A question to the good looking.

[hippiechild]

good god... :x

Since when has social phobia been a straight-forward, black and white issue? Do you believe that there is no possibility of recovery, relapse or varying levels of anxiety? Hell...not everyone even has the same fears. Some of us freak out when we see strangers in the park, while others find that to be ok and can't stand being around people that they know. Some people with social phobia spend their lives peering out through their house's windows, afraid to leave. Others of us are able to, with significant effort and progressive loading, hold down real jobs and interact with people.

There is a reason why people go to therapy... they ARE able to recover! Therapy often includes gradually introducing people to situations that cause them anxiety. The first step might be picking up a telephone and calling the therapist. The next step could be calling a store and asking about a product..etc
If everyone with social phobia acted the same and was affected to the exact same degree, we would have no use for treatments or therapies....we could just sit in our rooms and have doggies bring us food every once in a while, poor poor us with our incurable disease. (Many of us probably wish for something similar to that at some point too)

Anyway, it is possible to get better to some degree. It is possible to live a "normal" life and interact with people. Having social phobia doesn't mean, "hully guys, I can't ever have any friends..especially of the opposite gender and I can't have a job, buy food, talk to people outside internets. Why? I have the social phobia!" I never thought that I'd find elitist SAD sufferers

I'm totally going to want to post in the picture thread now...I love it when people look at me and decide that I'm not good enough to be a part of their group. Geez...they aren't even one of us, totally not SAD enough for the SAD club.

Those people do have social phobia

I know that you tried making the original post as inquisitive as possible and weren't trying to be confrontational. I just wanted to address the attitude of, "they aren't anxious! Look at them, they have cool shirt/friends/wife/job/pretty face." :wink:
I come here because I love you guys you are all so nice and easy to relate to... please don't shun anyone

 

[weak]

I'm wondering, I posted earlier in the 'show your picture' thread that I find it unlikely that people like the people posting pics in this thread would ever have a SA. Sure te people posting pics are the ones that look good because they have the nerve to do it, but that only enforces my question even more.
Furthermore I am reading about people with boy/girlfriends, with children. And it is towards those people I direct this question. Why are you posting on a social phobia board? It seems like you have no trouble dealing with the social aspect of life.

I don't mean to be judging people here, I was just wondering why you decided to come and post here, because I honestly don't understand.

Some people let SA completely disable their life, others keep pushing forward.

In regards to sharing pictures on an internet forum... I think most people's anxiety is limited to just real life situations.

 

[blue]

Hylke
Social phobia differs from person to person. It depends alot on personal experiences and how hard you work with your feelings. I have two children and have been with my partner for 8 years and love him very much.
It is extreamly difficult to have a relationship and children though it isnt impossible if you have that notion you will never allow yourself to have it.
So what if you find yourself attracted to someone who sees your anxiety and doesnt care.......would you walk away because you HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY and couldnt possibly allow yourself any happiness or you wouldnt be a true SOCIAL PHOBIC.
I hate reading this s~~t if you could step into my life for one day you would change that narrow minded comment.

 

[hippiechild]

Right on, weak and blue!

 

[roseycheeks]

I'm wondering, I posted earlier in the 'show your picture' thread that I find it unlikely that people like the people posting pics in this thread would ever have a SA. Sure te people posting pics are the ones that look good because they have the nerve to do it, but that only enforces my question even more.
Furthermore I am reading about people with boy/girlfriends, with children. And it is towards those people I direct this question. Why are you posting on a social phobia board? It seems like you have no trouble dealing with the social aspect of life.

I don't mean to be judging people here, I was just wondering why you decided to come and post here, because I honestly don't understand.

Hylke, I have a bf, so i fit into the category of people you addressed your question to. To be honest, i was kind of offended by your question. i mean, intimate relatinships are only one type of social relationship and your reasoning fails to consider all the other areas of social life that can be affected by this disorder.

It's clear on the forums that not everyones journey is the same but
we do have an overriding motive for being here and that is to be supported. in the end that's all that should count.

