Do you guys ever get the feeling like say at work or when your around people that certain people avoid you or they talk to you for a few sec and then seem to run away because they sense your nervous and therefore it makes them nervous, or you give them a vibe that you don't want to be bothered. I don't know about you but I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable or feel like they can't just be themseleves around me.
Do people avoid you because of your S.A.
- Thread starter PhillyFlyersGrl
- Start date
Oh yes! I have this every day at work with almost everyone. Even my mother told me she feels uncomfortable around me sometimes and so does my sister. And like you, because im concious about the fact that i make other people uncomfortable, often i stay away. Being uncomfortable yourself is one thing, but to make others uncomfortable feels horrible. Especially friends and family.
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Streifen
Well-known member
I feel like an enigma in that I've had people tell me that I'm so easygoing and accepting that they feel they can tell me anything and have also had people tell me that they're afraid to talk to me because I am intimidating, yet they can't pinpoint how, which is funny to me because I'm diminutive with a soft voice. Maybe I have a mean look on my face or something, lol. :
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BleedTheFreak
Well-known member
Same with me. I think what happens is the persistent people who make an effort to get to know me end up finding me to be easygoing, because I do have a non-threatening personality and rarely oppose people. Like if someone says something I disagree with I usuallly just nod and smile rather than challenge them, unless I know them really well or they say something majorly offensive. The people who judge me by the way I look (like I don't want to be bothered, I guess?) are the ones who stay away, and unfortunately that's the majority...
JosephG
Well-known member
Yess! I get this quite a bit! At parties people will move away from me to talk to someone more interesting and in a group setting often people will address every other member of the group but me.
I think it's cause we look uncomfortable and therefore make others feel uncomfortable. I try and smile a lot now which seems to work a little bit but when people get left alone with me and realise I'm shy they often tend to want to get away some how....
I think it's cause we look uncomfortable and therefore make others feel uncomfortable. I try and smile a lot now which seems to work a little bit but when people get left alone with me and realise I'm shy they often tend to want to get away some how....
hoddesdon
Well-known member
Part of this is that they pick up the negative reaction, and they also "don't want to make people feel uncomfortable". In practice, that is just adding fuel to the vicious cycle, but that is not obvious to them, since, mostly, they have no way of knowing that it is not their doing. So they tend to assume that it is their doing, and are showing consideration.
HeadFace
Well-known member
Haha, yeah. I try to stay away from everyone at school, to be honest. And usually people try to stay away from me. So it all works out I guess
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deleted user 1
Guest
I think it's the fact that we feel so uncomfortable with ourselves that makes others feel uncomfortable. Though there are others who are just unfriendly people who will give the cold shoulder regardless.
HeadFace
Well-known member
That could be it. But it's obvious to me that there are a lot of people who avoid me because I'm... Me.
Not sure. I think about half the threads I've replied to die after my posts, though. So, maybe people are avoiding me.
Don't worry thats happened to me a few times too
I think its makes things easier if people were just themselves regardless of how we seem. I don't want someone to clam up because Ive clammed up or react off of me. And yes it does cause a cycle. Usually I open up more to people that are just their normal selves around me and keep talkin to me anyway despite how nervous I look. Its probably a challenge for them though because it is more of human nature to react off of people and you do it without realizing it sometimes.
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deleted user 1
Guest
True, it does make it easier when others go about their business as it does not create so much pressure on us. But, it would be unreasonable of us to expect non-SA sufferers to be unresponsive to how we react. We create vibes too, and that can be as off putting to them as they may be to us. Not everyone knows how to react to these social cues, or may feel threatened. That's definitely something for us to consider.
DespairSoul
Well-known member
I think people what dont have SA, they avoid us because actually they get the negative vibes of us and they dont know how to react to kind of behavior wich seems avoidant for some reasons(wich non-SA can't discover with out knowledge about it). They dont have clue what we are going trought they just can think "Oh, she/he is so unfrendly why i should give a f***k then if she/he dont give. Often we look actually like cold ignorants,wich look unfrendly. What we give we get usually back, it's so hard to explain it how does we feel, what hurts the most. *sigh*
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deleted user 1
Guest
That's one thing I really hate about people, the fact that so many people take a quiet person as being anti-social, rather than introvert. There is actually a difference between the two. I think this is why so many mental illnessess and other issues are never picked up.
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Falkor
1
Yea, actually, a girl i used to be great friends with, is never replying to my wall posts on facebook anymore :/
I thought she was a true friend. She might not understand my SA, I've asked her to meet again. Never got a reply back.
weird huh but i have to say last meeting I canceled it cuz of feeling sick.. but hey, everyone gets sick right? :/
I was having the 'flu back then! It's sad to miss a friendship :/ but hey, life goes on
I thought she was a true friend. She might not understand my SA, I've asked her to meet again. Never got a reply back.
weird huh
but i have to say last meeting I canceled it cuz of feeling sick.. but hey, everyone gets sick right? :/ I was having the 'flu back then! It's sad to miss a friendship :/ but hey, life goes on
Yup your right, even without the S.A. I would still be introverted, I will never be a social butterfly. But it doesn't make me antisocial, theres a couple of different meanings for that word by the way..
crunch-yogurt
Well-known member
yeah I get that sometimes, but it really depends on the person as well. I think a lot of peope avoid me because they think in ignorant, which I cant really blame them for thinking.
I actually don't know- but no one in particular that I've ever been conscious that they're intentionally avoiding me. I'd say the fact that I don't approach people makes it more that I'm avoiding them- it's only the super-outgoing, or people that I've been acquainted with for a very long time that will take the time to start a conversation with me. I don't speak unless I've been spoken to, and I guess that makes me seem unapproachable.