Anybody else have suicidal thoughts when faced with a stressful/anxious situation?

SadSally

Well-known member
I do. I'm not actively suicidal but whenever I have to do something, like shopping, interact with people, the usual, I just think "Why can't a serial killer shoot me?"
"I wish I'd never been born"

"I wonder if it would to painful to eat rat poison"

These kind of things.
 
Yes. I generally have more frequent thoughts the higher the anxiety level. They come out of nowhere so I try to ignore them
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I used to have more suicidal thoughts than I do currently. I generally only have them when I'm very depressed.
I used to have what is termed 'intrusive thoughts'.
Example: each morning at work, the kettle would be boiling next to me for coffee.
I would just happen to be sitting on the seat next to the kettle, and I'd be fine. Chatting away.
As soon as someone would lift the kettle and start pouring it into a cup, I'd think 'imagine the pain if they poured it on me now..'
This happened for about a year.

I spoke to my psych about it, asking him am I going crazy? That's when he told me I was having intrusive thoughts and everyone has them to some degree.

I was relieved and the funny thing is as soon as I realized I was having intrusive thoughts, they went away.

So maybe that's similar to what your having?
 

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
I do, too. I think it started when I was in college the second time around. Whenever I had a paper due the next morning, I'd lie in bed and think about shooting myself. The feeling would be gone when I awoke the next morning, and I'd finish the paper and turn it in. No more worries until the next one came due and the same thing would happen all over again.

I still have such thoughts today sometimes when I think about one of the many burdens I've piled on myself in recent years. As before, it tends to happen late at night when I'm tired and drifting toward sleep. The brain functions differently then. It plays tricks and fashions devils from the shadows. Best not to pay it too much mind.

Of course, if you can't trust your own brain, who can you trust? I'll leave that for someone else to answer.
 

SadSally

Well-known member
I do, too. I think it started when I was in college the second time around. Whenever I had a paper due the next morning, I'd lie in bed and think about shooting myself. The feeling would be gone when I awoke the next morning, and I'd finish the paper and turn it in. No more worries until the next one came due and the same thing would happen all over again.

I still have such thoughts today sometimes when I think about one of the many burdens I've piled on myself in recent years. As before, it tends to happen late at night when I'm tired and drifting toward sleep. The brain functions differently then. It plays tricks and fashions devils from the shadows. Best not to pay it too much mind.

Of course, if you can't trust your own brain, who can you trust? I'll leave that for someone else to answer.

This sounds like me. Once my ordeal is handled the thoughts fade away until something else happen. But I'm general I'm a pretty depressed person.
 

SadSally

Well-known member
I used to have more suicidal thoughts than I do currently. I generally only have them when I'm very depressed.
I used to have what is termed 'intrusive thoughts'.
Example: each morning at work, the kettle would be boiling next to me for coffee.
I would just happen to be sitting on the seat next to the kettle, and I'd be fine. Chatting away.
As soon as someone would lift the kettle and start pouring it into a cup, I'd think 'imagine the pain if they poured it on me now..'
This happened for about a year.

I spoke to my psych about it, asking him am I going crazy? That's when he told me I was having intrusive thoughts and everyone has them to some degree.

I was relieved and the funny thing is as soon as I realized I was having intrusive thoughts, they went away.

So maybe that's similar to what your having?

I do have intrusive thoughts. I think I have depression, too.
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
I do, too. I think it started when I was in college the second time around. Whenever I had a paper due the next morning, I'd lie in bed and think about shooting myself. The feeling would be gone when I awoke the next morning, and I'd finish the paper and turn it in. No more worries until the next one came due and the same thing would happen all over again.

I still have such thoughts today sometimes when I think about one of the many burdens I've piled on myself in recent years. As before, it tends to happen late at night when I'm tired and drifting toward sleep. The brain functions differently then. It plays tricks and fashions devils from the shadows. Best not to pay it too much mind.

Of course, if you can't trust your own brain, who can you trust? I'll leave that for someone else to answer.

I think everyone has these. It's just the mind being its hyperactive self. It's like when I'm going down an escalator and there's someone in front of me, and my mind's like "I wonder how badly hurt this person would be if I pushed them down this escalator right now". It's only troublesome if you actually act upon those random, inocuous thoughts. Then you become a psychopath :perfect:

It's not so much a matter of avoiding intrusive thoughts (the mind will always keep going whether you like it or not), but more a matter of keeping busy and filtering productive/helpful vs not productive/helpful thoughts manually.
 
