Falling Behind

[lilmutegirl]

I feel like my entire life I've been behind everyone else. I've always felt like other people have some information that I don't. Now that I'm adult, I can view my shortcomings in numerical terms-the salary I don't have, the debt that I do, the number of hours I need to finish a degree, the amount of money people have loaned me, the value of assests I've been given or allowed to use without paying...
I feel like a really big loser because of this. Today this was all highlighted when my parents mentioned how much they had given/paid for for me. I also feel very dependent on other people for child care. My bf can't watch my son this week, so I'm basically screwed. I may not be able to work 3 out of 5 days, and, if I can't find another babysitter, I guess I won't be starting summer school on Wednesday like I wanted to. If I miss the first class, my anxiety will be through the roof...
I hate that I'm this way...especially at age 30. Even not comparing myself to other people, I feel like a loser. This is not where I wanted to be at this point (or ever) in my life. Sometimes I feel like I may never get out of the hole I have dug for myself.
Does anybody else feel this way?

 

[MikeyC]

I'm sorry you feel that way, lilmutegirl. It's a horrible feeling. I hope things can pick up for you.

Yes, I constantly feel this way.

 

[Srijita52]

I'm sorry you're feeling such way. I hope you can achieve what you want soon and you too Mikey.

 

[dottie]

i know it's cliche but: don't be too hard on yourself. it is clear you are doing your damnedest. maybe school will need to be put on hold until priorities are evened out. that's ok. with your determination and hard work you'll get there in the end.

 

[Ashiene]

If Life is a race (which it obviously is), then I have barely left the starting line while people my age have already gone far ahead of me.

 

[MikeyC]

I'm sorry you're feeling such way. I hope you can achieve what you want soon and you too Mikey.

Thank you, Srijita, and same for you.

 

[Srijita52]

Thank you, Srijita, and same for you.

Thank you.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I could list off all the things I 'am not' and 'don't have' next to my highschool peers-- but the list would literally go on forever.
It is a terrible feeling but it shouldn't be.

Why do we (I mean-- human beings in general) compare ourselves to eachother? Why does everything have to be a contest?

I wish that way of thinking was easy to reprogram.

 

[MrJones]

I do that too, and it feels horrible...

You have to learn to view the positives over the negativse. Someone will always be in a better situation than you in some sense. But the thing is that everyone is different and everyone has good and bad sides. People with depression tend to see only the negatives and don't even know the positives exist. They do, they are right there, in front of you. It's not easy to see them as accept them as part of you, but I'm sure they are right there.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Know the feeling!! :crying:

 

[laure15]

Yeah, I feel like a loser compared to my high school peers and those younger than me, but I also think it's necessary for me to take a break to get my life back on track. I used to live in blissful ignorance, happy and empty-headed, until reality crashed down on me. Since then, I've learned so much more about myself. I would rather find out the truth than go back to living in ignorance again.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Yeah, I feel like a loser compared to my high school peers and those younger than me, but I also think it's necessary for me to take a break to get my life back on track. I used to live in blissful ignorance, happy and empty-headed, until reality crashed down on me. Since then, I've learned so much more about myself. I would rather find out the truth than go back to living in ignorance again.[/QUOTE

What do you mean reality came crashing down on you?

 

[laure15]

Yeah, I feel like a loser compared to my high school peers and those younger than me, but I also think it's necessary for me to take a break to get my life back on track. I used to live in blissful ignorance, happy and empty-headed, until reality crashed down on me. Since then, I've learned so much more about myself. I would rather find out the truth than go back to living in ignorance again.[/QUOTE

What do you mean reality came crashing down on you?

Reality came crashing down on me - meaning I found out how cruel this world can get. When I lived in my hometown, I did what I wanted to do w/o worrying about what other people think. I wasn't as hypervigilant. I focused more on myself than on other people.

But after I moved out of my hometown, things started to get 1000x harder for me. I met many people who are just downright short-tempered and mean. I went through lots of bullying and bouts of depression. I became more paranoid about my surroundings. My experiences did humble me, maybe too much so to the point where I became literally scared of people, avoid them, and feel inferior to them.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Laure15. Unfortunately, you have had the misfortune of living around a$$holes! They DO NOT represent reality. Yes, they are a part of it but then again so are serial killers.

I bet if you never moved away from your Hometown or had better luck, you wold not have these problems. I was made fun of in Junior High and had only a few friends in High School...but, High School was a lot better.

