Buck up sissy pants!
- Thread starter cowboyup
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cowboyup
Well-known member
Just one day without the kids. That's all I want. I love them, but I've been putting in overtime to say the least. 5AM - 9PM. It's tiring and I just overheard my brother say, "I can get her to watch the kids while I fix the brakes on her car and you can take a nap."
...yup, my brakes went out on the car, but I'm glad my brother can do them.
Why does the mom always seem to be taking naps all the time lately? (rhetorical question)
It's either she's tired, has to pump or she's not feeling well.
Just heard from my friend who moved to NY. Wants me to skype with him. Eh, I'm (as usual) busy with the kids, I had to say to him. I wonder if he believes it...It's true but it seems like I have to tell him this all the time.
Been tired and in a strange mood lately.
Guess it's just because I'm tired - bad case of insomnia. lol
...yup, my brakes went out on the car, but I'm glad my brother can do them.
Why does the mom always seem to be taking naps all the time lately? (rhetorical question)
It's either she's tired, has to pump or she's not feeling well.
Just heard from my friend who moved to NY. Wants me to skype with him. Eh, I'm (as usual) busy with the kids, I had to say to him. I wonder if he believes it...It's true but it seems like I have to tell him this all the time.
Been tired and in a strange mood lately.
Guess it's just because I'm tired - bad case of insomnia. lol
razzle dazzle rose
Well-known member
Hello girl, I read through your journal here. You are a good writer. Thanks for sharing. Wow, it seems like they are working you hard there. They do get breaks when they work, right? So, so should you. Being a nanny/babysitter is an actual job. I know how it is to be trapped though. Not an easy thing to get out of. Things become routine and expected, with few changes. It just makes me angry when people take advantage of others. It is not fair. Hope you get some alone time soon. Perhaps some pampering is in order. A nice bubble bath? Pedicure? You deserve it!
cowboyup
Well-known member
evaluated where I am .... yuck, ugly sight.
I'm 43 and over 70,000 dollars in financial aid debt because my parents wanted me to go to college just to get their hands on the financial aid money. Once I received over 6000 in one semester to cover books, tuition, etc., they blew it all in about 2 weeks - literally - and I have nothing to show for it. As of present, my brother is paying my college tuition and books for me (I am fortunate there) but I have NO clear direction as to what I am 'going for' in regards to a degree because I feel at my age I don't know what I even really like. I'm essentially passing time for [fill in the blank]. I wanted to go into the military, but for my purpose was to escape home life in search for something better. Recruiters came to house and everything ..... then my parents pulled the plug on that one. I am taking life day by day...uncertain of my future and at this point, I don't know what to do. I have no real freedom, I watch the kids from about 5 AM til about 6 PM ... & I am going to college this semester. I've been in school since 1997. The only way to pay off my college debt is to die. That's the only way now. All I can hope for is to get some student job at the university, move out, and go from there...basically that is all that is keeping me alive is to think (dream) that one day I'll be able to have some kind of life - or salvage what's left of it at my age.
My sister reminded me of a lot of this - poor kid is in a tough situation herself and I feel like I should give her advice, help her in some way, but how when I feel I can't even do anything for myself.
Ah, life, ain't it funny?
someday...
someday...
someday...
I'm 43 and over 70,000 dollars in financial aid debt because my parents wanted me to go to college just to get their hands on the financial aid money. Once I received over 6000 in one semester to cover books, tuition, etc., they blew it all in about 2 weeks - literally - and I have nothing to show for it. As of present, my brother is paying my college tuition and books for me (I am fortunate there) but I have NO clear direction as to what I am 'going for' in regards to a degree because I feel at my age I don't know what I even really like. I'm essentially passing time for [fill in the blank]. I wanted to go into the military, but for my purpose was to escape home life in search for something better. Recruiters came to house and everything ..... then my parents pulled the plug on that one. I am taking life day by day...uncertain of my future and at this point, I don't know what to do. I have no real freedom, I watch the kids from about 5 AM til about 6 PM ... & I am going to college this semester. I've been in school since 1997. The only way to pay off my college debt is to die. That's the only way now. All I can hope for is to get some student job at the university, move out, and go from there...basically that is all that is keeping me alive is to think (dream) that one day I'll be able to have some kind of life - or salvage what's left of it at my age.
My sister reminded me of a lot of this - poor kid is in a tough situation herself and I feel like I should give her advice, help her in some way, but how when I feel I can't even do anything for myself.
Ah, life, ain't it funny?
someday...
someday...
someday...
MikeyC
Well-known member
I've done a lot in my lifetime...someday.
I'm sorry you're in so much debt. It's hard knowing exactly what you want to do, and your life is looking after someone else's kids, which I think is pretty lousy on your sister-in-law's behalf. Hopefully you can work it all out.
