People just can't stand me

Agent_Violet said:

What is wrong with me that women hate me???

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Am sorry but i think the problem is not of the women , i think you are Obsessive that all the women reject you. you don´t doubt it and you are convinced of this.

think this what i have said it. Take care!!!!

Green7 said:

Am sorry but i think the problem is not of the women , i think you are Obsessive that all the women reject you. you don´t doubt it and you are convinced of this.

think this what i have said it. Take care!!!!

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ummm...ok?

Agent_Violet said:

I almost wonder if these women were really the awkward ones and *I* was the normal one?? lol wouldn't that be a twist?

could you imagine sitting there thinking you're the freak when meanwhile, it's the other people who have all the hangups and issues?

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Yes yes, this is it exactly! This is the full picture youre completely on the money.

If ever in doubt just remember that they are all (and I promise you this is true) worried about how they are being judged and perceived.

I only really grasped all this when I got sick. My appearance changed drastically. And women who never really liked me suddenly became much warmer to.me. I put on about 50lbs and lost a chunk of hair. Suddenly they were engaging me in conversation and I didnt hav to work so hard. It wasnt pity it was because I no longer intimidated them. One woman sat down beside me in the hairdressers and when she was getting up she said she I was lovely, I reminded her of herself when she was younger and said she found me very approachable friendly young lady. Now this NEVER happened to me before I got sick.haha.


Now Im sort of coming back to how I was Ive become so much more chatty and that with people. If I do ever look like I did before I dont think it would be problematic but I understand it now. And I engage ppl as Ive learned from others engaging me. Now I jump in there and give them thd perception I wish them to have instead of the natural biased they have. And its not do bad I guess we all judge people to a point. Just yd I met a woman who looks like my aunt in england! The spit of her! I immediately took a shine toher and started chatting to her haha I could gave told this stranger anything because she looked like my mums little sister! you cant help it sometimes! But ppl show their true colours given the chance sometimes you just have to take your chance!


But yea Ive spent a lot of time thinking about this gaha prob too much!

You ride a motorcycle? Wow, that's pretty cool, Violet!

Anyway, I'm going to really try on this one (I say try because I HARDLY speak with or have spoken to girls). I believe you should try to approach them one-on-one and talk to them. I forgot how it works, but apparently speaking to a person one-on-one will yield much better results than the whole group thing.

DeadmanWalking said:

You ride a motorcycle? Wow, that's pretty cool, Violet!
Thank you!! I love it so much! It quickly went from being a hobby to being a total lifestyle for me. I think i posted pics in the what are you obsessed with thread
Anyway, I'm going to really try on this one (I say try because I HARDLY speak with or have spoken to girls). I believe you should try to approach them one-on-one and talk to them. I forgot how it works, but apparently speaking to a person one-on-one will yield much better results than the whole group thing.

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I DEFINITELY like the one on one approach idea. . kinda separates them from the herd so they get rid of the mob mentality they may be experiencing

just don't associate with those people.. i don't even attempt to mix with people of a certain class anymore..

When you've replied to my posts you've been witty and when i'm in certain situations I remember what you've said and it makes me chuckle.

From what I know of you on here you're a really kind and caring individual: if those women could read your posts I''m certain they would be falling over themselves to have you as a mate.

I think what Dead man walking said is right that its easier to talk to people on their own than in a group: I find it difficult to know when to come in, if everybody keeps talking.

It sounds like you did very well with the small talk these types of parties require. Small talk bewilders me. I do terrible in parties where everyone knows each other. I tend to hang out with my cocktail (always end up drinking too much 'cause of this) or follow the one person I know. Ahh, terrible!

You mentioned this artsy/unique lady in your neighborhood...have you tried talking to her? Maybe you two could hit it off as neighbor buddies? Then you two can go ahead and have your own gatherings and talk about the other women in the neighborhood :: I have a certain particular style as well that could sorta be defined as artsy (love vintage) and I also feel that certain women (those chic, polished, put-together type women) wouldn't have much interest in talking to me. But I may be wrong. I don't really give them the time of day to begin with.

