Can't cope with this feeling of dislike from people

[cobalt_bluester]

At work I feel that there are several members of staff that dislike me, and are ignorant towards me considering that I suffer from social phobia, anxiety and depression!! I have noticed that they seem to go out of their way to talk to other members of staff, but treat me (in my opinion) like a complete waste of space. Far from it, I am a pretty intelligent guy who has good qualifications but obviously big personal problems and mental health issues.

I always try and make an effort to be friendly with these persons, but it seems to no avail and I get nowhere with them. I can sometimes take offence with this behaviour towards me as I feel it to be most unfair, unkind, unpleasant and unwanted! It can push me further into myself and I am already quite reserved and shy.

Can anybody suggests ways of coping and being around people at work who I feel don't like me - people that I have no choice but to be around (albeit for short periods of time). For instance, there is this one guy at work called Rafael who in my opinion is just plain ignorant. I asked him just this morning how he was, and he said 'ok', but then never bothered to enquire as to how I was and what my weekend was like. He then later asked another member of staff how there weekend was more or less right in front of me - what does this say about me and him for that matter... I really don't know.

Help please... these people are driving me up the wall and making me feel worse and worse and driving me even deeper into my depression.

 

[victorlexz]

just ignore them, just talk to them if u need to but everytime u see them tell them hi, i reallydont know what else to say i have the same problem with my High school friends when i see them

 

[Psychedelicious]

awwhs . It's just so hard for us to know, because we never know how the other person ACTUALLY feels about us. I don't feel liked or appreciated by anyone either, but I'm just so sure of muself that everyone hates me. But that can't be true you know? Not everyone hates you. To be honest with most of them probably don't even care or think about it at all. You are the only person who can convince yourself that they don't hate you, and you are the one to change it. We just don't know what is going on in other peoples heads!!

 

[Flaming_Badger]

People may say that we're paranoid about what people think of us, I'm not so sure. I think that a fair amount of the time, people are just genuinely unpleasant. The key is realising that they do this to everyone, not just us. Society is unpleasant, we're probably more sane than the people who ignore this fact.

My only advice is to remember that is not exclusively about you and that people who look down on you aren't worth your concern. Brush it off and move on, value the opinion of people you respect.

Also, remember that we have our problems and we struggle more than most, but its not anyone's responsibility to help us through it. We have to stand up for ourselves and struggle on. People may be good enough to help us on the way, but don't expect kindness from everyone.

 

[mushawah]

im goin through the same thing,except i dont even make an effort to talk to them.but im bein treated like that too,like they are uncomfortable with me being around.but ur smart,so im sure u can understand that they have social problems too if they are uncomfortable around someone like u,know wut i mean.but the only advice i can give is dont worry about it,but i go through the same thing so...its funny how we judge others less than ourselves.

 

[recluse]

Firt of all you said you make an effort to be pleasant with these people and you can do no more than try your best! The people you talk about sound plain ignorant.

 

[edgarapoo]

Do you have any common interests with those people? Any common areas in your background? Do you have similar outlooks on life? If so, talk about those things with them.

If not, you can still talk to them about recent news items that would interest them or whatever, but you might have to accept that you're not compatible with those people, and so naturally they won't treat you quite the same as people they are closer to. If that's the case, then you would do best to continue being pleasant with them, but don't expect anything more, because unconsciously you won't REALLY enjoy talking to them anyway (people are always better off with others who are similar to themselves).

I know I'm saying all of this like it's easy (which it's not), but these are things to think about.

 

[al1]

hi things like this are really annoying. we are all human beings havent done anything nasty to others and we should all be treated nicely whether we have social anxiety or not!

 

[shakermaker]

Hi my advice for you mate is to remain bright and optomistic about the whole issue, ive been there and struggled with the same issues. Just remember everybody has people that they feel they gel with better than others,if i were you id draw the conclusion that these three people are the not the kind of people that gel automatically with you, nature has a way of pairing these kind of people up :?
You must have your favored co workers? These guys are most likely the same. The difference is they lack the insight and/or intelligence that would have informed them that thier blinkered attitude is unwittingly manifesting itself in a marked lack of personal social skills on thier behalf (i acctually feel a bit sorry for them ). My guess is they were the kind of kids that were the sheep at school, the ones that follow the charismatic leader everywhere and were mean or bullied other kids. just a wild guess but i think im prolly right, what do you think?? :wink: Kill em with kindness Kido

 

[cobalt_bluester]

Hi Shakermaker thanks for your advice you have certainly given me something to think about. I think you could be right in saying that these people really aren't my kind of people.

