Och aye the noo

So another words they want to have their cake and eat it (ie they want a man-o-the-house to use as a scapegoat for anything that any of them do wrong, but want also said man-o-the-house look after them!) h:

theslowesthand said:

So another words they want to have their cake and eat it (ie they want a man-o-the-house to use as a scapegoat for anything that any of them do wrong, but want also said man-o-the-house look after them!)

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Aye. Pretty much. Aw the responsibility and blame on me... Ah huv tae make sure things get done, or remind my mum n' oldest sister to do things, since they tend to say yin thing n' do another. And "...look after Mum" whenever oldest sister is away on holiday, she usually say this in slightly patronising tone as if I don't already do that. Even though, it just me n' our mum sharing the house, my oldest sister will pop round from time to time and help out.

Basically, right, they see it as "fair" to boss me about, lie and manipulate me to get things their way. And ah huv nae choice, cannae say "No" tae them. Otherwise, they feign offence n' go: "Eh?! How no? That's no nice!" :crying: But, whenever I ask them tae do summit for me and keep their word, they make excuses; then they're surprised when I get pissed off at them for letting me doon. :kickingmyself:

So anything they do wrong is usually blamed on me, if I'm involved. I'm too demanding, ungrateful, etc. Or if I catch my mum telling outright lie which ah know for a fact is incorrect, she berates me fur it, in much tha same way as she does when I correct her mispronouncing certain words. But, y'know, men aren't exactly spoken about in positive terms in ma hoose.

Oh, and forget aboot me questioning why they're like this towards me: they hate that. Ah never git an honest answer, cuz it always ends up with them claiming that I'm "...picking on them". Or if they do gie me an answer and admit my observations are true, they'll say:
But they rarely do, unless ah stoop tae their level o' emotional blackmail o' threatening tae cut ties with them n' never speak to them, if they don't. Whether that's fair or not... :idontknow:

Troubles in Belfast, Northern Ireland... again! Ma older sister and her husband still aren't getting along. Pun intended. Thought o' that after my mum telt me aboot ma older sister's situation for the seemingly hundredth time. I'm always getting the stories what's bothering or worrying her each day. Didnae say it, obviously. Way too insensitive, and inflammatory. But then, ma sense o' humour's always been off-kilter.

So... the day. I've actually had an awrite day, today. Certainly better than yesterday when ma oldest sister "fur a laugh" decided tae lecture me aboot alcoholism, when she clapped her eyes on the one litre bottle o' Baileys and an empty shot glass in ma room.




Needless tae say that last sarcastic remark aboot me being an alkie didnae get a laugh. :idontknow: Bit ironic anaw being lectured on that topic in country known for it's love o' booze. Ah mean the way ma sister reacted tae seeing then lifting the bottle you'd get the impression that ah got the bottle, went:

"Awww... C'mere ya f**kin' beauty!"​

Unscrewed the top, opened ma gob and tipped the f**kin liquor doon ma throat in under 3 minutes.

Anyway, back whit ma day wus like. Pretty uneventful, really. My mum said she consider gan back tae Ireland to stay with ma sister til things get sorted. Since there's talk of divorce being likely. But ma mum's no sure how ah'll cope... ah half-jokingly said:


Oh, and I wrote a 3 minute song... or finished it to be more accurate. Some 80s electronic synth instrumental thing. Quite retro, actually. Obviously, my local radio station's obsessive playing of 80s music influenced me greatly. Since it's the first thing I usually hear when getting into my sister's car. Don't know what to do with it, though. Ma oldest sister suggests trying to write a few more then mailing to the local radio station? :thinking: But the thought of doing that just makes me doubt whether I'm really any good.

Graeme1988 said:

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One of my favorite liquors, love the stuff. Only trouble is it don't last long in my hands.
Also like this Butterscotch-flavoured liquor. And my old staple Mississippi Moonshine (sweet enough to drink straight). :thumbup:

theslowesthand said:

One of my favorite liquors, love the stuff. Only trouble is it don't last long in my hands.

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Aw, me neither. The smalller bottles wouldnae last a day for me.

theslowesthand said:

Also like this Butterscotch-flavoured liquor. And my old staple Mississippi Moonshine (sweet enough to drink straight). :thumbup:

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Never tried a Butterscotch-flavoured liquor before, but might look into buying some, if it doesnae cost too much. :question:

Graeme1988 said:

Never tried a Butterscotch-flavoured liquor before, but might look into buying some, if it doesnae cost too much. :question:

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It's been a while, so I can't be sure, but it may have been called "Butterscotch Schnapps".

theslowesthand said:

It's been a while, so I can't be sure, but it may have been called "Butterscotch Schnapps".

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Cool! :thumbup: I'll see what that name pulls up on Amazon, assuming they sell that over here. :thinking:

Well, it's 3 day now since I reinstalled this recording software in my laptop.



^ Got a bit overwhelm with this cuz o' the layoot lookin' more daunting than it actually is. But after a few months figuring oot the basics o' recording with Cockos Reaper and Fruity Loops, ah've went back to the software I originally went with.





Needless to say, in the last 3 days, I've wrote new instrumentals in the new software I'm using.
And I've remastered and re-recorded a few of the tracks I was originally working on with the other software before switching back to PreSonus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9z3fduz2Nc

Nearly forgot aboot this, til ah heard about it on the news the other night. June 30th of this year wus the 10 year anniversary o' the Glasgow Airport attack.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OuGD0vpW5Y
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6ngh-Cxrd_U

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7gMJBQoHJ4E

Graeme1988 said:

Well, it's 3 day now since I reinstalled this recording software in my laptop.

^ Got a bit overwhelm with this cuz o' the layoot lookin' more daunting than it actually is. But after a few months figuring oot the basics o' recording with Cockos Reaper and Fruity Loops, ah've went back to the software I originally went with.

