Being Yourself

TreeBones

Well-known member
I think the worst part of SA is not being able to "be yourself." can any of you imagine being yourself with other people?. ..Because I can't. I wish I could so bad because I can be funny and somewhat outgoing at times but I never am with the exception of being around my family. It's like I have two selves. The self when with people is shy, introverted, weird and boring, and the more "normal" self when I'm with myself or family. It's so frusterating to think it will be like this forever. I hope I'm explaining this to where you guys can understand because I don't know if I'm getting this out right but do any of you feel this way?
 

jaim38

Well-known member
I feel this way too. I can't reveal my true self to others for several reasons. My sense of humor is different from mainstream. I can be funny but it's not by telling good jokes or being witty. People laugh at me usually because I act like a child, I make mistakes, etc. That's how I can be "funny". And my real self is kinda dull and boring. I read manga, listen to japanese and anime songs, do embarassing workouts, etc. It's not the kind of stuff that I want to share with other people, unless they're fellow otakus.
 

Quietguy11

Well-known member
jaim38. I think your activities are awesome and unique! I like to dance around my room like a crazy person to anime songs. Usually when I watch an opening intro song to an anime that I find catchy with a nice beat, I just have to get up from my chair and dance around a bit. I love to draw (anime pictures) watch anime, read manga, play anime video games, like Ultimate Ninja Storm 3, Persona 4 Arena, Disgaea D2, etc. My personality comes out when I'm alone for the most part, or if I'm around family members. When I step out of my comfort zone, which I do once a week to participate in a group, I become very quiet, timid, anxious, my voice shakes when I talk, I feel dull minded, boring, I feel that my very presence being there is bothering people or weirding people out because of my painful and dead silence. But then when I finally do say something, the whole room lights up for a minute because people are not use to hearing my voice, and I believe it kind of catches them by surprise.

Tree, I am definitely in the same situation as you are, and you described that perfectly. I find that I can never feel confident in reveling my true self, because I somewhat care what other people think. I am working on not caring what people think, but right now I do care. And I often feel like I don't measure up, like I'm not as smart or fun so therefore, I'm just some guy in the background whose present but unnoticed. <.<
 

Scandic123

Well-known member
I feel the exact same way. But it's not because I doubt myself, and actually I don't know why. I write and make maps about alternate and future history, I participate in political discussions, and I also know a lot about geography, languages, space, etc. I really want to share those things with others because they, at least on the internet, make me think of myself as an interesting person, but for some reason I don't dare to share it. Maybe it's because I hate to stand out and being in the spotlight, and I never know how to handle compliments, but I want to change that. For a long time I've not even been myself around my own sister, but that has gotten a lot better recently. I also have a female friend, who I can be myself around.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
Yes, I understand what you are saying. I would like to hold simple conversations without fear. I keep trying, and sometimes I win, but this anxiety wears me out.

My true self is hidden behind a veil of fear, and it seems most people can't see beyond my anxiety, to the real me.
 
It functions much like mythical cures do- but as a real thing and in real life. We're literally being kept from something, by something we can't control. I sympathize and agree..

People perpetually misreading me has been the greatest cause and result of insecurity. It's a loop. Great in this context meaning 'significant' not 'good', of course.
 

TreeBones

Well-known member
I'm glad you guys got it, I was thinking maybe I wasn't making any sense hahaha. Most of the things you guys wrote is like I could have wrote it. I find that when I'm away from a person for a long period of time (months, weeks,)that when I finally see them again it's like meeting them again and I'm not completely comfortable, even with family, So I understand Scandic. It's weird how most of us feel like we have "two selves". Sometimes if I'm at school or something and I talk to someone, I don't feel like I'm saying or acting like I normally would and that another part of me is outside myself watching everything.
 

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
I think the worst part of SA is not being able to "be yourself." can any of you imagine being yourself with other people?. ..Because I can't. I wish I could so bad because I can be funny and somewhat outgoing at times but I never am with the exception of being around my family. It's like I have two selves. The self when with people is shy, introverted, weird and boring, and the more "normal" self when I'm with myself or family. It's so frusterating to think it will be like this forever. I hope I'm explaining this to where you guys can understand because I don't know if I'm getting this out right but do any of you feel this way?

