Do you worry too about this?And how u cope with it?

[DespairSoul]

Hello,

Well, i have those issues long term and i worry to much chronic. It is really so bad if i see neighborous and dont greet them,just pass them and pretend i dont see? I feel very guilty about it that i look like egoistic ignorant or terrific feared of them.

1. terrific feared thats the correct asnwer i know but still

I dont meet them so much(coz of isolation) but if i do i worry forward that i will meet them and i will be forced to say something like good morning etc. or evening. Mostly i put my head on the site and look some stuff around as greeting them if is going about outside if i meet them on the floor i great ofcourse always but if they are little more far or on balkony and i feel this staring on me and i stare on them little while and later hurry to entrance,or i just do i wasnt seeing or i hurry.

Today i met woman with doggie out, was evening,she was far of me but i very well knew is she,and i was feeling her prickling eyes on me anyway. She was looking at me almost whole time because she knew is me and was propably for her miracle she saw me out,because i dont go per days i go mostly nights. I feel like a Vampire and i later chronic worry after those meetings that i should behave diffrent but is to late. I dont know what to do.
I shouldnt take it so much seriously and let it go but still i cant,im shaky and nervy. In shop i see so bad and i have horrible orientantion i cant find stuff because of those nervosity(often i forgot what i actually wanted and went with out stuff wich i was thinking to buy=/). And advice how to cope with it?

 

[mmmm]

Wow. That's intense stuff.

Your neighbours probably won't mind if you don't greet them. I wouldn't worry about that too much. If it bugs you, maybe flash a quick smile at them and raise your hand ever so slightly. This would be a good way to avoid a conversation without seeming impolite.

For me, doggies are a free social pass. I find it so easy to talk to someone if I am touching and looking at their animal. She does not think you are a vampire, she probably thinks you are a super-successful business woman who is too busy making money to do anything else. That's what I think when I know of people who I never see out.

Shopping advice: make a huge list. Big enough to cover your face. You can hide behind it while you look for your stuff and you will always know what you are there for.

And definitely don't worry about these things. You have done nothing wrong. Your neighbours probably thank God every day that they live near such a quiet person.

 

[DespairSoul]

mmmm thank u for advice.

I dont find it easy if they have animal, this dont help me even if i love them very much.
But i dont want smile on them and wave,because i think is worse im being fake i will look
by this very unnatural and this will raise negative feelings again. Was evening and she was anyway far but i still worry i dont understand this. I dont think she think im a Vampire i feel like a Vampire if live more per night and go out evenings and no per days, but too not rarely very barely actually too. And im not so quiet person i play music here all the time ofcourse not laud but they must still hear it someone is home this im worrying and im always very long awake and have music. I have turned sleeping habits and im nocturnal.

I make list for shopping but always put him somewhere and cant find him later lol, because im so nerves. Then huge list with covering face isnt so good advice for me because i dont wanna hide actually i dislike hiding me from world.

 

[Feathers]

Yes, I think your neighbours think you're a cool interesting person too..

Maybe if they know you are international they are a little bit interested.. Because it's exotic you know..

Are you in a skyscraper/block of flats or a house? In skyscrapers or blocks of flats it's normal that people don't know each other so much..
Some older ladies can be bored and may look who's coming.. They will be very happy if you talk to them, a few words like hello or nice day, but they will understand if you're busy too.. They don't know if you are super successful business woman working at home all day or all night... Some people earn good money working from home on the computer etc. They don't know what you do at home etc. Maybe you can be studying etc. Some people also have radio on so burglars wouldn't come, when they are not at home. Or when they sleep, to sleep easier..

They may think you are lovely and mysterious..
even if you're a vampire, you're probably a cute vampire!! like in that world-famous book Twilight!!

It's best if you smile and say hello, maybe pat the dog.. even if it feels 'superficial'.. if not, just know you are living your life..

Are you in a small town or village? The neighbours may be more interested there, but still it's possible that they have no idea who you are and what you do..

I don't like shopping either.. A list is a good idea.. Just write what you need..
Shops are actually made in a way to make you forget things and buy buy buy more stuff than you need! So just the essentials and budgeting

Quiet neighbors are much better than those who party with too loud music or smash things all the time!!

 

[mmmm]

Okay, how about this.


Of course you will seem fake when you greet people. Nobody really cares what the answer is when they ask "how are you?." And most people who are not fine will answer "I'm fine." It's all fake. Everybody knows it's fake and they like it that way.

A person who sleeps during the day and stays up all night is either a vampire or a cool-person. Everybody probably thinks you are a cool-person even if you hardly leave the house.


