Are you a virgin?

[Dex Dorrey]

yes i am and i probably will be for a VERY long time if not the rest of my life

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I never had any friends either but I always got girls - it's all in how you package it. Do you go around acting lame and lamenting the fact that you don't know anyone? Or are you happy to stand alone?

In my case, I turned my fear of people into an I-don't-need-anyone mentality. It was a relief to do so because I found that I was more comfortable keeping to myself anyway. And guess what? It worked. I never befriended people and generally always stayed at home, but if I wanted to have female attention, I'd get drunk and head out to the bar all the same. Sometimes alone, sometimes with my older brother. I got mixed results, but I did have quite a lot of success overall. And I've pissed away a large part of my life so far - vegging out in my apartment, watching films and drinking. But I have had good times as well, and I'm getting married for the second time this summer. That's saying a lot, coming from a person who hates being out in society.

Now think for a moment about the strongest men we see portrayed in society and the media - they're all lone wolves. You may not have any friends, but neither does James Bond. Do you see what I'm getting at? You can be strong AND anti-social. They're not mutually exclusive. All you need to do is grow into yourself more and recognize what you do and don't like. Can't stand to be around people? Then quit trying to hang out and instead, do what makes you feel good. Once you're true to yourself and let go of all the bs, new doors open.

I know I've quoted this one post, but this applies to a lot of guys here who are feeling down about themselves. You really can be an awesome, desirable guy while still being completely you.

Excellent post. I think one key thing is agreed upon by almost everyone in this thread, and that is that confidence is the key. A person who has confidence in themselves is a more attractive person, whether they have no close friends or a tight social clique, whether they've had sex once or a hundred times. It's how you feel about yourself, and perhaps more importantly how you project that to others, that counts in the end.

 

[Kinetik]

Excellent post. I think one key thing is agreed upon by almost everyone in this thread, and that is that confidence is the key. A person who has confidence in themselves is a more attractive person, whether they have no close friends or a tight social clique, whether they've had sex once or a hundred times. It's how you feel about yourself, and perhaps more importantly how you project that to others, that counts in the end.

Yes, that's very true. And once you make the decision to be alright with yourself and the way you are, you take all the power back into your own hands. You're no longer a victim - instead you try to make the best of whatever you've got to work with.

 

[vj288]

I never had any friends either but I always got girls - it's all in how you package it. Do you go around acting lame and lamenting the fact that you don't know anyone? Or are you happy to stand alone?

In my case, I turned my fear of people into an I-don't-need-anyone mentality. It was a relief to do so because I found that I was more comfortable keeping to myself anyway. And guess what? It worked. I never befriended people and generally always stayed at home, but if I wanted to have female attention, I'd get drunk and head out to the bar all the same. Sometimes alone, sometimes with my older brother. I got mixed results, but I did have quite a lot of success overall. And I've pissed away a large part of my life so far - vegging out in my apartment, watching films and drinking. But I have had good times as well, and I'm getting married for the second time this summer. That's saying a lot, coming from a person who hates being out in society.

Now think for a moment about the strongest men we see portrayed in society and the media - they're all lone wolves. You may not have any friends, but neither does James Bond. Do you see what I'm getting at? You can be strong AND anti-social. They're not mutually exclusive. All you need to do is grow into yourself more and recognize what you do and don't like. Can't stand to be around people? Then quit trying to hang out and instead, do what makes you feel good. Once you're true to yourself and let go of all the bs, new doors open.

I know I've quoted this one post, but this applies to a lot of guys here who are feeling down about themselves. You really can be an awesome, desirable guy while still being completely you.

These are good words. There's nothing inherently wrong with being on your own a lot and keeping to yourself. Someone who is okay and comfortable with it isn't going to be held back by it at all. It's feeling like a loser, and acting accordingly to having no friends or people that keeps other people away. It's only an issue to other people if it's an issue to yourself, plain and simple.

 

[twiggle]

Yes, that's very true. And once you make the decision to be alright with yourself and the way you are, you take all the power back into your own hands. You're no longer a victim - instead you try to make the best of whatever you've got to work with.

Amen.
This is what I was trying to say in all my earlier posts.
Virginity/Relationships aren't about 'matching up' to whatever you've seen on t.v. It's about being comfortable with yourself. As soon as you're comfortable with yourself, the more you can offer others, the more likely you are to meet the special one.
A solid relationship can only happen if your boyfriend or girlfriend loves you for who you are. Not for who you try to be.

 

[OceanMist]

I never had any friends either but I always got girls - it's all in how you package it. Do you go around acting lame and lamenting the fact that you don't know anyone? Or are you happy to stand alone?

In my case, I turned my fear of people into an I-don't-need-anyone mentality. It was a relief to do so because I found that I was more comfortable keeping to myself anyway. And guess what? It worked. I never befriended people and generally always stayed at home, but if I wanted to have female attention, I'd get drunk and head out to the bar all the same. Sometimes alone, sometimes with my older brother. I got mixed results, but I did have quite a lot of success overall. And I've pissed away a large part of my life so far - vegging out in my apartment, watching films and drinking. But I have had good times as well, and I'm getting married for the second time this summer. That's saying a lot, coming from a person who hates being out in society.

