Conclusion = Its not possible for me to make friends

[pelican2]

Even through Social anxiety websites Ive tried to make friends even these people have rejected me and not seemed able to deal with how I am

I cant think why this has happened i try to console myself thinking 'maybe we just werent compatible' but the same thing happens with everyone I try with it cant be that. :sad:

I know this sounds bad, but I've lied to my bf that I have friends he thinks I do when really i have none. I know he'd reject me if he knew the truth cos you cannot have a relationship if you cant have friends. In a way I wonder if Im only able to have relationships.

Im going to push myself to socialise with people who dont have social anxiety, but if it fails then I'll know I'm worthless. :sad:

I dunno how much you can take before you have to give up and admit you are unable to make friends due to the way you are.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

You're not worthless. Reading your thread reminded me of the lies that I use to tell my ex gf. I told her that I had previous girlfriends before her, because I was embarrassed that if she knew that I didn't, she would have dumped me.

You're projecting your insecurities on your boyfriend. If he's the type of guy to break up with someone because they have no friends, then he's a **** and you're much better off without him.

Having trouble making friends is irrelevant to your ability to keep a relationship going with your boyfriend.

I hope you start feeling better about yourself. Hang in there.

 

[Lamb]

I know this sounds bad, but I've lied to my bf that I have friends he thinks I do when really i have none. I know he'd reject me if he knew the truth cos you cannot have a relationship if you cant have friends. In a way I wonder if Im only able to have relationships.

I disagree. He may not even care that you don't have friends, unless you project it onto the relationship and it starts to affect what you two have. It's something you will have to work on little by little, keep trying.

I really sympathize with you, as I was and still am in a similar situation. You've already done alot putting yourself out there. Don't start giving up now.

 

[jaim38]

I agree with the other posters. You should tell your bf the truth. Who judges people according to how many friends they have, or if they have none? It's shallow.

Friends come and go. I used to have friends but now I find myself left with 2-3 that I call from time to time. What is a friend anyway? Someone you interact with on a daily basis? Because if that's the case, then my only friends are my parents.

 

[Flanscho]

What I did to make friends is to think about stuff that I enjoy doing, like hobbies or interests in general. Then, of those, pick the ones that you can do together with others. Like playing board games (for me). Or cooking. Or writing, or painting, or anything like that. And then find a group of people in town that does that stuff. There you'll then meet people who have similar interests and who might become friends over time.

 

[Richey]

People tend to be very confident at parties, weddings, outings, I find it pretty incredible. Then you also have those cliques, groups that only speak to each other. So even when you try hard to make an effort the groups that are already formed stick together like glue.

If you have something to say and a person in the clique interrupts you to talk to their friend, then what you have to say doesn't matter. So you know your importance in that sense.

It also depends on where you are and whether you are talking to the right people at the right time as well.

The only suggestion is to do more things that involve going out, music, events, hobbies and then maybe you'll make a few friends.

Joining a sports team could work, but it doesn't always, it depends what the team is like.

y'know, it's hard sometimes.

really hard. especially when you get to age 28+. the older you get the worse it feels, each year. you don't feel older at all, but it feels weird trying to make friends at that age, because everyone seems to be established already.

I just think I'm unlikeable socially, or just really dull. If I stay shy then people prefer that. But that makes things difficult as well.

 

[1139]

Your bf will not care if you have no friends. Men are not as demanding and as socially focused as most females are. I bet all men on this site will agree with me on this. But can I ask you how you would feel about your bf having no friends? Would that bother you?

 

[pelican2]

Nope it wouldn't bother me!

 

[Odo]

People tend to treat their online friends a lot differently than their real life friends, and I don't think it's uncommon for people to just drop them whenever they want. It doesn't mean they're rejecting you (well, sometimes it does), it just means that they've moved on or they're busy with their real life friends, who are probably always going to be more important.

If you have a boyfriend then there's probably at least something about you that he likes... maybe you could ask him to go on a double date with one of his friends and then you could meet his friend's girlfriend and you could hang out together.

I would ask him to go bowling together... it's something that a lot of people can do, it's sort of exercise, and if you're stuck for conversation then you can always talk about the game/how much you suck/how close you were.

Yes, go on a double date to a bowling alley... I'm assuming your boyfriend has friends who have girlfriends, and that your boyfriend doesn't hang out with a lot of girls, right?

 

[spider04]

I know this sounds bad, but I've lied to my bf that I have friends he thinks I do when really i have none. I know he'd reject me if he knew the truth cos you cannot have a relationship if you cant have friends.

I've lied once, saying that a certain person was my friend, thinking about it, it was really stupid thing to do.

 

[Hoppy]

I have never really understood what is meant by friends/relationships.

So if I may ask, exactly what do you expect from a friend? Or when will you consider someone to be a friend?

 

[Flanscho]

I have never really understood what is meant by friends/relationships.

So if I may ask, exactly what do you expect from a friend? Or when will you consider someone to be a friend?

For me, a friend is someone...
- I trust
- I like to spend time with
- I have common interests with
- I care about
- who feels the same about me

 

[Jessie_0]

To me, a real friend is also someone who accepts you as you are. Someone you can be yourself with. (And this should work from both sides!)
---

Pelican,
I also believe you should be honest. That way your boyfriend will understand you better, and could turn out to even be supportive when necessary. It's highly unlikely that he will be bothered by your lack of friends.

Many people don't have friends, sometimes it happens due to life's various circumstances and it doesn't even mean that one has social anxiety. So, I don't think that a fact you don't have friends should mean anything... All that matters is how you are when you're together with him.

 

[hardy]

I have a plan....i will live a life without friends.It has it's benefits , you know. I wont have to put on an act of being happy every time i meet people...and there are some lousy people who talk crap all the time. I am better off.