Honda
Well-known member
2011 was a year of major change for me... I have become stronger, fitter & I managed to make new friendships & achieve new things in life.
Still no matter what I do... The feeling of guilt, depression, fear & anxiety haunts me... I have become a more productive and successful individual but I came to a conclusion no matter what I do or achieve in my life, If I do not have a secure attitude, I will never be happy..
I realized that I have been living in denial and that I am a coward, the main reason many people crossed the line with me in the past.. I am scared of people hurting me, offending me & I am even more scared to stand up for myself in many cases..
I usually ignore those feelings but the feeling of guilt due to the fact I neglect my self respect & decency and openly taking crap from people with wide open arms makes me feel like killing myself sometimes..
I am 24 years old, I have changed alot of things about myself, this helped me become more confident, allowed me to make new friendships, go out with girls, manage to take better career decisions yet still I get in moments where I chicken out or I am afriad of people & I hate this feeling so much that sometimes I cannot sleep well at night.
I cannot find a logic behind this fear other than that I have been a coward for so long that it is hard to get out of such conditioning..
Even when Im driving my car and I stop at a traffic light, I get a small panic attack, that makes me avoid looking at the drivers' of the cars on my left and right side. I am even nervous about raising the volume of my radio when my windows are down so others dont hear what im listening to..
I am sick and tired of this, I have been trying to over-come it for years but never got anywhere...
Still no matter what I do... The feeling of guilt, depression, fear & anxiety haunts me... I have become a more productive and successful individual but I came to a conclusion no matter what I do or achieve in my life, If I do not have a secure attitude, I will never be happy..
I realized that I have been living in denial and that I am a coward, the main reason many people crossed the line with me in the past.. I am scared of people hurting me, offending me & I am even more scared to stand up for myself in many cases..
I usually ignore those feelings but the feeling of guilt due to the fact I neglect my self respect & decency and openly taking crap from people with wide open arms makes me feel like killing myself sometimes..
I am 24 years old, I have changed alot of things about myself, this helped me become more confident, allowed me to make new friendships, go out with girls, manage to take better career decisions yet still I get in moments where I chicken out or I am afriad of people & I hate this feeling so much that sometimes I cannot sleep well at night.
I cannot find a logic behind this fear other than that I have been a coward for so long that it is hard to get out of such conditioning..
Even when Im driving my car and I stop at a traffic light, I get a small panic attack, that makes me avoid looking at the drivers' of the cars on my left and right side. I am even nervous about raising the volume of my radio when my windows are down so others dont hear what im listening to..
I am sick and tired of this, I have been trying to over-come it for years but never got anywhere...