1BlackSheep
Well-known member
So what you're saying is that the avatar will be up for a while.
Any nice ladies on the mail route? We haven't heard much about how that's going!
Arohanui - Ake Ake KiaKaha's Journal
- Thread starter KiaKaha
- Start date
KiaKaha
Banned
I have hurt my leg - so I am off work. Pretty embarrasing I have to wait to heal... something is wrong with my tendon. So doing admin work at the moment... extrordinarily boring.
I am continuing with my studies though. Mental health, psychology and sociology which I am enjoying - it is giving me answers.
Anxiety support group nearly 90 people, which is good - I think its helping.
I have troubles though also. It's hard sometimes - I keep hitting hurdles. Kind of complicated... everytime I try to improve my situation some problem arises. Far too complicated and boring to type out.
But thank you - it's kind of you to ask.
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
Oh no - didn't know about your leg! Hope it heals quickly so you can get back out to delivering the mail. I'm sure the ladies are missing you already!
Yay for continuing studies too!
Keep jumping those hurdles and eventually you'll get there!
Yay for continuing studies too!
Keep jumping those hurdles and eventually you'll get there!
KiaKaha
Banned
So I thought I would make a Journal entry. Had a little bit on my mind lately...and I dont really have anything better to do to be honest, so why not...
So anyway, for some of you that know a bit about me you will know that I am currently working for the postal service over here. This is the second time that I have worked as a postal worker, except this time I am not doing to well...
Mostly because I have an injury that is causing me to not do the job well. Part of the work is to deliver mail. I have to walk up to 16km (about 10 miles) per day. Unfortunately I have a severe amount of pain after walking for so long and can no longer flex my knee. I have been to physio several times, and had a radiology scan to see what the problem is but no one seems to be able to figure out exactly what is wrong. If I cant sort the problem out, I may have to leave.
The other issue is that there is a guy at my job who is giving me a hard time about it all. He is just a young guy, but he is starting to get on my nerves. I think it may be in jest (or at least he sees it that way) - but it's pretty rude, and I am only new. I have limits of tolerance before I may have to be a bit firm with him. The thing is that he is not perfect either, taking 8 weeks off for shin splints, and then hassling me. He also makes a lot of mistakes, being a veteran at the job - where as I am new and still learning, and he is giving me grief for that too. Basically he is a twit with about as much insight into human nature as a rock. I am getting all wound up thinking about it...
anyway,
Aside from that I am studying a paper in counselling theory. It's pretty interesting - not sure if I am able to transcend my own internal world view to employ some of the theory I am learning.... I think all of us may have some difficulty with that.... perhaps thats why some of us cant see things the same way as everyone else. I often think being objective is the best way to be - but its really hard. Maybe its just best to put a lid on it sometimes.
I did read something that I thought was particularly important though, and something that I often find is lacking when advice is being given in this forum - and that is acknowledging and validating the way people feel. It's something that I had a feeling on but never read about or saw in any other form outside of myself.
I have often felt this was rather important... you cant help someone if they feel like their feelings dont matter, or are wrong in someway - I think once that is addressed, then they are in more of a sound state to look at their lives in a more impartial way. Pretty important lesson I thought.
Something else that struck out me also was the idea that people have a tendency to believe and assume that other people think and feel the same way about everything that they themselves do, which is obviously very wrong - but I wonder, maybe this is the source of why there is a lot of conflict.
Once I finish this paper I have a number of them to go, cant remember exactly how many... but I will finally have a degree in applied social psychology. One of my goals is to advocate and remove the stigma attached to mental illness and those in society that most people have no time for....because lets face it, as much as its difficult to believe, any one of us could be in that position one day.
Also today, I attended an rally against our governments legislation for selling of state owned assets. It's a big deal over here. Seeing as we are quite small, we only have so many resources. A state owned asset is government owned...well...asset... like power companies and railways. What they are proposing to do is sell off these assets to shareholders, in effect privatizing them - it's supposed to be a way to fix the economy, but what is really going to happen? The rich are going to buy shares (most likely offshore) - they are going to demand more profit and in effect raise prices. Who is going to pay? The working class consumer....
The rich get richer - the poor get poorer....again.
It's so transparent I can barely stand it.
It was good though...the rally I mean. All synchronized throughout the country. People came together - everyone knows its wrong...well...anyone with some semblance of a social conscience...
Anyway - still struggling. That's all life seems to be really - just one massive ball of disappointment and loneliness.
(I had to end on a negative note... its how I roll baby... )
So anyway, for some of you that know a bit about me you will know that I am currently working for the postal service over here. This is the second time that I have worked as a postal worker, except this time I am not doing to well...