Write your shopping list on your hand in thick black marker. You will never lose it AND you can cover your face when you feel uncomfortable without looking weird.

 

[Feathers]

haha I don't recommend black markers on hand - it's iffy chemicals and we don't want that..

other than that, cool advice!!

people don't mind a little bit of 'fake' it's like 'lipstick' or 'pretty clothes' - your close friends/people near you will like you without that jazz too, for others it's like 'politeness'.. if you're a bit nervous, maybe they'll just think you're in a hurry & wish their life was more interesting too.. trust me, most people just think about themselves and their problems, not about what you're doing or how you look like!!

 

[DespairSoul]

Yes, I think your neighbours think you're a cool interesting person too..

Maybe if they know you are international they are a little bit interested.. Because it's exotic you know..

Are you in a skyscraper/block of flats or a house? In skyscrapers or blocks of flats it's normal that people don't know each other so much..
Some older ladies can be bored and may look who's coming.. They will be very happy if you talk to them, a few words like hello or nice day, but they will understand if you're busy too.. They don't know if you are super successful business woman working at home all day or all night... Some people earn good money working from home on the computer etc. They don't know what you do at home etc. Maybe you can be studying etc. Some people also have radio on so burglars wouldn't come, when they are not at home. Or when they sleep, to sleep easier..

They may think you are lovely and mysterious..
even if you're a vampire, you're probably a cute vampire!! like in that world-famous book Twilight!!

It's best if you smile and say hello, maybe pat the dog.. even if it feels 'superficial'.. if not, just know you are living your life..

Are you in a small town or village? The neighbours may be more interested there, but still it's possible that they have no idea who you are and what you do..

I don't like shopping either.. A list is a good idea.. Just write what you need..
Shops are actually made in a way to make you forget things and buy buy buy more stuff than you need! So just the essentials and budgeting

Quiet neighbors are much better than those who party with too loud music or smash things all the time!!

Is a block Feathers, and she live just next to me, she was at moment more far of me but i was feeling she stare on me. And i yet stupid turn head on the site later look back if is she and anyway say nothing if i was more closer. But still i wasnt so close that i face her or pass her so close.

Umm somehow i dont want even greet them, i do only if they are on floor and if they are more far out or on balkony i dont do it. Just sometimes yes sometimes not, and this contradict selfs. Somehow i dont like to greet them because i dont like if someone knows me closer, or i should keep talking to them. Later im very upset and worry. No im not a vampire haha i just feel like that. I cant smile and greet i feel fake thats why i worry so much i feel being very fake at moment because thats not real me. I dont think so im so queit in flat im even paranoic about it because i keep playing music all the time she isnt so laud if is late, but i think they can still hear it because if is 3 morning and only my radio play. And i worry if whole day go sounds of my flat is annoying them or they think we never see her but she is all the time home those crayzy obssesive thought race my head.

Thank u for good advice u are very nice.::

PS: I make list but from nervosity im not able looked him, or i put him somewhere and cant find him out lol::

 

[DespairSoul]

Okay, how about this.


Of course you will seem fake when you greet people. Nobody really cares what the answer is when they ask "how are you?." And most people who are not fine will answer "I'm fine." It's all fake. Everybody knows it's fake and they like it that way.

A person who sleeps during the day and stays up all night is either a vampire or a cool-person. Everybody probably thinks you are a cool-person even if you hardly leave the house.


Write your shopping list on your hand in thick black marker. You will never lose it AND you can cover your face when you feel uncomfortable without looking weird.

Yes u are right people are fake when they greeting,but i find this somehow non OK and that should be like that, frankness or nothing thats my password. If i greet then they must be really very close and face them close,otherwise i avoid it on the floor i feel like trapped and i must do it somehow, i will never ask how they are doing, some oldy man here asked me few times how im doing and i answer ofcource fake *fine* and if he asked u are going for walk walk i said no for cigarette and went back to flat, i couldnt lie i go and i was feeling quilty even if i said true lol.

Huh black marker noo please this i will again feel like dirty prick and that people looked me weird *what that weird woman have on the hand, wtf haha?* But definetly good advice and i appreciate thank u!

 

[mmmm]

Well as long as you are doing what is right for you, there is nothing to worry about or feel guilty about.

