Are you a people pleaser?

[Steppen-Wolf]

Ok, my life went like this:

Being an a-hole -> human doormat -> kind and helpful, but not too much.

I've never been too eager to please others, and to be honest I've recieved a lot more kindness in my life compared to what I've given. But I still believe that I'm a nice person by nature, it's just that I didn't had the right context or enough maturity to express it for most of my life.

 

[Apersonalan]

When I had ocd at it's most severe I was a HUGE ppl pleaser. If I was thinking about a female that was a big guilt trip for me or if they had children so I would always talk in a soft childish voice always passive believing ppl wouldn't hate me so much if I did. Someone called me a loser because I was at centrelink with my psychologist long ago and it only gave me relief for some reason. also just having anxiety makes you really empathetic so your really sensitive to opposing views and uneducated ppl./

 

[Insanewoman389]

I tend to be a real people pleaser.
I worry if people don't like me...even a non-verbal like yawning concerns me that I am too boring and need to think of something interesting to say.
I work hard on being agreeable and empathic but I wonder if others just think I am colourless and have no opinion.
If I am on a date I will ask what the woman wants to do, where she wants to go..so they think I am not decisive enough..(I suppose)
I am not suited to leadership because I don't like leading..afraid I will lead my sheep in the wrong direction and lose them?

And all this worry is so so exhausting !!!

I'm a bit of a people pleaser, I tend to make sure their happy first and I can't stand when they're angry when we're doing something I want to it makes me loose interest in what I wanted to do. And whenever someone's angry I'll do whatever I can to make sure their not angry anymore.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Thinking about this further, I may be a sort of people pleaser: I don't want to hurt people. Especially people who have been nice to me. My not wanting to "hurt" people puts me in situations that I rather not be in though. I feel so guilty and feel like I am a horrible person. But I do need to place boundaries. I spent the majority of my life rejecting people and pushing them away, and hurt a lot of friends in the process. I don't want to be like that anymore. Unfortunately, in my effort to be more friendly, I have become "too nice" (aka a people pleaser) and that is not good for me either. I need to strike a balance.

 

[elek2ronik]

Thinking about this further, I may be a sort of people pleaser: I don't want to hurt people. Especially people who have been nice to me. My not wanting to "hurt" people puts me in situations that I rather not be in though. I feel so guilty and feel like I am a horrible person. But I do need to place boundaries. I spent the majority of my life rejecting people and pushing them away, and hurt a lot of friends in the process. I don't want to be like that anymore. Unfortunately, in my effort to be more friendly, I have become "too nice" (aka a people pleaser) and that is not good for me either. I need to strike a balance.

I would definitely agree with you on this! - Setting the boundaries is an excellent step though. I've also pushed a lot of people away in the past, and I deeply regret it. But all we can do is move forward and better ourselves in the process.

 

[Illusions]

I'm slowly becoming less and less of a people pleaser as time goes on. There's just no point to it, really. Seems like every time I go out of my way to please everyone, it backfires.

Hah, this. It hasn't done anything for me.

 

[tenuous~hold]

wow, i never found i could be a people pleaser. but then, i am not really looking for people to please me either. that way i guess we're equal, & nobody owes anyone anything.

guess that sounds pretty pathetic, hey?

 

[antihistamine]

A papal pleaser? Not anymore. I just can't take that guy seriously.

 

[Apersonalan]

I will please anyone who is nice to me.

 

[lurknomore]

It's how I ended up getting married to a guy I didn't even like that much... I can't say "no" to anyone. ::

 

[Apersonalan]

It's how I ended up getting married to a guy I didn't even like that much... I can't say "no" to anyone. ::

That's the worst thing in the world::

you shouldnt let ppl take advantage of you.

 

[MikeyC]

It's how I ended up getting married to a guy I didn't even like that much... I can't say "no" to anyone. ::

There are certain situations where saying no will rework your life, and this was one of them. I'm very sorry to hear that. I take it you're no longer married to him?

 

[Predacon]

I'm not that worried about people liking me, I'm happy as long as they don't hate me.

 

[Etbow23]

I tend to be a real people pleaser.
I worry if people don't like me...even a non-verbal like yawning concerns me that I am too boring and need to think of something interesting to say.
I work hard on being agreeable and empathic but I wonder if others just think I am colourless and have no opinion.
If I am on a date I will ask what the woman wants to do, where she wants to go..so they think I am not decisive enough..(I suppose)
I am not suited to leadership because I don't like leading..afraid I will lead my sheep in the wrong direction and lose them?

And all this worry is so so exhausting !!!

I think anyone with SA can relate to these feelings. The indecisiveness and the obsession about every interaction or what others think of us.

I don't know if these necessarily say you're a people pleaser. Just versatile, and sensitive. Picky people are annoying, and non-sensitive people are never artists. So look at it that way.

I'd say though a good thing is just making a decision and being assertive, and realizing that often times people's little indications they don't like you are probably just their mood, and if not oh well. I notice even myself, sometimes I may accidentally ignore someone or be rude in some way and it's just cuz I'm distracted, or stressed out or tired. It's not them.

 

[lurknomore]

There are certain situations where saying no will rework your life, and this was one of them. I'm very sorry to hear that. I take it you're no longer married to him?

We're divorced now- I left him over 5 years ago, but we do have children together, so I'll still have to deal with him in some ways for at least the next ten years or so. Low self-esteem and zero experience played roles too- I convinced myself that I liked him as much as he liked me because I didn't know any better and thought no one else would ever like me.

I also had a sort-of boyfriend in high school because I couldn't say no. He seemed nice, but I wasn't attracted, I said yes when he asked me out because I didn't want to hurt his feelings- he was a total gentleman though, and the most he pressured me into was holding hands once or twice.

I think the fact that I know I'm a human doormat is one reason why I don't get involved or close to many people- because I have to be sure that whoever I do connect with won't try to take advantage of me, and I feel that I lack the ability to gauge people in that respect, thus, I stay closed off from literally everyone.

 

[Eristelle]

No...why please people who hate me?

 

[this_portrait]

Being a people pleaser is kinda the main reason why I feel so stubborn about changing my behavior around and letting down my wall of anxiety. I feel like I'm trying to please all these insensitive a**hats who are condescending towards me. I want them to think highly of me and not be so condescending, but I'm starting to think more along the lines of, "F**k them." I'm tired of trying to please these condescending harpies who I will probably never be "good enough" for, anyway, no matter how hard I try to be, because they'll ALWAYS look for something they don't like.

This is why I need to start surrounding myself with people who are more caring and supportive. I'm tired of these people who hold this condescending attitude toward me like they think they're so damn superior to me.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I look at myself as more of a kind person or something... rather than a people pleaser.
I just hold myself at a much lower value than any other living thing; so I'll help someone at the risk of hurting myself.

Some regard it as self destructive behavior but I don't understand how anyone could be any other way.

It's good to have standards and it's SO good to value yourself. I wish I could... but I don't wish I were not a 'people pleaser'

 

[polishgirl]

I used to be perfect at people pleasing, at adjusting to anykind o situation just to be liked by someone. But I don't know, over time, I lost that skill. I miss it, really. Maybe I wasn't someone I really was but I felt better with myself, I really did. And now, I feel horrible, I feel like I have nothing under control. And it is killing me. But it sort of started slipping away, maybe I just don't care so much as I used to?

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

I sometimes go out of my way to help others, but lately I don't see the point in doing so as people don't seem to be able to be pleased with me no matter what I do.