Do you think it's possible for the normal people to ever understand us?

[Silentknight]

Ok answer what applies to you

1) If you grew up without friends and I mean at least a decade with no friends (shallow aquaintences are ok) do you think those who have a healthy social life will ever be able to understand what it was like for you to be so alone especially if this was going on when you were still growing up and in school when most people agree you should be at your most social?

2) To those of you who do have a group of friends how do you explain to them your problems with socializing? Do they seem to understand where you coming from or do most just shrug it off as you being just extra shy?

 

[davidburke]

I'm the first one... and i don't think anyone who hasn't gone through it could understand

 

[Ignace]

Agree with davidburke.

 

[Hikari]

Same here. I grew up with no friends and people who didn't experience the same don't seem to understand it at all. At least when it comes to the people I've talked to.

 

[EasySkanking]

^ I agree with all of the above, sadly

 

[xxaimsxx]

No. You'll always get THAT LOOK. You know what i'm on about.
I did have friends growing up but i just felt really sad with them. Some would leave me out and it was mostly girls who didnt like me. And then when i did have good friends we lost touch.

 

[LookingForward]

1) No-one who has never gone though such extensive periods of loneliness could ever comprehend how it feels, I've had people try to empathize with me from time to time but their perspective was just a very shallow echo of the real pain that goes on in an SA's mind.

2) Most people view it as an extreme shyness which I don't mind, its the ones that percieve you as a silent bob dumbass with no personality that make my blood boil, especially considering that they are usually the lowest common factor types with intelligence and depth on par with a sewer rat... (sorry... those types really do p*** me off)

 

[Silentknight]

I understand why your mad about being labled the silent bob type LookingForward yea it really can get under the skin when they start thinking that.

I myself did apply to my first question for most of my life it wasn't until a year ago that I found a friend who I now realize will never be able to understand where I come from or why I am the way I am.

 

[redmatter]

They refuse their own truths, and care that much less about yours. They don't seek the truth or understanding you know... so we're forced to make a decision.

 

[Section_31]

I dont think most people without S/A could appreciate or understand it. Ive had numerous people who claim to understand and act supportive, but below the service they just thought i was being shy. Ive only found one set of people who, while they dont completely understand it, they were supportive and simply asked what i needed, which was to be left alone when feeling scared. While not understanding really the obliged without question and are there if i need to talk. Same goes for m y wife.

I suppose its possible for people to WANT to understand and try to, but from my experience the majority of people are simply shallow and think they can "pull" you out of S/A by encouraging you not to be shy.

 

[upndwn]

I went through my entire period at preschool and most of my teenage years without any close friends. Now, as an adult, I have dozens of friends. I am not succulence by any means and I have lots of depressions and related problems. I have gone to therapy for my SA for over a decade, and finally I caught a break and managed to find a drug that worked for me. It wouldn't have been possible without years of treatment and trials though. Now I have no problem making friends ( I do have a problem getting a girlfriend though :.

 

[R3K]

even with all the articles and videos and studies out there, i don't think it's possible for non SA sufferers to even come close to understanding SA. sometimes i wonder if many of the psychiatrists, doctors and researchers themselves even have a rudimentary understanding of what they're studying, or if they're just going into it academically and scientifically with no real compulsion to make progress in treating/curing it.

 

[coyote]

i was going to say that i think we ARE "normal" - maybe just with different problems that other people might not understand

but it seems the older i get, the more i realize that NO ONE is "normal" - everyone is just as screwed up - just in different ways

many people that we view as "normal" have problems that WE can't relate to or understand

 

[coyote]

this is Normal - trust me, i've been there:

Normal - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[lurknomore]

It's funny, just last night I was talking to some of my family members and my room-mate about some of my problems, and they just couldn't seem to grasp it at all. My mom just down-played it, like "I used to be that way, too, you just have to do things and you'll get over it," while my brother's opinion is that I over-think things, and need to just say F the world and stop caring about what others think. It's completely incomprehensible to my room-mate that someone of my intelligence can think those things about myself and the world, and that I graduated with a Master's degree two years ago and am still working minimum wage jobs. They couldn't grasp that my rational mind already knows/understands pretty much all of the things they were telling me and that my fears are irrational, but that doesn't keep my subconscious/body from reacting the way it does in social and other anxiety-inducing situations. Anxiety of any kind paralyzes me, and my solution to it my entire life has been to avoid it. I don't know how not to be this way, and others just don't get it.

And I'd say I've never had any close friends, maybe some acquaintances that I could talk to a little at school/work, but only a few that I ever saw or spoke to outside of that- and even then it was always them initiating the contact, and I'd argue that I never got close and let my guard down even with them. It's a very lonely and miserable place, and I doubt that anyone who has never experienced it can begin to comprehend it.

 

[lilmutegirl]

2) To those of you who do have a group of friends how do you explain to them your problems with socializing? Do they seem to understand where you coming from or do most just shrug it off as you being just extra shy?

Oddly enough, at least 3 of my friends also have SA, though I didn't know it till I got to know them. Most of my other friends struggle with being depressed or bipolar, and we are a pretty non-judgemental group. One of my friends with SA always gets a courtesy invite to go out with the group, but most people know she probably won't go.

As a teenager and younger, I did not know exactly what to call my issues, so I didn't really communicate with my friends about them. I just avoided going out, and made excuses as to why I couldn't.

Now, I feel that I have more understanding friends. Even if they don't full "understand", they at least accept me for how I am, and praise any progress I make.