A Place to Introduce Yourself

Quelqu'un

Quelqu'un

Active member
Howdy. I am a 25 year old female from the U.S., originally from South America. I have had SA ever since I can remember. At times in my life it has been severe, and I've also suffered from depression, but I feel like in recent years it has gotten better, but it's still pretty bad at times.

I found this website a few days ago and have since been reading peoples' posts and constantly thinking "wow, that sounds just like me!" I am now 200% sure I have SA ::(: It's comforting to know that there are so many others out there, but depressing at the same time because I wish no one had to go through this crap. I actually "discovered" I had SA four years ago after I Googled it, and it really depressed me at the time. Then I basically forgot about it, or maybe was in denial, because it sucks to think you have a "mental disorder." No one wants to think of themselves that way.

Recently I have had a lot of time on my hands, so I've been thinking about my past and life in general, and remembered SA again, so decided to research it. For some reason, I sort of don't want to face the fact that I have a problem or deal with it (my usual approach to most problems in life, although I am trying to change that), and I don't want anyone to know. I sort of want to accept it and just leave it there on a shelf. I don't really know if any treatment would be effective and I'm definitely opposed to taking prescription drugs. But even though I deal with my issue daily, I consider myself a fairly happy person, and am grateful for my life and for what I have. It just really sucks because I feel like this thing is holding me back so much and preventing me from really living. I always think of something I read somewhere that asked "Are you living, or just surviving?"

Anyway, sorry for the uber boring introduction. I'm more interesting than this, but I just don't know what else to write right now...
 
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bangdrum

Active member
Hi everyone,

I'm feeling awful today and found this site (apparently I registered at some point but never posted), so I might as well introduce myself...

26 year old female, have been shy and anxiety-ridden pretty much since I was born. Had selective mutism in elementary school; only had 'friends' from playdates set up by my mother. Had a couple of almost-friends in high school and college, but it didn't last. Went to law school because I'm an idiot. Graduated last year and was admitted to the bar in March. Still don't have a permanent job. Live with my mother, who yells at me all day and night about everything (no job, no privacy, why don't I leave the house, no friends, no relationships, depression, etc). I've been on tons of dates from online dating sites, only one ever turned into an actual "boyfriend" and he was really a jerk who dumped me after just under a year of a not very good relationship. The only "friends" I have are a guy I met online 7 years ago who lives in another state (he calls too sometimes, and he's visited me once and I've visited him twice) who my mother calls Retardo, and a girl from college who really just uses me as a room filler and doesn't really know anything about me. I can't stand her and only go along on the occasions she invites me on some awful day out because otherwise my mother will freak out at me.

I have nowhere to go ever and I'm always alone so I hate going out. I also don't have much money or I guess maybe I'd just go to the movies every day. I don't mind going to the movies alone. Everything else I hate because I know I'm not supposed to be alone, I'm supposed to be with my friends or boyfriend and everyone notices me. Even on the subway I get paranoid about people looking at me. I have no problem giving people directions or making conversation about something "impersonal" (the train is late or look what happened over there or whatever) and in school I did fine in speech class (though terrified) though I didn't participate much otherwise. I take klonopin and I see a therapist every week, have done so since I was 14. Have tried tons of meds, nothing else worked at all. I have pretty much no family; am an only child, my parents were divorced when I was little and my now-dead father was a psycho, my best friend was always my grandma so of course she had to get Alzheimers 8 years ago and is now in a nursing home. My mother has decided that "enabling" didn't work and now takes every opportunity to tell me what a failure I am, how depressed I make HER, how much she hates her life, how she wishes I would get a job and move out, and how I have no right to say anything back to her because she pays for everything. Then she complains if I say anything about her to my therapist, and complains that the therapist can know about her life!

Anyway. That's me. I'm a miserable depressed/depressing weirdo with no life. Please don't hate me. ::(:

Jess
 
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bangdrum

Active member
Thanks for the welcome.

No, I don't play drums. (Don't worry, everyone asks.) I use this name in a lot of places; it's from a Lindsey Buckingham song. (I am an insane rabid fan.) The song is called "Bang The Drum" and is actually relatable to this problem (maybe that's why I picked it for my online name so long ago, I don't know)...

Lyrics:

Afraid to move
Afraid to lose
A piece of faith, a piece of heart
Surprised to find
Someone willing to lose
Just to keep herself from falling apart

Bang the drum
Bang it louder

She said, "One thing, baby,
I think you should know
This world treats me oh so rough
Got this deep down sorrow
That won't let go
I just don't think I'm tough enough"

Bang the drum
Bang it louder
 
JesseJay

JesseJay

Member
Hmm..

Well my name is Jay. I am a 23 year old male from America. If you want to be specific, I'm from the south. I've had anxiety attacks and symptoms daily since a couple days before I hit 19. I have a lot more bad days than good days. It's like the energy is taken out of me from this bullsh*t. But alas if I frown, It wins and I'm too stubborn for that.

I've lost a fiance and friends because I just can't get out and do stuff simply because stupid stuff triggers me to panic. Uhm, I've grinded my teeth from it, Went there for awhile where I had to make sure my heart was beating cause it'd freak me if it beat too hard or when I couldn't feel it. D:


And I smoke marijuana because it seems to be the only thing to level me out and actually help me seem level and not off balance. I'm sure most know what I mean. It brings meee down.


