am I not comfortable with sexuality?

[no1]

am I not comfortable with sexuality/society?

am I uncomfortable with humanity's/society's rituals/traditions of sexuality?

I feel uncomfortable with all women (and men apparently, they all seem to have the potential to be enemies to me).

I think this may be attributed to the fact that I've never had a girlfriend, and only been laid a couple times in my life (yet still consider myself a virgin to "love" because i've never had what I would deem 'proper' sex).

I've never had female friends.

I feel like perhaps I don't trust anyone because I've never had any kind of 'real' relationship with a woman, I've never been made into a 'man'. A 'man' is biologically 'hardwired' to have a relationship with a woman, interact with women, socialize, have sex (or make babies if you want to see it that way), and that obviously not happening with me, and thus I am "abnormal" biologically. I am way older than I should be for my sexual/social development/maturity. I still consider myself a virgin in most aspects.

could this be causing an imbalance specifically a lack of specific neurotransmitters and chemicals associated with "love"? Could the shortage of sex and romance and love in one's life cause this lack, no matter how positive one considers oneself to be or might not be?

 

[no1]

does this mean I have to be uncomfortable with women until I find one?

it's so wrong on many levels. how is it possible in the first place when I'm so uncomfortable with women? I was never meant to go this long without ever finding any form of love with women.

 

[JCS008]

I think its best not to overanalyze the nature of women and men and all their intentions and what they want out of a mate. All women and men are different, so its unfair to label them in a particular group.

A simple way to find a woman is ask.

 

[no1]

yea. I guess I am just uncomfortable with traditions of sexuality.

I find most men and women to be promiscuous. and I tend to view myself as modest.

I can't even approach a girl with the idea or intent of romance/sexuality. Hell even talking or looking at them for the "wrong reasons" to them is forbidden to me.

I'm not even religious at all.

 

[Anubis]

What were your interactions with females in K-3rd grade? Were they generally pleasant, or filled with anger? I ask because a lot of uncomfortable feelings/phobias are anger-based.

In case you may be interested ... My early interactions with girls were tumultuous and physical (same with boys, but they could at least handle it). When I was a child, I was basically an equal-opportunity fighter. If you pissed me off, I would push you on the ground. It was a great way to release anger but it had it's repercussions. Because girls are naturally the weaker sex, they would get hurt at a much higher rate. Which would increase the likelihood that I would get into trouble.

During my disciplinary sessions, I would basically be told to feel extreme guilt at hitting the girl (because they were so "fragile"). I would also be reprimanded for being angry in the first place - a natural emotion. I eventually caved in and started to hold my anger in more - instead of finding a more healthy way to express it.

As the years went by, my pent-up anger got so severe that I started to fear it. My thoughts were: What if I seriously injure a girl if I accidentally unleashed my anger one day? To limit this possibility, I started to avoid girls. This avoidance would slowly develop into a fear of girls in general. And this phobia would eventually materialize into a life of passivity and eventually social phobia.

In general, anger is almost always tied to fear.

 

[no1]

I think its best not to over analyze the nature of women and men and all their intentions and what they want out of a mate. All women and men are different, so its unfair to label them in a particular group.

A simple way to find a woman is ask.

I can't ask a woman about this. How do you think a woman would feel, me talking about such things, out of the blue? I don't have any female friends I can talk to about this, even if I did, I don't think I'm at such a level to even consider talking about this (well maybe ONE female, but that's because she knows I'm a desperate "freak" and I hardly ever get to talk to her) and random women on the street would probably consider me a pervert or psycho or crazy or stupid for asking such things. How do you think a woman would look at me?

anything sexual related is a no go for me.... I'd rather the girl bring it up with me first. It seems much safer that way at least from my end.

I don't want to be ballsy with women. I want to be 'proper'. perhaps I will be alone all my life because I am afraid to express sexuality and love or any kind of feelings to a woman.

 

[no1]

I don't even know how to be promiscuous. I don't even think it's right. I don't want to be. I want to have a relationship.

Most if not all people my age, and if not all of society thinks I should be promiscuous until the age of 30 or so and have non serious relationships and "enjoy life", implicating with many women. Hell like I said I don't even know how to and I don't think I want to.. nor does it seem right to me.

everyone seems to show that it should be casual at first. I'm not ready to accept that, from me or a woman.

I don't think I can accept that the majority think it should be all casual/STRANGE (gettin strange)

 

[Nicholas]

I don't even know how to be promiscuous. I don't even think it's right. I don't want to be. I want to have a relationship

Fix yourself first, get rid of some anxiety, accept yourself, ignore your negative thoughts even if they are true because they are bad for you (for the same reason someone should stop taking drugs like cocaine even though it feels good), and then you will feel different, and will be able to be with girls.
It's like wanting to win a race when you don't even know how to ride a bike... you need to focus on other things even if not experiencing romance keeps bothering you.
Take care.

 

[no1]

I don't think I can accept that the majority think it should be all casual/STRANGE (ie gettin strange(r) *****) until I am 30-40. It's not my style.

I can probably be casual at first, but eventually I will want to settle for a more serious relationship. Perhaps with the same girl I was casual with. In this sense I mean casual as in not too pushy/serious as it seems the majority of women don't like a man who is too serious in any general sense in any aspect of life. Ie, carefree.

not that I want to be "serious" like that, because I'd rather it be serious in the sense that it's a seriously good long term relationship, but it's not that I want to be serious in an overly dramatic way, if you get what I mean.

eventually I will want a seriously good relationship, and not just a.. mediocre, lifeless relationship that is only materialistic/superficial, etc.

