can't handle conflict ?

planetweirdo

Well-known member
#1
I have a lot of trouble with being assertive because I think that being assertive can lead to conflict I can't handle conflict. I can't handle someone being angry with me. and I guiltily about getting angry at others. I feel vary guiltily even if I mistakenly offend, anger or sadden someone else. I once got angry and yelled at someone then felt guilty and depressed about it for days.
I fear that conflict would end with someone disliking me. I just can't have a person disliking me. if a person dislikes me I have to do what ever I can to get that person to like me.
Even when family members have minor spats it's disturbing to me, I often try to play peacekeeper but usually just end up making things worst.

Do anyone else have this problem?
 
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LittleGloves

Well-known member
#3
Oh my gosh you have describe how I am feeling to a T! Never thought I would meet someone who is like me. But I hate it when you're not assertive and people tend to take advantage of that. I always have to apologise to people even if they themselves is not far from making mistakes.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
#4
I fin conflict hard. I might feel hard done by, but every time I react it only seems to escalate conflict and I feel worse.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
#5
I just can't have a person disliking me. if a person dislikes me I have to do what ever I can to get that person to like me.
This describes me quite well, but it's not a good thing.

Don't be a pushover, mate.

Conflict is a part of life. There's going to be people out there who will disagree with you because of your opinions, your actions, or for just no good reason. I think that once we accept that there are people that will hate us, and get through it unscathed, we can become more confident people.

Conflicting with everyone isn't the answer, either. Just stand up for yourself and what you believe in.

I'm sure a lot of us on this forum have major issues with conflict and anger, so you're certainly not alone.
 

singing-love

Well-known member
#6
I am exactly the same, i don't cope with conflict at all. I'm a total pushover and people use it against me all the time. I can't bring myself to be mad though, it's a big weakness of mine.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
#8
I have the same problem too. I don't know how to resolve conflicts because I was never taught how. I'm supposed to learn this at home but my family's abnormal. My brother and I get into fights/altercations a lot, but I almost always lose no matter what. I have learnt to obey and be passive rather than proactively solve conflicts.

I also feel guilty when I yell at someone, or when someone yells at me. I assume that I was at fault, but things are not as black and white.
 
#9
conflicted.

Yeah I hate conflict and being in the middle of it, I just think it comes with being such an avoidant. I try not to start conflict, and I also don't know to deal with it once it arises. It is a serious problem though, and I really wish I could learn how to deal with it without panicking.
 
#10
I avoid conflict like the plague, my middle name could be "doormat" because I never assert myself, even when I'm almost certain I'm right or have a valid opinion. I think it may be why I'm scared to death of job interviews, because a lot of the questions have to do with dealing with people and conflict resolution, which I have no experience with whatsoever.
 
#11
Probably no more than the average person. I am definitely the peace maker in my family as well.
Ah tend tae keep ma mouth shut - just in case, ah say summit tae offensive. Or given ma opinion. Telling it like it is - not a good idea in some situation. Neither tellin' somebuddy tae eff off doesnae help either, even if it is justified.

I generally assume people don't like me.
Aye, me anaw. But ah also generally assume people think am an irritiatin' cunt. :ironicsmile:
 

lilmutegirl

Well-known member
#12
I tend to avoid conflict too. It makes me very uncomfortable. I learned through conditioning (from my family and abusive exes) that there is no point in stating my opinion or feelings, because they will just view me as wrong, so why bother?
I think it is good to stand up for yourself, but not initiate conflict that is unnecessary. Many people I know do this (I guess as a way to assert themselves?) and it is destructive. Usually, I try to distance myself (if possible) when someone angers me, and, if I am able to calm down, I realize it wasn't that big of a deal, and if I came back at them with the same anger they presented me with, it would turn into a huge fight, but accomplish nothing.
On the other hand, there have been numerous times when I should have responded instead of remaining quiet, but I was afraid of the consequences of doing so, and kept my mouth shut.
 
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