Do you ever avoid men or women you like?

[Cruddy]

Oh my god. Im going through this exact and I mean EXACT thing with a guy at my work. Ive never had this happen to me before. He stares at me in a way Ive never seen a guy stare at me. Sometimes when he looks at me his mouth is literally open like he's in awe. My friend at work has seen this too. This guy goes out of his way to be around me, walk near me, talk to my friends while Im there, become animated with his friends while Im there and keeps looking over at me alot. This will go on for weeks then it stops and he completely avoids me. He literally disappears. He goes for breaks somewhere else, doesnt walk anywhere near me and if he sees me coming (I can see him looking out of the corner or his eye) he wont turn his head and he suddenly looks tense and stiff. I have noticed, however, that he does still look at me but in a more covert kind of way. Ive caught him a few times. We used to talk often and started to get to know each other but then he pulled away and all this avoidance started.
As with the woman who posted a similar story to mine, I too have noticed this guy buzzes around me when he's happiest and having a good go of things at work. I dont think he's ever met a female like me who is open, secure, mature, funny, capable, honest and caring. I know he was divorced last year and I think maybe he might have emotional intimacy issues. Dont know for sure though.
I know that he gets women quite easily and he slept with this awful and insecure girl at work that he doesnt think I know about. Everytime I caught him standing and talking to her he would get nervous and step away from her. Im not gorgeous by any means but I feel a very strong chemistry between us and I firmly believe that him and I have very similar personalities. I also think we have alot of the same tastes in music, art, entertainment and humour. He talks so much like me that it actually freaks me out. I think he thinks that too. We are both very funny and animated people but we just cant seem to break through this weirdness. I've barely seen him in the last 3 weeks and when it comes to me he looks worried and sad. My friend even said,the other day, that he seems like an unhappy guy. Yet, around other people he's very outgoing, funny, smart and capable. He's very good looking but something is wrong and it breaks my heart for both him and me. I just want to give him a big hug and sit down to talk with him but I know men can get very weirded out by stuff like that so I will never do it.

 

[gg1101]

bell did you get the guy? if not, just ask him out. we like that

 

[tommydog]

If I know there interested it makes it better

I dont avoid women I like but I can be shy. If they show interest then the shyness decreases alot and the confidence goes right up

Sometimes I still .. well I suppose I do avoid after all. I guess sometimes I worry that waoh things are going great with this chick I dont want her to get to know me too well :: so I might blow her off or avoid her, err I dunno its a bummer I try not to think about it and get on with my life for the time bieng.

 

[antipop621]

yep, I avoid them like the plague.

This problem is actually the main source of my anxiety.

 

[bleach]

bella is now been with that guy 2 years, they have moved in together and are getting married soon

 

[mrb]

yep i do lol , i met my gf on a chat room 4 years ago , and we decided to meet in ireland were she lives , it was probably the hardest thing iv ever done , but i did it , cos i knew if i didnt id have hated myself for it , shes my freind as well as gf , on the way out there the flight , the taxi it was omg omg what are you doing gary omg , go home go home , but as i said id have hated myself for it , my gf knew about my sa i told her all about it b4 i met her , and told her dont expect to much from me , ill just look shy wont say a lot ect ect , but it was ok bit tense at first but she didnt push didnt get to much in my face , and whooo 4 years later were still together , im still akward around people but thanks to her im a lot better , were so well suited its unreal , keep trying bella he wants to just doesnt know how lol

 

[this_portrait]

I would say that I avoid the guys I think are attractive. As for the ones that I really start to like, I don't try to avoid them, but it often ends up with me running away.

 

[lurknomore]

Not just the ones I like... more like everybody... actually, I don't really avoid people, I just don't go out of my way to interact with them... even people I'm not interested in in that way... I just feel like I would be forcing myself on them and annoying them... but alas, they don't seek me out, so I just feel stuck ::

 

[Shattered.Life]

I was just wondering if anyone gets anxious or too shy to approach or be around the opposite sex when very attracted to them?

If you know the person is interested in you romantically and wants your attention...is it better or worse...do you avoid them even more???

I had a crush on this guy in highschool, He was by the way so incredibly cute that I thought he was just probably way out of my league. And yea, totally, I did get so very anxious with him, but for other reasons apart from social phobia... well firstly, I'm a guy too lol and yea I'm gay and I was afraid he might not be. But I did try to make eye contact with him, and he does look at me sometimes which gives me a smidgen of hint that he might be gay as well, but I highly doubt it. I was hoping though, cos he was really hot!
So yeah every time I run into him, I get all twitchy. And whenever I'm walking in a certain direction and I suddenly see him coming on my way I pretend to be going elsewhere and change the direction that I'm currently going in.
It's really unfortunate because I kept loosing my chances of finding out whether he was gay and interested in me or not? The only clue he gave me is that in some occasions I catch him staring at me.

 

[Perfidion]

I practice what I call "self-sabotage". If I know for sure that a woman is interested in me, and I've known her for a while, I'll deliberately become colder toward her. It's basically a form of self-defense. If I push you away, you won't put me in awkward situations that require I reveal more about myself than I'm comfortable with. If the woman is a complete stranger and doesn't know me from a hole in the ground, then I'll happily talk to her and flirt... up to a point. As soon as you start to get too close, become too curious, too insistent, that's when the walls go up. I reject you before you have the opportunity to reject me, which is, I guess, a form of emotional cowardice. But then I've never claimed to be brave. In many ways, I am my own worst enemy.

