Did you ever tried Friends With Benefits relationship ?

[Jarofloneliness]

I was just wondering what you people think of it and what's your personal experience on it if you had such relationship. I personally couldn't do such think because:

A) I don't want to.
B) I get very fast attached to people.

so yeah basically it would destroy me.

 

[DepravedFurball]

For myself, I've long since felt that the whole 'friends with benefits'-thing is simply akin to using someone for your own base needs... and while there's nothing inherently *wrong* with it, I just have a huge aversion to 'using' anyone.

Just the thought of twisting the friendship around for a little bit of fun makes me uneasy. Guilty. Horrible, even. And that's *with* the knowledge that my partner would be *fully willing*.

Of course, it could just be my sense of empathy running rampant, and ensuring that I simply don't *hurt* another person, inadvertently or not...

I've seen a number of people burned by this kind of thing, and it leaves them an emotional mess... so I'd much rather prefer *not* being the individual who was the *cause*.

 

[BlueWeepingRose]

It doesn't interest me in the slightest. I had a lot of friends with guys who I liked but I wanted to be with them, I wanted to be more than just their friend. I don't think I could be friends with benefits with them cause I get attached too easily and I care a lot for the person. It wouldn't be them getting hurt in the end, it would be me being hurt in the end and I don't think I could put myself through that.

In the end I'd would want them to be my girlfriend and if they rejected me, I'd be heartbroken. So I don't think it's for me.

 

[theoutsider]

You forgot to add:

Yes, but I didn't like it.

I had a relationship like that, it was mostly her idea. You would think as a guy, that would be ideal but for me it wasn't. She was attractive but somehow I felt we were taking the easy way out. As if we were saying a real relationship is too hard so let's just be friends who also have sex. Just didn't appeal to me. I'm the type of person who wants to give his all in a relationship, otherwise I feel I'm wasting my time. That part-time half effort stuff just wasn't for me.

 

[Odo]

It's not as good, but in some ways it's better than being alone.
But it's hard to actually be friends with someone in that situation.

 

[Bronson99]

Everyone here seems to be advising against it: Don't have sex with someone you're friends with.

Well then what about having sex with someone you're NOT friends with? :applause:

I've often thought that some folks exist out there who cannot handle traditional relationships, but still have a libido. What are they to do besides just embrace celibacy. There's got to be a workaround somewhere.

 

[Psychedelicious]

oops...

Well kind of yeah, but it was a very sporadic thing, it wasn't constant. It was a bad idea to begin with and I always KNEW that, even at the time it was going on. Of course that didn't stop me from acting on these impulses, I'm not exactly the master of self control here. The worst part is that now I'm dating his brother, soooooo I have put myself in a bit of an awkward situation. I don't want to see this person right now or any time soon but that might be unavoidable sometimes :/. I feel like such an idiot.

 

[dannyboy65]

No, I don't believe in friends with benefits. I wouldn't want to have sex with anyone unless I was in a relationship with them. Even then I wait a few months till we move forward.

Reasons?
1. I get attached easily
2. I would feel like I'm using the person/ or being used.

It would be to much stress for me honestly, and I don't think anyone likes me that way anyway....

 

[SCP-087-1]

Yeah had two. The first was okay. There was a little bit of awkwardness at the start but that was fine. I still keep in contact with her. We live far away from each other but we hang out and have a catch up at least once a year. No sex though, we both have serious relationships.

The other one was fine for me but she kept hinting about wanting more and I'd have to keep saying "You're not getting too attached are you?". I was always honest and never lead her on but she must have thought she could change things and change me. Eventually she realized nothing would change and I never heard from her again.

I don't believe it's just for people that can't handle serious relationships. I've had a few serious relationships and am in one right now that's lasted over 2 years.

 

[Bronson99]

I don't believe it's just for people that can't handle serious relationships. I've had a few serious relationships and am in one right now that's lasted over 2 years.

Well actually this is a tricky subject that seems to bring conflicting opinions whenever it's brought up. I was the one who asked if such a set-up might be an acceptable alternative if you're not equipped for the Big LTR, and the answer I've received so far here is that it isn't. And also this: "don't do anything just to get it over with." True, I agree with that. But you know, some folks will not have the opportunity to wait the mandatory 3 months after a romantic relationship begins, because such folks will likely not ever have a romantic relationship.

One who is plagued by the twin demons of difficulty relating to people + typical libido, could just continue to do nothing and have nothing happen. Or they could explore alternatives, which are advised against seemingly by most people. It's confusing.

 

[Argentum]

I'd be open-minded, but I don't know if I'd trust the other person to not get attached. I know everyone says they're just looking for no strings attached, but I feel like a lot of people lie to themselves about whether they're there because they're lonely or just to experiment.

If I was going to have sex with anyone I'm not dating, I'd rather it be a friend I'm comfortable with but not too emotionally invested in than a total stranger. There are a lot of people out there who would just be disgusting to sleep with just because of the views they hold towards women and the way they treat other people. Not to mention, I wouldn't trust someone I know nothing about to spend the night at my home, not roll over and go to sleep after 5 minutes, or to peacefully leave my life once we're finished.

 

[Zaki]

Nah. No one would be interested in having that kind of relationship with me. Also, I'm not built for that kind of relationship.

 

[LoyalXenite]

There wasn't an option for me, Yes I've tried it and it initially worked out well until a few years later he betrayed me, by sleeping with my ex, even though he promised he wouldn't because he knew I wanted to get back with her.

 

[Corrs63]

I've always been in serious relationships, but I think I would like to try it sometime.

 

[Crankor]

I considered it. Not sure how i'd feel about it though. I have to have some sort of attachment to someone to even be intimate with them so...

 

[lucifersam]

Where's the option for "I tried it, but it didn't work out very well?"

I mean it didn't totally bomb either... we were did till friends after that... and I don't regret I did it. I just feel like if we carried on with the benefits, we would basically be "together" anyway, and I didn't want a relationship like that with this person. (Personality issues... I can only handle her in small doses. Not very trustworthy. etc.)

 

[chibiXphantom]

its not really what i wanted, as i wanted an actual relationship with this person, but it's the only relationship i don't regret. he made it very clear that he didnt want a relationship and all that, but would be there for whatever i needed or wanted. he was clear that he'd probably do the same thing with other people as well. i used to get jealous about it, just thinking of him possibly being with someone else, but i'm over it for the most part. yeah, i have feelings for him, but i realize that he will never have feelings for me. at least not in the way i'd like. i'm fine with just being really good friends who happen to make out and stuff sometimes. it's fun.

kind of realizing that humans arent naturally monogamous helped. and also realizing that just because he's with other people doesnt change things between us or our relationship. i'm fine with him maybe making out and stuff with other girls. and he says he doesnt care if i make out and stuff with other guys. though if i ended up being in an actual exclusive relationship, i'd of course have to go back to just be friends with him and draw some lines.

 

[everdeenkatniss]

Yes, but I didn't like it.
It's not only me now i think everyone should the same thing.

 

[YukoNishi]

I tried it once and was a disaster... there wasnt any clear line and he got really weird. Like jealous one day the next said he wanted me just as a friend....mmmm k.
I wanted to ditch him half of the time and the other half I wanted him to ask me to be his waifu... ok no his girlfriend xD
It actually made my issues far worse.

 

[THeCARS1979]

I would but I never have because I never got that close with anyone before.