Do you get the support you need

[KiaKaha]

I am exasperated at how much I struggle through life because of my social problems. When I touch on the subject with other people around me about being "shy" - they dont really understand.... I mean...they dont truly understand.

They dont understand because they dont know how it feels to be so aprehensive and afraid of what other people think of them - the heart pounding, the sweating, the terror that you may look foolish, the paranoia, the depression.

You cant move, you cant speak you cant even think.... and people see this and they can tell that something isnt right...and they feel uncomfortble...and that makes you feel even worse.

The worst part about this...is that I am nearly 33... I have been living like this my whole life... and while sometimes I am OK or at least I APPEAR to be... this cloud that hangs over my head and prevents me from experiencing life and enjoying it permeates every aspect of my life.... friends, jobs, relationships, fulfulment, independence, comfort, happiness.

But the point of all this.... is that, I cant get help - I can go to counselling, go to therapists, get put on medication - but its always there.... there isnt enough SUPPORT for this kind of problem - how bad do things have to get before someone will take notice? And on a more macro level...when will people realize that this kind of problem is actually...serious.

More of a vent than a question.... but lets turn it into one for the sake of inclusivity and discussion. Do you get the support that you need? Whether that be through family and friends or through the health system...do you feel that anyone... truly understands your suffering? Do you want someone too?

 

[coyote]

unfortunately (?), i'm a product of my upbringing

in the midwestern united states how you FEEL about things isn't deemed as important as the stuff you do

so as long as you get up and go to work, pay your bills, and put on the show

everyone assumes that you're doing just fine

and i can even believe that most of the time

 

[A86]

I believe that they believe they understand.

support is there. its just often over shadowed by expectations.

 

[KiaKaha]

unfortunately (?), i'm a product of my upbringing

in the midwestern united states how you FEEL about things isn't deemed as important as the stuff you do

so as long as you get up and go to work, pay your bills, and put on the show

everyone assumes that you're doing just fine

and i can even believe that most of the time

I may have to quote this sometime.

 

[SilentBird]

I seemed to have always just scraped through with just enough support, despite my best efforts to sabotage myself. Personally, I think that emotionally supporting myself is part what I need.

I agree that there is lacking in awareness and understanding of people who live with high levels of anxiety. Especially those who identify themselves with social anxiety or avoidant personalities because most of the time we suffer in silence.

In New Zealand, there has been an increase in awareness and decrease of stigma of depression. It looks like the same needs to happen with anxiety.

 

[she1slander]

Prepare for the longest rant I'll ever post in the history of SPW:

Well, like you, I don't think I really got the support that I needed from my family that much... I mean, in most days, they hardly pay attention to it because they're so used to me being in this way. And when I think about it, they really almost can't do anything else about it UNLESS I let them. Sometimes in life, things outside of us can't always do anything FOR us or work for us unless WE decide that they will. 'Cause in the end, as much as people around you will make an effort, whether it is the bare minimum or the maximum, the only person who can make those decisions is yourself.

Here's the thing:
The decisions that you've made by seeking therapists, doctors, teachers, friends, workers and other acquaintances, they're really only serving you the bare minimum because the way I see it, I'm the one who's in control of myself but not in control of everything that can happen in my life. This is the way I perceive LIFE for the most part because of my religious influences. For the most part, I've always believed that there are things that are beyond our control because God is in charge of that. We make choices, we let things happen, and we respond to them both positively and negatively. I think I've spent majority of my life responding to the things that happen in a negative way and I quickly come to the conclusion that I have no control whatsoever. But this is not true. This isn't how people should end up.

I realised that just because I have depression or am still struggling with it, it does not mean that I have zero control over ME. It does not mean it's in control of my life. Just because I have an illness, does not mean it's a death sentence. It does not mean I'm really imprisoned. I realised that it doesn't have to be this way... forever. This is not who I am because it's just a disease that's trying to eat me alive. But the fact that I can talk about it like it's not really a part of me, then I don't need to feel like a victim. I can be strong and I can kick this disease to the curb because if it's possible for it to grow, it's definitely possible for it to die. If it's possible for you to become miserable for a day, then why not be happy for a day instead? When you start to look at things this way, I stop dwelling on the idea that I have "this" or "that". Like I said, people will only give you the bare minimum help that you need but the rest, you are still making the choice. Don't keep repeating the same things to yourself because YOU think they're right in order to try to convince other people. Some people will never understand no matter how technical you get.

sorry for the long rant. I just need to get these thoughts off my chest. I hope that what I've written can lift you up a little bit as opposed to ... letting them sink you deeper. Yes, it's a disease you have... but like a cancer patient... FIGHT it. FIGHT to the death!