 

[princess_haru]

bella is now been with that guy 2 years, they have moved in together and are getting married soon

Aw that's great

I had a crush on this guy in highschool, He was by the way so incredibly cute that I thought he was just probably way out of my league. And yea, totally, I did get so very anxious with him, but for other reasons apart from social phobia... well firstly, I'm a guy too lol and yea I'm gay and I was afraid he might not be. But I did try to make eye contact with him, and he does look at me sometimes which gives me a smidgen of hint that he might be gay as well, but I highly doubt it. I was hoping though, cos he was really hot!
So yeah every time I run into him, I get all twitchy. And whenever I'm walking in a certain direction and I suddenly see him coming on my way I pretend to be going elsewhere and change the direction that I'm currently going in.
It's really unfortunate because I kept loosing my chances of finding out whether he was gay and interested in me or not? The only clue he gave me is that in some occasions I catch him staring at me.

I'd say staring's a positive sign, it means at the least he's intrigued by you and wants to know more! It's difficult though, cos if someone's looking at me, all my SA paranoia kicks in and I start wondering whether I have something in my teeth or whatever ::

 

[Shattered.Life]

-----------------------------

 

[klytus]

Uhm, I avoid everyone, almost living the life of a recluse, but most of all I avoid those I like, of course, whether physically or mentally - at least, as far as people of my age are concerned. Whenever someone asks me do something with him/her, say, to go out, I automatically decline; now I am at a point where those people don't ask me any more - they did stop pretty fast - and there's no further need to avoid them. >,> It appears avoidance is self-limiting.

Hmm. When did you first start avoiding people, and especially distancing yourself from those you like?

 

[Tiercel]

Yes, I avoid women I like as much as I avoid meatless meat substitutes. Not that there's anything wrong with not eating meat. But that's a topic for a different thread. I would say I avoid such women like the plague, but with modern antibiotics I actually have a strange desire to catch the bubonic plague....

But yeah. It seems that for as long as I can remember I've avoided female homo sapiens who caught my eye, regardless of their personality. Of course there was that one time I actually tried in college, but I think that poor girl was more screwed up than me.

So know now, all ye socially anxious and frightened women. Even if you would like to think that you've caught my eye with your beautiful capital letters and cute little smiley faces, you probably have not. Unless I completely ignore you. In that case, feel free to tell yourself that I'm completely smitten.

 

[meatcake]

Yes, my whole strategy in high school to get a girl to notice me was to withdraw as far as possible from her. I thought, I hate those loud obnoxious jocks who take up the whole hallway, the girl I like must hate them too, so I'll be as opposite to them as possible, and then she'll notice me and chase after me.

Maybe if the internet had been around then I would have learned that that is about the stupidest approach to getting a girl imaginable. It was a wasted four years, as far as girls went.

Although oddly enough, I did get to give a piggy back ride to the girl I had the biggest crush on ever, and another girl jumped on her back, and made us all collapse. But I don't think my brain ever fully accepted that it actually happened - it was way too good to be true, so it has almost the same level of reality as a ridiculous fantasy would. Just can't win...

 

[thor01]

Most of the attractive girls I see are just random ones that don't have anything to do with me, and I really crave attention from them, (not that I'd be able to come across confident and talk properly if I did get it), but can't get it anyway because there's no connection. I can't really just go up to a random girl on the train or in a shop and start talking because I'd come across as some kind of creep, and I don't know weather they find me attractive and would want me to do that or if they want to be left alone, or if they have a boyfriend, and it would make me seem desperate and obvious what I'm trying to do, which I could imagine would be unattractive. And above all that it would be extremely difficult for me to do that, as yes, I do avoid awkward situations, especially like that. But neither do I get there attention by not doing anything and just observing them all, trying to spot them looking at me, which very rarely happens and when it does its as if they looked at me just because I happen to be there and they have to look somewhere, not because they're interested. So its not like I have a cue of girls wanting my attention and I avoid them, it seems almost the opposite.

 

[missmary]

If it is someone with authority or a man with attractive features, I tend to either trip over something and make a fool of myself or blush fiery red then make a quick dash. And if I can't escape, I endure their presence as best I can although sweat will be dripping down my face. You know, there was one incident where I did actually have to walk away from a conversation I was having with this very handsome professor because I couldn't take the pressure of being right in front of him. I began sweating, blushing an insane shade of red, my head felt light and I felt that I was about to faint. I told him, "i need fresh air," and ran away like an idiot; he just stood there in the hallway staring at me as I ran out the door. After that, I can't believe I actually had embarrass myself that way.

Maybe it has to do with low self-esteem or something like that. I know that many individuals get intimidated by the opposite sex. In my case, I feel that I am too ugly to be in their presence

 

[nephatitus]

yes because they become a big distraction and it interfers with my thinking. its just plain annoying

 

[eeek]

do you not think that for some reason guys are just lazy when it comes to relationships and actually cant be bothered doing something and making something happen with a girl, or is it just me?

 

[bleach]

Aw that's great

Oh boy, I didn't think anyone would believe me. I have no idea who bella is,. I just posted that because I thought it is funny people kept asking her about that guy for months and years after she has last posted. Sorry.

And I avoid women i like all the time, although it hardly makes a difference whether I avoid or not.