Does it annoy you? ....Or do you agree?

[lyricalliaisons]

Do people ever tell you that if you leave the house more often it will become easier and that if you're around people more often it will become easier?
Basically, exposure therapy.

Do you agree with this?
Or, Does it annoy you?

It annoys me.

People leave me these kinds of messages & comments ALL the time, on this site, & similar ones. They say it matter-of-factly, as if they know how my mind works & are certain that all I need to do is expose myself to these situations more often & then I will be fine & no longer have agoraphobia, or avoidant personality disorder, or social anxiety.

The problem is, exposure therapy does NOT work for me. The more I'm in the outside world, the more I talk to people, the more I "put myself out there" the harder it becomes to cope with even the smallest things. Doing these kinds of things make everyday tasks harder. It makes me panic & sends me into an emotional turmoil.

I've been doing a lot more lately, & leaving the house a lot more than usual & I'm becoming more & more of a nervous wreck as the time goes on. I just want to dig a hole & bury myself away from the world just to get away from it all. I don't think that I should have to go through all this. I've been even worse in the past when I was taking on campus classes & having to leave the house twice a week for school, plus leave to grocery shop & for appointments, etc. It was just tooooo much for me to handle.

Anyway, the reason I'm making this post is because I know there are a lot of people that exposure therapy does work for. It probably does work for most people, actually. But I know that there have to be some people, like me, whose condition(s) are only exacerbated by "exposing" themselves to scary situations (i.e. leaving the house or talking to people, etc.).

I just want to know other people's opinions on "exposure therapy," whether you've done it formally, with a therapist, or just on your own.

Do you agree that leaving the house more often & being around people more often will make you better? Have you tried it?
Or do you feel that it will make you worse.

In my case, I have tried it numerous times & all it ever does is make my mental condition much, much, worse.

 

[coyote]

I don't think the answer is in simply exposing yourself to the situation which you fear.

I think the answer is in changing or eliminating the thought process which causes you to fear the situation.

 

[BlueDays]

.....................

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I don't think the answer is in simply exposing yourself to the situation which you fear.

I think the answer is in changing or eliminating the thought process which causes you to fear the situation.

Lol I should have probably included that in my post. My thought processes are only a very small part of my problem. I will have very positive thoughts & still be terrified of being in public or of being around people &/or talking to them. I'm sure I can't be the only person whose problem is not determined by thought processes. I will fear a situation I am in, knowing full well that there's no reason to fear it. The fear doesn't go away because of that.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I agree with you. While exposure therapy may work for some, it has never made any difference to me.
Sometimes I wonder though if I was told about it too late in life for it to have any effect on me.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one But I don't think it has anything to do with age. I think that if exposure therapy is meant to work for a specific person, it will, regardless of how old they are when they do it. I just think that some people's brains are wired in such a way that exposure therapy will have little to no benefit. That's how I feel it is with me.

 

[coyote]

Lol I should have probably included that in my post. My thought processes are only a very small part of my problem. I will have very positive thoughts & still be terrified of being in public or of being around people &/or talking to them. I'm sure I can't be the only person whose problem is not determined by thought processes. I will fear a situation I am in, knowing full well that there's no reason to fear it. The fear doesn't go away because of that.

Maybe there's something deeper, beneath the surface, that you have difficulty confronting.

Maybe the fear is just a learned defense that keeps you protected - mentally or emotionally - from dealing with whatever the real issue is.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

Maybe there's something deeper, beneath the surface, that you have difficulty confronting.

Maybe the fear is just a learned defense that keeps you protected - mentally or emotionally - from dealing with whatever the real issue is.

I already know what the issue is, but even knowing that doesn't make it any easier when outside of the house or talking to people.

 

[coyote]

Action/situation triggers thought > thought triggers emotion (fear).

Feel fear > avoid action/situation.

Life sucks.


or.....

Address thought - change or eliminate it.

No thought to trigger fear.

No fear to keep you from action/situation.