Mostly because I have an injury that is causing me to not do the job well. Part of the work is to deliver mail. I have to walk up to 16km (about 10 miles) per day. Unfortunately I have a severe amount of pain after walking for so long and can no longer flex my knee. I have been to physio several times, and had a radiology scan to see what the problem is but no one seems to be able to figure out exactly what is wrong. If I cant sort the problem out, I may have to leave.
The other issue is that there is a guy at my job who is giving me a hard time about it all. He is just a young guy, but he is starting to get on my nerves. I think it may be in jest (or at least he sees it that way) - but it's pretty rude, and I am only new. I have limits of tolerance before I may have to be a bit firm with him. The thing is that he is not perfect either, taking 8 weeks off for shin splints, and then hassling me. He also makes a lot of mistakes, being a veteran at the job - where as I am new and still learning, and he is giving me grief for that too. Basically he is a twit with about as much insight into human nature as a rock. I am getting all wound up thinking about it...
anyway,
Aside from that I am studying a paper in counselling theory. It's pretty interesting - not sure if I am able to transcend my own internal world view to employ some of the theory I am learning.... I think all of us may have some difficulty with that.... perhaps thats why some of us cant see things the same way as everyone else. I often think being objective is the best way to be - but its really hard. Maybe its just best to put a lid on it sometimes.
I did read something that I thought was particularly important though, and something that I often find is lacking when advice is being given in this forum - and that is acknowledging and validating the way people feel. It's something that I had a feeling on but never read about or saw in any other form outside of myself.
I have often felt this was rather important... you cant help someone if they feel like their feelings dont matter, or are wrong in someway - I think once that is addressed, then they are in more of a sound state to look at their lives in a more impartial way. Pretty important lesson I thought.
Something else that struck out me also was the idea that people have a tendency to believe and assume that other people think and feel the same way about everything that they themselves do, which is obviously very wrong - but I wonder, maybe this is the source of why there is a lot of conflict.
Once I finish this paper I have a number of them to go, cant remember exactly how many... but I will finally have a degree in applied social psychology. One of my goals is to advocate and remove the stigma attached to mental illness and those in society that most people have no time for....because lets face it, as much as its difficult to believe, any one of us could be in that position one day.
Also today, I attended an rally against our governments legislation for selling of state owned assets. It's a big deal over here. Seeing as we are quite small, we only have so many resources. A state owned asset is government owned...well...asset... like power companies and railways. What they are proposing to do is sell off these assets to shareholders, in effect privatizing them - it's supposed to be a way to fix the economy, but what is really going to happen? The rich are going to buy shares (most likely offshore) - they are going to demand more profit and in effect raise prices. Who is going to pay? The working class consumer....
The rich get richer - the poor get poorer....again.
It's so transparent I can barely stand it.
It was good though...the rally I mean. All synchronized throughout the country. People came together - everyone knows its wrong...well...anyone with some semblance of a social conscience...
Anyway - still struggling. That's all life seems to be really - just one massive ball of disappointment and loneliness.
(I had to end on a negative note... its how I roll baby... )
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MikeyC
Well-known member
You do have lots on your mind, Kia. Sounds like you're trying to find answers and reasons to every question the universe and the human psyche can throw at you. You can't answer them all, though.
Good on you for going to the rally. Hopefully that stuff doesn't happen. Or, if it did, you could finally move to Australia! Hint hint.
Hope you're doing well otherwise, my friend.
Good on you for going to the rally. Hopefully that stuff doesn't happen. Or, if it did, you could finally move to Australia! Hint hint.
Hope you're doing well otherwise, my friend.
Facethefear
Well-known member
I am reading page 24 and I laughed out loud at this:
"You know what - I dont like you, I dont know why I dont like you, but I dont - you look like a prick - I dont like your clothes, the way you walk and your face - thats why I look at you like the biggest pile of crap I have ever seen "
Oh my. Back to reading.
"You know what - I dont like you, I dont know why I dont like you, but I dont - you look like a prick - I dont like your clothes, the way you walk and your face - thats why I look at you like the biggest pile of crap I have ever seen "
Oh my. Back to reading.
Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
I hope you're able to stop this happening. There are certain things that need to exist simply for the service they provide. They do not exist to make a profit. They exist to provide that vital service, even if that means (shock, horror..!
) not making money. For that to happen they need to be government owned and run. It seems incredible to me that people don't see this. But of course they do see it. They simply don't care, because there are pockets to be lined. 
