Can a loner ever fit in with society?

[Hero]

Hi, I hope you have all had a good weekend. Now I'm going to ruin it with my whining.

I've gotten to the point where I am sick of having people problems. People laugh at my conversational blunders. They can never understand my point of view. I get into arguements quickly. I have no stories to tell. I can't form any deep connections with people. People don't like me. I can't get into a conversation. And the list goes on...

Basically I'm a social retard. I grew up with bizarre unsocialable role models, and I never went outside and interacted with people during my development. I've worked hard to lessen the effects of social anxiety (feel free to ask how I did it), where I can now go outside the house, eat in public and do everyday things. But socially, I'm a complete mess.

Each day of my life is a pain. I've tried everything, I've studied self help books, I've thrust myself into social situations, but I just can't fit in with people. I would give up so easy, but I want to form relationships, I don't want to be a loner no-one like. Having friends would make me happy

 

[fitftw]

why do you feel like you need friends? If you realize you don't play well with others, it would be wise to accept it, or just wait a while and eventually you might come across someone who accepts you.

 

[Hero]

Hi fitftw. People desire cars, sports, hobbies, objects or have certain goals in life. Friends are what I desire and what makes me happy in life. I will never accept being alone, I want to share my experience with others and have relationships with them.

 

[Niteowl]

Everybody has the potential to make lots of friends. This planet is so diverse that no matter how much of a loner you think you are - there are many people out there who would be able to form friendships with.

The key is working out which kinds of people you want to befriend. Are you trying to be friends with just anyone? Because that won't work. I would go so far as saying that, for each of us, only 20% of the people we meet have the potential to become true friends to us, and an even smaller percentage (perhaps 5%) will be our friends.

I agree with this. There are so many people out there, surely everyone must be compatible as friends with thousands and thousands of people - the problem is just how you might come across them. I think that the obvious places for meeting people are where I might find the wrong sort of person; I don't want to know the sorts of people that go out to the clubs around here. That's the same demographic as the people from school. Where can people like you and I meet friends? I'm interested in books, but people don't go to the local library to make friends.

Maybe that's something that you should think about - where can you find friends that are right for you? Where do they go where they would be willing to get talking? It's a tough question, but I think it's the place to start if you want to make the right friends, the ones that you'll have something in common with.

I just wish I knew myself.

 

[Magicmuffin]

I think you don't have too agree always with people, there are a lot out there that don't think the way you do, but thats not a reason for fighting, you just have to respect other people's opinion and tell them to respect yours. No one's totally right

And yes, I am curious how you lessen the efects

 

[upndwn]

I've met most of my closest friends through common interests, be it a hobby, music or a vocation. When you already share an interest it is much easier to have something to talk about and do, and you can learn from each others experiences.

My social network has grown from this core of close friends, and i now have literally hundreds of friends and acquaintances.

 

[sorrow1]

I would love to know the answer to that question, though i am an outcast not a loner.
I'm a person who wants to have social interaction but through years of being ignored, made fun off and walked all over by everyone have felt more alone when engaged with society than when living in isolation.

Society is what people make it. SO MAKE YOUR OWN AND INVITE ANYONE ELSE.

 

[IGotSeoul]

Hmm. Somehow it sounds that perhaps you are trying too hard to fit in with others?
Or you are just not talking to the right people?

Everybody has the potential to make lots of friends. This planet is so diverse that no matter how much of a loner you think you are - there are many people out there who would be able to form friendships with.

The key is working out which kinds of people you want to befriend. Are you trying to be friends with just anyone? Because that won't work. I would go so far as saying that, for each of us, only 20% of the people we meet have the potential to become true friends to us, and an even smaller percentage (perhaps 5%) will be our friends.

You have a lot to give as a friend but you shouldn't have to be trying. You just have to be yourself. Ok, so you make conversational blunders - not everybody would have a problem with that! And as for your point of view - there are many people out there who would rather respect somebody with a minority opinion expressed well, rather than an opinion formed from trying to 'fit in'.

You can make friends, you just need a bit more of an idea who you want them to be.

I've met most of my closest friends through common interests, be it a hobby, music or a vocation. When you already share an interest it is much easier to have something to talk about and do, and you can learn from each others experiences.

My social network has grown from this core of close friends, and i now have literally hundreds of friends and acquaintances.

twiggle makes a great point, emphasizing that you might be putting too much focus on fitting in and not enough on finding people whom you can relate to (i.e. interests and hobbies, ideas and experiences).

I agree with upndwn. I've found my closest friends through common interests; and with that, my social network grew from close friends to varied acquaintances, thereon increasing my chances of finding more friends (assuming the friends of friends share common interest that I can relate to and etc).