Why is change so hard ? Even when you know your current life is making you miserable. I still have a desire for things not to change, it relly does my head in!
Hidwell, I ask myself this question every single second of every day possibly.
I don't know if I could express to you how angry I am at myself for keeping myself miserable because of fear...I sit around everyday thinking about how I want something to do, how I want friends, how I want to learn and experience things, but then I just tell myself this is how my life is suppose to be. This is what I can handle. I will just f*** up everything else. I also tell myself that maybe I don't need those things. I've been sitting here doing nothing for so long and I manage to survive," maybe I'm just fine and I'm being emotional?" "Your life is great, I don't need those things like, friends, hobbies, independence, you can just sit here and be useless and be fine."
It's insanely pathetic to me that I can actually convince myself of these things..... I should be working hard every single day to make things better. But, no. I'm a sad pathetic person who instead excepts the way things are...I do wish I could say I work hard and make my life useful, but I don't...That's not the kinda person I am, truth be told.
I'm sorry for being pessimistic and going off topic.