Facethefear
Well-known member
Finished! I read or skimmed through every page and thank you KiaKaha for opening up and taking the time to create and maintain your journal. You are so honest and can express yourself so well with a great sense of humour. I will be checking in often to read the latest news and views while nodding in agreement to the musings of like minded souls.
A brief story about myself you might find insightful and you could use for your paper in counselling theory: I was cleaning out a cabinet and lifted a stack of photo albums and a picture dropped out. It was of an attractive woman smiling in the sun with a happy smile on her pretty no make-up face. She had shiny shoulder length blondish hair parted in the middle and a trim body in casual clothes. She looked confident and a little sexy, too. It was me in 1974 when I was 19 years old! I flashed back to the moment the photo was taken by my ex-boyfriend. I was looking into the sun and thought my nose is going to look so huge and I hadn't washed my hair and I must look short and heavy without heels. When I saw the picture for the first time I asked my ex if I really looked like that and he said yes I did. I thought it was a nice picture but nothing spectacular. Then I saw it with my 57 year old eyes and ... I was so good-looking! That girl had it all going for her and I wanted to go back into my youth and that sunshine but not into that mindset. Back then, I was so unhappy and socially awkward. I wish I had known then what I know now.
A brief story about myself you might find insightful and you could use for your paper in counselling theory: I was cleaning out a cabinet and lifted a stack of photo albums and a picture dropped out. It was of an attractive woman smiling in the sun with a happy smile on her pretty no make-up face. She had shiny shoulder length blondish hair parted in the middle and a trim body in casual clothes. She looked confident and a little sexy, too. It was me in 1974 when I was 19 years old! I flashed back to the moment the photo was taken by my ex-boyfriend. I was looking into the sun and thought my nose is going to look so huge and I hadn't washed my hair and I must look short and heavy without heels. When I saw the picture for the first time I asked my ex if I really looked like that and he said yes I did. I thought it was a nice picture but nothing spectacular. Then I saw it with my 57 year old eyes and ... I was so good-looking! That girl had it all going for her and I wanted to go back into my youth and that sunshine but not into that mindset. Back then, I was so unhappy and socially awkward. I wish I had known then what I know now.
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
Hope your knee is doing better soon, Kia! Can they give you a cortisone shot to help it any?
I can sooooo relate to this! It's like you're telling my life story!
KiaKaha
Banned
I hope you're able to stop this happening. There are certain things that need to exist simply for the service they provide. They do not exist to make a profit. They exist to provide that vital service, even if that means (shock, horror..!
YES! I couldn't agree more - that is exactly right. I cant add anything to this because it is the perfect post for exactly how I feel. I am supremely happy and excited that you feel the same way. I think its going to happen anyway - but the lobbying groups are putting pressure on the opposition parties to promise to buy them back when the current government is voted out (and they will be - this is a very, very unpopular move.... I wish leftists would be a bit more motivated and actually get out and VOTE)
I simply had to respond to this - thank you! One for taking the time to read nearly the entirety of this journal, and two for sharing a piece of yourself within it. You are right of course - it is best to savor the moment we are currently living in. Your story is a little bittersweet but I enjoyed it, and will ponder it as I continue studying. I am still young - I should appreciate my youth, when I dont want to be older and think back to what if - but I guess that is something that we will all do, no matter how we live our lives. Thank you for the compliments about my writing style also
Ah my sister from another....uh...mother....
I am not sure what a cortisone shot is - my physio did suggest something to do with injections (any old excuse to go see her eh?) so maybe I will research it and take a look at that option.
Thanks for your kind concern
KiaKaha
Banned
Kia, if you lived in Australia, you would be livid at the price of electricity here.
Every country has its issues. Hopefully the rally does some good.
I never go to those things because I feel like I'm not making a difference, but you think differently so that's good.
Yeah I know - and I often wonder why. I wonder if its because people dont care enough, or they dont realize the ramifications of the choices they make at the time. I firmly believe that there is power in numbers. If there is enough discontent then things like protesting can make a difference - its only when people are immediately effected do they start to notice. It's not so much about causing a fuss though, its more about an attitude change...a shift in thinking...which is something that is going to be very very difficult to achieve.
I find it interesting that people who believe the opposite of the status quo usually are the most indifferent. I wonder why that is - only 60% of the country voted last election, because most people thought that they were not going to make a difference so they didnt bother...now look where that got us.
You have to fight, you always have to fight... I am a strong believer in the working class, because lets face it most of us ARE the working class.
look I am off on a tirade again. I better can it otherwise I will be here all night.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Voting is compulsory in Australia, but I still leave my ballot paper empty because I feel like it doesn't matter who I vote for, I'm going to get screwed one way or another.
