am I not comfortable with sexuality?

[faithnomore]

How does that happen? Heh. If you are attractive enough for girls to make the very first move, walk up to you and tell you that you are sexy, you really don't have to do much beyond getting up the nerve to respond reasonably.

Its weird, i suppose i fit a certain type ("tall and dark"). I'd say i was average, i'm not ugly but nothing special either.

The trouble is that like i said, most women dont pay me any attention.

But when i have been out in the past just walking in the street, i have had a few times when one girl, or a group of girls would shout/scream and walk up to me and say stuff/wave at me. Its a bit too intense, i couldn't believe it happened even now!

Its really hard, because i didn't know whether to say anything back etc. I froze up. They were going crazy (in fact every girl that showed interest did this). I am really composed and cautious, so it was hard to respond in a energetic way.

I dont know what would happen if i went out again. (i've hidden away because of extreme s/a).

It seemed to be random places where i got attention. Literally in the streets, car parks, or just normal parks.

It would be great if it was a frequent thing, but its not.

I feel depressed that no girls are interested in me, but if they are obviously interested in a too hyper way, i get scared off!

I hope i dont sound like a superficial idiot by posting this. I really dont understand "image" etc, nor do i care. Its really hard for me to even go out because i'm not comfortable.

 

[no1]

I don't even think I believe in dating.

I think I believe more in relation-ships. Dating implies something more, like you are "trying out" to get into a sexual relationship, whereas relationships are well.. more normal. IMO.

 

[no1]

I don't mean, just getting into a relationship right away. I mean having normal interaction/relation.

I just prefer not to use the word "dating" because it implies more than I think is necessary. Even if the dating is non-sexual, still does imply that you are trying out for a sexual relationship.


maybe dating is implied, or I think should be between people who already know each other.

 

[Nicholas]

It's ok, maybe most people out there don't care about relationships, maybe they just want to have sex and believe pickup artists are models to imitate, but... I said most, maybe. Not everyone. If you look around you'll actually see there are good people too... And you probably won't ever find the girl that "saved" it for you, no, and I suggest you don't even look for that... because it's not important at all. The only thing that matters is your relationship with your partner, all the rest is just details...
So stop seeing everything as negative... there is still some good around, just try to find that and send all the rest to hell.

 

[Queen_Of_Pain]

you might say: just focus on something else

Thats good advice imo. I've always been confused about what I like and what I don't when it comes down to wanting to be with someone.
Sometimes even to the point of settling with 'asexual' as my kind of 'label'.

I think that once you master the idea of blocking out the confusion of relationships, (as hard as it may be sometimes) you might find what your being is looking for sooner, or rather, it/they will find you.
Not that i'm in any place to say that, but the idea that you might not have the urge to live happy families like most can drag you down, I know that much.

 

[Richey]

I personally believe that physical looks plays a big part in the confidence of your sexuality, i'd even suggest that being in great shape can often be the only way to break out of feeling asexual with no confidence in your physical self, because the idea of showing your body naked in front of a potential partner can be a big deal!

once you are happy with your physical self then then the prospect of a sex life is very likely...but alot of people find themselves repulsive and they blow it up out of proportion so they choose to be asexual not out of choice but out of being inactive and having the low self esteem body image....

the people who are always dating tend to be physically well off or they don't have a consciounce, or they are just comfortable enough with themselves not to care

obviously if you meet someone you click with then you've already opened a door to a relationship and it may boost your confidence to be intimate etc and all of that jazz

exercise is a way of helping in that area. if you feel sluggish and out of shape then you'll feel horrible

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

"Promiscuous is about meeting a guy on a dance-floor and deciding whether to take him home and shag him. Well, unless you're some kind of moral or religious prude, why not?"

Oh my... I must be the biggest prude...

Non-serious relationships are pointless to me, and the result of an emotionally undeveloped pair. Sex should only be a very minor part of a relationship. The more it dominates, the weaker the relationship is. My opinion.
And uhm, what was the term? "One-night-stands"? Yes. I think they're morally f***ed up.

I've never had female friends.

Unforunate really. Forming friendships with the opposite sex has helped me understand them better.
My male friend and I talk casually talk about interesting topics. I've been able to help him with his girl problem, and I have become more comfortable with males.

I personally believe that physical looks plays a big part in the confidence of your sexuality, i'd even suggest that being in great shape can often be the only way to break out of feeling asexual with no confidence in your physical self, because the idea of showing your body naked in front of a potential partner can be a big deal!

Hmm... I agree with this. Self-esteem and mental health issues contribute greatly to asexuality. Same applies to this 'girl/boy problem,' even moreso.
To me, the need of having someone is the problem.