I'm sorry you're in so much debt. It's hard knowing exactly what you want to do, and your life is looking after someone else's kids, which I think is pretty lousy on your sister-in-law's behalf. Hopefully you can work it all out.
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
:sad: You have it really rough. I don't even know what to say.
cowboyup
Well-known member
^Thanks, Razzle Dazzle. Yup, pampering is definitely in order! Thanks for reminding me that I too need to look after ME.
...and yes, the parents do get breaks where they work. But SIL usually barricades herself in her room to sleep, eat, watch TV or read while she's off.My brother is better - he's actually gotten on her about sticking me with the kids while she lounges around so at least he's been in my corner lately. When he's off, he does help watch the kids, but sleeps late - I think he has that sleep shift disorder because he can't seem to go to bed before 3 AM no matter what time he gets off work.
cowboyup
Well-known member
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm interested in continuing my read on this journal. I didn't have much of a childhood myself due to my anxiety and taking care of my parents. May you have more positive events in this new year.
Thank you
It's a big responsibility to take care of parents, isn't it? Certain circumstances happen, whether no fault of their own or in my case, the opposite, and they don't realize how it affects a child, or the family as a whole.
lol, I was buying cigarettes, beer and lottery tickets when I was 12 for my dad. (it was late 70's early 80s so none of the rules and regulations were not really in place like they are today)
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
Yea, I remember when you could bring a note from your parents to buy stuff and it was actually accepted! Hard to believe people were ever that trusting.
Keep on keepin' on, girl! Things always have a way of working themselves out.
cowboyup
Well-known member
my cartoony thought bubble of the day:
that person I know who moved to NY told me he was going to a "Hacker's meet up"
ok, so I am not proficient in hacking but if I were an expert hacker, wouldn't you want to keep anonymous? So you like walk into the meet up and say, "Hey everyone, I'm Bob and I'm a hacker" "let's do some hacking"
haha! I crack myself up sometimes. lol
yes, I know there are different 'hackers' ... I know from taking computer forensics classes about the white hat hacking, black hat hacking, and grey hat hacking, but really???
oh back to the story, well, I guess that's it; just found it kinda funny, in an ironic sense I suppose.
that person I know who moved to NY told me he was going to a "Hacker's meet up"
ok, so I am not proficient in hacking but if I were an expert hacker, wouldn't you want to keep anonymous? So you like walk into the meet up and say, "Hey everyone, I'm Bob and I'm a hacker" "let's do some hacking"
haha! I crack myself up sometimes. lol
yes, I know there are different 'hackers' ... I know from taking computer forensics classes about the white hat hacking, black hat hacking, and grey hat hacking, but really???
oh back to the story, well, I guess that's it; just found it kinda funny, in an ironic sense I suppose.
WishingICould
Well-known member
Looking forward to reading your updates.
cowboyup
Well-known member
This is just going to be me venting and getting annoyed (it happens when you live with relatives I hear!)...SSDD kind of thing.
Sorry, I know this is a rerun but I just want to scream at times and well, this is the best way for me to get what's bugging me, out of my mind I guess.
so here are a few things that have been bugging me lately:
1. SIL has been buying my nephew literally about 10 books about every 2 weeks. No, he can't read yet, and some are chapter books for when he gets older, etc. But I can't keep up reading all these books to him. And his parents, well, no they do not read much to him at all. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE books, I have lots of books as well. I am not against it, but for crying out loud, she's like OCD (sorry no offense) when it comes to books. What if he just simply doesn't like to read as much as she (or me) does when he gets older? I hope he does, but like my brother is not that much into reading things other than do-it-yourself, fix-it books and of course playboy (sadly I get the mail and see)
2. SIL said: "the area rug is so filthy I'm thinking we should just toss it and get another one."
OK, it is NOT THAT bad - run a steam cleaner on it and it's good to go. But she tries to find every excuse to "buy" things it seems.
Meh, it's their money. Whatever. Just annoys me.
3. This morning, before she left for her 'girls' day with a friend and to the spa, she said, "I'm thinking about putting labels on the kids' dresser so he knows where all his clothes are at and in what drawer plus he'll learn how to read." Yeah, ok I see where she is going with it, after all, she wants him to be an engineer, doctor, archaeologist, inventor, etc. (as she has said) but it's gonna look so flippin tacky with note cards on the drawers...besides can't we just show him,"hey, this drawer has your underwear and socks, this drawer has your jeans".... really, cards everywhere? This will lead into her breaking out the label maker and labeling everything including the dogs and their body parts.
I know this sounds like I totally hate SIL but honestly I don't. I learn a lot from her but sometimes she gets into these weird moods (I guess we all do-yes, even me) and being in such close proximity to them all the time, it's wearing me down I guess.
