Does this sound like AvPD ?

[shybhoy]

I seen this posted on a debate/problem sharing site. Do you think this is how someone who has AvPD would act and react...has anyone on here who has AvPD acted or reacted in this way.....opinions please


Hi

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now and it has been the most difficult relationship I've been in.. At first I thought it was due to him being on medication and being moody.. Being moody is one thing but causing an arguement over nothing and avoiding me for a week is another. I have noticed he is very sensitive toward any criticism (meaning telling him anything that bothers me about the relationship), doesn't have any friends locally, has fantasized about moving back to New York to be closer to family and now his house is on the market (even though he hated everything about NY when I met him). He has frontal lobe damage from birth which has caused him to have seizures throughout his life (on meds).. He always complains that he's fat but goes to the gym for 8-10 hours a week.. He is over critical of other people including me (judges a lot, especially if we are out to eat).. Very sarcastic, has a hard time telling me he loves me.. Will withold affection if he's mad at me(which is most of the time) Doesn't trust anyone, very negative about everything around him.. Recently he's avoided me for the last 5 days because I asked him what he did Friday morning and he thought I was accusing him and told me to leave.. Won't talk to me, avoids talking about it and hangs up on me.. Calls me names and seems very angry right now.. I have journaled everything the last few months and this same thing happened about a month ago.. His realtionship with his mom seems weird. He tells me he can't stand her and that she get's on his nerves but then he talks to her 4x's a day and they email too. Usually when we are doing good it's less.. I guess I am at a loss on how to handle this realtionship with him.. It makes me very sad and I feel like nothing I can do will work..

 

[shybhoy]

yeh he does sound like that...but i think all the traits for AvPD are there...i have been kinda involved with an avoidant before and thats how she used to act...i guess i wanted some first hand input to maybe get the avoidants point of view because most folk who are "normal" view avoidants as assholes as you put it. but, i know that people act like that sometimes because they have an illness and are actually not an asshole but ill.

 

[Kinetik]

Those are the kinds of things I do in relationships, and they've rarely lasted longer than six weeks or so as a result. And yes, I've been called an asshole many, many times. I don't feel it's something I can particularly help, but some may argue that. In any case, I suppose sometimes it's difficult to differentiate between personality traits and actual disorders. There are many different degrees of certain disorders, and lots of them overlap each other as well. I have actually brought a lot of the above up to both my doctor and therapist, but neither seemed to pay it much attention or alter my diagnosis because of it.

 

[shybhoy]

is AvPD not just a more extreme form of social phobia though i have read that on some other sites about AvPD.

 

[dooby-duck]

is AvPD not just a more extreme form of social phobia though i have read that on some other sites about AvPD.

Lots of psychologists see AvPD as being the generalised version of social phobia. So AvPD sufferers would fear most social situations. There is also the world of fantasy to escape from the real world thing to consider.

 

[shybhoy]

yeh i read that a lot of psychologists view AvPD as being more severe as social phobics only look inwards about their own reactions in social situations were as Avoidants look at both their own and other peoples reactions and thus leads to avoidance they also take criticism a lot more to heart.

 

[dottie]

he very well could be avpd. he sounds abusive, though. you shouldn't take his shit.

 

[shybhoy]

thanks for the opinion dottie

i don't know the guy, it was a post i found on another sight his girlfriend thinks he might be AvPD.

 

[shybhoy]

i don't know her either besides its none of my business really people do what they want and even if i did tell her she'd probably not listen anyway.

 

[RedRibbons]

Severe low self-esteem is a trait of AvPD.

Avoidant personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

BehaveNet® Clinical Capsule™: Avoidant Personality Disorder

 

[lyricalliaisons]

He doesn't seem to have AvPD to me, I was diagnosed with an Avoidant Personality, & I'm certainly not like that. He doesn't even seem all that avoidant to me. It doesn't even sound like SAD to me.

 

[shybhoy]

he seems extremely avoidant to me...of everything...his social status and his relationship with this girl screams avoidant to me the tell tale sign is there he often fantasizes....i think this guy is avoidant...not everyone with this acts to this extreme in realtionships because although people can have the same disorder it can manifest to different levels...your self esteem may been better than his...but i defo think he shows all the signs of being AvPD. His self esteem and fear of rejection is probably the biggest symptom for him so this makes it show to a more extreme level. Which is why he with holds affection...avoidants always have problems expressing their feelings.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

Does this sound like AvPD?

No. He is certainly avoiding things, but judging from what his partner has told us, he is not an Avoidant personality. The disorder has more to do with extreme interpersonal monitoring and thus avoidance. Insulting his partner would be unlikely - or even having one, for that matter.

 

[RedRibbons]

We're not doctors here. We can't say if he is avoidant, or if he has some other sort of issues.

You guys are so quick to say he's an asshole, just by his behaviour, but that's from his girlfriend's perspective, not his. There is most likely a whole other story to hear, from him. And no doubt, it runs deeper than being an asshole for the fun of it.

 

[Blue Teardrops]

is AvPD not just a more extreme form of social phobia though i have read that on some other sites about AvPD.

I am extremely confused about AvPD. I have read "symptoms" of it, and I seem to fit almost every single symptom, but when I asked my therapist about it, she said it's not what I have. I even took an online quiz one time that diagnosed me with AvPD, although, it was a quiz that was just for fun, so I took it with a grain of salt. But I've seen so many sites state that it's thought to be an extreme form of social phobia, and I fit the criteria.

American Psychiatric Association (summary from Psych Central):

* avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
* is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
* shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed
* is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
* is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
* views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
* is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing

^^^^^^^Check, check, check, check, check, check, check!^^^^^^^

I'm so confused

 

[dooby-duck]

The best explanation I have found of AvPD is here:
Cluster C Avoidant Personality Disorder (In Depth)
It goes into detail (towards the bottom) about behaviours and fantasy.

 

[Blue Teardrops]

The best explanation I have found of AvPD is here:
Cluster C Avoidant Personality Disorder (In Depth)
It goes into detail (towards the bottom) about behaviours and fantasy.

Wow, this describes me very well. I'll have to print this out and take to my therapist next time I see her. As for "los[ing] control and explod[ing] with rage," I've never done anything like that as I don't have a mean bone in me. Almost everything written though, describes me well. Thanks for posting that link.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I am extremely confused about AvPD. I have read "symptoms" of it, and I seem to fit almost every single symptom, but when I asked my therapist about it, she said it's not what I have. I even took an online quiz one time that diagnosed me with AvPD, although, it was a quiz that was just for fun, so I took it with a grain of salt. But I've seen so many sites state that it's thought to be an extreme form of social phobia, and I fit the criteria.

American Psychiatric Association (summary from Psych Central):

* avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
* is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
* shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed
* is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
* is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
* views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
* is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing

^^^^^^^Check, check, check, check, check, check, check!^^^^^^^

I'm so confused

Well, you can't take your therapists word for solid truth. Perhaps you should take a proper psychological evaluation?