Face to face versus online communication

[gazelle]

Which one do you find more fulfilling?
Personally I can't help but think that I've wasted a lot of my time online trying to fill the void of not having the ability to communicate effectively like non SAers. Whereas if I'd gone out there and tried learning it the hard way with thoughtful exposure, I would've gotten much better results and my interpersonal skills would have been much better now.
I used to be an active member of an online community in my late teens and early twenties back in my school years, found online friends and have met some of the people of that community in real life. I'm barely in touch with any of them right now and none of them turned out to be real friends like the ones I've met in real life which I'm still in touch with.
In retrospect I think the only result it had for me was distracting me from my studies and giving me a false sense of fulfilled social needs without having learned any communication skills.
Based on your personal experience as a shy person, which means of communication have you found more beneficial?

 

[MNM322]

face to face, even more so than phone or text. i am not a fan of any of the options but in person, really. it all just feels "too fake" and on the phone i hate my voice so i dont want others to listen to it

 

[bcsr]

Face to face, by far, is more fulfilling. The internet might fill a void for social interaction, but you have to be able to interact with people in person. Online you can't hear tone of voice or read body language, which is a big part of communication.

 

[truffleshuffle]

I have to agree face to face is better but also can be more nerve wracking.

 

[laure15]

For me, online is more fulfilling. Oftentimes, I struggle with face to face communication. I worry so much about eye contact (trying not to stare), posture, tone of my voice, etc that sometimes it's hard to focus on the conversation. Moreover, because I can hear tone of voice and body language, it hurts when I hear my friend saying one thing but her body language suggests another. Some people compliment you but are actually being sarcastic. Face to face communication reveals too much about people, especially things that I would rather not know.

On the other hand, online communication is less intense and takes body language out of the equation so things are much simpler. People can sometimes be more honest online vs offline. When I experience social problems in real life but didn't have anyone whom I trust enough to talk to, I go online and reveal my issues anonymously.

 

[Nanita]

Face to face feels more fulfilling and natural for me I guess, but I must admit that very often I have had tons of fun talking with people online, or I´ve been touched by the written word in a way that is just as powerful as when communicating face to face.

 

[gazelle]

Thank you for all of the replies, I appreciate the responses.

When I experience social problems in real life but didn't have anyone whom I trust enough to talk to, I go online and reveal my issues anonymously.

I must admit that very often I have had tons of fun talking with people online, or I´ve been touched by the written word in a way that is just as powerful as when communicating face to face.

I find your insights useful. So perhaps the picture might not be so dark and there is some wholesome effect to online communication for shy poeple (if used in moderation)?; Using it as a means to express yourself at times when you really have no other options or maybe using it as a source of inspiration.

 

[dottie]

face to face is rarely fulfilling.

when interacting face to face there is this unyielding hair of not being taken seriously, not being valued... so i panic, rush, speak too fast, stumble over words, cannot maintain eye contact, tremble... basically it is self-fulfilling prophecy. what i feel becomes real. i become invalid. i become an invalid.

this panic of face to face comes from the way i was treated as a child. i was mostly isolated. my dad always spoke down to me in a condescending way. my mom, with perpetual, acute hostility. i don't mention this to place blame. i mention this to place explanation.

anyway, i don't find text to be so fulfilling but face to face is often downright tumultuous.

 

[JackOfSpades]

I enjoy good face to face more than online communication. But good face to face is hard for me to seek out and come by. Online often, everything for me feels like impulse gratification. The good feelings don't persist as far as they should and the frustrations are magnified 10x, especially when pursuing difficult women. I get the same sense too, that if I sought it out in RL better, I'd probably get more fulfillment in less time, and the peace of mine to spend more time on my dreams, rather than having the urgent need to quell the call of loneliness online.

 

[vj288]

My most fulfilling communication has been face to face, not online, a lot is lost through text. That being said though I think the most fulfilling is a combination of the two rather than one or the other. Each brings something to the table the other cannot, for me at least, and each are crucial in fulfilling the need for communication void.

Those who I have only spoken to online, or only irl, I feel an emptiness. Online I can feel open and that people can know me, but it is always overshadowed by the knowing that they do not know more than my words, how I actually am is something you have to "see to believe" in a way I guess. irl though, while people see this they don't know, or understand at all though it feels like. Communicating on any real level just doesn't really happen because of it, that and I feel like I'm off in another world with the way I am anyway and the things I think or believe.


Online I can be all out there if I want, take me or leave me attitude. It lacks the experiences and real life feel of being face to face with someone though, it just isn't enough alone.

 

[Unspoken]

Face to face communication is both more fulfilling and more stressful, and they're all beneficial. I know some people try to replace talking to people where they live with talking to people on the Internet from an early age and stunt their social skills, but it doesn't have to be that way. I was kind of socially stunted before I spent a lot of time online, anyway, and growing up it gave me a safe place to turn to if I didn't understand something or wanted to quietly observe and listen.

Some days I just don't feel like I can take socializing in person, but the fact that I can turn to people online means I don't have to be alone.

 

[outofthisworld]

For me, online is more fulfilling. Oftentimes, I struggle with face to face communication. I worry so much about eye contact (trying not to stare), posture, tone of my voice, etc that sometimes it's hard to focus on the conversation. Moreover, because I can hear tone of voice and body language, it hurts when I hear my friend saying one thing but her body language suggests another. Some people compliment you but are actually being sarcastic. Face to face communication reveals too much about people, especially things that I would rather not know.

On the other hand, online communication is less intense and takes body language out of the equation so things are much simpler. People can sometimes be more honest online vs offline. When I experience social problems in real life but didn't have anyone whom I trust enough to talk to, I go online and reveal my issues anonymously.

Everything what laure said I totally agree as I'm the same.
Online is so much easier because if gets to intense you can always go offline.
I've met the best people online because seem so much easier to meet people with same interests as you. and I also met some in real life and it felt so much easier to hangout with them because you already knew them and knew what to talk about and so on. so for me online 100%