As you can see from this board. There are a lot of nice people out there!

 

[lilmutegirl]

I have a time-sensitive situation, which makes me very anxious at the moment. I missed two class sessions in a row for a class. I'm worried about my grade, and we have a test on our next meeting. I'm debating whether or not to try to talk to the instructor (who used to be a counselor--this is a psych class). I'm afraid I will look like I'm just making up excuses if I explain that I missed the second class due to my anxiety (I missed the first because of a training at work, and I told him in advance, but I got anxious about going the next time). I would not have time to actually talk to him before our class on Wednesday. I think I could pass the class if I ace everything from here on out. I will also have to take another class with this same instructor in the fall, and I'm afraid of making a really bad impression. What should I do, email him, just go to class...also, should I email the class for the study guide?? This is really bugging me.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I have a time-sensitive situation, which makes me very anxious at the moment. I missed two class sessions in a row for a class. I'm worried about my grade, and we have a test on our next meeting. I'm debating whether or not to try to talk to the instructor (who used to be a counselor--this is a psych class). I'm afraid I will look like I'm just making up excuses if I explain that I missed the second class due to my anxiety (I missed the first because of a training at work, and I told him in advance, but I got anxious about going the next time). I would not have time to actually talk to him before our class on Wednesday. I think I could pass the class if I ace everything from here on out. I will also have to take another class with this same instructor in the fall, and I'm afraid of making a really bad impression. What should I do, email him, just go to class...also, should I email the class for the study guide?? This is really bugging me.

Yes. Email the instructor about your anxiety. Let him know that was the reason you missed the class. Get the study guide and work your butt off from here on out.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

What should I do, email him, just go to class...also, should I email the class for the study guide?? This is really bugging me.

You should try talking to him as soon as you can manage it. He may even give you an extension. There could also be other options. You won't know unless you let him know what is going on. It is a challenge; but people do want to help.

 

[jc972]

I feel your pain. I'm the same way. However i do not feel inferior to others in my graduating class, I'm still on marriage #1, only went to jail once unlike 90% of my classmates, I constantly obsess over my salary vs. debt and I believe most adults do. I'm sorry you all feel oppressed by numbers but don't beat yourself up, it will not help a single thing.

 

[Richey]

I feel like my entire life I've been behind everyone else. I've always felt like other people have some information that I don't. Now that I'm adult, I can view my shortcomings in numerical terms-the salary I don't have, the debt that I do, the number of hours I need to finish a degree, the amount of money people have loaned me, the value of assests I've been given or allowed to use without paying...
I feel like a really big loser because of this. Today this was all highlighted when my parents mentioned how much they had given/paid for for me. I also feel very dependent on other people for child care. My bf can't watch my son this week, so I'm basically screwed. I may not be able to work 3 out of 5 days, and, if I can't find another babysitter, I guess I won't be starting summer school on Wednesday like I wanted to. If I miss the first class, my anxiety will be through the roof...
I hate that I'm this way...especially at age 30. Even not comparing myself to other people, I feel like a loser. This is not where I wanted to be at this point (or ever) in my life. Sometimes I feel like I may never get out of the hole I have dug for myself.
Does anybody else feel this way?

Some people just have alot of Ego and confidence. this can be because of looks, their naturaly personality and their drive. Yeah it is hard when you meet people 5+ years younger than you or the same age who seem to be doing very very well but the reason is because when they do things, they probbly don't hesitate and they feel good doing it and practice it alot and their baseline is confidence, so anything above confidence is a bonus. where as other people can have severe shyness and anxiety as a starting point and anything above that is a bonus and progress.

Also there are alot of people in the same situation, the more you talk to others the more you'll realise it. Its just that there are just as many who are doing well.

 

[lilmutegirl]

I have opened my email to message my insructor. I can't focus enough to figure out what to say. I loathe feeling this way. Rationally, I know the best thing is to communicate with him--otherwise, I'll never know what options I have, and I'll probably end up avoiding the class, but right now, I'm so anxious and depressed I feel like I can't function. I have to get this done in the next few minutes, because I have to work today, and I won't really get a chance to meet with him before our class on Wednesday due to work,other classes, and various obligations. I plan on talking to my boss to see if I can leave early today and/or Wednesday, but I'm not sure that a couple of hours will help...