Now think for a moment about the strongest men we see portrayed in society and the media - they're all lone wolves. You may not have any friends, but neither does James Bond. Do you see what I'm getting at? You can be strong AND anti-social. They're not mutually exclusive. All you need to do is grow into yourself more and recognize what you do and don't like. Can't stand to be around people? Then quit trying to hang out and instead, do what makes you feel good. Once you're true to yourself and let go of all the bs, new doors open.

I know I've quoted this one post, but this applies to a lot of guys here who are feeling down about themselves. You really can be an awesome, desirable guy while still being completely you.

The thing I don't understand about this is how did you get to talking to the women at the bars that you went to? Did you approach them?

You see, i've gone to over 50 parties before and women would practically never approach me. Anytime I wanted to talk to a woman I had to do the approaching. I've gone to like 6 bars before, that's not much of a sample size, but at the bars it was the same thing.

Another thing I thought of when reading your post is what did you do at these bars? You say you have no friends, well who did you talk to at the bar when you weren't talking to women? This is what I have an issue with, I get bored and uncomfortable at social event like that because I don't know what to say to people and wind up just standing there by myself bored out of my mind.

I've spoke with my bro about stuff like this and he thinks it's insanely weird to go to a bar alone and not have friends with you. My bro has a pretty good social life so what he says does have some meaning. I'm not calling you weird, I'm just confused at how you did this. I mean, even many outgoing people aren't comfortable going to a bar by themselves.

It sounds to me like you are a socially confident person, and unfortunately us guys complaining on here about lack of success are not very socially confident.

Btw, James Bond was not anti-social. That dude was extremely good looking and supremely socially confident. He liked talking to people, especially attractive women. That doesn't seem anti-social to me. That's totally different than me.

i will say that you are right that having no friends is not always a deal-breaker, of course there are women out there that will go out with a friendless guy. A guy can be awkward and still get a girl, I'm not denying that. He just may have to deal with failure more often.

You say to quit hanging around people and do what makes me feel good? Well, I've been doing that for the last 4 years. I would never go out and just be by myself all the time. Where does that get me? I have no social life and am depressed. It's like no matter what I do, I get depressed. I hate being with friends, I hate going out to bars or social events, and I hate being by myself. There is nothing that really makes me feel good. I don't see how knowing that I hate everything is opening new doors.

 

[Invisibleman]

Im not denying that most of what is said in this thread is the truth,im aware of what needs to be done,its just actually doing it. "Its easier said than done" keeps ringing in my mind reading through this thread.

 

[Felgen]

I didn't get that one either. How is one supposed to meet a girl if one has no friends? One thing is having a need for a lot of "alone time", but spending your life in exclusive loneliness is social suicide; it will get you nowhere.

James Bond is a fictional character, by the way. And apart from that, movies with a strong, silent loner as the potagonist (Conan the Barbarian is a good example) are all aimed at men; the guys from the Twillight movies are the polar opposites.

 

[Invisibleman]

You say to quit hanging around people and do what makes me feel good? Well, I've been doing that for the last 4 years. I would never go out and just be by myself all the time. Where does that get me? I have no social life and am depressed. It's like no matter what I do, I get depressed. I hate being with friends, I hate going out to bars or social events, and I hate being by myself. There is nothing that really makes me feel good. I don't see how knowing that I hate everything is opening new doors.

I agree with this. Like I said above ive been doing what he said for years now and its gotten me absolutely nowhere.

Maybe it depends on the environment. Keeping to yourself and doing your own thing is honestly a thing outside the norm,the sheeple is the new norm. Im a senior in highschool,we all know highschool is a disturbing almost nazi germanyish place where people are brainwashed to hate anything thats percieved to be "abnormal" . For years ive tried to just be myself and do my own thing and you know what thats got me? the label of "creepy serial killer dude" you know what else its got me? rumours spread about me that I was going to bring a gun to school. It ruined my reputation and has haunted me to this day,its attached a stigma to me that I honestly cant shake. Girls think im the creepiest dude alive. No offence kinetik but doing what you said has basically ruined my life.

As I said though maybe it depends on the envrionment.Maybe it works in yours because it certainly doesnt in mine.

 

[OceanMist]

I didn't get that one either. How is one supposed to meet a girl if one has no friends? One thing is having a need for a lot of "alone time", but spending your life in exclusive loneliness is social suicide; it will get you nowhere.

James Bond is a fictional character, by the way. And apart from that, movies with a strong, silent loner as the potagonist (Conan the Barbarian is a good example) are all aimed at men; the guys from the Twillight movies are the polar opposites.

I agree. The thing that bothers me about the movie references in threads like these is that they bring up these guys like James Bond....Bond doesn't have social anxiety disorder. He is a very good talker, too. He is socially confident. He's nothing like me.

I think you get this as do I, that being a loner is not a positive thing if you are a guy. There are practically no women that are going to be happy about their man with no friends. It's just a negative thing and is looked down upon by not just women, but society in general.

This isn't just a dating issue, having no friends can like you said be social suicide. It's a terrible thing and people will often think the person with no friends is a loser and not want to talk to them. It's just really bad business for a person in the social world.

