seascape photographer live? They would live in peace and beauty to match the beauty of the ocean. Instead I live in anger, fear and squalor. I want to drag myself out of that and live towards my potential. I'm lost in this ugliness of thought, and I am beginning to reflect that ugliness in the person I am becoming.
The other good thing was one of my stories will be published in an e-zine. The editor thanked me for another fine contribution to the magazine. I have another story with a paying market, which is hugely competitive.
I look at my photos, I look at my writing, I look at my running and I think that life should be good. There is so much potential to live better. My outlook is very much based on my attitude, which is really bad. I need to take responsibility for that.
When I see a sunset like the one below, how can I despair for long?
I've had an injured Achilles and not able to run much. And when I can't run my thoughts really run into darkness. Constant worry that even the rare positives I hold onto in my life are winking out one by one. I read my blog over the last two years and I am shocked and ashamed of some of the fearful and angry rants I have written.
Then, last week the logos for my new photo website arrived. With a rainbird=yellow-tailed Black Cockatoo flying wings outstretched above my site name = Rainbird photography. Just as I dreamed. I was so happy when I saw this, I just sat down for a while and bawled my eyes out. When I have my web page up and running this will be a huge achievement. There is a really positive, creative side to me too, and if only I could expand on that.
Achieve. That's the new word running around in my mind
If I can achieve this then perhaps I can achieve other things too?
I've been speaking to my sister about moving from where I live to a new place. She offered to help, my brother-in-law is a builder renovator. There's no privacy, I can hear the neighbours through the walls. There is a lot of tension, my neighbours don't like me and I don't like them. They call me "the nut." The guy opposite thinks I am looking at him. His hotted up car wakes me at 5:30am every morning as he heads up the driveway to the gym. A neighbour threw a cigarette but into my courtyard last week. In the days after Lenny died, one neighbour yelled out how they were glad they were she flew away from me. I think I said out loud "what weird neighbours I have". They have late night parties at times, one of the neighbours needed an ambulance after a drug overdose. I don't sleep well, cars, the voices of people walking down the courtyard wakes me. I imagine they are all talking abut me. I am dug into such a big hole here.
I rang my sister last week, and she told me she was distressed after speaking to me, and concerned for my health when she listened to my concerns about how I am living. She's offered to get my brother-in-law to help, they live over the other side of the country. What she was planning seemed to be a kind of intervention. It's good to know my sister is there, but my ego clicked into gear, and I have a big ego, a lot of pride. I thought I am not a basket case, I am capable. So this week I got the pest controllers in, next week I have two cleaners coming in to spring clean the unit.
I will investigate getting new carpets and a fresh coat of paint. Moving the furniture around will be hard by myself, I am not sure if the tradies would help with this. That is where my brother-in-law might help, but he is a 4 hour plane flight away. I really want to do this.
I'm getting the most joy out of my photography. They have been used on the local radio website page, and in the newspaper. The lady at the radio station said they were magnificent and I was talented. Man, that felt so good to hear that. Suddenly the sun came out, and I began to believe in possibilities
Seascape photographer is a another name that runs through my head. I am a seascape photographer. How would a seascape photographer live? They would live in peace and beauty to match the beauty of the ocean. Instead I live in anger, fear and squalor. I want to drag myself out of that and live towards my potential. I'm lost in this ugliness of thought, and I am beginning to reflect that ugliness in the person I am becoming.
The other good thing was one of my stories will be published in an e-zine. The editor thanked me for another fine contribution to the magazine. I have another story with a paying market, which is hugely competitive.
I look at my photos, I look at my writing, I look at my running and I think that life should be good. There is so much potential to live better. My outlook is very much based on my attitude, which is really bad. I need to take responsibility for that.
When I see a sunset like the one below, how can I despair for long?
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Kiwong
Well-known member
The forever ocean
I looked out at the forever ocean, and watched and listened to hush of the waves rolling into the beach.
The blue ocean flowed around the sea stacks and glass smooth rocks as it has for millions years: and will continue to eat away at the coast long after my insignificant problems are long gone. To be surrounded by a landscape of such immense scale is humbling and really puts my place in existence into context. I find that to be comforting. Nature soothes me with its scale and detail.
I also realised that being able to experience nature is precious to me. The freedom to sit near the ocean and observe nature is something that I could not bear to lose. I need to experience these moments more, it brings me more peace than anything else I know.
Out to sea I noticed gannets diving arrow like into the sea hunting for fish. I tried to film them diving. When I played the movie back I noticed Dolphins dorsal fins in the frame. A pod of about ten dolphins were swimming off the beach. They were a long way off to get good images of. The dolphins surfed and ducked under waves. And two jumped out of the water. I was very excited and happy to sea the Dolphins, it made my morning.
A surfer scared the Dolphins away and they headed out to sea. I went back to the house and slept for six hours. All my worrying thoughts were catching up with me again. I get really exhausted, when I stop drinking the Pepsi Max my energy crashes. The afternoon was cloudless so I didn't get any sunset photos.