 

[Feathers]

yeah, blocks can be odd that way.. some neighbours get along well, some not so well.. you can maybe even ask her sometime (on the floor/stairs/outside when you meet), if the music is too loud or if it bothers her?
my Granny lives in a block of flats, and her upstairs neighbor sometimes played funny oriental music in the evening.. we heard it all but it was funny and interesting..
another neighbor washed and showered all the time, grandma and grandpa were much more bothered by THAT, haha!! so if you don't shower all the time, you're probably okay!!

in the student dorm, some people played really weird music sometimes, some of it was good, some.. not so very much.. if it really bothered anyone, they would probably complain.. you can ask, just in case, if you're worried about it.. (something like, 'Just wondering, is the music too loud sometimes?') or you can use earphones/ipod/mp3 player?

I know you're not a vampire haha, you're a lovely girl with insomnia/delayed sleep phase!!

What are you doing? International communication! Studying and practising English & counselling & literature.. maybe you will learn how to make money online/on computer too?

For shopping: Maybe have a special pocket for the list, or a small notebook? Or always put it in your wallet or special bag pocket?

Edit: okay, if you smoke and other people don't, maybe they could be bothered if you smoke on the balcony/under their window? Again, difficult to know if you don't ask'em.. If they are non-smokers they might not like it.. or if any cigarette remains or smoke fall down on their clean clothes they might be drying.. That is just a possibility, maybe it's not true at all.. It depends what kind of people they are, and if they dry clothes outside on the balcony, and how good/old the windows are..

 

[Falkor]

Hey DespairSoul,

I understand you completely, it is very difficult to cope with this.
When I walk outside, I feel ''watched'', nervous, anxious, panicky, and I really feel that eyes are stinged on me. I can not go anywhere to see if without being aware of all the signals around me. It is like everything around me I take more seriously and take all the incentives are too much for me. I would prefer to run away, hiding in a corner. At that time, huh. But in reality I would want to walk with my shoulders up and with a smile on my face confidently. No fear in my eyes, so people just look worse. I want this so bad! But how do I get here? I ask to myself every day. I recognize your story really well. I know exactly how you feel. I find it scary to greet my neighbors, Well, say hello, I have not a problem with that, but I prefer to avoid eye contact. It's not easy to walk outside without the feeling that all eyes watch over you and their constantly observing the way you present.

But we have to experience that we are still safe even though people look at us. Even though they may have a strange assessment, we must see ourselves clinging to the good points of our own self. if you learn to love yourself and not care about what others you will find this a lot easier. Maybe even, nothing.

 

[worrywort]

oh I'm SOOOOO glad you posted this topic. I have the exact same problem at work. It seems so silly, and yet it's causing me so much grief. I just find it so difficult giving simple greetings to people that I pass by. Sometimes it's fine and it's easy, with certain people.....but other times there are people I don't know so well, and they're kind of on the other side of the room, and I don't know whether I should say good morning or not.....and often I decide not to say anything, but then afterwards realise that I really should've said something, and now the other person probably thinks I'm really rude or weird, and I start to feel really guilty and low because I've let my reputation slip a little, and because people will now think of me as a scared little boy who can't even find the courage to say a simple hello! It's crazy that it causes me so much grief. I feel like I just need some perspective. Like I just need to hear from someone without SA, that if they met someone like me who awkwardly didn't greet them sometimes, that it wouldn't bother them. Or I need to get it into my head, that when I'm on my deathbed, looking back, will it really matter who I did, or didn't say hello to.....or is it not more likely that the people who will really matter to me are the one's who stuck around beyond the formal greetings to get to know the real me.

I dunno....I need to figure it out though. I've got work again in the morning, and there's this one guy who I still don't know whether to say good morning to or not. I said "alright mate" to him yesterday but he didn't say anything back to me. But other times he's said good morning to me, to which I always return the greeting....and sometimes we pass in the corridor, which feels way too rude not to say good morning.....but other times he sits on the other side of the room, which feels too far to say good morning, cause I don't know him that well....but sometimes we'll make eye contact, but I won't say hello, but then later we'll pass closer, but I can't say hello now, cause I had my opportunity earlier so it'd just be weird,...........*reads back post*.........am I insane?!!!!!!! does anyone else think these kinds of thoughts when trying to navigate greetings with people or is it just me?!!!!

 

[DespairSoul]

yeah, blocks can be odd that way.. some neighbours get along well, some not so well.. you can maybe even ask her sometime (on the floor/stairs/outside when you meet), if the music is too loud or if it bothers her?
my Granny lives in a block of flats, and her upstairs neighbor sometimes played funny oriental music in the evening.. we heard it all but it was funny and interesting..
another neighbor washed and showered all the time, grandma and grandpa were much more bothered by THAT, haha!! so if you don't shower all the time, you're probably okay!!

in the student dorm, some people played really weird music sometimes, some of it was good, some.. not so very much.. if it really bothered anyone, they would probably complain.. you can ask, just in case, if you're worried about it.. (something like, 'Just wondering, is the music too loud sometimes?') or you can use earphones/ipod/mp3 player?