I think in result, personally, when I am being myself others hate/or prepare to get defensive since I'm so different from all the rest, which is true. I am a very weird person doing very weird things. It's as simple as that. I don't like hurting or making fun of anyone, unless I'm making fun of myself. I can't help feel like I annoy and bore people so I don't know why I should keep seeing people anymore. I just can't. If my dyspraxia (although, I'm pretty skeptic if I do have it or not) and low self esteem is going to get in the way of people, eventually, I'm just going to have to find people who feel the same way. Why should some people who are opposite of me constantly put up with my badgering emotions and self pity? Extroverts with high self esteem won't be able to understand me, I could lose them in a matter of months or days right after they do get to know the "real" me. Because they can't stand it when someone is opposite apart from them. I wonder yet what it'd be like if do meet people who behave alot like me and don't appreciate themselves and if they'd either accept or reject that my personality is over the top overbearing. Though, how could I blame them. And I truly mean when I earn the suffering I know people can't deal with me, so that's why I'll never bother them with my stupidity or my introversion. I don't want to make others feel unhappy because I'm the only failure who hadn't did a damn thing in her life. I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, I'm not funny, and I don't think anyone who could possibly be my friend put up with it. That's why I hate that saying "Opposites Attract". If they do, then how will the other be able to put up with the other's personality and how would they make it last? I see no point in that saying. I've been meeting, unfortunately, opposite people from me and right at the minute I meet them they are bossy, arrogant jack a*****. I've even been paired to meet up with friends(I wish), but they're just all the same. Every ******* one of them! And those people I don't even come in contact anymore. It's funny I'm always attracting these damn people like a magnet. My mother can't stand me but I guess she's too nice to admit that. Most of you may be annoyed of my self esteem already(I wouldn't be surprised), I just can't go on with my day without criticizing myself. But yeah, maybe soon in time I'll try to accept those unworthy comments and take them as gifts. Sorry if I'm off topic from this thread.
 
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TreeBones

Well-known member
I think in result, personally, when I am being myself others hate/or prepare to get defensive since I'm so different from all the rest, which is true. I am a very weird person doing very weird things. It's as simple as that. I don't like hurting or making fun of anyone, unless I'm making fun of myself. I can't help feel like I annoy and bore people so I don't know why I should keep seeing people anymore. I just can't. If my dyspraxia (although, I'm pretty skeptic if I do have it or not) and low self esteem is going to get in the way of people, eventually, I'm just going to have to find people who feel the same way. Why should some people who are opposite of me constantly put up with my badgering emotions and self pity? Extroverts with high self esteem won't be able to understand me, I could lose them in a matter of months or days right after they do get to know the "real" me. Because they can't stand it when someone is opposite apart from them. I wonder yet what it'd be like if do meet people who behave alot like me and don't appreciate themselves and if they'd either accept or reject that my personality is over the top overbearing. Though, how could I blame them. And I truly mean when I earn the suffering I know people can't deal with me, so that's why I'll never bother them with my stupidity or my introversion. I don't want to make others feel unhappy because I'm the only failure who hadn't did a damn thing in her life. I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, I'm not funny, and I don't think anyone who could possibly be my friend put up with it. That's why I hate that saying "Opposites Attract". If they do, then how will the other be able to put up with the other's personality and how would they make it last? I see no point in that saying. I've been meeting, unfortunately, opposite people from me and right at the minute I meet them they are bossy, arrogant jack a*****. I've even been paired to meet up with friends(I wish), but they're just all the same. Every ******* one of them! And those people I don't even come in contact anymore. It's funny I'm always attracting these damn people like a magnet. My mother can't stand me but I guess she's too nice to admit that. Most of you may be annoyed of my self esteem already(I wouldn't be surprised), I just can't go on with my day without criticizing myself. But yeah, maybe soon in time I'll try to accept those unworthy comments and take them as gifts. Sorry if I'm off topic from this thread.

Jeeze, you really are hard on yourself. I don't think that people hate you or are annoyed by you or that you're not smart, pretty or funny, that's most likely all in your head. It doesn't matter if you make friends with shy people, introverted people or extroverted people, it's good to have friends (although I really can't speak because I avoid people and don't like talking to my people I consider my friends) If you can be yourself I would. Just try to have a "I don't give a ****" attitude. For me being myself isn't like a switch I can turn on and off, like, I literally can't control myself. You should definitely try to get up that self- esteem because you are worth it I don't care who you are :)
 
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