Computed addiction

[Steppen-Wolf]

I'm totally addicted to the computer, yup, as simple as that.

It's been like this since around 2007, just because it was the only effective way for me to socialize and it a way it worked. But something has changed... I don't know, somehow I can't fin anyone to talk to anymore, the old friendships have died out and for the life of me I can't seem to find new people with whom I can get along through the web.

Now, I just abuse the computer using it for absurd periods of time... It's destroying my mind and my body, I'm totally addicted and dependant on it but the irony is that now it doesn't even makes me feel less alone.

I can't do this anymore, I'm destroying myself for no reason at all and I'm too smart to just keep doing it.

I can't say it will be easy, because it won't be... Not at all, as I have nothing else with what to fill my time and mind other than school (and studying is hard as hell when you're anxious and stressed).

But if this is the reality of my life right now then I must accept it, and if I'm going to be alone for now, I want to be with diggnity and not being a complete failure who can't separate himself from a machine for more than twelve hours.

So I'm taking a first step, no computer during the week, only the absolute minimum neccessary to study but freedom to use it as much as I want on saturdays and sundays.

That will still be a lot, but it's a first step. I think the only real way I can change my way to think about life is by forcing myself to change. I need to get away from the safety net, from my little lair, this virtual life so that in my desperation I can finally make the desition to truly change my life.

It might be an absurd idea, I don't really know anymore, but I just don't want to be like this for the rest of my life.

Whoever reads this, wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.

And if I break this plan at any point I will post here, I think that wanting to avoiding public shame is a great motivator .

 

[Phoenixx]

Sounds like a good plan. I have a major computer addiction too, but it'll be put to an end here soon because college is starting, and I need to force myself off to focus on studies.

I know how hard it is to pry yourself away though, it's torture! ::

But good luck! Try and keep yourself busy and motivated as much as possible.

 

[Niteowl]

And if I break this plan at any point I will post here, I think that wanting to avoiding public shame is a great motivator .

It really can be, definitely! It's great that you'd be prepared to do that. Good luck with cutting down on how much you use the computer! What will you do now in the time that you would have been using it?

 

[JamesSmith]

I've just learned to accept being a loser. Feeling bad about life just makes you depressed and doesn't get you anywhere.

 

[da_illest101]

I made a thread about this and let me tell you that you are doing this the right way. I simply stop using the computer and it back fired on me. Now I stop little by little and I spend a lot less time on it. Nothing great but still better then a whole day marathon

good luck

 

[Mokkat]

Im wouldn't even call my computer use an addiction. In danish, the word for "addiction" and "dependency" is the same.
I depend on my computer. I have depended on it for as long as I can remember - for spending time, helping me through sad experiences, etc. Ive never really talked to my parents on an emotional level, theyve always just let me do my thing with the games and later the internet.
My only real friendships in lower school was also based on computers - we often setup lan-parties, and had fun, and even then I was the nerdy guy with the real interest in it (assembling and repairing rigs, setting up networks, etc). I lost touch with those guys and I cant attempt to talk to them like this (showing up nearly mute, and having to say "I do nothing, Im anxious, poor and on government support", when they try to ask the standard questions).

My life is centered around "hanging out" at my computer. To the point that I cant even relate when on rare occasions I have people at my place, and they tell me its weird that I have no posters/pictures on my walls, that half of my stuff is in boxes, etc.
Computers have kinda replaced that natural need to socialize with people for me, if I understand "normal" correctly. Even creating a less-than-critically-important thread/initiating a chat with people on this site, seems weird to me.






I hope you can have some progress in your life, Steppen-Wolf. I will most likely try cutting the computer from my life - after I get some therapy and perspective

 

[coyote]

I've been online since 1996.

the interwebs are my home

 

[Kiwong]

I probably spend more time than I should on the computer. I find that the blogging and forum elements of the web can be very helpful .I think the postives outweight the negatives.

 

[BlueDays]

.....I think the postives outweight the negatives.

^ I have found this to be true, so I don't worry so much about it anymore.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I was addicted to the computer back in... uhhhh... 2004, I think.
I went cold turkey - offline for 4 months and that seemed to work fine for me.
I got a job and worked as many hours as I could get and by the time I had spare time to return to the computer, I just wasn't that interested in it anymore.

Right now, I don't have much else to do than be online and it's the only social interaction I can allow myself semi-comfortably but when I'm offline, I don't get nervous or feel like I *need* to be on the computer.

I guess it's when you can't concentrate on anything else and you feel like you need the computer- that you're an addict.
haha

Good luck coming down from your computer high!
You can do it!

 

[A86]

I almost feel like my brain is seeking constant stimulation...

I can relate to this. It can be difficult to stimilate your brain, especialy when your limiting the stimuli by hiding in a box.

 

[lurknomore]

I almost feel like my brain is seeking constant stimulation...and the best place to find that is, well, the internet. I think I may be self-medicating my depression through distraction via the internet.

I've always had an addictive personality when it comes to things I love... it's a revolving door...poker, alcohol, porn...it's always something, and rarely is it a healthy thing.

This. I think I'm definitely addicted to the computer/internet, although it hasn't been so bad since I don't have either at home right now (and haven't for about a year or so). I've been getting on the internet at the library, and sometimes I do make it every day, even if it's just for 20-30 minutes between jobs.

I wouldn't call it self-medicating, but I'd say that constantly keeping my brain occupied is my way of avoiding dealing with what's really going on in my head. The recent power outage in my area due to hurricane Irene brought home to me that one perk to working as much as I do is that I have less time by myself to brood on the fact that I'm miserable, depressed, and lonely. I think I also have an addictive personality, but fortunately I haven't let myself wander into really unhealthy addictions such as alcohol, smoking or gambling. I don't remember who told me or where I read it (or if it's even accurate), but I heard that quitting the internet is harder than quitting smoking.