Do You Want Kids? Do you already have their names picked out but..

Blue Teardrops

Blue Teardrops

Banned
..afraid it'll never happen? This includes me. After I get settled into a career, if that ever happens, I would like two or three (at most) kids. And I even have their names already picked out. I’ve fallen in love with Neda for a girl, also Roya and Shiri, and for a boy Idan, Itai, or Eyal, I haven’t decided.

Problem is, I can’t even get a boyfriend. My interaction with guys one of three things:
a. Really uncomfortable stares from old creepy men breaking their necks to look at me.
b. A group of guys looking at me like I’m a bug. Like what happened today when I was walking my dog.
c. An individual guy I meet that I like and find attractive, but I’m too uninteresting or un-pretty to keep his attention. This happens every time.

I don’t even want a big expensive wedding (like I’d have anyone to invite anyway ;)), or even a ring. I just want a good, healthy, life-long relationship with somebody. Somebody I can also call my best friend. But I can’t ever seem to get past “hello.” Haha, how pathetic am I? I feel like when people first meet me, they don’t like me, especially males because I never know what to say around them and I’m all tense.

I’m scared I’ll never find anybody who will really like me and not cheat on me and not treat me like crap. Even worse, I’m only 23 and have alopecia….alopecia! That’s thinning hair. Most girls my age have long gorgeous hair, and guys lust after them. I’m not saying I want a bunch of guys lusting after me, but I can’t tell you how stressful it is to be standing in front of a guy who’s taller than you (and I’m short so that includes almost all guys) and having this intense fear that he sees how thin your hair is and is judging you for it. It’s one thing to be a guy and losing your hair, but to be female. It’s devastating to your self esteem. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried over my hair loss. I obsess over it every single day. And I have to keep it chopped very short, which is apparently a turn-off in men. So, I guess I’m pretty much hopeless.

I just wish I had a shining personality; maybe that would get me closer to love and being loved. And then closer to having a family. But then again, I'm only dreaming...
 
W

WelshOne

Well-known member
I can relate...

I'm a guy, and I want more or less the same things you describe. I'd love to find a woman who loves me, someone I can be myself around and not have to live a lie. Then, when I have a decent career and can support a family, I'd love to have a son. He'd be my little buddy who I can teach all sorts of things to. A daughter would of course be nice too, but if I'm honest, I think I would probably connect more with a son (being male myself.) Though, this is most likely because of my anxiety with females right now, and no doubt if I were to actually be in the situation, I'd be just as at ease with a daughter.

I don't have any names picked out, because it's something I would like to be a shared decision with my partner. There are a handful of girl's names which I've always liked though.

I'm unsure wether any of this will happen... but I'm trying not to entertain the thought that it won't. I have a plan for my future, and I'm determined to make it work.
 
T

timidhorse

Well-known member
Right now, I don't want kids nor do I need them. I also think I will pass along SA to them (on my maternal side all mother's suffered from shyness) and not be a good mother. I guess if some miracle happened and I had a husband who would want kids, I will have to have them...but I'll make darn sure my children gets help.

Sometimes I think about being alone for the rest of my life and I'm okay with that prospect, it really isn't bad it's just that were led to believe that it is.
 
Lorraine Manca

Lorraine Manca

Well-known member
I do! do you know where i can buy one? i already tried the nursery, but the strange receptionist wouldn't cooperate. she must have been new.
 
Lorraine Manca

Lorraine Manca

Well-known member
I should also mention. I feel the same way. I want to be a mama, I'm very scared of not getting the chance to be a mama, and not being able to find a fellow for said purpose. I know its a nagging thought. I think its best to prevent any disappointment by imagining how happy your life could be even if you didnt have a family. I'd be a content cat lady if things dont work out.
 
A

AlleyCat

Well-known member
I love kids and would love to have my own someday. I do worry about passing SA on to them. I'm still not completely sure if my SA stems more from behavioral/environmental or if genetics played a role. I do have some very shy relatives on my dad's side of the family. I would want to be the best mom I could be for my children. I had a rather negative relationship with my dad growing up, but I think it taught me a lot on how not to be and what not to say. I would never want my children to grow up witnessing a tumultuous relationship. I always want them to be surrounded by lots of love, support, and positivity. I don't have any names picked out. Like WelshOne was saying, I think that is something that both parents should take part in.
 