I just joined this site and don't know you very well, but from what others have said here I gather you are a very likable person. It is quite awesome that you drive a motorcycle (I have always wanted a scooter!) I know it is hard not to take their seeming rejection personally, but really don't. Keep trying. Keep going to those neighbor events. The more you see these people, the more there will be to talk about. We women can be cliquey and bitchy, but we do make awesome friends!

Agent_Violet said:

Seriously. My husband insisted that i go to a neighborhood party with him (which is great for him bc he always talks to all the nosey bastards in our neighborhood while i avoid them like their zombies or something...) anyway, we're at this party and people smile at me and i smile back.great right? well...I walk up to my one neighbor to compliment her landscaping and she is standing with 3 other women. My compliment was well received and she went on to ask me where I took my classes for my motorcycle license. So I told her and the other ladies asked a few questions about it.
Then the subject changed to all the wine selections everyone brought to the party. Well...in the middle of that conversation, someone called one of the ladies over to look at something and so she excused herself and walked away...well the ladies that were left just kinda looked at me and were like, "ooh i need more wine" or "oooh i think im going to try some of that yummy cheese that so-n-so brought with her."

and they just walk away from me.

Same thing happened to me all night. What is wrong with me that women hate me??? I mean, I could stand there and hang with the guys all night and they'd include me in their conversations as if I were one of them. I talked about all kinds of stuff with my husband and a group of men for nearly an hour...and not once was I excluded.

Sometimes I really hate myself. I didn't do anything to the women at this party and it's like they barely tolerated my presence. It's like that everywhere for me. I never can make friends with my son's friends moms either. This crap has been happening to me since high school.

i honestly don't understand it. I mean, I prefer being alone but sometimes I wish I had some sort of female companionship other than my mom ya know?

It just feeds my anxiety and makes me not ever want to go to another party or gathering again.

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I got the impression that you are tomboyish when you mentioned your "motorcycle classes" but then again, I don't know you that well. If that were the case, may be that could have been the reason these women reacted that way. If you had to get to know someone and they said for example they were into something you weren't interested in talking about at all, you would just instinctively pull away, has nothing to do with standard of the person you're talking to, you're simply not interested. There's just nothing wrong with you at all, you and these women are just not in the same frequency.

Some great advice out there already!!

Violet, I agree that getting to know these people and showing them more of your charming self could be a way to go - it happens at parties that people just split up, so then just join the next group and start talking about something random (or compliment the pie?) Sometimes it's also good to offer to 'help out' or pass the desserts or such? People also LOVE to talk about themselves, or eg trips they've taken etc, so you could also ask eg 'So, what have you been up to recently?' or such, until you find some good topic interesting to both/all of you... (and/or people interesting to talk to)

If you get along with men well, and women have seen it, it might be pereceived as a possible 'threat' too, but you can charm them silly and render yourself 'harmless' too... (there's just a slightly different way to talking with women than with men, we're all human tho ) Maybe they're just shy, or 'shy to strangers' - people can be comfortable in a circle of people they know, someone new comes and they get shy. So it may be good to 'pull them out of their shell' like Jewel said.

Maybe one or a few of these women may also have 'motorcycle phobia' or bad opinion against motrocycles (eg my mum has it, she thinks they're way too dangerous etc) and maybe they didn't dare to say anything because they don't know you so well, but didn't know what else to talk about... or just didn't find a common topic... if they only ever talk about stuff they might think you wouldn't be interested in, they may not know what to talk about..

Also, you might be doing some 'flirty' or 'malespeak' behaviour subconsciously - a few of my friends do that, and they usually get along better with men too... Being different (dress, interests etc.) can be perceived as 'strange', but if they get to know you better, or you find some common interests, they can also start seeing you as 'fabulous'!!

