Are you a virgin?

[Felgen]

And women like that would be a massive catch and a great lover

If they're otherwise normal and sane? Absolutely.

Isn't a guy who feels as though he shouldn't be a virgin making the same mistake though? Letting MTV and reality shows dictate to him that he shouldn't be a virgin?

A guy has to adapt to the designated rules; it's either that or involuntary celibacy.

If a guy feels like that then perhaps he should work on his other insecurities first before using a random woman to make him feel better about himself, with no real consideration as to how the woman feels about it? ('Emotionless sex')

Actually, losing 'it' will rid you of at least one insecurity. It's not gonna change your life, but at least a crushing weight on your shoulders will go away.

 

[twiggle]

If they're otherwise normal and sane? Absolutely.

But wouldn't you be thinking to yourself, 'This relationship wouldn't even be happening if I hadn't lost my virginity'?
Great relationship

A guy has to adapt to the designated rules; it's either that or involuntary celibacy.

'Has to'? Last time I checked, nobody was getting arrested for being a virgin.

Actually, losing 'it' will rid you of at least one insecurity. It's not gonna change your life, but at least a crushing weight on your shoulders will go away.

Okay then, so as long as a guy loses that one insecurity, that's all that matters.

Consider me KO'ed with this debate.
I have nothing further to add.

 

[Felgen]

But wouldn't you be thinking to yourself, 'This relationship wouldn't even be happening if I hadn't lost my virginity'?
Great relationship

None of my sexual encounters or relationships would have happened if I didn't lose my virginity to that girl I can't remember the name of.

'Has to'? Last time I checked, nobody was getting arrested for being a virgin.

Has to if he wants a relationship or wants to get laid.

Okay then, so as long as a guy loses that one insecurity, that's all that matters.

Losing one insecurity beats having ALL insecurities intact, doesn't it?

 

[twiggle]

None of my sexual encounters or relationships would have happened if I didn't lose my virginity to that girl I can't remember the name of.

I'm genuinely quite sorry to hear that.

Has to if he wants a relationship or wants to get laid.

No he doesn't.
Virgins who lose their virginity, technically get laid without having had sex beforehand, right? lol.

Losing one insecurity beats having ALL insecurities intact, doesn't it?

Maybe. But that's like assuming that losing one's virginity, instantly makes them more attractive, more credible, and more deserving of a 'hot woman'. And that viewpoint is a massive recipe for disaster.

 

[coyote]

...getting laid is much, much easier than getting a successful relationship...the odds of finding someone who's just as much in love with you as you are in her aren't that great...

good advice here

that one fleeting moment where you lose your virginity is meaningless in a lifetime of unfulfilling sexual encounters and failed relationships

best to concentrate on what's important

 

[Invisibleman]

Yeah im still a virgin. GAHAHGA and its damn hard to be one at my age,my teenage hormones are so strong. Theyre always flying off the handle.

I have before dwelled on the idea of a hooker but I dont think I could bring myself to that level. I would feel like its not really an accomplishment to be proud of,almost like cheating. I also dont want to settle for a girl much below my level just to get laid. I never want to settle just to settle.

Unfortunetely that might be the case. Ive been having an influx of girls much below my level (chav girls as you brits would put it) wanting my junk and its made my confidence questionable. I honestly thought I was on a higher level with women but for some reason all im getting is riff raff and it makes me wonder if il ever do better

 

[coyote]

how many experience points does it take to move up a level?

 

[Aletheia]

the odds of finding someone who's just as much in love with you as you are in her aren't that great

I'm not sure that that's true, as the number of people who are in relationships would testify.

My experience has been that love is a dance of reciprocation. You pull each other in.

 

[coyote]

My experience has been that love is a dance of reciprocation. You pull each other in.

indeed

as they say, "it takes two to tango"

that's why relationships don't work when one person stops hearing the music

 

[I'm Not There]

21, soon to be 22 year old virgin here.

At the moment it's not much of an issue to me, I'd even tell it to people I know if they asked for it and would be honest about it to my future girlfriend.

