Does anyone have trouble with thinking of things to say?

[chrisjurban]

I can't seem to think of anything to say to people! I have no idea how to create a new topic in conversation! Even online, I avoid talking to other people because I can't think of what to say. I just don't know.

The things I do say end up sounding weird and stiff because I take a long time to think out exactly what I can say. More often than not I just completely ignore what people have said to me (in text or online message form) because I can't think of anything at all to say. I only seem able to talk when there is a direct purpose behind it (e.g. "Where is the milk?"), when there is a concrete or direct response I can make to what someone has said (e.g. "What instrument do you play?" "Guitar."), or when what I'm saying is a logical extension of what has just been said (e.g. "I go to the pool a lot." "Oh, so you like going there?").

What is the root cause of this? What do you do to get past it?

 

[lurknomore]

I'm the exact same way. It really frustrates people. I don't usually get past it, I have to wait for the other person to say something that I can respond to.

 

[AGlife]

i have this same problem. I can it is part of our 'perfectionism' state of mind. Atleast for me, I feel like everything I say or do must be perfect, so my mind blocks pretty much everything unless its perfect. Also, you it sounds like you never give your opinion when talking, and only say obvious things (like me), and I guess this is just the fear of rejection. We dont want to seem strange or different, so we stick to the more boring but less risky answer, which sadly is often silence.
I'm still working on getting past it, by trying my hardest to say something if it enters my head, and not even think about it. The more I think about it, the less chance I'd actually say it. Hope this helps.

 

[chrisjurban]

Yeah, I've been seen as weird because of the things I say before too. I tend to either rehash certain phrases that are "funny" yet weird (e.g. "I just had a baby") when my mind blanks. I used to use them very frequently until I decided that enough of that was enough, and I wanted to really learn to talk again. Weird things are very easy to say. What is hard is talking normally. There is a difference between actually being weird and saying weird things.

I've also had experience with that tendency to create rationalizations about things. When I had my first girlfriend, I would say to myself "Well, you need to learn to be comfortable with the silences in conversation." But that wasn't good enough. I also tried to tell myself, with my rehashed phrases, "It's okay, that's just how you are. You can be like that if that's who you really are. If you can't talk any other way, use those phrases." See, the problem with these is that this help nothing, and really you're the same as before, just trying to force yourself to feel okay with useless words.

 

[chrisjurban]

I notice that perfectionism thing as well. Especially when text messaging my current girlfriend. I take a very long time figuring out what to say, and when I can't think of anything, or when I don't like what I've thought of, I won't reply and will lie about the reason I didn't when a new text that I can reply to comes up. Same on the "the more I think about it, the less likely I'll say it" thing. If any one of you messaged me, I'd probably ignore you.

I am also conscious of this idea of fear of rejection, and of the idea that one should give one's real opinion instead of hiding. I thought of these ideas a while ago.

I also notice that a lot of people with social phobia, and people with problems in general, use words and reason as methods of coping. They confuse the problems they have in this way. People cling to words and try to deal with their problems by stating how they should be, what they should be doing, by analyzing their problems. This is only confusing and does nothing for you. Reason does not solve emotional problems!

 

[Richey]

well that is interesting, the perfectionist aspect of it, perhaps trying out the "not being afraid of humiliation or egg on the face" method. just say whats on your mind and dont be afraid to fail. perhaps some people need to go through awkward situations before the art of conversation can be improves upon ..its better then just staying quiet all the time unless you want to be quiet all the time, if you want to be more expressive perhaps starting to experiment more is what is needed even if its people at work, because that may be 5-10 people you can use and if it ends up all wrong that is small fish in the ocean of people, so just go with it, not sure.

 

[awkwardamanda]

That's why I don't talk much. I don't really try to start conversations because I just won't know what to say. I'm aware that "Hi. How are you?" is a good place to start, but then I'm pretty much stumped. It's likely to turn to awkward silence pretty quick. Even online it's tough sometimes. It's a little better because a pause may not mean anything so it gives you some time to think if you need to. But sometimes I try too hard to keep the chat going and it just comes out forced and then the conversation usually dies. I just don't know what to say next sometimes. I have to hope that the other person is good at keeping the conversation going. Sometimes if I'm talking to someone, they'll make a comment or ask me a question, and then I'll think of a response but I won't actually say it and something else comes out instead. Then there are times when there's something in particular I want to talk about, but I just don't know how to bring it up. Often I end up not discussing what I want to because I just can't figure out the best way to mention it.::

 

[Mr isolated]

.................

 

[NinjaLikesToast]

I get this way when it's talking to someone I don't know much about. When it is someone I have been around, it is a whole lot easier.

 

[M1tCh]

No, the real trouble is being able to say what's on my mind. There's some kind of force field that prevents the words from coming out..Well, okay..not really, but it feels that way. The fear of rejection/potentially being ridiculed is strong.

 

[WorldEndsWithMe]

I can't seem to think of anything to say to people! I have no idea how to create a new topic in conversation!

Oh man, I have this problem in face-to-face situations... I'm really awkward and I hate small talk. I really struggle to think of interesting conversation topics, I think it's probably because I'm just boring and have nothing to say.

I wonder how you can get better with conversation flow? Some people just seem to have that natural skill.

 

[stephen]

Yeah most of the time I draw a complete blank when people try to converse with me. I think part of it is perfectionism. Like even where people try word association and you are supposed to say the first thing that comes in your head I have to stop and consider my answer. My wife jokes that I need a fifteen second delay in conversation. But more than perfectionism sometimes there's nothing there to perfect. Maybe an underlying anxiety clouds the thought process I don't know.

 

[Andria_La La]

OH MY GOD. YES it totally frustrates people especially guys!!! I hate it--it's like my mind just goes blank and then i get so nervous that i panic and i can't think and i cant talk and then i just sort of shut down, until the other person just ignores me or keeps waiting which is embarassing!!, and it doesn't help that some people wanna just slap me in the face!! maybe i need it though!!! god i hate that. it happens like all the time!! i feel like a retard!

 

[spider04]

I have the same problem too, mostly when talking to females... it sucks

 

[jishaku]

I always do especially around those ppl I don't feel safe..
like don't know what to say next..
but nahhh i really can't think of something to talk about so yeah i just mute myself.. i don't care if i m the silent type or weird or boring or w/e
sometimes small talk annoy me, esp those having lame jokes in it...
urghh...

 

[Ignace]

Yup, and when I do say something, I screw it up by doddling or suddenly forgetting about what i was talking. Or the thingy I was talking about doesn't make sence so the other doesn't understand...

 

[Emily_G]

I definitely have this problem, I think it's from being shy...but I'm not sure. Usually people just end up awkwardly walking away....it's horrible...

 

[boosh]

Yeah, it's horrible. I get accused of being 'dopey' because my speech is always awkward and stuttery because I can't think what to say

 

[Emily_G]

Yeah, it's horrible. I get accused of being 'dopey' because my speech is always awkward and stuttery because I can't think what to say

Think how weird it is for me...I actually stutter, as in have the speech impediment I try really hard to not let that keep me from talking to people, and I think I"m doing better...but it's natural for me to just shut down and not talk when I think I"m going to stutter a lot. I don't think anyone thinks I'm dopey..maybe they do IDK. Not sure what they think...

 

[stephen]

I once overheard someone describe me as "That creepy quiet kid"