Anyone else struggling with low self-worth?

[MistMoon]

I'm interested to see if anyone else can relate - it's also helpful to just write everything down and get it off my chest.

I've been struggling with low self-worth for a long time, ever since about 4th grade, and it's progressed well into my adulthood; I'm 23 now. It's led to many other problems, shyness and avoidance, and basically acting like a doormat. I prefer to be a follower, but not a leader, and despise being the center of attention.

I have two best friends that stuck with me throughout high school and to the present, but whenever they're not around, I feel more comfortable being alone in public places. While I don't mind talking to new people and making small talk, I hate social gatherings that expect people to mingle, and don't even get me started on clubs. When I absolutely have to go to parties, I never go unless I can stick around someone I know well.

My shyness follows me everywhere, and is made even more apparent in the workplace. I currently work at Kohl's, and while I don't mind the job itself, every day going to work brings a sense of dread. I constantly worry the entire time about doing my job badly, needing to answer the phone when it rings, or looking like an idiot when talking to customers. Most of my customers are friendly, but I still get a pounding heart whenever I have to help someone with something. While I'm smiling and polite on the outside, on the inside I'm petrified, wondering if they're judging me.

It's also stopped me from finding a relationship. My last relationship was in junior year of high school, and I didn't have any real feelings for him, and vice versa. Since it's long past high school, I'm past silly stuff like that, but since then I'm actively avoiding being noticed because I'm terrified of rejection. I've seen so many relationships go badly and don't want the stress of it, nor do I want anyone to lose interest in me. I don't want to put down my walls and be vulnerable to someone just to be disappointed. After weighing the pros and cons of meeting someone, I usually decide that it's better to stay single.

Anyone else feel the same way, or have any suggestions...?

 

[lonelee1]

yes, i can relate. i think a lot of us on this forum do, so you're not alone. it's discouraging sometimes.

there are ways to deal with this, and i've been trying to out-think this problem for a long while. but parts of me accepts that maybe i do just prefer to be alone. i think that'd be ok if i didn't suffer from anxiety and get depressed when i have to be social. i don't expect to be dancing on tables or extremely outgoing when i get better. itd just be nice to be able to be relaxed and natural in public and with people.

i've had a few jobs and i know that horrible feeling. but, the truth is no one is out to get us or really wants to judge us. its in our mind most of the time.

this disorder effects all parts of our lives and it's hard to deal.

i know how you feel, but things can always get better

 

[aNOTfox]

firstly, hi and welcome! your going to find a lot of people here that feel exactly the same; I know that I can relate to most of your story. Your a strong person for facing these problems every day- I'm unemployed, but my anxiety is starting to get worse and the idea of working in a public environment sends me into panic mode. My suggestion would be to stay strong and don't run away from these situations (I know thats easier said than done), cause what I've found is that the outside becomes more scary everyday you avoid it. Do your friends know how you feel? If not I would highly recommend letting them know.

 

[MistMoon]

yes, i can relate. i think a lot of us on this forum do, so you're not alone. it's discouraging sometimes.

there are ways to deal with this, and i've been trying to out-think this problem for a long while. but parts of me accepts that maybe i do just prefer to be alone. i think that'd be ok if i didn't suffer from anxiety and get depressed when i have to be social. i don't expect to be dancing on tables or extremely outgoing when i get better. itd just be nice to be able to be relaxed and natural in public and with people.

i've had a few jobs and i know that horrible feeling. but, the truth is no one is out to get us or really wants to judge us. its in our mind most of the time.

this disorder effects all parts of our lives and it's hard to deal.

i know how you feel, but things can always get better

Thanks for your kind words <3 And like you said, some people are just introverted individuals, there's nothing wrong with preferring to be alone instead of socializing. It's just a matter of feeling comfortable and at ease in public. You're right, no one's really out to get us or judge, it takes some work to keep that in mind

firstly, hi and welcome! your going to find a lot of people here that feel exactly the same; I know that I can relate to most of your story. Your a strong person for facing these problems every day- I'm unemployed, but my anxiety is starting to get worse and the idea of working in a public environment sends me into panic mode. My suggestion would be to stay strong and don't run away from these situations (I know thats easier said than done), cause what I've found is that the outside becomes more scary everyday you avoid it. Do your friends know how you feel? If not I would highly recommend letting them know.