I know you're not a vampire haha, you're a lovely girl with insomnia/delayed sleep phase!!

What are you doing? International communication! Studying and practising English & counselling & literature.. maybe you will learn how to make money online/on computer too?

For shopping: Maybe have a special pocket for the list, or a small notebook? Or always put it in your wallet or special bag pocket?

Edit: okay, if you smoke and other people don't, maybe they could be bothered if you smoke on the balcony/under their window? Again, difficult to know if you don't ask'em.. If they are non-smokers they might not like it.. or if any cigarette remains or smoke fall down on their clean clothes they might be drying.. That is just a possibility, maybe it's not true at all.. It depends what kind of people they are, and if they dry clothes outside on the balcony, and how good/old the windows are..

Yes it is ODD really. Look like some go along well some not much and i really dislike it a lot. The best would be if i could live in a house with out neighborous only if they would live not so close glued on my house and worrying about greeting will fall down more and i will not so obsses chronic worrry about it.

Oh student dorm, hun thats really mix over mix, i couldnt cope good with that by myself if from room 36. play some freaky punk and from 38. pop-rock etc. i know how bad i cope with laud stuff i try my best, but problem is my bf dont worry what neighborous think and he want have mostly this music on and me not but he like it for sleep and me not, thats why i worry because i think if i care something is to laud then i think others can care to and here are very thiny walls thats the second problem. I try have really not to laud and try be queit even if i walk around. I worry by music per day by myself because of that im home all the time and someone hear it. But evening im highly paranoic if i have only tv,radio on end is 3 o clock. U think i should ask her? Huh for this i will need a lot of courage?? Doesnt sound that weird if i stop her and ask if i even dont greet often?

PS: No smoking on balcony i smoke in flat and there where i went out this oldy man try be only nice and ask me for this if i go walk propably and i start lighting cigarrete downstars but i smoke there maybe 3 times i dont have balcony anyways and as high anxious cant do that much anyway and i saw there few people smoke by entrance anyways.

Good tips with shopping. Im not sure if they will work because i replace stuff all the time thats my other issue. I cant concentrate.

 

[Kiwong]

One of my neighbours said I am a good neighbour even though I live a bit like a hermit. At least I am quiet and I am an owner occupier so that I can easily agree to stuff the body corporate wants to do. I only talk to one neighbour regularly, the others I rarely see, and I'm OK with that, I think they are too.

A few years ago, I had bad neighbours and we didn't get along. They kept me awake at night with their noise. Since they have moved my life is much more peaceful. At that time I felt I was living in a wagon being circled by Indians, my anxiety was so bad that if could hear anyone outside I would wait until they were gone.

I thought that all the neighbours hated me and were conspiring against me. But in fact the neighbour that mattered reckons I am a good neighbour.

 

[Feathers]

Hmm, if you never talk to her, it would be good to start saying hi first.. then a few words about weather.. 'cute puppy' or such, or ask/comment how the dog is, what species and what's his name.. then after a few times you talked, ask about this, in a 'by the way' tone, as if you just thought of it.. (if you really need to) otherwise, know that if it will really bother them they will say something.. (or call the police hihi, but I don't think they need to..)
If your bf wants the music for sleep, you can explain it to her anyway..

Know that in a block of flats or student dorm it's really difficult for everybody to like you.. and they don't have to really.. they just need to respect you enough to be civil/polite and give you space, ideally... Some people don't have so good hearing anyway..
If you smoke outside watch where the wind goes, and be careful about cigarette remains - some olderly ladies (my grandma too) really hate it if young people smoke before the block and leave cigarette remains or trash around..
Some people on another forum said cigarette smoke got into their flat from a neighbours' flat too, and they were bothered by it - it depends how the block is made.. for me, cigarette smoke or any other smoke would bother me more than any music too.. (except maybe horrible loud rave/house/techno/satanistic metal music..) It depends how loud your TV/radio is.. Grandma's neighbour has it very loud so it does bother me a bit when I'm there, but she doesn' watch it so much.. I never said anything though, cause it's not such a big deal, and I'm not there so often.. Does your neighbor work/study and has to get up early in the morning? Things to consider...

Otherwise.. There will probably always be 'cliques' in block or dorm too.. some neighbors will like each other, some won't.. in the dorm, it sometimes used to drive me crazy.. but you get accustomed to it or move elsewhere.. and people can move elsewhere or say something too..