My brother was in a horrible mood today. His moods changes so frequently, it's scary. He was yelling at nephew today to "get in bed, NOW, don't move a muscle, take a nap, don't you dare move out of that bed".....
The boy does NOT take naps...it is daddy who was tired. Trying to get a 4 year old to take a nap is not going to happen right now.
OK, I'm off the nit-picking pedestal for now. Oh, no need to respond, I just had to get this out of my mind so it's not floating up in my brain at night when I'm trying to sleep, lol.
Sorry, I know this is a rerun but I just want to scream at times and well, this is the best way for me to get what's bugging me, out of my mind I guess.
so here are a few things that have been bugging me lately:
1. SIL has been buying my nephew literally about 10 books about every 2 weeks. No, he can't read yet, and some are chapter books for when he gets older, etc. But I can't keep up reading all these books to him. And his parents, well, no they do not read much to him at all. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE books, I have lots of books as well. I am not against it, but for crying out loud, she's like OCD (sorry no offense) when it comes to books. What if he just simply doesn't like to read as much as she (or me) does when he gets older? I hope he does, but like my brother is not that much into reading things other than do-it-yourself, fix-it books and of course playboy (sadly I get the mail and see)
2. SIL said: "the area rug is so filthy I'm thinking we should just toss it and get another one."
OK, it is NOT THAT bad - run a steam cleaner on it and it's good to go. But she tries to find every excuse to "buy" things it seems.
Meh, it's their money. Whatever. Just annoys me.
3. This morning, before she left for her 'girls' day with a friend and to the spa, she said, "I'm thinking about putting labels on the kids' dresser so he knows where all his clothes are at and in what drawer plus he'll learn how to read." Yeah, ok I see where she is going with it, after all, she wants him to be an engineer, doctor, archaeologist, inventor, etc. (as she has said) but it's gonna look so flippin tacky with note cards on the drawers...besides can't we just show him,"hey, this drawer has your underwear and socks, this drawer has your jeans".... really, cards everywhere? This will lead into her breaking out the label maker and labeling everything including the dogs and their body parts.
I know this sounds like I totally hate SIL but honestly I don't. I learn a lot from her but sometimes she gets into these weird moods (I guess we all do-yes, even me) and being in such close proximity to them all the time, it's wearing me down I guess.
My brother was in a horrible mood today. His moods changes so frequently, it's scary. He was yelling at nephew today to "get in bed, NOW, don't move a muscle, take a nap, don't you dare move out of that bed".....
The boy does NOT take naps...it is daddy who was tired. Trying to get a 4 year old to take a nap is not going to happen right now.
OK, I'm off the nit-picking pedestal for now. Oh, no need to respond, I just had to get this out of my mind so it's not floating up in my brain at night when I'm trying to sleep, lol.
cowboyup
Well-known member
just random thoughts of the day:
That guy who is (really) my last friend - the one who moved to NY, well, he's been texting me lately and I feel bad for him. Aside from one friend he knows real well and whom he's staying with, he doesn't know anyone. He has been depressed/sad lately and when he lived here, he was kind of the 'big fish, small pond' kinda guy. There, he's the small fish, big pond guy and it's getting to him. I think it took him by surprise and now is lost, so to speak.
I think he thought it was going to be an easy transition for him, but is finding out that even though he has a job and a paycheck, just how expensive things are, esp. in NY area where he's at.
He is used to going out, not partying, but doing things with his friends around town and there, he doesn't know anyone. I guess he's working with people quite a few years older than he is and they all have the 'family' thing going on so he's not used to that.
I try to converse with him but I've run out of encouragement or things to really say to him to maybe life his spirits. But I know it's good for him to just have someone to listen to.
He used to be an avid facebooker but now he says that it depresses him to see what everyone is doing here and what he's missing out on so he doesn't go on there because of that....and believe me, that's a rarity for him.
His parents, who live here, have been supportive and I keep telling him that's a good thing that he has his parents...?? IDK
I'm sure, over time, he'll adjust. But he also stated that he doesn't plan on staying much over 6 - 9 months at that job and then moving on. But at the rate he's going, I'm not sure that being on the road would be the most ideal.
But he knows what he wants so I guess things have a way of working out one way or another.
That guy who is (really) my last friend - the one who moved to NY, well, he's been texting me lately and I feel bad for him. Aside from one friend he knows real well and whom he's staying with, he doesn't know anyone. He has been depressed/sad lately and when he lived here, he was kind of the 'big fish, small pond' kinda guy. There, he's the small fish, big pond guy and it's getting to him. I think it took him by surprise and now is lost, so to speak.