Thanks a lot! <3
Right now I am actually doing some job searching to pay off my college loans, since I recently graduated and Kohl's isn't cutting it. You're absolutely right, the best thing to do is to just face the problem head on and don't avoid them, even if it's much, much more comfortable to do so.

I confide more in one of my friends with the other, while I love my other friend I'm closer to her. She's very understanding, she never once said anything like "get over it" or acted annoyed. I've told her before my low self-confidence. I think she feels guilty when she feels like she can't do more to help me feel better, and sometimes I avoid talking to her altogether to avoid sounding like a broken record. She's a great person and all, but sometimes I don't like burdening her with my self-pity when she has her own problems.

Unemployment is stressful! I'm sure you'll find something, just keep at it and don't even up and you'll make it through Don't burn yourself out in the process either, take a little time to relax and unwind after and get that motivation back to keep going.

 

[Scrobes]

I'm interested to see if anyone else can relate - it's also helpful to just write everything down and get it off my chest.

I've been struggling with low self-worth for a long time, ever since about 4th grade, and it's progressed well into my adulthood; I'm 23 now. It's led to many other problems, shyness and avoidance, and basically acting like a doormat. I prefer to be a follower, but not a leader, and despise being the center of attention.

I have two best friends that stuck with me throughout high school and to the present, but whenever they're not around, I feel more comfortable being alone in public places. While I don't mind talking to new people and making small talk, I hate social gatherings that expect people to mingle, and don't even get me started on clubs. When I absolutely have to go to parties, I never go unless I can stick around someone I know well.

My shyness follows me everywhere, and is made even more apparent in the workplace. I currently work at Kohl's, and while I don't mind the job itself, every day going to work brings a sense of dread. I constantly worry the entire time about doing my job badly, needing to answer the phone when it rings, or looking like an idiot when talking to customers. Most of my customers are friendly, but I still get a pounding heart whenever I have to help someone with something. While I'm smiling and polite on the outside, on the inside I'm petrified, wondering if they're judging me.

It's also stopped me from finding a relationship. My last relationship was in junior year of high school, and I didn't have any real feelings for him, and vice versa. Since it's long past high school, I'm past silly stuff like that, but since then I'm actively avoiding being noticed because I'm terrified of rejection. I've seen so many relationships go badly and don't want the stress of it, nor do I want anyone to lose interest in me. I don't want to put down my walls and be vulnerable to someone just to be disappointed. After weighing the pros and cons of meeting someone, I usually decide that it's better to stay single.

Anyone else feel the same way, or have any suggestions...?

Word for word I could have written this myself on all aspects. I'm afraid I don't really have any advice, and I'm sorry for that. But hopefully it may make you feel a bit better knowing that someone else is in the same situation. ;x

 

[Srijita52]

Yep, I'm exactly same. I really don't know what to say, hang in there.

 

[Section_31]

I feel exactly as you. ill be 30 in september.

I dont have much in the way of advice except to say try to take each situation as it comes, and try not to overthink it. Feeding it seems to make it worse.

 

[Scrobes]

Okay, I thought of something. I game online. You can talk and interact socially with people there, without any of the physical presence to worry about. It's just text. Also, you're in control of how much you reveal about yourself too. So you could try to make friends with people online and maybe that might help. I guess some might advise against it because it is admittedly taking you in the opposite direction of meeting people in real life. But maybe if you still try to balance it, that's something you can be aware of.

Oh and music.. I listen to it all the time. ;o Helps give a thread of stability in day to day proceedings.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

hm well it can be good to find something you enjoy so you can talk about it to ppl who may be interested. Also not to care about other peoples opinion if someone says negative remarks. i used to get really worked up inside if someone teased me about something but then i think well you're not perfect either and it was really immature to even say that so whatever.