 

[no1]

Fix yourself first, get rid of some anxiety, accept yourself, ignore your negative thoughts even if they are true because they are bad for you (for the same reason someone should stop taking drugs like cocaine even though it feels good), and then you will feel different, and will be able to be with girls.
It's like wanting to win a race when you don't even know how to ride a bike... you need to focus on other things even if not experiencing romance keeps bothering you.
Take care.

you might say: just focus on something else.

well I say to that: well you've already had your share of romance and experience with the opposite sex. so you might not care as much. or you've had some realization that I haven't for the life of me gotten.
easier said than done when biology and society constantly picks at you physically and mentally and spiritually for being who you are.

the 'biology' picking at me is just that I need to be having sex/should be in an intimate relationship with a woman yet I'm not.

 

[no1]

I simply CANNOT approach a woman for romance/sex. I'm not comfortable with it.

I cannot.

it's not even that it's fear of rejection. it's moreso that I fear hurting a woman and being too forward with her or something.

I'd rather have her approach me first.

I don't want to be ballsy.

I want to be 'proper'.

Anyways I've never had a girl tell me that it's ok to be ballsy with a woman, unless you are "hot", and "confident" and "slick" and "fresh" with her.

 

[Nicholas]

I have never had a girlfriend either, so I know what you mean, and yet I still say "fix yourself first". I know I need to fix myself and my life first too, because right now I wouldn't be able to have a girlfriend, unless she had serious problems as well, and then maybe we would be more compatible. I have no life, so I can't walk up to a girl and say "nice to meet you, I'm insane and I have no job, and I have never had a girlfriend, so, do you want to 'complete' me and be my soul mate?" No... I can't. First I need to fix myself and my life because I don't like it, and if I don't like it and I don't like myself, i can't expect any girls to like me and my nonexistent life.

That's the issue. So think about it... and try to do something, at least try. Take care.

 

[no1]

just look at this in songmeaning.com for the song by Nelly Furtado - Promiscuous Girl...

"Promiscuous is about meeting a guy on a dance-floor and deciding whether to take him home and shag him. Well, unless you�re some kind of moral or religious prude, why not?"

is that how society sees non promiscuous people? like prudes? I am not a prude at all nor am I religious.

edit: well at least one person I see disagrees with this statement and quite strongly so.

 

[Rodox]

Going by what I have read from your posts,to me your biggest problem is that you want to control what other people want,like or that they like the same things as you,that only leads to frustration...

 

[faithnomore]

just look at this in songmeaning.com for the song by Nelly Furtado - Promiscuous Girl...

"Promiscuous is about meeting a guy on a dance-floor and deciding whether to take him home and shag him. Well, unless you�re some kind of moral or religious prude, why not?"

is that how society sees non promiscuous people? like prudes? I am not a prude at all nor am I religious.

edit: well at least one person I see disagrees with this statement and quite strongly so.

Thats what scares the sh*t out of me.

I hope i can find normal girls for normal relationships. But i see so many teens just out there all forward and its scary.

 

[no1]

I don't think I care so much if it was women being very forward.

I just find it wrong for everyone to be sharing each others detritus (ie sexual fluids and whatnot) . It's dirty. And the more it's done the more physically degrading you become. Wouldn't it feel nice to have a partner that has "saved it" for you, instead of having to see how all this heavy sex has taken a toll on your body (not to mention your mind).

I don't even think that if we were in the wild this sort of shit would have held up.

we didn't used to have condoms. we couldn't just leave our women to fend for themselves with our babies, let alone our babies. it's not natural for us guys to have to see just how all the heavy promiscuous UN-SERIOUS sex has taken a toll on our bodies and minds.

I don't think it's natural for us guys to have to know that women no longer want to have children anymore in these days nor to settle down.

we were hardwired to mate from a very young age ever since our early teens. now any kind of "serious" relationship is held off until we are 30?

meanwhile people go off and have promiscuous sex with tons of men/women before hand so that when we get to 30-40 we are old and worn, and our minds are fleetingly unstable. who can really take any of this?

the only people who enjoy this are those who enjoy this for themselves and can appreciate a woman who has been the same ie promiscuous at the young age.

serious relationships these days are not even considered sexy anymore. they are considered... "mediocre".

 

[faithnomore]

I don't think I care so much if it was women being very forward.

I just find it wrong for everyone to be sharing each others detritus (ie sexual fluids and whatnot) . It's dirty. And the more it's done the more physically degrading you become. Wouldn't it feel nice to have a partner that has "saved it" for you, instead of having to see how all this heavy sex has taken a toll on your body (not to mention your mind).

I don't even think that if we were in the wild this sort of shit would have held up.

we didn't used to have condoms. we couldn't just leave our women to fend for themselves with our babies, let alone our babies. it's not natural for us guys to have to see just how all the heavy promiscuous UN-SERIOUS sex has taken a toll on our bodies and minds.

It sounds like you have a different problem with it than i do then.

I'm interested in women, and sure i would like some action. But alot of girls act/dress really slutty, and it doesn't seem right. It's like i need to know a girl before being with them.

Even though i am crap at getting women (never have), once in a while i have been walking in the street, and some girls would approach me and call me sexy etc. I really get embarrased by that. Its both a shock and a surprise.

Most of the time i'm ignored. It would be nice to find a gentle girl to settle down with, but i fear it'll never happen.

 

[no1]

I don't think we as humans were biologically meant to have un-serious relationships at least in my current point of view. So expecting us to just 'get used to it' seems kind of extreme.

 

[klytus]

Even though i am crap at getting women (never have), once in a while i have been walking in
the street, and some girls would approach me and call me sexy etc.

How does that happen? Heh. If you are attractive enough for girls to make the very first move, walk up to you and tell you that you are sexy, you really don't have to do much beyond getting up the nerve to respond reasonably.

 

[JCS008]

Yeah, you need to worry about fixing yourself first. With your mentality, you're going to be waiting a while.