I think he thought it was going to be an easy transition for him, but is finding out that even though he has a job and a paycheck, just how expensive things are, esp. in NY area where he's at.
He is used to going out, not partying, but doing things with his friends around town and there, he doesn't know anyone. I guess he's working with people quite a few years older than he is and they all have the 'family' thing going on so he's not used to that.
I try to converse with him but I've run out of encouragement or things to really say to him to maybe life his spirits. But I know it's good for him to just have someone to listen to.
He used to be an avid facebooker but now he says that it depresses him to see what everyone is doing here and what he's missing out on so he doesn't go on there because of that....and believe me, that's a rarity for him.
His parents, who live here, have been supportive and I keep telling him that's a good thing that he has his parents...?? IDK
I'm sure, over time, he'll adjust. But he also stated that he doesn't plan on staying much over 6 - 9 months at that job and then moving on. But at the rate he's going, I'm not sure that being on the road would be the most ideal.
But he knows what he wants so I guess things have a way of working out one way or another.
cowboyup
Well-known member
cowboyup
Well-known member
Well, going on week 6 at school. I'm doing better. Not freaking out as much as the first few weeks. And I am getting my assignments done on time, etc.
and am really not trying to fall into the hands of procrastination this time around.
Basically, though, even though I am getting through the assignments, I find I am lying when I fill out the journals. But I really don't have much choice. Other than knowing what foods I like, dislike, or movies I like, IDK, it's all up in the air. But I guess it will be OK .... I can get through the class with a decent grade, I"ll be happy. Besides it's not like it's a class that will hinder a job performance and I am learning a lot from the other student responses and keeping a 'secret' journal of my own, lol.
and am really not trying to fall into the hands of procrastination this time around.
Basically, though, even though I am getting through the assignments, I find I am lying when I fill out the journals. But I really don't have much choice. Other than knowing what foods I like, dislike, or movies I like, IDK, it's all up in the air. But I guess it will be OK .... I can get through the class with a decent grade, I"ll be happy. Besides it's not like it's a class that will hinder a job performance and I am learning a lot from the other student responses and keeping a 'secret' journal of my own, lol.
cowboyup
Well-known member
Nearing week 8 at school. Got hung up on some of the journal entries but all in all, doing well. Interestingly enough, the teacher posted some readings/exercises to do from the "Anxiety & Phobia Workbook" which I am all too familiar with as we (mom and I) used that book when we ran our social phobia newsletter/website.
Right up my alley - I have a feeling the journal will be very LONG, lol
For the past few days I've been SO TIRED! I mean the kind where you feel your eyes are so heavy and all you want to do is sleep. argh! how annoying, but I do know why....'the-week-after-mother-nature'
Girls are SOOO lucky, right? (sarcasm)
The SIL's grandparents are here. Luckily, this time they are staying at a hotel and my brother had today off so that's good. He helped entertain them. They will both be gone to work tomorrow, and I think the g-parents will probably be by later in the day so I was (of course) worrying about nothing. Story of my life! lol
hmmm, well that's it for now.
Right up my alley - I have a feeling the journal will be very LONG, lol
For the past few days I've been SO TIRED! I mean the kind where you feel your eyes are so heavy and all you want to do is sleep. argh! how annoying, but I do know why....'the-week-after-mother-nature'
Girls are SOOO lucky, right? (sarcasm)
The SIL's grandparents are here. Luckily, this time they are staying at a hotel and my brother had today off so that's good. He helped entertain them. They will both be gone to work tomorrow, and I think the g-parents will probably be by later in the day so I was (of course) worrying about nothing. Story of my life! lol
hmmm, well that's it for now.
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
Nearing week 8 at school. Got hung up on some of the journal entries but all in all, doing well. Interestingly enough, the teacher posted some readings/exercises to do from the "Anxiety & Phobia Workbook" which I am all too familiar with as we (mom and I) used that book when we ran our social phobia newsletter/website.
Right up my alley - I have a feeling the journal will be very LONG, lol
For the past few days I've been SO TIRED! I mean the kind where you feel your eyes are so heavy and all you want to do is sleep. argh! how annoying, but I do know why....'the-week-after-mother-nature'
Girls are SOOO lucky, right? (sarcasm)
The SIL's grandparents are here. Luckily, this time they are staying at a hotel and my brother had today off so that's good. He helped entertain them. They will both be gone to work tomorrow, and I think the g-parents will probably be by later in the day so I was (of course) worrying about nothing. Story of my life! lol
hmmm, well that's it for now.
That's a relief! I too over worry........ALL THE TIME!
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
Someone lights a match and I'm yelling fire! lol!
cowboyup
Well-known member
LOL! yup, I know whatcha mean!
it could be one of those jokes where a person goes, "I worry so much"....
"How much do you worry"....
etc.