F

FOR REAL

Banned
my wee sister had alopecia, and my cousin also.
did your doctor diagnose why you have alopecia?
cause it could be chemicals that you use every day
look up "gail porter" shes completely bald these days, and shes still stunning to me.

back to the subject, 'kids', i feel that it would be unfair of me to have a son or daughter brought into this world (but thats just me)
i bet youl be a great mum one day :)
 
L

LycraPantiies92

Well-known member
I HATE KIDS.
So no i do not want any.
There. Not that anyone wanted/needed to know that piece of info.
But there ye have it.
Meh.x

*Also. It wouldn't matter if i did anyway cos i'm too ugly for anyone to wana have my babies, also you need a partner to adopt aswell so i couldn't do that either. It would be quite sad, if i did want kids.
xx
 
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iamthenra

iamthenra

Well-known member
Blue: if I was interested in someone, it wouldn't matter to me if she had alopecia or not... I know exactly what it is and I know how devastating it is... My mother has had it for about 10 years... She uses mens Rogaine on a regular basis. For me, it wouldn't be a turn off at all...

Now as far as having children. I cannot and will not have children. My reasons are I feel it is selfish to have kids. At least I feel that way looking at my own life. I didn't ask to be here, but my folks forced me to live a life I never wanted. I know for a fact I have first cousins that have very bad SA, depression, agoraphobia and other mental illnesses. My sister, mother, father all have bad depression, and auto immune disorders. Bad allergies, asthma, and there is no way I would ever want offspring to live through the crap I have lived through. Okay, I know I am sounding VERY VERY negative here. But I feel very strongly about it. I also view the world as being a very poor environment to be bringing in another life. I hate the over populated areas that are exponentially growing every year... I have seen areas that were once corn fields and mature oak woods, turn into housing developments where houses are literally 20 feet apart from each other darn near stacked on top of one another. That kind of growth is happening at an alarming rate. I think we are killing ourselves with too many people, and I don't see how the planet will be able to meet the demands and be able to continue producing energy for everyone. With all the emissions and warming trends... this world has become a very scary place for me, and I worry about our future. So much so that it makes me sick at times... This is a big reason why I can't and won't have children... I just can't do that to another life... Sorry...
 
Generical

Generical

Well-known member
The idea of it is fantastic but i doubt it would go quite so happily..right now i have absolutely nothing prepared future-wise so being able to support a family is pretty far off. Plus i would actually need to find someone first and right now i barely even understand close relationships....so i need to get through a lot of firsts. I dunno the most likely way of it happening is either accidental and/or the relationship doesn't work out and i'm the father that the kids never knew. But anyway i like the name Kate and for boy something beginning with j.....jack, jason, jethro....freakin jay-z mate
 
K

Kinetik

Well-known member
I'm very self-absorbed and am forever wrapped up in my own mind and problems. I simply couldn't sacrifice my time or emotions in order to care for children. For whatever reason I really crave solitude and my own time and privacy so I just don't see it happening for me.
 
iamthenra

iamthenra

Well-known member
lurknomore said:
Sorry to shatter your illusions, but... babies don't actually come from storks ::p:;)
Click to expand...

OMG!!!
3759935431_9349e78887_o.gif
NO WAY? I don't believe it! Haha!
 
Blue Teardrops

Blue Teardrops

Banned
PunkRotten said:
The better questions is, do you want them for you or is it to be socially accepted? I mean, raising kids is hard work.
Click to expand...

I don't want kids now, I'm still trying to get through school and work out my anxieties. I still need to establish a stable career. I get what you're saying about people not being fit to have kids. There are too many parents in the world that should never have been parents and are selfish and make poor decisions. I'm not a selfish person, and I am not ready to be a parent at this time. But I know I'd make a very good mom since I have a nurturing personality, and I do want kids in the future. I know raising kids is the hardest job in the world.

I wouldn't be 'socially accepted' if I had kids right now. Not in college, anyways. No, I want kids for me. I don't care what other people think about whether or not I have kids. If I simply wanted kids to be socially acceptable, I could just get a test tube baby. But I don't want to raise kids without a father. That wouldn't be fair. At the same time, it seems like, more and more, it's socially unacceptable to have kids. Meh, what do I know.

pff, it'll probably never happen for me anyways.
 
Blue Teardrops

Blue Teardrops

Banned
dreamer777 said:
my wee sister had alopecia, and my cousin also.
did your doctor diagnose why you have alopecia?
cause it could be chemicals that you use every day
look up "gail porter" shes completely bald these days, and shes still stunning to me.

back to the subject, 'kids', i feel that it would be unfair of me to have a son or daughter brought into this world (but thats just me)
i bet youl be a great mum one day :)
Click to expand...

Hehe, but you still remember gail porter in all her hairy beauty :b
Well, maybe there's hope for me yet :)

I've often feared the thought of bringing kids into the world, with a sense of guilt, but all the good that comes from having kids ends up surpassing those feelings. Thanks, I think I'd make a good mom, if I ever get to that point.
 
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