 

[no1]

Richey: yea I'm working on the looks thing by going to the gym. I'm pretty pumped about a 90 day program that I feel is going to change me for the better. This is going to be my second transformation (as I used to be much bulkier than I am right now). Not the p90 btw if ur wondering.

Flowers-Of-Bloom: I wish I could say the same myself as regard you having male friends giving you a better understanding of them. I think of the same exact thing,and sometimes I do wonder if all my resentment of women come from this very same lack of understanding due to lack of interaction with them.

 

[Beyondshy]

Can someone explain to me why they think one night stands are immoral? I don't get it!

 

[no1]

Can someone explain to me why they think one night stands are immoral? I don't get it!

I don't think there is a biological basis for it in the long term. not for species that live in stable family groupings ie humans being one of them.

I don't think it's simply "amoral".

I feel it is my personal responsibility to defend against promiscuity because I believe (at least for humans) that without the use of condoms it can lead to inbreeding, plus many babies lacking care and significance..

if someone can present to me a biological basis for promiscuity then show it to me. Searching the internet there is a theory that it can work as a defense mechanism against inbreeding in certain species that don't have stable family groupings. It doesn't make sense to me though how it can defend against it, except by 'evolution' ie, habituating ourselves to it so that we become immune/accustomed to inbreeding. Though I don't even know if that's really possible/plausible.

Again it's only a theory. And in that same theory it states that expulsion and promiscuity is unsuccessful in species that have stable family groupings ie, because of INBREEDING. it might work for those animals who don't do "groupings" and let the children fend for themselves.


So I feel it is kind of my personal responsibility to defend humans (including myself) against such a possibility.

 

[faithnomore]

Can someone explain to me why they think one night stands are immoral? I don't get it!

Because it seems scary and intimidating for virgins and/or people with s/a.

I think i'd need to know a girl before doing things. I couldn't just go to a club and pull. Thats impossible.

 

[no1]

Can someone explain to me why they think one night stands are immoral? I don't get it!

I don't think we are built for it.

what if jealousy might even be instinctual?

 

[JCS008]

There's nothing immoral about that because everyone has their own morals and beliefs. All that matters is what you and your partner think. Anyone else who says differently is just being judgmental.

 

[no1]

There's nothing immoral about that because everyone has their own morals and beliefs. All that matters is what you and your partner think. Anyone else who says differently is just being judgmental.

yea well what if you are the only one who doesn't believe in it and therefore everyone in the entire world puts you down for it, and insults you, and you never have a chance with a woman because nobody agrees with you. I wouldn't "find a partner" who agrees with me if everyone believes in it.

 

[no1]

it's savage behavior, at least that's how I see it.

 

[no1]

There's nothing immoral about that because everyone has their own morals and beliefs. All that matters is what you and your partner think. Anyone else who says differently is just being judgmental.

I will not have a partner if a woman doesn't agree. I don't want to be promiscuous and I don't want her to be so either.

I guess that means I will be alone my entire life because nobody wants a guy who doesn't want to be promiscuous and doesn't want a promiscuous woman.

 

[JCS008]

I think you really need to drop that, because there are tons of women who ARE NOT promiscuous and they want a guy who is the same. You just want to believe that....

 

[no1]

Can someone explain to me why they think one night stands are immoral? I don't get it!

cuz you're ****in greedy

 

[Beyondshy]

I don't think there is a biological basis for it in the long term. not for species that live in stable family groupings ie humans being one of them.

I don't think it's simply "amoral".

I feel it is my personal responsibility to defend against promiscuity because I believe (at least for humans) that without the use of condoms it can lead to inbreeding, plus many babies lacking care and significance..

if someone can present to me a biological basis for promiscuity then show it to me. Searching the internet there is a theory that it can work as a defense mechanism against inbreeding in certain species that don't have stable family groupings. It doesn't make sense to me though how it can defend against it, except by 'evolution' ie, habituating ourselves to it so that we become immune/accustomed to inbreeding. Though I don't even know if that's really possible/plausible.

Again it's only a theory. And in that same theory it states that expulsion and promiscuity is unsuccessful in species that have stable family groupings ie, because of INBREEDING. it might work for those animals who don't do "groupings" and let the children fend for themselves.


So I feel it is kind of my personal responsibility to defend humans (including myself) against such a possibility.

sorry but you kind of lost me there when you started talking about inbreeding

 

[JCS008]

it's savage behavior, at least that's how I see it.

Aren't you basically judging right there? The same judging that you say everyone does towards yourself?