 

[megalon]

I've found it difficult to put my opinion on the matter into words before. If I found a girl I loved unconditionally and who loved me the same, that's all that's important to me. Even if she wanted to wait a long time to have sex, I would be fine with that. The act itself just doesn't interest me as much as the thought of actually being in love. I think the whole losing your virginity thing is overrated. What makes the first time any more significant than any other time? If a random stranger were to walk up to me and ask me if I'm a virgin, I would tell them I am and feel no shame about it. The fact that I'm a virgin doesn't bother me nearly as much as the fact that I've never experienced love.

 

[Kiwong]

indeed

as they say, "it takes two to tango"

that's why relationships don't work when one person stops hearing the music

How many virgins does it take to change a light bulb?

 

[OceanMist]

I think if a guy has had like 6 or so different sexual partners then that's close to ideal for let's say a 27 year old like me. That's not too many and it shows that a decent amount of women liked him enough to sleep with him.

As for the debate of being a virgin, is it a bad thing? If you are a 27 year old and a virgin, yes, it's a bad thing according to most of the women out there. Those MTV shows aren't that far off, much of society views sex as an accomplishment and "normal people do it."

In my position, I've only had sex once so I'm pretty close to a virgin and that's a bad thing according to the majority of women. Obviously there is a good thing, it means I'm clean, but the thing is they know you are weird immediately when they find out that you haven't had a "normal amount" of sexual partners.

Human nature doesn't like shy or weird. Why do you think so many people hate Tebow? Because he's super religious and unusual. There are only two reasons someone passes let's say 23 years old and is still a virgin: Either they are very religious or they never go out due to shyness issues. Both of those are bad in a lot peoples' minds.

It's a turn-off to an outgoing woman if a guy is shy in most cases. The low number of sexual partners makes things far worse because the woman views you as unpopular and thinks that women don't like you enough to have sex with you so there must be something wrong with you as a person or in the sack.

If you ask me, I think a guy is much better off having had sex with 40 different women than having had sex with 1 woman. I know that sounds messed up, but it's true. Women say they care about clean but what they really care about is social confidence and social status. Sex is a big part of social status.

It's not quite the same with men viewing women that way. I think the virgin thing, though, can definitely turn a man off once a woman gets to a certain age. The reason for that is men usually want to have sex eventually and they don't want to have to wait forever for it or have the possibility of not even getting it.

If a woman has had sex before though, even if it's with one guy only, then men won't care.

 

[live]

19, and yes, still a virgin. lol not tryin to brag (okay yes i am) but there some freaky chicks that are after me right now so i dont think it would be hard to erm... lose. but theyre crazy and probably have various STD's, soo.... not even thinking about it...

yes, still a virgin, a guy, waiting for love. there I said it...

fap fap

 

[live]

Yeah im still a virgin. GAHAHGA and its damn hard to be one at my age,my teenage hormones are so strong. Theyre always flying off the handle.

I have before dwelled on the idea of a hooker but I dont think I could bring myself to that level. I would feel like its not really an accomplishment to be proud of,almost like cheating. I also dont want to settle for a girl much below my level just to get laid. I never want to settle just to settle.

Unfortunetely that might be the case. Ive been having an influx of girls much below my level (chav girls as you brits would put it) wanting my junk and its made my confidence questionable. I honestly thought I was on a higher level with women but for some reason all im getting is riff raff and it makes me wonder if il ever do better

lol ur last paragraph is kind of my situation, and yes, a hooker is cheating, plus u dont want AIDS hahaha

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

In my position, I've only had sex once so I'm pretty close to a virgin and that's a bad thing according to the majority of women. Obviously there is a good thing, it means I'm clean, but the thing is they know you are weird immediately when they find out that you haven't had a "normal amount" of sexual partners.

You're really overthinking this, OceanMist. Honestly, no woman is going to make as big a deal out of the number of notches on your bedpost as you are yourself. As Twiggle has already said, a woman who wants to be in a relationship with you isn't suddenly going to change her mind because you haven't slept with the requisite number of women. And any woman who did is someone probably best avoided anyway.

 

[LifeInternal88]

It's a turn-off to an outgoing woman if a guy is shy in most cases. The low number of sexual partners makes things far worse because the woman views you as unpopular and thinks that women don't like you enough to have sex with you so there must be something wrong with you as a person or in the sack.

That may be true but you don't have to go for outgoing women. Try dating the not-outgoing girls, or the 'unusual' girls. I am sure a shy girl with little experience would rather you because that will allow her to grow in confidence too, rather than a guy who's been around and knows what's 'good'.

