I've been attracted to one person in my entire life-- at a very primal level. We were together for 8 years and had sex regularly. I enjoyed it, yeah - but only because it was with him. I never looked at or thought of other people before/during my time with him. I'd try to sometimes, but it just wasn't possible.
Before him and since him, I've never been attracted to anything/anyone. It's not just depression, I've had a complete lack of sexual attraction/tension since puberty and I think it's because I am asexual. It was like some sort of cruel joke that I'd find someone I actually loved and he'd turn out to just not want me in the end and I would be stuck, unable to feel forever.
I don't even care though. Without love, there is no point in sex and I certainly have no desire for 'meaningless/casual' sex. It's been 2 years and I haven't once felt aroused in the slightest; even watching pornography. I honestly don't care if it ever happens again. I'm just sad that I'll never be able to become a mother. That was one thing I really thought I could be when I grew up at some point--- a 'mommy'. I could always adopt. I'm sure I will one day when I'm prepared to support a child/teenager, but I'll miss out on feeling a life growing inside of me and bringing something new into the world all by myself. oh, well...
So... am I asexual or am I secretly a robot? I wonder...
Doesn't everyone feel attraction to people on a regular basis? Interest, sexual tension? If they do, then that's the sign to me that I'm not like everyone else. One sign, anyways...
