Do you think monogamy is natural?
- Thread starter MoniqueNS
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Furthermore can it only be released with one person?Does it stops one from cheating?
It is unclear,but since there is cheating and people liking 2 persons at the same time,my guess is not .
Kat
Well-known member
A relationship is sustainable not cheating is sustainable as well. My nan and pop were married for 60 years never cheated I am sure they found other people attractive that’s normal and my mum and dad so far have been married for 25 years, they have had their difficulties but they stayed together it’s a choice.
panicsurvivor
Well-known member
Oh yeah, your right. I probably read a lot of the same things that you did. The only reason that I brought up the talking thing, is that is one of the things that is KNOWN that they couldn't do. Just because their throats were not capable of speaking in the same fashion as Homo Sapien, doesn't mean that they were animal. Furthermore if they were absorbed into extinction through breeding, then they had to be a whole lot more then beasts.
panicsurvivor
Well-known member
Oh no. It is released with anyone you feel affection for. In fact if you are married, and you begin an affair, then it is released with the person you are cheating with, NOT YOUR SPOUSE. Like I said it goes away. Most of the studies I found when I was researching it, had to do with mothers and their babies. It is not a monogamy hormone, or even a love hormone really. It is a bonding hormone.
Oh, it's definitely not just men. Evolution has given women incentives for screwing around as well, and the practical proof of this is simply: women cheat too. Staying faithful isn't 'natural' for women either, and also takes effort.
But it can be done.
Certainly! Without a doubt. It's just that it rarely actually is done. The number of times I've been hit on by married women makes me want to never get married. Of all the long term couples I've gotten to know relatively well under various circumstances, I don't think any of them had a cheat-free relationship or marriage, either. It's just depressing, even if my personal experiences are unusual. :
:Vampayah88
Well-known member
Certainly! Without a doubt. It's just that it rarely actually is done. The number of times I've been hit on by married women makes me want to never get married. Of all the long term couples I've gotten to know relatively well under various circumstances, I don't think any of them had a cheat-free relationship or marriage, either. It's just depressing, even if my personal experiences are unusual. :
Same here, I dont even know of one long time married happy couple. I dont think Ill ever want to get married. When I will be in my 40s, 50s ill probably just end up preying on young 20 something year old guys like Madonna does anyways.
I do think monogamy is natural. Despite everything. When you sleep with someone your brain produces a hormone that allows you to bond with them and them-you. What could be more natural? It is when somebody chooses to break this bond by forming another one with somebody else that the problems arise.
I don't buy into this sex addiction stuff. I think people genuinely have a choice to be faithful or not to be faithful.
I don't buy into this sex addiction stuff. I think people genuinely have a choice to be faithful or not to be faithful.
Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
But if the hormone makes you want to bond with the other person, wouldn't that encourage monogamy? I mean, you'd have to deliberately fight against something that your body chemistry wanted you to do (which is usually achieved by making the thing in question pleasurable in some way) in order to break that bond. You'd be going against a strong desire to remain monogamous, which most people would be unlikely to do.
Yes it would. Yes you would. Yup, yes you would and nope people are still quite likely to do that anyway. It is a question of perversity which is in human nature that makes us fight nature. We are complex beings.
Vampayah88
Well-known member
That hormone can make you ”want to bond” with hundreds of other persons, I dont see how that encourages monogamy..well unless you are with one single person at a time. You know, without cheating.
talisman
Well-known member
Most Humans do form monogamous relationships across all societies, so I think there has to be something natural to us about it, but as Humans we're fully capable of going beyond those natural boundaries and seeking out other arrangements that suit us individually.
I've never had a proper relationship and I'm well into my late 20s so perhaps my attitude is biased by the sheer desperation to sleep with as many women as possible before I lose my youth and reach middle age, but for me monogomy isn't very appealing. I don't like the idea of constraining myself to just one sexual partner. It may be natural but it's kinda dull too.
I've never had a proper relationship and I'm well into my late 20s so perhaps my attitude is biased by the sheer desperation to sleep with as many women as possible before I lose my youth and reach middle age, but for me monogomy isn't very appealing. I don't like the idea of constraining myself to just one sexual partner. It may be natural but it's kinda dull too.
Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
But the way Jewel described it, this hormone is released when you sleep with someone and causes you to want to bond with that person. So you sleep with person A. The hormone is released, causing you to bond with person A. To sleep with another person B, you'd have to break the hormone induced bond that has already been established with person A. If that's an easy thing to do, or even something you have a desire to do, then the bond isn't doing a very good job of bonding.
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hmm not exactly....here's a snippet about it:
Oxytocin does not only play a role in the bond between mother and child but also between two mates. The attachment formed between sexual partners is predominantly caused by the release of oxytocin during sexual intercourse. Oxytocin is intricately tied with the biology of sex - it causes penile erections and shortens both the time for ejaculation and the refractory period after ejaculation. (4) The release of oxytocin can be learned. In other words, after repeatedly having sex with the same partner, simply seeing him or her could set off the release of oxytocin. As a result, one becomes attached to that particular partner and learns to prefer them to other possible mates. Thus the monogamy practiced by humans and other species is also the result of the release of oxytocin.
here's the link to the rest of the article: I Love You From the Bottom of My Brain: The Neurobiology Behind Love
Vampayah88
Well-known member
Hmm i get it now. Thanks. Thats an interesting read.
There are biological urges towards monogamy and towards cheating. That's why there's conflict. That's why it's an issue. Personally, I believe anyone could choose to be faithful (except those rare cases where someone has a legitimate impulse control problem). It's just that most people don't choose to be, in the end. It isn't their priority.
Pookah
Well-known member
For everyone, do your partner a favor and let them know when you start feeling randy enough to go outside the relationship and then maybe you can break it off before it escalates. Problem is people are either greedy and want both or are too afraid to hurt the other person. You hurt them more if they have to catch you.
I would never cheat. If I fell out of love or didn't feel it was working out I would feel obligated to tell the person and figure it out from there.
I think it might be natural to lose interest or for feelings to cool over a course of years. I only base this on relationships I see around me and even how people act in friendships etc.
Long term marriages/friendships that are strong are probably due to very good bonding at a family level.
I would never cheat. If I fell out of love or didn't feel it was working out I would feel obligated to tell the person and figure it out from there.
I think it might be natural to lose interest or for feelings to cool over a course of years. I only base this on relationships I see around me and even how people act in friendships etc.
Long term marriages/friendships that are strong are probably due to very good bonding at a family level.