 

[Kinetik]

Granted, I do think I got lucky during some of my escapades, and I certainly feel fortunate to have experienced as much as I have throughout the phases where I was quasi-sociable. I do understand if someone else can't apply what I've said to their own life.

 

[OceanMist]

I agree with this. Like I said above ive been doing what he said for years now and its gotten me absolutely nowhere.

Maybe it depends on the environment. Keeping to yourself and doing your own thing is honestly a thing outside the norm,the sheeple is the new norm. Im a senior in highschool,we all know highschool is a disturbing almost nazi germanyish place where people are brainwashed to hate anything thats percieved to be "abnormal" . For years ive tried to just be myself and do my own thing and you know what thats got me? the label of "creepy serial killer dude" you know what else its got me? rumours spread about me that I was going to bring a gun to school. It ruined my reputation and has haunted me to this day,its attached a stigma to me that I honestly cant shake. Girls think im the creepiest dude alive. No offence kinetik but doing what you said has basically ruined my life.

As I said though maybe it depends on the envrionment.Maybe it works in yours because it certainly doesnt in mine.

Things only get harder after high school and college years. People mature socially and establish firmer friendship circles that are harder to join. I call them cliques. It's similar to your high school, except these people don't go to the same school as you, they have their own homes, bars and stuff that they go to together.

I was weird in high school, but I still had friends because I was seen as somewhat normal because I played sports. After high school, people spread out and liberate themselves more. I know I'm not alone because people come on this site all the time and complain about how after high school they lose all their friends.

Something I'm sure of is that for many people with SA that around college to post college years is when things can get brutally isolated for them. That was when I spiraled into where I have been for the last 5 or 6 years anyway. College hit me like a boulder to the face and I slowly just slipped away from society.

 

[Felgen]

I actually found it easier after high school. Today (at the age of 23) I can still get laid and be uncool at the same time--which was impossible back then.

 

[Invisibleman]

Things only get harder after high school and college years. People mature socially and establish firmer friendship circles that are harder to join. I call them cliques. It's similar to your high school, except these people don't go to the same school as you, they have their own homes, bars and stuff that they go to together.

I was weird in high school, but I still had friends because I was seen as somewhat normal because I played sports. After high school, people spread out and liberate themselves more. I know I'm not alone because people come on this site all the time and complain about how after high school they lose all their friends.

Something I'm sure of is that for many people with SA that around college to post college years is when things can get brutally isolated for them. That was when I spiraled into where I have been for the last 5 or 6 years anyway. College hit me like a boulder to the face and I slowly just slipped away from society.

I suppose,but I still imagine after HS to be much better. Its a chance to start over for me so I see it as such a bright thing to look forward to. I just think that after HS nobody knows me,if I try and f**k up I just move on to other people and keep trying. Whereas highschool I cant do that,like I said everybody knows me as that creepy serial killer type dude. In HS if I f**k it up I seriously f**k it up and theres nothing I can do about it. I dunno.

 

[Aletheia]

Its a chance to start over for me so I see it as such a bright thing to look forward to.

There's something to be said for this. University enabled me to reinvent myself, and suddenly I was one of the popular set.

That said, things don't get magically better. Being invited to lots of parties just gave me more opportunities to feel awkward.

 

[OceanMist]

I actually found it easier after high school. Today (at the age of 23) I can still get laid and be uncool at the same time--which was impossible back then.

I'm glad to hear that some of you had better lives after high school. I wish I could the say the same. I hated high school anyway. I had to go to military school and it sucked except for sports.

Eh, my whole life has basically sucked except for some positive moments back in my childhood and when I was messed up on "self medication." I had a bad childhood, bad high school and a manic depressive 20s.

It's hard to positive about much anymore in my situation. I'm kind of just living a numb life mixed with depression and loneliness. I wish it were as simple as just having friends again but I hated that when I had friends.

 

[pop-princess]

I've had some chances to "do it" but I just always back down and get scared to take the next step from snogging to sex. There's always something blocking me. Also I don't think i've ever been that attracted to someone to that point that I really want to do it. I can get disgusted pretty easily and also i'm uncomfortable with my own body and how I should behave. That's very annoying. Heck, i'm starting to fear that I might be slightly asexual :|

 

[bsammy]

yeah ids never think of going to a bart by myself unless it was someones birthday party there etc etc.

it gets much harder after high school especially if you isolate and lose your social circle.thats what i did but at the same time i wasnt able to maintain my social circle so i guess it was meant to be.

sadly the better times in my life were due to ingesting chemicals.god it hurts to type that.i have never really experienced many 'clean' or fun times with friends and family like normal people do.im either anhedonic, anxious, tired or manic and empty.very rarely do i ever feel normal and if i do, it only lasts a few hours.

 

[nafadda]

no..not even close..prob why I don't need sex anymore,,but i can say somewhere between under 100 but more then 50...must of been my sense of humor the guys were attracted to

 

[Invisibleman]

but i can say somewhere between under 100 but more then 50

really? uhm..uh...are you even an introvert? Im sorry but that seems incredibly improbable. Did you beat SA or something?