 

[DespairSoul]

oh I'm SOOOOO glad you posted this topic. I have the exact same problem at work. It seems so silly, and yet it's causing me so much grief. I just find it so difficult giving simple greetings to people that I pass by. Sometimes it's fine and it's easy, with certain people.....but other times there are people I don't know so well, and they're kind of on the other side of the room, and I don't know whether I should say good morning or not.....and often I decide not to say anything, but then afterwards realise that I really should've said something, and now the other person probably thinks I'm really rude or weird, and I start to feel really guilty and low because I've let my reputation slip a little, and because people will now think of me as a scared little boy who can't even find the courage to say a simple hello! It's crazy that it causes me so much grief. I feel like I just need some perspective. Like I just need to hear from someone without SA, that if they met someone like me who awkwardly didn't greet them sometimes, that it wouldn't bother them. Or I need to get it into my head, that when I'm on my deathbed, looking back, will it really matter who I did, or didn't say hello to.....or is it not more likely that the people who will really matter to me are the one's who stuck around beyond the formal greetings to get to know the real me.

I dunno....I need to figure it out though. I've got work again in the morning, and there's this one guy who I still don't know whether to say good morning to or not. I said "alright mate" to him yesterday but he didn't say anything back to me. But other times he's said good morning to me, to which I always return the greeting....and sometimes we pass in the corridor, which feels way too rude not to say good morning.....but other times he sits on the other side of the room, which feels too far to say good morning, cause I don't know him that well....but sometimes we'll make eye contact, but I won't say hello, but then later we'll pass closer, but I can't say hello now, cause I had my opportunity earlier so it'd just be weird,...........*reads back post*.........am I insane?!!!!!!! does anyone else think these kinds of thoughts when trying to navigate greetings with people or is it just me?!!!!

Well, i understand how u feel believe me. Is mix of guilt for this how i act.
I dont like be fake and if is something making me anxious and i feel bad in both way if i greet or no greet. I feel about both bad. One way is fake greeting or other way ignore them, both is not good. I wish so much do it naturaly but i feel im so unnatural being not me by it. Like some weirdo.
This story about the guy wich sometimes greet u and u sometimes greet and sometimes not if he is little more far and your eyes still meet i know well like is my own story around people.

 

[DespairSoul]

Hey DespairSoul,

I understand you completely, it is very difficult to cope with this.
When I walk outside, I feel ''watched'', nervous, anxious, panicky, and I really feel that eyes are stinged on me. I can not go anywhere to see if without being aware of all the signals around me. It is like everything around me I take more seriously and take all the incentives are too much for me. I would prefer to run away, hiding in a corner. At that time, huh. But in reality I would want to walk with my shoulders up and with a smile on my face confidently. No fear in my eyes, so people just look worse. I want this so bad! But how do I get here? I ask to myself every day. I recognize your story really well. I know exactly how you feel. I find it scary to greet my neighbors, Well, say hello, I have not a problem with that, but I prefer to avoid eye contact. It's not easy to walk outside without the feeling that all eyes watch over you and their constantly observing the way you present.

But we have to experience that we are still safe even though people look at us. Even though they may have a strange assessment, we must see ourselves clinging to the good points of our own self. if you learn to love yourself and not care about what others you will find this a lot easier. Maybe even, nothing.

Saskia... i know u know and we both knowing it. Harder is practice it in real live even if we know what we should or what we shouldnt we do it because is controling as to much. I wish to walk with my head up,being nice and greeting with out feeling im disliked or being fake.::

 

[DespairSoul]

One of my neighbours said I am a good neighbour even though I live a bit like a hermit. At least I am quiet and I am an owner occupier so that I can easily agree to stuff the body corporate wants to do. I only talk to one neighbour regularly, the others I rarely see, and I'm OK with that, I think they are too.

A few years ago, I had bad neighbours and we didn't get along. They kept me awake at night with their noise. Since they have moved my life is much more peaceful. At that time I felt I was living in a wagon being circled by Indians, my anxiety was so bad that if could hear anyone outside I would wait until they were gone.

I thought that all the neighbours hated me and were conspiring against me. But in fact the neighbour that mattered reckons I am a good neighbour.

Kiwong well, thats great atleast someone told u are good neighbor must be really good feeling and later for sure u wasnt thinking so negative about it as i use do it. Well, i know laud neighborous can play well on nerves and thats why i worry im playing on theirs and if i go out they dislike me so much that i dont greet, i wish hide and run. I know propably im not so laud as i think. I dont know what they actually think. I guess if i would be queit like mouse i would worry lol.