 

[dpr]

Hylke, I have a bf, so i fit into the category of people you addressed your question to. To be honest, i was kind of offended by your question. i mean, intimate relatinships are only one type of social relationship and your reasoning fails to consider all the other areas of social life that can be affected by this disorder.

It's clear on the forums that not everyones journey is the same but
we do have an overriding motive for being here and that is to be supported. in the end that's all that should count.

TBH, I was a bit offended too, just because it was like he was insinuating that my Social Phobia was somehow less significant than his because I am with someone. But he said he wasn't trying to be judgmental and I don't think he was, he just didn't understand and was curious about what the answers would be from people with bf/gf/husbands/wives.

 

[Hylke]

YES! Look I wasn't trying to judge anyone. I did that before on this forum though and got some negative reactions, these made me wonder. In my world shyness is always related to insecurity about the way you look, not just in me but in all those I know. Not just because some people (like myself) are ugly but also because the insecurity influences the way they look. They walk shy, make little eye contact and have a general air of insecurity about them.
I just want to know how people that look so great have ever got to the point of SA or even SP. So far I havent seen good answer apart from 'good looking people can have SA too'. I'm sure they can, but why?

Rosey just mentioned that a relationship is just a single kind of relationship. The way I see it, it is one of the most social relationships you can have. It involves intimate contact, dating, going out with his/her friends, lots of talking etc.

What I would like is a straight answer. Why are you SA/SP and how bad is it? Not as a judgement, but as a curiosity because it is so different from anything I can relate to.

 

[Argamemnon]

Oh so frequent exposure to social situations does not lessen anxiety? Looks like exposure therapy, "the best cure for social phobia" was a fraud all along.

Exposure doesn't cure my anxiety. I'm extremely sensitive to external stimulation. You can't change the way your brain works.

 

[freestylemonster]

Hate it when people say this crap...It's really stupid that they think that you have to be not good looking to have social phobia or something...

I'm not gonna lie...When I look in the mirror, like what I see haha..I've been called good looking, hot, even sexy in my life time...But for whatever reason I'm still scared shitless of talking to people I don't know. I've been in college for two months and I've only really talked to one guy in my class...The other people just gave up on trying to talk to me because I wouldn't respond.

Also, I almost have a girlfriend...But the only reason I was able to pull that off is because she's really shy too and....I'm drunk about three quarters of the time I'm with her...The other quarter of the time neither of us really say much of anything, I just turn the TV on or say I'm not feeling very good or tired and that's why I'm not talking.

I don't think confidence has much to do with looks. I'm unconfident in what I have to say because I'm over-sensitive and take everything to heart, when I should just forget about it and move on...

Hope I was able to enlighten you a little and maybe now you'll understand that looks have nothing to do with SA.

Also, as a side note, I got really mad when you said "they probably just feel a little uncomfortable and think it's social phobia" (or something along those lines) I went through the stiffening of all my muscles, freezing of the brain, sweating, fast beating heart and everything. And although I've been able to overcome a lot of those symptoms it's only because I was fed up and started trying really hard to get over my SA. CBT has really helped too.

whoo glad I got that off my chest

 

[LordofTheNoobs]

Well heres my 2 cents, ive been called sexy,cute,etc but id never go up to a girl an ask for her number let alone take her out.


Only reason ive had a g/f is because she approched me an was very persistent but eventually it fell out once she found out how much of a loner i was, an how awkward i was around her friends.

I had to drink just to get up enough nerve to go out with her somewher even then it was weird since i was so quiet.

 

[hippiechild]

I just want to know how people that look so great have ever got to the point of SA or even SP. So far I havent seen good answer apart from 'good looking people can have SA too'. I'm sure they can, but why?
...
What I would like is a straight answer. Why are you SA/SP and how bad is it? Not as a judgement, but as a curiosity because it is so different from anything I can relate to.

Good question!
From my experience it can be caused by any number of "flaws" that the person becomes self-conscious of. They could feel that they have inferior intellect, poor social skills or boring conversations. They could feel disgusting because of the way people treated them when they were younger. Someone might be pretty now, but they were picked on throughout ages 7-14 for having big ears, acne, bad breath, fatness, glasses etc.
People also could have a distorted self-image; Just because you think that they look pretty doesn't mean that they see themselves the same way.