I think that sums it up. <.<
 
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bangdrum

Active member
Yep, The Dance was my first full exposure to Fleetwood Mac! :cool: Have since seen the group 3 1/2 times in concert (the Today show is a 1/2), Lindsey solo twice and Stevie solo twice. (I did say I'm rabid...)

Welcome Jay. :)

Jess
 
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Just_Visiting_This_Planet

Member
Hey Everyone,
I'm Alicia. I'm 20 years old it seems that I have had SA for a while now though I've only been speculated to have it recently. Actually a few weeks ago I talked to a counselor at my university and the school psychiatrist and they both thought that I had it. I haven't gotten a full evaluation by a psychiatrist outside of school yet.
Anyway, when I was a little kid I used to have tons of friends and be really outgoing and always spoke my mind. At age eight, my dad married my stepmom and my life became hell. I would need to write a novel to tell about living with her for 7 years so I am not going to get into that. As i got older I started to become really shy and eventually became paranoid. It didn't help that I changed school districts after 8th grade and knew noone. I made friends but I was an outcast in the group and one person in the group would always try to embarrass me when I would have an ADHD moment and completely zone out. It also didn't help that family members would always sy that I was mentally ill behind my back, starting from the time I could talk and until the present time(I only found out about this a couple of years ago) People on both sides of the family also hating the fact that I am a tomboy and am never going to change. I also got made fun of in high school for not being a normal girl, for having medical problems, and for being on crutches several times. I had gotten to the point where people were calling me cripple and throwing glass bottles at me from cars (of course they wouldn't have the balls to do that to me if we met on the street) Over the years these experiences have just added up and I am always in fear that I am going to be madefun of and judged. some days I wont even leave the house because I don't want to deal with anyone. I don't have a lot of friends rgiht now and have not been keeping up well with my current friendships. Some people want to get to know me but I haven't given them the chance to and some of them think I hate them. I've managed not to become a recluse at least from going to school and the gym and doing other things but it is vert mentally taxing at times. I am in the process of getting help so hopefully thing will get better in time. That's pretty much my story, sorry it's so long.
 
superfluouslyme

superfluouslyme

1
Hey, Alicia! This place is full of tomboys, so don't worry. I hope you decide to visit this planet for a little longer. :) At least until you've met coyote. He's a hoot!
 
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bangdrum

Active member
Welcome Alicia.

I'm something like a tomboy... hate makeup (only wear it for job interviews at my mother's insistence), couldn't care less about fashion, gossip, etc., don't dance or do other girly sports (I don't do ANY sports), don't watch chick flicks and CW shows... I used to wish I was a boy when I was younger. Boys don't have the constant pressure of being judged on appearances and fashion sense.

Jess
 
JesseJay

JesseJay

Member
bangdrum said:
I used to wish I was a boy when I was younger. Boys don't have the constant pressure of being judged on appearances and fashion sense.

Jess
Click to expand...

No offence Jess, But you should be a guy trying to get a girl first before you make that comment.


Trust me from a guy who knows women well, They judge us aswell.

And thanks for the welcome. :)
 
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bangdrum

Active member
I am a woman, Jay. And trust me, you guys don't have to wear high heels, or look exactly perfect in whatever the latest uncomfortable fashion is, in order to get seemingly anyone ever to pay more than a few minutes attention to you. Obviously guys are judged to some degree as well (everyone is), but I really don't think it's equal.
 
CosmicNeurotica

CosmicNeurotica

Banned
bangdrum said:
I am a woman, Jay. And trust me, you guys don't have to wear high heels, or look exactly perfect in whatever the latest uncomfortable fashion is, in order to get seemingly anyone ever to pay more than a few minutes attention to you. Obviously guys are judged to some degree as well (everyone is), but I really don't think it's equal.
Click to expand...

I don't know drum, I'm with JesseJay on that one.
Maybe I can't speak for everyone, but I think men have it even worse at times than women do. Women worry too much about that stuff anyway, and put on too much makeup that isn't needed.
(There's another thread about this here somewhere too btw)
But as far as the judgement goes, women don't have it easier.
Maybe we can just call it even though and call it a day? You should be happy in your own skin.
 
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bangdrum

Active member
I didn't pick the fight but fine, we'll all agree that guys get judged so much worse than women do (a load of bullcrap). Yay.
 
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bangdrum

Active member
Sorry, didn't know you weren't a guy. Just trying to follow Cosmic's advice and find more bitterness to squeeze into my life somewhere, that's all.

BTW, you DO have to wear high heels on job interviews if you're female and that is definitely not the same for guys. I think it's also possible that I get judged for wearing pantsuits instead of skirts, but can't prove it.
 
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jelli1224

New member
Hi everyone. :) Its nice to meet you. I decided to join this site after I realized that I hate socializing and talking with other teens, being around them, being in situations where there is large groups of people, and just being around people in general. I hated it and would go into what I later realized where panic attacks.

I can carry on a conversation online better then ever, but when it comes to talking on the phone with someone new, or even someone who I have talked to before, my problems start. Sometimes everything gets so bad it feels like I can't breathe and I hate it. I have not officially been diagnosed with SA, but I hope to be around others who can support and encourage me. If anyone wants to say hello, feel free to send me a PM. Any tips on dealing with meeting someone new for the first time or being around a group of people is greatly welcomed. Thanks!

~ jelli1224
 
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