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For me it's like a cushion. I know Id never kill myself, the survival instinct is very strong in me and even though I can be lonely at times, my life isn't too bad. But it feels kinda good when bad shit happens to just tell myself, "eh I'll just shoot myself in the face." It's a soft cushiony pillow.
 

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Yeah, it'll just enter my head sometimes. I don't usually have a logical answer against it, I just let it pass since I know it will.
 
I do. I'm not actively suicidal but whenever I have to do something, like shopping, interact with people, the usual, I just think "Why can't a serial killer shoot me?"
"I wish I'd never been born"

"I wonder if it would to painful to eat rat poison"

These kind of things.
Yes.
It's a monthly occurrence with me. The only thing that stops me from walking in front of a car or bus, or speeding my car into a big, thick trunk of a tree by the side of the road is the medication (Anti-depressants) I am currently taking.

It is reassuring to read that I am not the only one to have thought if it would be painful to eat rat poison.

Whenever someone dies of cancer, I think why can't I get it instead of someone who actually wants to be alive.

I find it amusing that some people have said to me "but cancer is a horrible, painful way to die, you wouldn't really want that"

To which I reply to them, physical pain would be far more easier to cope with than the mental pain I suffer from everyday right now.
At least at the end of cancer, you're dead, you're free.
It will be all over soon and there is not the stigma and anger for the people around you if you had committed suicide instead.
 

SadSally

Well-known member
Yes.
It's a monthly occurrence with me. The only thing that stops me from walking in front of a car or bus, or speeding my car into a big, thick trunk of a tree by the side of the road is the medication (Anti-depressants) I am currently taking.

It is reassuring to read that I am not the only one to have thought if it would be painful to eat rat poison.

Whenever someone dies of cancer, I think why can't I get it instead of someone who actually wants to be alive.

I find it amusing that some people have said to me "but cancer is a horrible, painful way to die, you wouldn't really want that"

To which I reply to them, physical pain would be far more easier to cope with than the mental pain I suffer from everyday right now.
At least at the end of cancer, you're dead, you're free.
It will be all over soon and there is not the stigma and anger for the people around you if you had committed suicide instead.

I agree with every word you just said.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
A few years ago I was physically debilitated to the point I didn't think I was going to survive the year. During that time the mental pain didn't take a break, it was far worse than it has ever been, after five years of panic disorder. Having seen my mother die of cancer I fear it, there's nothing quick about it, there's not only physical pain, but a loss of the ability to control bodily functions, vomiting, can't breathe, can't eat, can't sleep, hair falling out, mental anguish. No thanks.
 
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Xion

Well-known member
I do. I'm not actively suicidal but whenever I have to do something, like shopping, interact with people, the usual, I just think "Why can't a serial killer shoot me?"
"I wish I'd never been born"

"I wonder if it would to painful to eat rat poison"

These kind of things.

I do have suicidal thoughts. The exact same thing happens to me too. The other night I went to a wedding party and thought " I don't deserve to exist in this world. Therefore I should just die."
And this is not all! Sometimes when I go outside I even pray to god that i would die.
At another wedding party, I hid from everyone and grabbed a knofe from a nearby kitchen and tried to stab myself on the chest, but someone came in and held stopped me from stabbing myself with that knife. He was able to stop the stabbing but I cut my chest with that knife.
 

CrazyGirl

Well-known member
I get them all the time. They were worse years ago when I worked at a crappy, retail place. I self-medicate with beer and smoking which seems to help a alot getting rid of those negative thoughts
 

williamreinsch

Well-known member
Yes I have had these thoughts too, the only thing that got me through it was thinking about the ones I loved and how much it would hurt them if I were to go.
The overwhelming guilt really helps... strange how guilt isnt all bad can kinda help sometimes :/
Hope this helps and good luck getting through this! :)
 

ana0989

Active member
Yes, quite much. But like you, I'm not a potential suicidal either, I relate to the second thought you wrote, that is the most current one I have when I'm getting through a harsh time: "I wish I had never been born". I'm a believer, and I hold on to God because I love him so much and to abandon him is the last thing I want to do, in fact, I don't want to do it at all. But I can't help feeling this way quite often, I long to death, but I'm so scared of it too. You know, having faith doesn't prevent me from suffering because I'm a human being and I have social anxiety too, just like you. Faith gives me the chance to believe and to keep hope for a better tomorrow.
 
Yeah I get these thoughts on a daily basis now. Today it was so bad that I was about to call the suicide hotline. I don't think I'd ever go through with it though. I've always thought that if it gets so bad that I seriously want to end my life, instead, I'm just going to drop everything, hop on a plain and go somewhere I've always wanted to go like Japan or Switzerland. Then when I get back I can start my life over.
 
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