Do you obsess about conversations after they're over?

lilmutegirl

Well-known member
I do. I tend to re-play things over and over. Most recently, at work, we had a manager from another store in to visit, which wouldn't have been that big of a deal (I felt remarkably comfortable with her there), except that one of our employees said something stupid in front of her (she admitted to not doing part of her job). I texted the assistant manager to let her know. It turns out, I referred to the other manager by the wrong name (another manager who was recently promoted to district manager), and our assistant may have misinterpreted something I said--I think she took my words as what the dumb girl said. I feel really stupid. I know it's not that big of a deal, and I'm really not the one who did anything wrong, but I'm afraid that somehow it will get back to me in a bad way.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Yeah, I obsess before, during and after conversations I have. Usually beat myself up verbally about them too, because people must think I'm stupid or something because I'm stuttering, stumbling wreck when it comes social interaction most of the time.
 

MarionBerry

Well-known member
Yes, I obsess and feel stupid and then I imagine how the conversation *should* have gone and that's the one I remember. The fake one. It's a coping mechanism that works for me.
 

coyote

Well-known member
i used to replay conversations that took place years ago, decades even,

still trying to figure out what i could have said differently...

i'm getting better about it - feels good to let go of all that weight

what's done is done

i can't move forward while i'm looking behind me - at least without tripping over something
 

this_portrait

Well-known member
Sometimes. Not always. I tend to replay the positive ones, trying to sort of relive them, I guess. Whenever I replay the negative ones, it's usually to imagine them happening differently and I end up winning in the end.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Oh yeah, but usually it's a sentence I've said that I wish I didn't or something like that. It gets to me.
 

dyingtolive

Well-known member
memories of awkward and conversations/encounters with people i shouldn't have had come back to me throughout the day.. i often say 'Ouch' in the middle of nowhere at work... becoz of the jagged pain in the head when the memory occurs.
 

Vampayah88

Well-known member
Oh yeah, but usually it's a sentence I've said that I wish I didn't or something like that. It gets to me.

Thats me. Sometimes I even facepalm myself just thinking about those things. Good thing I've gotten better and I don't obsess over it more than a few days, and just forget.
 

SoScared

Well-known member
I replay 10 year old events. How I positioned myself, how I should have positioned myself etc, etc. There is no reason for this because if get myself together my future actually looks quite bright and interesting. With some effort I find that I am getting better at catching myself drifting back into the past. On a good day, as soon as I sense a repetitive negative backward thought arriving I can take decision not to accept it.
 
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1BlackSheep

Well-known member
I have a bad habit of saying things the wrong way when I'm mad, so I now try to be more careful by stopping first and thinking before speaking. I still fail at times though. ::(:
 

1person

Member
I replay past conversations that made me feel good and other times I replay conversations I could have done differently.

I'm not sure if this happens to everyone but most of the time I don't memorize my conversations or repeat conversations immediately when they finish they just appear in my head 2 or 3 days later like a new email in my inbox

I used to replay a lot of what-if negative conversations, in my mind I would say something to the last person I had a conversation with to get a negative response then my inner-voice and that person would belittle me but I've stopped it over the years too much stress over that.

Nowadays I have conversations with someone in my mind before I meet them but it never works out the way I talk in my head, sometimes it's worse, I stutter a bit or lose my thoughts when I wanted to speak coherently.
 

Chess

Well-known member
I try to keep in mind that my mistakes probably seem bigger to me than to others. In the grand scheme of a day, witnessing a slip-up isn't that memorable to most.

It might be something to confirm and clear up with staff, though?
 

JuiceB

Well-known member
Yes all the time. I also rehearse what I'm going to say in my mind before I start. Afterwards I think about what I said wrong or how I could of rephrased it differently. Sometimes I feel as though I made mistakes or said something really stupid that maybe I didn't catch.
 

TailsAlone

Well-known member
All the time. I think about stuff I could and should have said to make things go smoother or get my meaning across, or be more involved...but I always think of it after the conversation's over.
 

twiggle

Well-known member
All the time. But you know what... it's a pointless activity. Because even if we used exactly the words we wanted to, used open body language... communicated in the most relaxed and clear way, there are still a myriad of ways by which the recipient of our words could interpret what we've said.

All we can do is say how we really feel and just leave it at that.

If I am obsessing over a conversation, I just try and have a few more so that I forget about it :p
 

Luxvia

Member
I'm exactly the same especially the really bad ones. I just keep replaying them in my mind and it's like a form of mental torture, I hate it but I just can't help myself from doing it. Bad memories tend to like to haunt me anyway. ::(:
 

Hastings & Main

Well-known member
YES.

And I am so much better at not doing it anymore.

It IS good, in a way, since you can try to remember how NOT to re-do the things in that conversation. But on the other hand, once you've figured that out, drop it. Whenever the thought about that convo comes up, mentally put a big STOP sign in front of it & think about a comic book or maybe some tasty brownies.

When you replay bad memories over and over, they stick to your memory, much like when you're in school and you repeat multiplication tables and such. You're actually memorizing bad feelings so they will never leave.

Think: "I could have said THIS instead, and that's what I'll do in the future.", then drum it out of your head. Think about how awesome tacos are, watch some movie that is totally involving or read a book - ANYthing to shove that memory out so it doesn't take root. Best is replaying good memories, to 'overwrite' the bad ones.

Takes a bit of practice, but it works :)
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
YES.

And I am so much better at not doing it anymore.

It IS good, in a way, since you can try to remember how NOT to re-do the things in that conversation. But on the other hand, once you've figured that out, drop it. Whenever the thought about that convo comes up, mentally put a big STOP sign in front of it & think about a comic book or maybe some tasty brownies.

When you replay bad memories over and over, they stick to your memory, much like when you're in school and you repeat multiplication tables and such. You're actually memorizing bad feelings so they will never leave.

Think: "I could have said THIS instead, and that's what I'll do in the future.", then drum it out of your head. Think about how awesome tacos are, watch some movie that is totally involving or read a book - ANYthing to shove that memory out so it doesn't take root. Best is replaying good memories, to 'overwrite' the bad ones.

Takes a bit of practice, but it works :)
This is very good advice, but it's hard to implement. Not impossible, though. :)
 
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