You think a lot more strongly about this sort of stuff than I do. Not saying I don't, but I don't have the energy or the confidence that anything I do will make a difference. I guess it's a bad way to think but that's how it is.
You think a lot more strongly about this sort of stuff than I do. Not saying I don't, but I don't have the energy or the confidence that anything I do will make a difference. I guess it's a bad way to think but that's how it is.
coyote
Well-known member
i thought this was interesting: Voter turnout - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
low voter turnout isn't just a reflection of indifference - it could also reflect how content people are with the status quo
low voter turnout isn't just a reflection of indifference - it could also reflect how content people are with the status quo
KiaKaha
Banned
Yeah - perhaps. But it also doesn't mean that it's NOT indifference either.
I have read research papers that suggest conservatives are much more likely to vote than people who are liberal - especially if there is a conservative government in place - which is highly irritating to me, seeing as I feel quite strongly against conservative ideas.
Anyway...
So, I am about to make a post about dating, women and rejection. Just giving you fair warning - I am about to vent. Please dont read if you think the topic of this has the potential to offend. Of course I in no way intend it to be, but I cant guarantee how my feelings, words and ideas are going to be interpreted.
Actually - that probably makes it sound far more dramatic than in needs to be - it really isnt that bad. It's more to do with my insecurity than anything else.
So I am trying this internet dating stuff....again. I have had a blow to my self esteem, and me being the kind of person that I am, obviously my self worth has taken a permanent blow.
There was a girl that I got talking too, who initially approached me. We got talking a bit, shes friendly, interesting, engaging she seemed to like me (although she was a bit funny about me not smiling in my profile photo, I tried to reassure her that I was quite capable of smiling, and often do in the real world) - her profile was unique to me, because she stated things like - "I dont judge a book by its cover" "I take time to get to know people" "I give people a chance" and other such sentiments...
This invoked an emotional response within me because the last woman that I dated, who like me, didnt give me a second date (because I was too nice) - so I thought this was very reassuring and that I have found someone finally not willing to dismiss me straight away - and actually give me a chance.
We exchanged emails for a few days, got on extraordinarily well, found lots in common, anticipation was starting to rise - mutual excitement, flirtation etc. The day before we were about to meet she said that my photo was too dark, so I took one and sent it to her phone.
She didnt get back to me - I sent her a text message asking if she got it. She said she had but wasnt sure if there was any attraction there. She said sorry - but the spark was lost - I wasnt her physical type.
I realized - that as usual, all of the "good" stuff about me was completely negated by something that she couldnt get past. People often like my personality but there is just one or maybe two things that are uncompromising and absolute deal breakers. It never ceases to amaze me.
Anyway this makes me feel very hurt - insecure and resigning to the fact that I am not a very good looking person. My self esteem will never grow because of this fact. It hurts me to know that I am going to be forever disadvantaged - that despite being all good on the inside, my outer shell is going to hold me back.
I think this is what happened with the first girl too - she like me personality but thought she could do better, not just in the looks department but also in the life success department too. :'-(
I hate being disappointed. I wish I didnt want anything. That is the only way...it is the only solution.
Anyway long story short - attraction was there - saw picture of me - attraction lost. I guess looks matter...of course they do...I dont understand why people dont seem to want to acknowledge this fact.
and it hurts me.
There is also something else I want to get off my chest too (completely unrelated) but I will elave that for another day - maybe by then it wont bother me so much.
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MikeyC
Well-known member
That I don't get. You're a good looking guy.
You seem to continue to try dating when you know how fragile you are when it comes to rejection. Are you willing to take the rejection to try and find the one girl that will like you?
Lots of men (and women) have to sift through many dates before finding the right person for them. It's just how it is and some people bounce back better than others. I would be like you, though: hurt, heartbroken, upset. I don't want that, so I don't date or look for dates. It's easier this way. However, I know you're after companionship, and the more you put yourself out there - like you're already doing - the more likely you'll find that special someone.
You seem to continue to try dating when you know how fragile you are when it comes to rejection. Are you willing to take the rejection to try and find the one girl that will like you?
Lots of men (and women) have to sift through many dates before finding the right person for them. It's just how it is and some people bounce back better than others. I would be like you, though: hurt, heartbroken, upset. I don't want that, so I don't date or look for dates. It's easier this way. However, I know you're after companionship, and the more you put yourself out there - like you're already doing - the more likely you'll find that special someone.