 

[FeartheGreat]

Your life sounds a lot like my own. You should at least be happy you were able to get a job at all. I am also 23 and currently unemployed and always have been my whole life. Now I desperately need to find work but with no strength of will to do so I'm stuck in this seemingly permanent loop. As for the matter of friends. I am blessed that I have a small group of people I hang out with from time to time whenever they can get me out of the house or I an afford to have out with them (Being jobless really bites the big one) and most of the time we just nerd out about video games and anime. I feel like I belong when I'm around them. but only really with them. anywhere else and people often forget I even exist because I'm so quiet. I've been told that a lot in my life from both family and acquaintances alike. As for the love department. As you may have guessed, for me its horrible. A few months back to of the people in the small group of friends that I was talking about including my best friend got together. I'm nothing but happy for them and wish them all the best, but at the same time I can't help but feel remorse at the fact that I can't seem to ever find something like that for myself. I've only ever been in one relationship in my entire life, way back in grade 5. It lasted 2 weeks before she got tired of me due to my SA. But I don't blame her in the least. We were all young and dumb back then, and no one really wants to be with a guy who has no voice of his own nowadays. Anyway I just want you to know that no, you are not alone. I wish you the best of luck in life and in love.

 

[rosewood]

you sound like me. i heard someone say that SA is like having another job on top of all the other things you do. so much work. but with some patience, i believe it will get better.

 

[mikebird]

I'd do anything to improve my disastrous situation of loneliness and unemployment, and feeling on the verge of homelessness.

Recent thoughts led me to a imagined semi-dream of being able to comfort someone who feels likewise - in the middle of nowhere - bumping into a stranger. I often think about how good my life was. I'm a long way from the real feel of comfort (mental and wordwise)

All it'd take is to get on together and solve problems when we feel the same.

 

[MistMoon]

Word for word I could have written this myself on all aspects. I'm afraid I don't really have any advice, and I'm sorry for that. But hopefully it may make you feel a bit better knowing that someone else is in the same situation. ;x

Yep, I'm exactly same. I really don't know what to say, hang in there.

Thank you so much <3 It really does help loads knowing there's other people that feel the same way. Sometimes it feels really isolating and oddly enough talking to strangers sometimes helps more than talking to close friends.

I feel exactly as you. ill be 30 in september.

I dont have much in the way of advice except to say try to take each situation as it comes, and try not to overthink it. Feeding it seems to make it worse.

I definitely agree with that...some days are better than others, but then there are those days when I dwell on it too much and end up wallowing in self-pity -_- Thank you!

Okay, I thought of something. I game online. You can talk and interact socially with people there, without any of the physical presence to worry about. It's just text. Also, you're in control of how much you reveal about yourself too. So you could try to make friends with people online and maybe that might help. I guess some might advise against it because it is admittedly taking you in the opposite direction of meeting people in real life. But maybe if you still try to balance it, that's something you can be aware of.

Oh and music.. I listen to it all the time. ;o Helps give a thread of stability in day to day proceedings.

I'm easily addicted to games, so I'm actually trying not to get drawn into online gaming as I might get too distracted from my job search ^^; However, I do love gaming on my own and own multiple systems, my favorites being the 3DS and XBox 360.
I do love music as well! I should make more use of my Ipod Lately exercise has been a very good way to release pent up stress too.

hm well it can be good to find something you enjoy so you can talk about it to ppl who may be interested. Also not to care about other peoples opinion if someone says negative remarks. i used to get really worked up inside if someone teased me about something but then i think well you're not perfect either and it was really immature to even say that so whatever.

Over time I think I've slowly gotten better about not worrying about people's negative opinions, a lot more than I used to. I'd feel the same way and get worked up about it but like you said, the best thing to do is remember that the person that said it isn't worth getting upset about.

Your life sounds a lot like my own. You should at least be happy you were able to get a job at all. I am also 23 and currently unemployed and always have been my whole life. Now I desperately need to find work but with no strength of will to do so I'm stuck in this seemingly permanent loop. As for the matter of friends. I am blessed that I have a small group of people I hang out with from time to time whenever they can get me out of the house or I an afford to have out with them (Being jobless really bites the big one) and most of the time we just nerd out about video games and anime. I feel like I belong when I'm around them. but only really with them. anywhere else and people often forget I even exist because I'm so quiet. I've been told that a lot in my life from both family and acquaintances alike. As for the love department. As you may have guessed, for me its horrible. A few months back to of the people in the small group of friends that I was talking about including my best friend got together. I'm nothing but happy for them and wish them all the best, but at the same time I can't help but feel remorse at the fact that I can't seem to ever find something like that for myself. I've only ever been in one relationship in my entire life, way back in grade 5. It lasted 2 weeks before she got tired of me due to my SA. But I don't blame her in the least. We were all young and dumb back then, and no one really wants to be with a guy who has no voice of his own nowadays. Anyway I just want you to know that no, you are not alone. I wish you the best of luck in life and in love.