Life doesn't suck as much.


I'm sure your therapist has worked with you on this.

I'm working on it, too.

I know it's easier said than done.

 

[guessed]

Yes, it is annoying when people give the same cliche advice time and time again. It's like when people tell someone who's oveweight to stop eating so much.

I can understand how you feel because I feel the same way. The longer I'm around people, the more nervous, anxious and jumpy I get. It's like a snowball effect.

And you're right; just because something works for one person doesn't mean it will work for you. I hope you'll be able to find something that will help

 

[boro]

I agree its annoying when used as the answer to everything. But at the same time ive found having more positive thought processes come from experience in situations where ive been nervous and then managed to overcome that feeling of dread. So while its not the answer I find it difficult to think that you could get over fears by not "exposing yourself" (personality-wise obviously hehe). I did exposure therapy myself and I dont think it worked either probably because it wasnt gradual enough though. I think very gradual is the way to go

 

[lyricalliaisons]

Action/situation triggers thought > thought triggers emotion (fear).

Feel fear > avoid action/situation.

Life sucks.


or.....

Address thought - change or eliminate it.

No thought to trigger fear.

No fear to keep you from action/situation.

Life doesn't suck as much.


I'm sure your therapist has worked with you on this.

I'm working on it, too.

I know it's easier said than done.

The problem I have is that my thoughts are not the problem. It's the same thing I've tried to explain to therapists. The method you described may work if my thoughts were my main issue, but they're not.

I usually just have feelings while in situations. They're not caused by thoughts, they're just feelings that exist. I wish I could explain that better lol, but I can't.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

Yes, it is annoying when people give the same cliche advice time and time again. It's like when people tell someone who's oveweight to stop eating so much.

I can understand how you feel because I feel the same way. The longer I'm around people, the more nervous, anxious and jumpy I get. It's like a snowball effect.

And you're right; just because something works for one person doesn't mean it will work for you. I hope you'll be able to find something that will help

I completely agree . I wish therapists would realize that people are individuals & treat them as such instead of prescribing the same methods & theories towards every person they encounter who has a somewhat similar issue.

 

[Dronee]

I think there's two kinds of challenges. The ones that build you up and the ones that break your mind. And possibly some that almost break you.. but don't quite do it right away. It's probably different for each individual, but the human mind is quite resilient.

There are many countries in the East that practice conscription. Some of these are downright brutal experiences. But the vast majority survive and the people I've talked to will usually agree that the experience builds them up to be tougher and that they'd never think that they would be able to go through it at first. But since there's no choice at all, they somehow managed.

That said, there are also experiences that can break you down completely. It's up to the person to judge for himself and herself and to be honest about it. Personally, I think improving oneself very gradually is the way to go... I've tried toughing it all out all the way, but it almost killed me... so yeah... just gradual improvement over time is the best I think.

 

[dottie]

The problem I have is that my thoughts are not the problem. It's the same thing I've tried to explain to therapists. The method you described may work if my thoughts were my main issue, but they're not.

I usually just have feelings while in situations. They're not caused by thoughts, they're just feelings that exist. I wish I could explain that better lol, but I can't.

i know what you mean. it's like blushing; it's just a feeling that instantaneously overcomes you like a tidal wave. still you do have the ability to self-talk yourself down or rationalize the situation to a degree.

it does annoy me when people act like exposure will cure you. i have tried submerging myself in highly social environments (waiting tables, for example) and it never took the edge off. even when i drive by the establishments where i was once employed i feel a pang of anxiety. it is good to push yourself to a certain extent- get out, try new things, allow yourself to look foolish but at the same time recognize your limitations and don't stress yourself out too much. there is a point where it just becomes torture.

human beings have all different levels of capabilities in various arenas (social, athletic, gaming, artistic, orginizational, etc) and this is something that should be respected. social phobia is not a defect, it's just variation. it's normal and natural for human beings to be different.

so i somewhat agree that exposure can help. like i said, it's good to get out, try new things, and push yourself a bit but don't torture yourself.

