Do you ever blow up?

[lilmutegirl]

I try to hold stuff in...and then it comes out in a burst. I tend to blame myself and freak out saying that I want to die (I don't--I'm not even remotely suicidal). I just get so overwhelmed and frustrated. Typically, it only happens when I'm alone, but I have had this happen in front of my abusive exes and my son. I worry about how my son will remember me because of this, and how it affects him. This is not by any means a common occurence, and, overall, I've felt fairly optimistic about my life lately.

Does this happen to anyone else? Any advice?

 

[DeadmanWalking]

I haven't "exploded", per se, but I have had emotional breakdowns when every feeling and regret I keep locked up rush out.

As for you and your son, you should encourage him to express his feelings and to not be ashamed of them. Let him know it's okay to show and feel sadness/tears, happiness, anger/frustration (reasonably, of course), and all the other emotions. You yourself could probably do something like getting a piece of paper and noting all of the times you've felt your emotions change and why they changed. This should help you get more in touch with your feelings and allow easier release. You could excuse yourself into isolation when you feel an eruption coming on, then return when your feelings are out. It might even help to fully explain your situation to your son. Though you might want to talk about all of this with a therapist to get answers from a more educated source.

 

[lilmutegirl]

Usually, when I am feeling particularly bad (angry, sad, etc.) I try to be alone. The problem is, my son (and my ex, his dad was the same way) will follow me, even after I request that I be left alone so I can calm down. He's only 6, so I'm not really sure how to approach this. I have thought that maybe we need to go to therapy (both separately and possibly together), but financially and schedule-wise, this is not very realistic at the current time.

 

[jc972]

As an adolescent, I was known for having a violent temper. I have since changed my ways but every now and then I explode in a yelling rage on someone, I too keep things bottled up inside. In the last year I have gotten a lot better. I don't think your son will remember much of your anger, how old is he?

 

[lilmutegirl]

He is 6. I worry that he'll remember me as being really angry, even though most of the time, I'm pretty even-tempered. He seems to have similar issues, too, which concerns me even more. I don't know that he is very good at expressing himself effectively, and occasionally throws tantrums and screams.

 

[jc972]

I have a 6 yr old daughter, she used to do that. And every time it was in a store when she would see some toy she just couldn't live without. Now she knows if she makes a scene and people stare at us, daddy will hand out a spanking, even in public. Maybe your son has seen his dad do that and thinks that's just what people do? He will probably grow out of that, remember the "terrible two's"? Have you talked to the boy about why he does that? It's possible he has seen another kid do it somewhere.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Usually, when I am feeling particularly bad (angry, sad, etc.) I try to be alone. The problem is, my son (and my ex, his dad was the same way) will follow me, even after I request that I be left alone so I can calm down. He's only 6, so I'm not really sure how to approach this. I have thought that maybe we need to go to therapy (both separately and possibly together), but financially and schedule-wise, this is not very realistic at the current time.

You don't have to tell him the specifics, but just sit him down and explain to him that there will be times when you need to be by yourself for a minute and that everything will be alright. Tell him that it has nothing to do with you and that you appreciate the feelings behind following you anyway.

 

[this_portrait]

Oh God, yes. I used to have outbursts of anger all the time as a teenager, then coupled with sadness/depression after I turned 18. Medication has really helped with these "freakouts" and more or less makes them a rare occurrence (and when I do have them, most of the time they're internalized). Still, I feel so embarrassed whenever I have one around others.

 

[Hoppy]

I don't throw things around anymore, I've damaged too much good things.

But yes, I've gone into screaming rages. I try to do it as little as possible, away from other people.

 

[theoutsider]

I don't really blow up but sometimes my anxiety attacks can appear to be angry rants. The last one I had about 2 months ago, I actually went back and apologized to the person who it appeared to be directed at because it wasn't really about anger, it was just me freaking out.

 

[Zod]

I'm really avoidant when it comes to confrontrations, and I think this is part of the reason I'm so stressed. I have been reading stuff about becoming more assertive, in touch with wants/needs/emotions, to be more secure with them and less trying to be Mr. Nice Guy.

I think exploding is a side-effect of cropping up emotions and letting people walk over you until the point where you just snap. I only ever snap in private though, and am more passively aggressive. I'm also not really tactful with coming up with clever responses or saying the rights things on the spot, which also results in a lot of anxiety and thinking about conversations after they have passed. This also creates a lot of anger and bitterness towards people and unresolved issues.

 

[jaim38]

^This pretty much describes me too. Because I was not assertive and had an inferiority complex, I used to be very passive aggressive. I avoid outright fights and arguments but I would go behind people's backs and say negative things about them. I acted like a classic b*tch. I also do "double speak", as in saying one thing when I really meant the other. The more anger and unexpressed emotions I had bottled up, the more such tendencies surface. Anyways, it got to the point of no return where I was appalled by my own behavior and wanted to escape it all. From 7th grade onwards, I became a loner. I didn't want to get too close to people.

I think what you and I need are healthy outlets to vent our feelings. Find someone trustworthy enought to vent to. I do most of my venting online, mostly on this forum.

 

[Graeme1988]

I'm really avoidant when it comes to confrontrations, and I think this is part of the reason I'm so stressed. I have been reading stuff about becoming more assertive, in touch with wants/needs/emotions, to be more secure with them and less trying to be Mr. Nice Guy.

I think exploding is a side-effect of cropping up emotions and letting people walk over you until the point where you just snap. I only ever snap in private though, and am more passively aggressive. I'm also not really tactful with coming up with clever responses or saying the rights things on the spot, which also results in a lot of anxiety and thinking about conversations after they have passed. This also creates a lot of anger and bitterness towards people and unresolved issues.

^ Yup! That describes me f**kin' perfectly. Passive aggressive and all! Though, am quite tactful when it comes tae responses n' sayin' stuff on the spot but ah choose not tae. Because it's usually cruel humoured, deadpan sarcasm which can make ye seem like a bit a cold hearted c*nt! And that's puttin' it bluntly. :sarcastic:

 

[Kiwong]

When my anxiety is bad I can be very agitated and angry.

 

[SotiCoto]

Haven't literally exploded yet... but if I ever find a sufficiently powerful explosive that I can swallow, you'll probably hear about it on the news (or an article on the Darwin Awards) ...


... But to play the abstract interpretation game and assume you mean something other than what you actually said... I'm Aspergian. I have melt-downs from time to time. Comes with the territory.
I try to make sure nobody is around when it happens, though I've had them occasionally in public while VERY drunk.