 

[cobalt_bluester]

hi things like this are really annoying. we are all human beings havent done anything nasty to others and we should all be treated nicely whether we have social anxiety or not!

I could not agree more, alas the world is not like this and I guess we just have to put up with this.

 

[blue]

I suffer from this such alot, I get incredibly down because of how people treat me. Im not how they think i am. I know how i must look to people and it worries me constantly, sometimes i can see the discomfort on peoples faces some people just ignore me completly.......I find it hard to cope too.
people can change their opinions of you, Just keep trying, Sometimes if people sense that you are uncomfortable then they avoid saying too much incase they make you feel worse.
Try to think things through in a more rational way alot of what we do is speculating with no proof that it is the case ( though granted some people are complete arseholes, thats their problem not yours)
Also try to ignore people and stay focussed. Im sorry if this sounds patronising its a subject i deal alot with myself.
Take care

 

[cobalt_bluester]

I suffer from this such alot, I get incredibly down because of how people treat me. Im not how they think i am. I know how i must look to people and it worries me constantly, sometimes i can see the discomfort on peoples faces some people just ignore me completly.......I find it hard to cope too.
people can change their opinions of you, Just keep trying, Sometimes if people sense that you are uncomfortable then they avoid saying too much incase they make you feel worse.
Try to think things through in a more rational way alot of what we do is speculating with no proof that it is the case ( though granted some people are complete arseholes, thats their problem not yours)
Also try to ignore people and stay focussed. Im sorry if this sounds patronising its a subject i deal alot with myself.
Take care

thanks for your good advice, but this is a constant source of frustration to me i.e. wondering what people think of me or feeling that they are avoiding me or just don't care. I feel like shaking people sometimes I really do as don't they realise I am a human being just like them?!? I must admit, I have come across more than my fair share are arseholes and they certainly haven't helped me with my confidence and self esteem issues.

 

[Argamemnon]

As someone else said, I can often see the discomfort on peoples faces when they are around me. It's so painful, what have I ever done to them. I just want to be respected and treated equally. I'd like to see myself on video and analyze what I did 'wrong'.

 

[dottie]

As someone else said, I can often see the discomfort on peoples faces when they are around me. It's so painful, what have I ever done to them. I just want to be respected and treated equally. I'd like to see myself on video and analyze what I did 'wrong'.

totally relate to this topic.

when i am around people i go into this wierd cope mode. it's like a switch is flipped on. it is fake overly-friendly mode. this makes people treat me different- usually with dislike and/or patronizing. i cannot stand it. and it's not their fault, it's me. it is how i act that brings back those results. but it is the last straw, my only means of coping with social interaction.

cobalt, your coworker sounds like an ass. but the thing is, he probably wasn't even trying to slight you (maybe his mind was somewhere else when you asked how he was doing). he probably has a casual relationship with the other coworker. if he WAS trying to slight you then he is the waste of space. you don't want to be friends with people like that anyway. don't take it too personally. you sound like a very courteous, considerate person. your coworker can suck it.

 

[Willburn]

Hi Colbalt,

I go through exactly the same at work myself. Sometimes people will not even acknowledge me when I address them - other times they're really friendly and chatty. Some people seem to go out of their way to ignore me. I'm constantly hyper-analysing behaviour like this and ultimately it makes me incredibly frustrated and uncomfortable. I don't understand why people act like this because I'd feel awful if I did to someone else.

Except for a couple of close friends at work (with whom I feel comfortable), I too notice the distress on people's faces when engaged in a conversation with them and try to break off as a result. I often think I have three eyes It must be subtle signals that we give off...

Will.