I do understand everything you are saying, and your points on society are probably true but there are other types of people other than the majority.

Timid girls need love too. They will not be judging you because they'll be worried about their own insecurities.

 

[OceanMist]

You're really overthinking this, OceanMist. Honestly, no woman is going to make as big a deal out of the number of notches on your bedpost as you are yourself. As Twiggle has already said, a woman who wants to be in a relationship with you isn't suddenly going to change her mind because you haven't slept with the requisite number of women. And any woman who did is someone probably best avoided anyway.

Dude, that's exactly what just happened to me. The woman I tried to get with got rid of me for the exact reason I'm complaining about, and so did the other woman I've gone out with.

She said she wanted a guy with more experience that is a "freak in bed." When I told her I was a virgin she also told me that in her dumping me speech. So you are wrong, it's exactly what she did: She changed her mind because I haven't slept with the requisite number of women.

I'm not saying all women are like this, but it's stuff like this that can make a difference. It's all relative to social status and social confidence. Most women care about that stuff a lot. They will relate social status to sex, because it actually does give a woman some idea of a guy's personality and success with women.

Take me for instance, I've slept with one woman and am 27 years old. That tells you something, that I'm not popular with the ladies. It's true, I'm not. I've never even had a friend that I've been personally involved with on a high level that was a woman. Most women want the wanted item, the successful male. Although sex isn't important as social status, it's kind of related.

 

[OceanMist]

That may be true but you don't have to go for outgoing women. Try dating the not-outgoing girls, or the 'unusual' girls. I am sure a shy girl with little experience would rather you because that will allow her to grow in confidence too, rather than a guy who's been around and knows what's 'good'.

I do understand everything you are saying, and your points on society are probably true but there are other types of people other than the majority.

Timid girls need love too. They will not be judging you because they'll be worried about their own insecurities.

Statistics say that in our world, 78% of people are outgoing, so the outgoing women are the overwhelming majority. By telling me to play to the shy women, you are asking me to play to a much smaller field. I read in the Anxiety Workbook that about 5% of people on this planet have an anxiety disorder. That gives you an idea of how uncommon it is for a person to be shy. That's a tiny field is what I'm saying, making things much more difficult. On top of that, I'm shy myself, which makes things even more difficult.

I think you are right, that I'd have a much better chance with a shy girl, but out of the women I've met, I've only met like a couple shy girls.

I'm just upset right now, I guess. The only way I'm going to meet a woman is if I go out and talk to a bunch of people and I don't want to do that. I mean, I've done that before and had a bunch of issues. I didn't even get with a girl I wanted to be with. I don't have the confidence to just walk up to women at bars and try to get to know them. I don't even like bars or any kind of social event at all. I don't even like hanging out with friends at their place.

I'm just sick of being alone, but I hate being with people. It's a problem right now.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Dude, that's exactly what just happened to me. The woman I tried to get with got rid of me for the exact reason I'm complaining about, and so did the other woman I've gone out with.

She said she wanted a guy with more experience that is a "freak in bed." When I told her I was a virgin she also told me that in her dumping me speech. So you are wrong, it's exactly what she did: She changed her mind because I haven't slept with the requisite number of women.

I'm not saying all women are like this, but it's stuff like this that can make a difference. It's all relative to social status and social confidence. Most women care about that stuff a lot. They will relate social status to sex, because it actually does give a woman some idea of a guy's personality and success with women.

Take me for instance, I've slept with one woman and am 27 years old. That tells you something, that I'm not popular with the ladies. It's true, I'm not. I've never even had a friend that I've been personally involved with on a high level that was a woman. Most women want the wanted item, the successful male. Although sex isn't important as social status, it's kind of related.

The woman you recently slept with seems to have very specific sexual requirements from a partner, but I still think the reason you weren't compatible was more to do with your shyness/anxiety and awkwardness. (Wasn't one of her comments "You're so shy"?) You could have slept with ten women before her, and still not been enough of a "freak in bed" for her.

I totally agree that having confidence in yourself is very important, I just disagree that it's all down to whether you're a virgin or not. There are plenty of people out there, people with the "normal" level of sexual experience, who are in relationships where they and their partner are not sexually compatible.