Afraid of online chat

[sleepysparrow]

I'm not sure if anyone here feels the same, but I am terrified on talking online, specifically group chats like the one on this site. I'm not really sure what it is that makes me avoid these types of interactions, it could be because I am just a naturally quiet and introverted person, and the idea of talking (typing) in a group of many people will make me a little intimidated and afraid or being put on the spot, or that everyone will talk over me, or not even notice i'm there. Sometimes I don't feel like I have much to say, but I wish I could attempt to talk to people. I get the feeling of being left out, kind of like I felt in high school of not being accepted or having any friends. I'm sure it wouldn't be like that here, there are so many nice people who I really like and enjoy getting to know one-on-one, I just wish I could get over this fear and open up to meeting new people, especially here where we are similar in many ways. It's hard for me to even post these things.....Does anyone feel this way? ::

 

[mndigi]

I thought most social phobics DID like chatting online because no one could see them online. That's certainly the case with me. Or rather was when I got my first PC! I admit that after I had got used to online chatting, I used be more conscious and quiet. Any way, nothing lost. Online chatting can never replace real interaction. It can only deaden your brain. You should work towards interacting in real.

 

[GirlAfraid]

Yes, I feel the same way. I find it difficult to even post here, let alone join in the chat.
I’m not necessarily afraid of looking like an idiot or anything; I’m fine with that if that’s how people feel about me. The problem for me is that I feel as though everyone is already good friends here and there’s this sort of “clique” mentality. It’s really hard for me, as a newcomer, to integrate myself into pre-established social groups. I just feel like an outsider that’s intruding on their little social circle, and that I will just make everything awkward for everyone because nobody really knows who I am.
This also happens to be the reason why this is only my second post.

 

[Remus]

I'm not keen, I was OK years back online but encountered abuse in chatrooms (SA) and via messenger, it put me off talking online

 

[Remus]

The problem for me is that I feel as though everyone is already good friends here and there’s this sort of “clique” mentality.

I don't speak to anyone here outside the board, I don't know anyone beyond what they post on here, I don't know my fellow moderators on any kinda personal level. I guess it may seem like I'm everyone's pal because I post alot

 

[Ashiene]

if you were to talk to me online, you would never think i'm a social phobic. you see, when i can hide behind the computer, i lose all my fear of speaking and since no1 can read my facial expression this way, i don't have to worry about how i look all the time, so i can concentrate on thinking and typing.

 

[Danfalc]

I struggle on chat,and its a shame because there are so many nice people on there,but it just doesnt come natrual to me,ive really tried recently a few times but i always feel like im talking rubbish or blurting random stuff out because i get nervous.I worry i come across as an ass aswell because i retreat into my shell and can become stand off-ish.

Im okay on msn,because its one on one,but i use to be scared of that years ago,I think sometimes we need to be brave and just jump in with both feet,sometimes it doesnt turn out as bad as we think its going to

 

[Hoth]

Busy chat rooms are really stressful. I go in sometimes, and have even been a regular in a chat for months at a time (though that was at off-peak hours with fewer people), but it just wears on me until I give it up.

The problem for me is that I feel as though everyone is already good friends here and there’s this sort of “clique” mentality.

Yes, there's always a feeling of active exclusion when a bunch of people are talking with each other and not you. It's probably irrational, but it's there.

there are so many nice people who I really like and enjoy getting to know one-on-one, I just wish I could get over this fear

Have you tried much IMing? I find it a lot easier, since it's just one-on-one. Actually IMing is a bit stressful with a lot of people, but you have to get through that to find the few people who end up putting you at ease.

 

[Satine]

I can appreciate the fear that some here have mentioned about talking in instant chat. There's a bit of a feeling that you need to come up with something to say on the hoof.

However, this is a forum for social phobics, so surely if there's anywhere you can talk on an IC then it's on the one provided on the homepage? Again, I get that some feel daunted by that, but surely this is the best place to try and break through that fear?

I don't chat every time I come onto this site, but if anyone who feels awkward is on at the same time I am posting on IC, why not join in with me? Say what you like, but if you can't find anything to say, I'll be able to fill in the gaps. And if I can't I'm normally the first to apologise because I'm doing two things at once.

A challenge to anyone who reads this: if you're worried about the chat, try it today! Go on, you'll feel like you've just floored Mike Tyson if you have a conversation on there!