Next morning I headed back down to Queens Head. There were a few clouds about, but nothing spectacular. The photos I got of sunrise were nothing special. Afterwards I ventured up onto the headland near a strategically placed seat on the headland. The pod of dolphins was back and this time they congregated further south out of range of my lens. I really enjoyed these mornings watching birds and whales from the headlands. During the day clouds started to gather. They looked really good sunset material by the time I set up at the beach near Queens Head the clouds had almost disappeared over the horizon. I did see two whales cruising past the beach, huge shiny creatures. Jets of exhaled spray lifted into the air as they passed. They were moving fast and I couldn't get a good photo of them. At sunset a full moon was rising above the horizon clinging clouds.
The highlight of my holiday was seeing the whales, dolphins and Osprey.
I told someone I would get photos of dolphins and whales, and as a bonus an Osprey. They are hardly frame filling shots.
Also a video. Spot the four dolphins, they are very tiny.
I looked out at the forever ocean, and watched and listened to hush of the waves rolling into the beach.
The blue ocean flowed around the sea stacks and glass smooth rocks as it has for millions years: and will continue to eat away at the coast long after my insignificant problems are long gone. To be surrounded by a landscape of such immense scale is humbling and really puts my place in existence into context. I find that to be comforting. Nature soothes me with its scale and detail.
I also realised that being able to experience nature is precious to me. The freedom to sit near the ocean and observe nature is something that I could not bear to lose. I need to experience these moments more, it brings me more peace than anything else I know.
Out to sea I noticed gannets diving arrow like into the sea hunting for fish. I tried to film them diving. When I played the movie back I noticed Dolphins dorsal fins in the frame. A pod of about ten dolphins were swimming off the beach. They were a long way off to get good images of. The dolphins surfed and ducked under waves. And two jumped out of the water. I was very excited and happy to sea the Dolphins, it made my morning.
A surfer scared the Dolphins away and they headed out to sea. I went back to the house and slept for six hours. All my worrying thoughts were catching up with me again. I get really exhausted, when I stop drinking the Pepsi Max my energy crashes. The afternoon was cloudless so I didn't get any sunset photos.
Next morning I headed back down to Queens Head. There were a few clouds about, but nothing spectacular. The photos I got of sunrise were nothing special. Afterwards I ventured up onto the headland near a strategically placed seat on the headland. The pod of dolphins was back and this time they congregated further south out of range of my lens. I really enjoyed these mornings watching birds and whales from the headlands. During the day clouds started to gather. They looked really good sunset material by the time I set up at the beach near Queens Head the clouds had almost disappeared over the horizon. I did see two whales cruising past the beach, huge shiny creatures. Jets of exhaled spray lifted into the air as they passed. They were moving fast and I couldn't get a good photo of them. At sunset a full moon was rising above the horizon clinging clouds.
The highlight of my holiday was seeing the whales, dolphins and Osprey.
I told someone I would get photos of dolphins and whales, and as a bonus an Osprey. They are hardly frame filling shots.
Also a video. Spot the four dolphins, they are very tiny.
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SpaceTime
Well-known member
Nice post Kiwong. I love dolphins, but have never managed to see any (yet). Thanks for sharing the video.
I feel the same about nature and its awesome scale. I love hiking up mountains and watching the stars and planets. It puts my problems into context, they become appropriately tiny by comparison. I need to get out for a day this week, I spend too much time working, thinking and worrying.
I feel the same about nature and its awesome scale. I love hiking up mountains and watching the stars and planets. It puts my problems into context, they become appropriately tiny by comparison. I need to get out for a day this week, I spend too much time working, thinking and worrying.
Kiwong
Well-known member
It's starting to come together, a fortnight ago I had cleaners in who made my kitchen, bathroom, laundry and toilets spotless again. At the same I reached out to my sister who was so concerned about my health, she talked to my brother in law who is a builder renovator to come in to help with getting new carpets and a coat of paint. So we spent two days tossing stuff, and packing up all that I wanted to keep in my garage. There was no way I could do this myself so I was fortunate to my brother in laws help.
This morning a couple of guys came in to pull up the carpets and underlay, they cleaned up the rubbish in my courtyard as well. It was all loaded into a skip. They have vacuumed the concrete slab, and even put back some Flyscreens that had fallen out.
My brother in law then rang around painters, carpet layers, pest controllers and got quotes. This morning I selected my new carpet which will be a harder wearing grey; and the paint colour infinity white.
This will all happen over the next two to three weeks. So at the moment I am sitting on the lounge happen sitting in a place without any carpet.
Today I walked outside I looked up at the cloudless blue sky and said, and I am doing it I made it happen. I am achieving some of the big goals I had planned for extended leave: my photo web page, renovations. The possibilities are opening up again, despair starts to retreat a little. That dream to live in a place of beauty maybe even with an ocean view could be possible.
With these achievements, I start to believe I can achieve more if I only keep trying. I am giving myself a pat on the back for making these things happen and winning a 15 year long battle to dig myself out of a hole of my making.