 

[she1slander]

I believe that they believe they understand.

support is there. its just often over shadowed by expectations.

yes. The expectations that because they will support you or at least try to, they expect you to search for ways to try and overcome it. I'm sure that the degree of most people's understandings don't reflect on how they will be able to help. And I'm talking about people who WANT to help but don't know how--to me, I think they're the ones who try to understand. The people who don't, are the ones who tend to have a lot of expectations mainly because they just can't seem to help because they just can't seem to understand.::

But here's just my question(s):
Even when there is an awareness to a particular disease, cancer for instance, do they really have the inclination to really educate themselves on it so that they can DO something to prevent it from happening to them or others? For people who have a very difficult time understanding a disease, despite being completely aware of it happening to the general population, should WE or the ones afflicted or struggling with it, be telling THEM to learn about it in order for them to understand so that THEY can try to help us? Wouldn't that be our expectations on the ignorants or people who just don't get it?

 

[Nanita]

I don´t feel supported. I feel rootless, floating in an empty life´s indifference.

 

[TheWickedOne]

I do not get the support I need because everyone else thinks I'm crazy or just need to get over myself or just open up or whatever the hell. I swear the reason I have a therapist in the first place is just so SOMEONE will listen to me.

 

[MikeyC]

And when I think about it, they really almost can't do anything else about it UNLESS I let them.

Some people will never understand no matter how technical you get.

These are great sentences. People can listen and offer support but in terms of physical help there's not much. And yeah, you could throw around all the technical terms in the world and it won't do anything.

A friend of mine will never understand my depression and worthlessness, no matter how firm I am about it because he has never experienced anything like it.

 

[KiaKaha]

A friend of mine will never understand my depression and worthlessness, no matter how firm I am about it because he has never experienced anything like it.

This is like my entire family and a friend I have. They can sympathize at best... but they dont truly understand... they cant.... they just cant get it. Its impossible to them. My whole family do well in social situations...its only me.

 

[MikeyC]

This is like my entire family and a friend I have. They can sympathize at best... but they dont truly understand... they cant.... they just cant get it. Its impossible to them. My whole family do well in social situations...its only me.

Not everyone will experience it but knowing they care can sometimes be enough.

 

[megalon]

No definitely not enough support. I have no one I can call or text or chat, I don't even have people I can be myself around at work anymore. I can't talk to my family about my problems because I guess they just think it's as easy as flipping a switch and getting over it.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I do have a hard time asking for what I need from others, and it has to do with the whole social phobia thing. I don't tend to ask for help. My mom raised me to put up a front, to say "everything is fine, everything is okay." That is why I am so grateful for the internet as it has put me in contact with people who know how it is and understand. It makes me feel less alone. Unfortunately for many of us, we struggle with the whole people thing, so not having enough support is a given.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Not everyone will experience it but knowing they care can sometimes be enough.

Yeah! People sometimes surprise me, how understanding they can be...and these understanding people tend to be complete strangers!

 

[Hoppy]

For support I buy good quality underwear.

For emotional support I sat down next to my dog.

For financial support I work myself to death.

 

[recluse]

No don't get the support i need. I only have one or two ''friends'' and i'm not about to bother them with my problem.

Really i only have my parents, my sister and my grandmother and i don't feel comfortable confiding in them. It's also the fact that i feel i would be bothering them talking about my problem.

It's a bloody lonely existence when you feel you have no one you can relate to/share worries with. This is why i often post depressing posts and find comfort in reading others depressing posts on here because it's my outlet.

 

[Graeme1988]

No don't get the support i need. I only have one or two ''friends'' and i'm not about to bother them with my problem.

Really i only have my parents, my sister and my grandmother and i don't feel comfortable confiding in them. It's also the fact that i feel i would be bothering them talking about my problem.

It's a bloody lonely existence when you feel you have no one you can relate to/share worries with. This is why i often post depressing posts and find comfort in reading others depressing posts on here because it's my outlet.

Yeah, I feel the same way, recluse. Like you, I too don't feel comfortable confiding in my family, for pretty much the same reason as you stated.

Though, I tend to find I get the support I need on here, or a majority of it. I guess it's because we're all going through similar experiences, and it helps knowing you're not alone with the problems you're struggling with. Well, that's how I feel, anyway.

 

[Helmaninquiel]

Well I'm on Meds, and I'm with the Canadian Mental Health association and I still feel like I'm going know where. So yes I feel hopeless.

 

[MikeyC]

Yeah! People sometimes surprise me, how understanding they can be...and these understanding people tend to be complete strangers!

Absolutely. When I posted on Facebook that I was going to start therapy a girl I went to school with and don't talk to now sent me a message saying she's going through the same thing and that I could talk to her if I needed to. I thought that was lovely.