 

[Qoo]

I've got this problem sometime,when I don't know what I would talk with their,then i feel afraid and immediately block thier temporilary until i can think a topic for chat again

 

[lurknomore]

The problem for me is that I feel as though everyone is already good friends here and there’s this sort of “clique” mentality. It’s really hard for me, as a newcomer, to integrate myself into pre-established social groups. I just feel like an outsider that’s intruding on their little social circle, and that I will just make everything awkward for everyone because nobody really knows who I am.

I actually feel this way in real life- like everyone around me fits into "cliques" that I have no ability or hopes of breaking into. I kind of feel like people are puzzle pieces that naturally fit together, and I'm somehow a stray piece from the wrong puzzle, or that the parts of me that should interlock with others are just missing or are grossly misshaped. Or maybe I'm a blank or as yet undefined piece that the others feel uncomfortable even approaching.

That being said, I know I probably come across as a crazy ass in the chat sometimes- I think it comes of being repressed conversationally in real life- but really we're nice and don't intentionally shun or ignore people. I don't bite- unless you bite first lol. But seriously, it's fun, and you should just jump in if you feel so inclined. Maybe try at a time when there aren't that many people if you're nervous- or maybe it's easier when there are a lot of people- someone's bound to respond to you. And danfalc, I think you do just fine in the chat- you don't seem to be talking rubbish or randomly to me. Of course, sometimes those kinds of things are what keep the chat moving lol. I just wish I could transfer my newly found "chatting" skills to real life. *sigh*

 

[GirlAfraid]

Yes, there's always a feeling of active exclusion when a bunch of people are talking with each other and not you. It's probably irrational, but it's there.

Yeah, I'm painfully aware that it's entirely irrational, and that's what makes me so frustrated about the whole ordeal.

I actually feel this way in real life- like everyone around me fits into "cliques" that I have no ability or hopes of breaking into. I kind of feel like people are puzzle pieces that naturally fit together, and I'm somehow a stray piece from the wrong puzzle, or that the parts of me that should interlock with others are just missing or are grossly misshaped. Or maybe I'm a blank or as yet undefined piece that the others feel uncomfortable even approaching.

I adore this analogy because it sums up my entire social life so well. This is exactly how I have always felt, and it's extremely discouraging to find that this mentality also follows me into the online world, where I had hoped that the mask of anonymity would shield my fears and social delusions.

 

[recluse]

I'm afraid of talking online on msn and stuff. I guess it's easier to type out my feelings but i still feel inadequete.

 

[cosmosis]

I never know if you are suppose to annouce yourself and say bye in chat?

Chat rooms are quite unnatural. There's nothing really like it in real life. The comparison is like this - imagine a real life setting when you have 2-3 people in the center of the room talking loud and then 30 people just standing there staring at them. Once in a while one of the 30 people will say something out of the crowd. Or everyone starts talking at once and everyone can hear everyone.

1 on 1 chat is much easier for me and way more natural.

 

[meatcake]

Maybe you could try it as exposure therapy - like make a list of things to do in chat, and rate how anxious they make you, then sort them and start with the easiest one. Like the first could be to just pop in, say "hi" and then leave.

 

[mrb]

hey sparrow just join in most of us are muppets anyway , just join in the muppet show , im kermit by the way lol gazza

 

[Rodox]

I am very awkward when chatting and pm,I think I come across as an asshole actually,its not intentional,I dont know how to explain,some guys sent some pms when the forum was in the older style, and the window still poped up,I just want to say that if you are reading this,sorry if I seemed like an asshole....

 

[Danfalc]

I am very awkward when chatting and pm,I think I come across as an asshole actually,its not intentional,I dont know how to explain,some guys sent some pms when the forum was in the older style, and the window still poped up,I just want to say that if you are reading this,sorry if I seemed like an asshole....

I know your not fishing for compliments,but for whats its worth from your posts ive always seemed you come across as a cool guy!But i know what you mean i feel like that too.

And thanks for what you said aswell lurk,likewise i wasnt fishing for reasurance,but it was still nice to know i dont come across as bad as i sometimes think i do.

 

[Rodox]

I know your not fishing for compliments,but for whats its worth from your posts ive always seemed you come across as a cool guy!But i know what you mean i feel like that too.

And thanks for what you said aswell lurk,likewise i wasnt fishing for reasurance,but it was still nice to know i dont come across as bad as i sometimes think i do.

Thanks,I guess pms feels just to close and personal and I also use pop up blockers,so it used to get kinda confusing in the forum's old style where you had that pm when the window would pop up....

 

[Sacrament]

Just relax and don't feel too intimidated. See it as one small step towards getting better. It's no big deal.