Agent violet, I hate social situations like that too. I'd rather have my teeth pulled than stand around like that making small talk. It really is bad for my health. For me its the gatherings before and after sport, and presentations that can make me feel so unwell.

I used to be really anxous when someone ended a conversation with me. They must find me boring, they must not like me, I'd think about it and dwell on it for days. Later I'd realise it is probably that these people needed to get something to eat, change their clothes, meet their family. More often than not its nothing personal, there could be million reasons other than that they don't like me. And if they are really being unkind or rude its no great loss that they don't want to talk to me.

To be honest these days I'm happy if I just got through a conversation without anyone noticing my anxiety. So I'm not really disappointed when a conversation ends.

i find very few social gatherings where i "fit in" - so there's the inevitable small talk to endure on subjects that i couldn't care less about, but the others find absolutely fascinating

i'm careful not to start a discussion on things that I might be interested in myself, because I used to get blank stares or a quick change in topics - so now i don't even try

smile, nod, say "uh-huh" "hmmm" "interesting," sip a beverage, look at my watch...

Agent_Violet said:

Same thing happened to me all night. What is wrong with me that women hate me???
It just feeds my anxiety and makes me not ever want to go to another party or gathering again.

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I'll tell you why they are like that. They feel threatened by you. Your presence obviously causes them discomfort simply because you get on with the men so well. That and the fact that some people are just so damn stuck up. The army wives did exactly the same to my wife at our wedding reception. She was talking to my mother and them and when my mother left to speak to someone else the wives just talked amongst themselves and ignored her. Oddly enough she spoke more with the men than the women.

Try to not let it get to you. If they are going to be that way with you, then they are not worth your friendship. You will find some other people to talk to and spend time with. Don't let it spoil going out to gatherings or parties. Just pick the parties you want to go to. And neighbours are always the worst. Curtain twitchers and backstabbers in my experience. Nothing worse than nosey neighbours.

Oh, and just remember, you are better than them.

F*ck em all. Just don't care at all. That's how i get through life. Whenever I try to make an effort people snob me. So whatever.

I wouldn't feel too bad. My problem is on a much wider scale: I have no friends or g/f and practically never connect with either sex, male or female.

You mentioned you have a husband. I've never been anywhere near married. At least you've found someone who loves you. I can't even find someone who likes me enough to hang out with me.

Thank you everyone for the reassurance and personal experiences...I really appreciate it!

I seriously am considering getting back on medication for my issues...i've gotta go back to my therapist and see what can be done.

I've been diagnosed with multiple things over the years so I guess it all contributes to my social gathering problems and taking things personally. it sucks. i wish i could be different...

yeah i totally understand where your coming from i have never fit in every party, BBQ or event where small talk in groups are going on i just never fit in im never interested in the conversation mostly anyway. i just stand back while others have a competition who can tell the funniest story then laugh politely at the punch line.

stevelee24 said:

yeah i totally understand where your coming from i have never fit in every party, BBQ or event where small talk in groups are going on i just never fit in im never interested in the conversation mostly anyway. i just stand back while others have a competition who can tell the funniest story then laugh politely at the punch line.

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omg that's so true about the funniest story thing.

who knows, maybe i unconsciously roll my eyes or make a weird face that tells people i don't care? lol

but sometimes i really DO care and probably still come off as ingenuine.

ugh...social interactions...how i am vexed by them.

Agent_Violet said:

omg that's so true about the funniest story thing.

who knows, maybe i unconsciously roll my eyes or make a weird face that tells people i don't care? lol

but sometimes i really DO care and probably still come off as ingenuine.

ugh...social interactions...how i am vexed by them.

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haha yeah sometimes to overcompensate my lack of interaction i just laugh so hard at the jokes and be overly cheerful when inside im thinking i wanna get the f*ck out of here hahaa

stevelee24 said:

haha yeah sometimes to overcompensate my lack of interaction i just laugh so hard at the jokes and be overly cheerful when inside im thinking i wanna get the f*ck out of here hahaa

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that's so true...i do the "overly animated" thing...