humble
Member
Hello! I'm writing because I need some advice for my sister. She has SA like me and this isn't strange at all, if you consider that we had the same life experiences and our psychological problems are our parents' fault. They are very religious people, thus we always were oppressed. Our parents didn't let her go out and have a good time with friends, didn't let her listen to any kind of music except for religious songs, accused her of having a criminal behaviour only because she liked watching horror films and reading Agatha Christie, threw away her CD's, humiliated her all the time and learned her to accept only people from their church and reject all the others. My sister is much older than me, so she suffered a lot as the years passed and she had never had a relationship, she had never had even a simple date with a boy before. All her life was home, church, work and she suffered from SA as well as depression. So, someday she made her own revolution and met a boy who wasn't from the church, they got very well together and after some time they got engaged and then married. It was the first time that she was really happy and she even didn't have SA problems anymore. But after the marriage it was revealed that his nerves were in a really bad state and he hit her many times for totally unimportant things. But at the same time, when he wasn't nervous he was so sweet and good with her, so there always were the two extremes, angry and violent or angel. I know that he suffers from some psychological problems, he just cannot be normal. These extremes were the reason why my sister had patience with him, she was once very happy and once very sad. One day she couldn't help it anymnore, she left him and returned home. But he begged her so much and said he would change so she got back. Now he has started being furious again, he doesn't hit her, but speaks badly to her and spits her in her face. Once again, when he's ok he's an angel. My sister is facing a huge dilemma, and I think that, no matter how unhappy she would be at start, she would have left him, if our parents were normal. But I know that she finds it very difficult to come back to them and have all those bad things again and she has no money to go somewhere else and live alone. I don't know what to say to her anymore. Note that our parents never accepted her husband, first because he wasn't a church member and second because they saw that he is very nervous. But they don't understand that they also behave very badly. I also know that if my sister gets a divorce, she will never find another man again, she's that kind of person and she will be unhappy for all her life. Apart from the other bad things that our parents do, she will also have to hear all the time that life was unfortunate for her because she didn't "wait for God to find her a husband from the church members, so she was punished". So, what to choose, a violent husband or awful parents? Tell me please!