If social phobia was directly linked to prettiness, people could slip in and out of it quite easily. Appearances just happen to be the easiest aspects of ourselves for other people to judge

 

[no1]

I don't think I look so good. I cold also in fact attribute much of my social anxiety to my appearance during childhood. I was fat, and had glasses. There were of course other factors like overprotective and/or ignorant parents, and the problems I went through which made my life seem 'crazy' (therefore myself crazy)....

 

[dpr]

I just want to know how people that look so great have ever got to the point of SA or even SP. So far I havent seen good answer apart from 'good looking people can have SA too'. I'm sure they can, but why?

I think part of the reason you are misunderstanding this is you seem to believe that because YOU think someone is good-looking that they feel the same way about themselves. But just because you think someone is good-looking, doesn't mean they think the same thing about themselves. They could think of themselves as ugly, and this could be because of the SP which was set into motion by childhood trauma, things people said or did, being abused or molested.

Also a lot of people who you think are good-looking may think they are lacking in other areas. Like they may feel they are boring, stupid, uninteresting, not worth talking to, etc. There's a lot of guilt that comes with SP.

 

[sleepysparrow]

...

 

[recluse]

I think there is a different level of social anxiety for each person. One person could be afraid of driving a car for example, but are fine in a one to one relationship. I mean i have tattoos and drive a sportscar and before someone talks to me they would probably not guess i am social phobic.

 

[coriander1992]

I'm wondering, I posted earlier in the 'show your picture' thread that I find it unlikely that people like the people posting pics in this thread would ever have a SA. Sure te people posting pics are the ones that look good because they have the nerve to do it, but that only enforces my question even more.
Furthermore I am reading about people with boy/girlfriends, with children. And it is towards those people I direct this question. Why are you posting on a social phobia board? It seems like you have no trouble dealing with the social aspect of life.

I don't mean to be judging people here, I was just wondering why you decided to come and post here, because I honestly don't understand.

Some people let SA completely disable their life, others keep pushing forward.

In regards to sharing pictures on an internet forum... I think most people's anxiety is limited to just real life situations.

^ Totally ditto the bold above.

Who are you to sit there and say that somebody else doesn't have SA? It effects each and every sufferer differently.

I also think that some people with SA are quite happy to sit there looking for pity and talking about how rubbish their lives are without actually taking steps to help themselves. It's hard for everybody, deal with it.

 

[faithnomore]

I'm wondering, I posted earlier in the 'show your picture' thread that I find it unlikely that people like the people posting pics in this thread would ever have a SA. Sure te people posting pics are the ones that look good because they have the nerve to do it, but that only enforces my question even more.
Furthermore I am reading about people with boy/girlfriends, with children. And it is towards those people I direct this question. Why are you posting on a social phobia board? It seems like you have no trouble dealing with the social aspect of life.

I don't mean to be judging people here, I was just wondering why you decided to come and post here, because I honestly don't understand.

Thats what i have thought since i joined this site. Its very confusing, but maybe some of the people need the attention...

I just need the site to vent off some problems now and again. Its not helping society, but none of us are.

 

[Smokeringz]

I see where your getting at man, but theres alot of different types of SP and alot of people are on different levels.

 

[Acme]

...I just want to know how people that look so great have ever got to the point of SA or even SP. So far I havent seen good answer apart from 'good looking people can have SA too'. I'm sure they can, but why?...

For me SA has nothing to do with looks, it is genetic. I have SA, my dad has SA, his mother has SA, etc. (not sure how far up the line this goes). It's some sort of chemical imbalance in the brain (or something - not sure what) that's hereditary. Ain't that a b*tch.

 

[dax79]

I have a similar bias where I tend to think people who are physically attractive can't have SA because my SA is based so much on my negative body image. But there are a number of reasons people can have SA, including just a genetic disposition to respond to social stress in a certain way to being abused as a child.