Thank you so much <3 I'm sorry to hear about your job struggles, unemployment has to be one of the biggest downers for self-confidence ever. It sounds like your situation is worse than my own - while I do have a job I can relate to the lack of motivation that comes with job searching. I have college loans that need to be paid, and Kohl's is cutting my hours down drastically - lately I'm working twice a week and am under pressure to find a "real" job to support myself and pay those loans. My anxiety and lack of motivation is holding me back significantly from being a confident job hunter, but I am still working on building that confidence.

I know it's easier said than done, but don't give up, you'll find something ^^ I found it helps to dedicate a day to job searching, and then rewarding myself with things I like to do afterwards, even if it was just for trying.

When it comes to relationships I think we all have to remember that we're not the only ones afraid of rejection, that there's probably a lot of people out there that feel the same!

 

[S_Spartan]

Oddly my self worth is the highest it's ever been but I can't seem to do anything with it. In some ways I felt better when I hated myself. Sad but true.

 

[Klonoa]

Massive doormat here, I wanna talk to people, start frienships but I never can. ;_;

 

[fate12321]

wow that sounds like my situation dont worry your not a lone

 

[akala]

I felt the same way and sometimes I still do.
I had to do a lot of introspection to come to some realizations about my life. I noticed that the root cause of my low self worth was a fear of failure and setting incredibly high standards for myself. I never measured up in my own eyes. I also felt disgusting because of some childhood neglect on my father's part; never noticed by him... It was my beliefs about myself that I had a hard time changing. When people said "you're smart and nice" I always shut them down because I focused all my energy on what I hadn't done. This was also due to the fact that there were negative people (Still are) in my life who judged me on what I didn't have. Once they don't matter and you can be yourself, nothing else matters. But coming to that realization of not caring about others opinions of you or your own negative opinions of yourself takes a lot of work. I changed the way I measured success, and made little changes everyday.
To be honest I don't know if it was just age that gave me more self confidence or if me doing all these things to improve my mental health was changing me... either way finding the root cause helped, then some sort of action has to be taken.

 

[Dianna_]

A lot of people are struggling with low self esteem. Years ago I was very shy and I didn't know how to cope with it so I struggled on how to deal with certain situations. Then a friend on mine suggested for me to join groups that will help me build courage and self awareness and one of these groups are online based [ https://www.facebook.com/steppingoutofshyness ] which was very practical because I can have consultation and access anytime. :thumbup:

 

[MikeyC]

I've been struggling with low self-worth for a long time, ever since about 4th grade, and it's progressed well into my adulthood; I'm 23 now. It's led to many other problems, shyness and avoidance, and basically acting like a doormat. I prefer to be a follower, but not a leader, and despise being the center of attention.

I can relate to this. I have been a doormat for all my life. I'm trying to learn to say no, but it's just so unnecessarily difficult. I'm better now than I was years ago, at any rate. I, too, am a follower rather than a leader.

My advice is to just say "no" in situations that you feel strongly against. It takes willpower and you will falter, but that tiny word is a good way to start standing up for yourself.

It's also stopped me from finding a relationship. My last relationship was in junior year of high school, and I didn't have any real feelings for him, and vice versa. Since it's long past high school, I'm past silly stuff like that, but since then I'm actively avoiding being noticed because I'm terrified of rejection. I've seen so many relationships go badly and don't want the stress of it, nor do I want anyone to lose interest in me. I don't want to put down my walls and be vulnerable to someone just to be disappointed. After weighing the pros and cons of meeting someone, I usually decide that it's better to stay single.

Hopefully you'll find someone that you're comfortable with. Sure, you've weighed up pros and cons, but you just never know what's around the corner. :thumbup:

 

[Yarrow]

I grew up feeling incompetent and too strange to be liked, but I've made some progress over the past few years.

I had to do a lot of introspection to come to some realizations about my life. I noticed that the root cause of my low self worth was a fear of failure and setting incredibly high standards for myself. I never measured up in my own eyes.

I had an issue with this, too. I felt that if I could just avoid failure then I wouldn't be a failure, even if it was through inaction. That was one of my biggest mistakes.