 

[Ignace]

It annoys me and I disagree, it just doesn't work for everybody I think.

 

[guessed]

I've been doing a lot more lately, & leaving the house a lot more than usual & I'm becoming more & more of a nervous wreck as the time goes on. I just want to dig a hole & bury myself away from the world just to get away from it all. I don't think that I should have to go through all this. I've been even worse in the past when I was taking on campus classes & having to leave the house twice a week for school, plus leave to grocery shop & for appointments, etc. It was just tooooo much for me to handle.

What is it about going out in public that is the most taxing on you?

Is it only the social aspect? or do you feel overwhelmed by too much movement, sound, color, texture, strong frangrances, busy signs at the grocery store. Are you sensitive to certain fabrics, or become allergic to things easily? Do you find the change in temperature hard to handle? Like coming from the heat into a highly air conditioned room? or going from a warm room into the cold outdoors?

 

[lyricalliaisons]

What is it about going out in public that is the most taxing on you?

Is it only the social aspect? or do you feel overwhelmed by too much movement, sound, color, texture, strong frangrances, busy signs at the grocery store. Are you sensitive to certain fabrics, or become allergic to things easily? Do you find the change in temperature hard to handle? Like coming from the heat into a highly air conditioned room? or going from a warm room into the cold outdoors?

All of the above lol. Plus, just being outside of my home & out of the environment where I feel comfortable & safe.

The social aspect isn't even a huge part of it some of the time. As long as people leave me alone & don't talk to me, I can be okay in that respect. I can just pretend they're not there. It's just being away from home & around things that I find scary in one way or another. At home, I can control the way things are, but in public, everything is crazy & I can't control any of it.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

i know what you mean. it's like blushing; it's just a feeling that instantaneously overcomes you like a tidal wave. still you do have the ability to self-talk yourself down or rationalize the situation to a degree.

it does annoy me when people act like exposure will cure you. i have tried submerging myself in highly social environments (waiting tables, for example) and it never took the edge off. even when i drive by the establishments where i was once employed i feel a pang of anxiety. it is good to push yourself to a certain extent- get out, try new things, allow yourself to look foolish but at the same time recognize your limitations and don't stress yourself out too much. there is a point where it just becomes torture.

human beings have all different levels of capabilities in various arenas (social, athletic, gaming, artistic, orginizational, etc) and this is something that should be respected. social phobia is not a defect, it's just variation. it's normal and natural for human beings to be different.

so i somewhat agree that exposure can help. like i said, it's good to get out, try new things, and push yourself a bit but don't torture yourself.

I do as much as I can, but no one ever sees it as enough. Most of the time, what I'm doing is just too much to handle. Leaving the house is too much most of the time. I can daydream & try to block things out to an extent to make things somewhat bearable when I'm not at home, but when people start talking to me, my mind goes blank & I can no longer think straight to do that. Then I start to panic even more than I may have already been, depending on what situation I was in.

 

[guessed]

have you checked into sensory processing disorder?

Sensory Processing Disorder Checklist

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

People leave me these kinds of messages & comments ALL the time, on this site, & similar ones. They say it matter-of-factly, as if they know how my mind works & are certain that all I need to do is expose myself to these situations more often & then I will be fine & no longer have agoraphobia, or avoidant personality disorder, or social anxiety.

I try not to tell anyone what the answers are because I'm certain I don't have them.

I definitely don't think there's some single wonderful cure that works for everyone all the time.

The problem is, exposure therapy does NOT work for me.

What you've described doesn't sound so much like exposure therapy as it does just plain exposure.

From wiki: "Exposure therapy is a technique in behavior therapy which involves the exposure to the feared object or context without any danger while the therapist comforts the client in order to reduce anxiety."

You mentioned that you've worked with therapists--do they just tell you to go out and you'll get used to it? That sounds like they're getting paid for nothing!