 

[CK23]

I can so TOTALLY relate to this that i HAD to send a reply... I've been employed for 3 months and i am faced with the same problem...i was treated so nicely by my immediate seniors when i joined but now that i am 3 months old in my new job i feel that they've just withdrawn and what i felt earlier was just a sort of 'Welcome abroad' kind of gesture from them...Now we go for lunch everyday and tea breaks but these senior seniors, one guy and one lady both a little older than i am... they keep talking to each other and just ignore me.... As far as i go i feel too scared to utter a word in case they think i am a loser...And at the same time i feel bitter and upset especially with the lady cos she was really like a big sister and teacher in the begining but now when we get together she doesnt even look at me.. i feel broken and confused as to what i did wrong cos i respect her like hell and i badly need her as a friend... It shouldnt be like this cos i didnt do anything wrong to them... i also like to be talked to, to feel needed... everyone wants that and no one wants to be sidelined and ignored... ..

 

[cobalt_bluester]

Hi Colbalt,

I go through exactly the same at work myself. Sometimes people will not even acknowledge me when I address them - other times they're really friendly and chatty. Some people seem to go out of their way to ignore me. I'm constantly hyper-analysing behaviour like this and ultimately it makes me incredibly frustrated and uncomfortable. I don't understand why people act like this because I'd feel awful if I did to someone else.

Except for a couple of close friends at work (with whom I feel comfortable), I too notice the distress on people's faces when engaged in a conversation with them and try to break off as a result. I often think I have three eyes It must be subtle signals that we give off...

Will.

It's strange why people act like this towards us isn't it? It's like they are judging us and we don't come up to scratch in their eyes. How would they like it if we evaluated them like this? Not very much at all I would suggest! :twisted:

 

[cobalt_bluester]

I can so TOTALLY relate to this that i HAD to send a reply... I've been employed for 3 months and i am faced with the same problem...i was treated so nicely by my immediate seniors when i joined but now that i am 3 months old in my new job i feel that they've just withdrawn and what i felt earlier was just a sort of 'Welcome abroad' kind of gesture from them...Now we go for lunch everyday and tea breaks but these senior seniors, one guy and one lady both a little older than i am... they keep talking to each other and just ignore me.... As far as i go i feel too scared to utter a word in case they think i am a loser...And at the same time i feel bitter and upset especially with the lady cos she was really like a big sister and teacher in the begining but now when we get together she doesnt even look at me.. i feel broken and confused as to what i did wrong cos i respect her like hell and i badly need her as a friend... It shouldnt be like this cos i didnt do anything wrong to them... i also like to be talked to, to feel needed... everyone wants that and no one wants to be sidelined and ignored... ..

HI CK23. It's 'goog' to know that I am not the only one facing this dilemma. Have you considered having a private chat with this lady you respect? I know this would be hard to do, but I feel that it could really help your situation a lot.

 

[cobalt_bluester]

As someone else said, I can often see the discomfort on peoples faces when they are around me. It's so painful, what have I ever done to them. I just want to be respected and treated equally. I'd like to see myself on video and analyze what I did 'wrong'.

totally relate to this topic.

when i am around people i go into this wierd cope mode. it's like a switch is flipped on. it is fake overly-friendly mode. this makes people treat me different- usually with dislike and/or patronizing. i cannot stand it. and it's not their fault, it's me. it is how i act that brings back those results. but it is the last straw, my only means of coping with social interaction.

cobalt, your coworker sounds like an ass. but the thing is, he probably wasn't even trying to slight you (maybe his mind was somewhere else when you asked how he was doing). he probably has a casual relationship with the other coworker. if he WAS trying to slight you then he is the waste of space. you don't want to be friends with people like that anyway. don't take it too personally. you sound like a very courteous, considerate person. your coworker can suck it.

Hello Dottie. Thanks for saying that I sound like a corteous and considerate person - I think I am but it's a pity that nobody else seems to!! People should not judge you for going into this 'fake' mode as you describe it. If they were more emotionally intelligent they would realise that this was a coping mechanism, and the fact that they act negatively towards you shows a real lack of empathy and undestanding. Nodoby is better than anyone else - we must keep reminding ourselves of that!