Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

S

Sarah_M

1
vj288 said:
May I ask, do you feel there is something wrong with being alone? It sounds like you really want a boyfriend and other people to hang out with, which there is absolutely nothing wrong with, but when you are in your own company do you feel like there is something wrong?

From what I can see you are an interesting and attractive person, and if you put yourself in the right situations people will find their way to you. But if you see there being something wrong with yourself when you don't have anyone, it could drive people away. I imagine it would give people the vibe that you don't like to spend time with yourself, and if that was the case why would they want to spend time with you?

And before the thought that perhaps you aren't good company crosses your mind, again that does not seem true to me. I know I might be way off base with all that I'm saying, but if I'm not, I'd suggest enjoying your own company. Show yourself why you are worth being around, so when a worthwhile person comes by you are able to show them.

Because otherwise I see a vicious cycle of thought developing. "No one wants to be around me because I suck, and I suck because I have no friends or love interest, and I have no love interest or friends because I suck, and I suck because I have no friends or"...etc etc forever.

Basically, the TL: DR version of what I am trying to say, is that you don't suck and don't need other people to not suck, but it makes it harder to add people into your life if you believe you suck.

As to being alone, I always have found this video to be spot on. I don't think it is designed to offer a substitution to social interaction but more of a love song to those moments and times we do have to ourselves.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs
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Firstly, I just want to say thank you for taking the time to write all of that out and for your advice/compliments - it means a lot. I can also see that 'I suck' pattern developing.

I caught myself doing something during conversations with other people about me being single; I keep saying "I don't want a boyfriend" when in reality, I really do. I think it goes back to my fear of intimacy - I am afraid to get close to people. As a human being, I need contact with other humans and because I don't have it very often, I get sad/depressed.

I have been brain washed as a child to believe that I am ugly and unworthy of love - every insecurity I have boils down to that. This, or so I believe, is the crux of the issue.

Since I am someone who was abused in their childhood and didn't have a lot of early intervention (short lived therapy at 9, but abuse continued after that), my brain circuitry isn't right. I also suspect that I had an insecure attachment because I have faced social and relationship hindrances my entire life. And, to make this emotional cocktail even shittier, I have PCOS which, for me, is basically hormone problems (increased anxiety from too much testosterone and not enough progesterone). I think I will see a lot of improvement after I get my hormones in check.

The optimist in me wants to believe there is someone for everyone - I just want to find my someone.
 
lily

lily

Well-known member
Sarah_M said:
Firstly, I just want to say thank you for taking the time to write all of that out and for your advice/compliments - it means a lot. I can also see that 'I suck' pattern developing.

I caught myself doing something during conversations with other people about me being single; I keep saying "I don't want a boyfriend" when in reality, I really do. I think it goes back to my fear of intimacy - I am afraid to get close to people. As a human being, I need contact with other humans and because I don't have it very often, I get sad/depressed.

I have been brain washed as a child to believe that I am ugly and unworthy of love - every insecurity I have boils down to that. This, or so I believe, is the crux of the issue.

Since I am someone who was abused in their childhood and didn't have a lot of early intervention (short lived therapy at 9, but abuse continued after that), my brain circuitry isn't right. I also suspect that I had an insecure attachment because I have faced social and relationship hindrances my entire life. And, to make this emotional cocktail even shittier, I have PCOS which, for me, is basically hormone problems (increased anxiety from too much testosterone and not enough progesterone). I think I will see a lot of improvement after I get my hormones in check.

The optimist in me wants to believe there is someone for everyone - I just want to find my someone.
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Glad the message board is still going on. Sarah_M, I haven't found my someone either. Hope you find your someone too.
 
Pacific_Loner

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Conquering-Our-Caffeine-Addiction.jpeg
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
I've spent a lot of years trying to convince myself and other people otherwise but it's time I face the truth that I'm a pathetic and awful person.
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
S_Spartan said:
I've spent a lot of years trying to convince myself and other people otherwise but it's time I face the truth that I'm a pathetic and awful person.
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Without knowing you personally, I'll still say I doubt you're pathetic and awful even though we feel that way sometimes.
 
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PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Looks like I'm going to have to move residence again. Not something I'm used to. Pretty stressful thought..
But I think I have no real alternative.

Why can't I just dig a hole in a hill side and live like a hobbit in the hills...
/sigh.... oh to be in the shire..
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
PugofCrydee said:
Looks like I'm going to have to move residence again. Not something I'm used to. Pretty stressful thought..
But I think I have no real alternative.
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Sorry you have to go through the whole stressful process that moving is, Pug.
I haven't really recovered from having to do it recently myself. For me it kind of feels like getting the wind kicked out of your lungs.
However, I hope it runs smoothly, and everything falls into place for you though, good luck. :)

PugofCrydee said:
Why can't I just dig a hole in a hill side and live like a hobbit in the hills...
/sigh.... oh to be in the shire..
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If only it was still possible (many people in the western world no longer have the necessary skills needed) to go and live out permanently in a forest/mountains. Sadly there is just not enough natural food available for people to gather/hunt to survive anymore.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I can spend time in social situations and survive, but its not me. The first chance I get to escape the world of people at irrelevancies, I will get a million miles away.
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
Kiwong said:
I can spend time in social situations and survive, but its not me. The first chance I get to escape the world of people at irrelevancies, I will get a million miles away.
Click to expand...

Yeah, it's like scuba diving. I can do it for a little while, but then I have to come up for air.

I'll never be a mermaid. :D

200w.gif
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Sarah_M said:
Firstly, I just want to say thank you for taking the time to write all of that out and for your advice/compliments - it means a lot. I can also see that 'I suck' pattern developing.

I caught myself doing something during conversations with other people about me being single; I keep saying "I don't want a boyfriend" when in reality, I really do. I think it goes back to my fear of intimacy - I am afraid to get close to people. As a human being, I need contact with other humans and because I don't have it very often, I get sad/depressed.

I have been brain washed as a child to believe that I am ugly and unworthy of love - every insecurity I have boils down to that. This, or so I believe, is the crux of the issue.

Since I am someone who was abused in their childhood and didn't have a lot of early intervention (short lived therapy at 9, but abuse continued after that), my brain circuitry isn't right. I also suspect that I had an insecure attachment because I have faced social and relationship hindrances my entire life. And, to make this emotional cocktail even shittier, I have PCOS which, for me, is basically hormone problems (increased anxiety from too much testosterone and not enough progesterone). I think I will see a lot of improvement after I get my hormones in check.

The optimist in me wants to believe there is someone for everyone - I just want to find my someone.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry your childhood wasn't great, that's really crappy. Don't let it silence that optimist in you though, there is lots of good in the world and good people, and I like to think being one of them will attract others of the same mindset. If you see your worth, others will see it too. And now that you drive, you can search far and wide for your someone, making it harder for them to hide! :bigsmile:
 
Pacific_Loner

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Kiwong said:
I can spend time in social situations and survive, but its not me. The first chance I get to escape the world of people at irrelevancies, I will get a million miles away.
Click to expand...

FountainandFairfax said:
Yeah, it's like scuba diving. I can do it for a little while, but then I have to come up for air.

I'll never be a mermaid. :D

200w.gif
Click to expand...

Yup same here. My boss has organized some sort of team building activity in a couple of weeks and they planned it on a SUNDAY. I can't expressed how distressed I am that I'll have only Saturday to recharge from the week and then I have to go on a 6 days week that will start with an entire (unpaid) Sunday of socializing with people I already interact with about 45 hours a week for f***'s sake.

Nothing tragic, I'll survive, but it still sucks very, very much.
 
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