The world around me continues to be hostile, but despite that I am still making things happen, some of the biggest achievements of my life. Huge transformations.
This morning a couple of guys came in to pull up the carpets and underlay, they cleaned up the rubbish in my courtyard as well. It was all loaded into a skip. They have vacuumed the concrete slab, and even put back some Flyscreens that had fallen out.
My brother in law then rang around painters, carpet layers, pest controllers and got quotes. This morning I selected my new carpet which will be a harder wearing grey; and the paint colour infinity white.
This will all happen over the next two to three weeks. So at the moment I am sitting on the lounge happen sitting in a place without any carpet.
Today I walked outside I looked up at the cloudless blue sky and said, and I am doing it I made it happen. I am achieving some of the big goals I had planned for extended leave: my photo web page, renovations. The possibilities are opening up again, despair starts to retreat a little. That dream to live in a place of beauty maybe even with an ocean view could be possible.
With these achievements, I start to believe I can achieve more if I only keep trying. I am giving myself a pat on the back for making these things happen and winning a 15 year long battle to dig myself out of a hole of my making.
The world around me continues to be hostile, but despite that I am still making things happen, some of the biggest achievements of my life. Huge transformations.
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SpaceTime
Well-known member
Great steps forward Kiwong. :thumbup:
A colleague once said to me that if we don't keep gently wrestling against the boundaries of our comfort zone then over time our comfort zone shrinks. Its a great observation.
I also need to make my living space smarter and de-clutter. I think its somehow part of the same issue (for me anyway). It gets overwhelming just having too much stuff; papers, books I'll probably never get around to reading, stack of unread newspapers, old clothes, etc. I can't even think about cleaning the place properly with all this stuff in every corner!
A colleague once said to me that if we don't keep gently wrestling against the boundaries of our comfort zone then over time our comfort zone shrinks. Its a great observation.
I also need to make my living space smarter and de-clutter. I think its somehow part of the same issue (for me anyway). It gets overwhelming just having too much stuff; papers, books I'll probably never get around to reading, stack of unread newspapers, old clothes, etc. I can't even think about cleaning the place properly with all this stuff in every corner!
Kiwong
Well-known member
It sure is hard to know where to start with the cleaning, Space Time. I reckon that is the hardest part getting started, and recognising sometimes you need help, and facing the difficulty of opening your world up to strangers, and also family. That is why it was good to have my brother in law over, I knew I had to work towards reducing clutter while he was here. It is really amazing what you can do in a short time once you get going on a task.
hidwell
Well-known member
Good to hear mate. :thumbup:
Kiwong
Well-known member
Bitter Sweet Symphony
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lyu1KKwC74
It must be nearly twenty years ago I first listened to this song by The Verve. I walked around town like the lead singer out of the Verve, a tense ball of angry thoughts, hating the flat grey summer skies, the crowded shopping centre carparks. Not wanting to live until forty, and not expecting to. I'd walk along and look through people, I never crashed into people or walked over the top of cars.
"Look, he's like the guy in the Verve," I heard two girls say. I smiled at hearing that, they got it. It made me feel chuffed inside. Looking back, being that way was of not any help to me, it was the start of my depression.
I am back there again, walking through people again. Close my eyes, look beyond them to a bird flying, an interesting cloud above, or a flower in bloom. People I am forced to look at but don't want to see or hear.
If only I could could turn the volume down on people, and for the ones that annoy you most switch them off completely, and walk in peace. Watch their lips move, but their inconsequential words, rhetorical questions, angry outbursts criticisms don't reach my ears or mind.
The main difference between then and now, is that when I can get far enough away from people, and their low expectations of me, I enjoy my place amongst the world of flowers, oceans, clouds, waterfalls.
The thing I resent most is the intrusion of these strangers on the things I do to escape the world of people, like running and racing. I don't run to see them, I run to enjoy the freedom running brings.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lyu1KKwC74
It must be nearly twenty years ago I first listened to this song by The Verve. I walked around town like the lead singer out of the Verve, a tense ball of angry thoughts, hating the flat grey summer skies, the crowded shopping centre carparks. Not wanting to live until forty, and not expecting to. I'd walk along and look through people, I never crashed into people or walked over the top of cars.
"Look, he's like the guy in the Verve," I heard two girls say. I smiled at hearing that, they got it. It made me feel chuffed inside. Looking back, being that way was of not any help to me, it was the start of my depression.
I am back there again, walking through people again. Close my eyes, look beyond them to a bird flying, an interesting cloud above, or a flower in bloom. People I am forced to look at but don't want to see or hear.
If only I could could turn the volume down on people, and for the ones that annoy you most switch them off completely, and walk in peace. Watch their lips move, but their inconsequential words, rhetorical questions, angry outbursts criticisms don't reach my ears or mind.
The main difference between then and now, is that when I can get far enough away from people, and their low expectations of me, I enjoy my place amongst the world of flowers, oceans, clouds, waterfalls.
The thing I resent most is the intrusion of these strangers on the things I do to escape the world of people, like running and racing. I don't run to see them, I run to enjoy the freedom running brings.
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