Needless to say, in the last 3 days, I've wrote new instrumentals in the new software I'm using. And I've remastered and re-recorded a few of the tracks I was originally working on with the other software before switching back to PreSonus.

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Mind you, have said this and being glad that recording music has proved a welcome distraction as of late. Don't if I should do anything with 'em. Create artwork and upload to YouTube? :thinking: :idontknow:

My oldest sister even praised my music compositions in a email to me, yesterday. As I reluctantly let her hear a couple instrumentals I'd finished, recently. Only weird cuz I'm not used to be praised by ma family for much these days. But that's another story...

Don't know what to say, really. Quite to fully express a feeling like resentment. But it's always been difficult fur me tae expressing ma feelings. Since am always telt I'm in the wrong, talkin' shite, etc.

Anyway, efter the past few months ah've hud, ah don't think I'll be aroon much longer. A year, mibbe? But, naw, ah cannae pit up wae this anymore. Nae kid regardless o' whether yer the oldest or the youngest should huv tae endure the f**kin' shite ah've hud quietly just sigh n' shake ma heid at in despair.

F**k tryin' tae change it n' tae f**k with hopin' in it'll change. Cuz it's not gonnae change. Too little, too late.

I mean, as per usual I'm the yin who has to quietly suffer. And who's made to feel guilty cuz I'd rather stay oot the family drama n' just git oan with my life. Oh no, huvin nane o' that. I've gotta care, or else ah don't love them! As I found found out 2 months ago. Love them? Ha! Wha tha f**k would want tae, the way they carry themselves n' act.

Cuz ye see the wimmin in my immediate family - immediate being key here - act like egotistical c*nt then turn into tantrum throwin' bairns the second there's an argument. Shouting, screaming, storming off, slamming doors.

But, thankfully it's got to the point where aw that has become "normal". As it has been for the past 15 or so years - on n' off. At least for me, anyway. Since my mum and sister's only seem to react that way with me, especially if I lose my temper with them. Even though, 9 times outta 10, ah feel it's justified.

Like the other day, I asked my mum to grab my camera cuz ah need to take a photo of something. Upon me asking her to do this, she responsed by asking:


Needless to say, that question got a particular sweary, berating response fae me.

"Well... of course, ah'll need the lense! How else cun ah take the photae?! F**k sake, are ye really that f**kin' stupid, eh?!"​

Oh, and I had to stop myself from just delivering a right-hook to my mother's jaw. I know... Terrible! But I've had to put up with that level of stupidity from her for years.

And it's hardly a coincide that my only memory of the only holiday I've been on with my mum and older sisters - we went to Southerness Beach - was my sister's arguing about something, and my mum trying make them shut up about it. Though, don't recall what started the argument. :idontknow:


Anyway, feelin' very stressed and unhappy, lately. The good things in ma life dinnae seem worthy of acknowledging, really. Since naebuddy really gies a f**k aboot me. As ah fun oot this week fae my mum repeatedly obsessing over my older sister's marriage pretty much heading for divorce, I'm the yin who's supposed to console everybuddy when they're upset and make sure they're okay.

Doesnae matter if I've got naebuddy to help me through this, naebuddy to turn to tell them aboot how ah feel I'm stuck in the middle n' cannae f**kin' cope. Cuz ah don't know how, beyond just withdrawing from the world completely. :crying: Or that I'm the one supposedly keeping the family from falling apart, because I'm the burden with the responsibilty o' make sure things get done. Yet, I'm ironically falling apart, masel'. :sad:

Awrite. Well, ah did intend tae write summit different here, but ah just go with whit's hud me ragging since this afternoon. So, and slight apologises the swearing ahead..

One of my cousins is in a coma... A f**kin' coma! :crying: Some c*nt beat tha f**k oot him, ootside a nightclub in Dumfries. Leaving ma cousin with a fractured skull. :sad:

As if that wus'nae bad enough, the way ma oldest sister broke this devastating news to me wus ironic as f**k. As we return from a wee drive round town, just as we up the path back tae my house, she says:


Ah don't know why the Facebook question just irritated me. :idontknow: Like why did she just ask me if I'd hear about what happened to Davey? Since she knows I'm not currently active on Facebook. Got account, aye. But ah don't use it.

Then just few hours ago, before going to bed, my Mum walks up the stairs to my room, very near tears, by the sound o' her voice and says: "Did ye hear..."

Graeme1988 said:

Awrite. Well, ah did intend tae write summit different here, but ah just go with whit's hud me ragging since this afternoon. So, and slight apologises the swearing ahead..

One of my cousins is in a coma... A f**kin' coma! :crying: Some c*nt beat tha f**k oot him, ootside a nightclub in Dumfries. Leaving ma cousin with a fractured skull. :sad:

As if that wus'nae bad enough, the way ma oldest sister broke this devastating news to me wus ironic as f**k. As we return from a wee drive round town, just as we up the path back tae my house, she says:

"Did ye see that post on Facebook?"
"Am no on Facebook, dinnae use it"
"Aboot yer cousin... Davey - ken him? Went tae school wae ye?"
"Aye, ah know Davey. Whit happened, like?"
"He's been taken tae the hospital. He's in a coma?"
"A coma?!"
"Aye, some b@$%@rd went n' f**kin' battered 'em ootside Chancers nightclub in Dumfries"
"F**k! Hope he'll be awrite. Hus the fella who did it been arrested"
"Naw. Tommy n' Danny - Davey's brothers - are looking fur 'em, though. Intent on battering tha b@$%@rd themselves" :bat:​

Ah don't know why the Facebook question just irritated me. :idontknow: Like why did she just ask me if I'd hear about what happened to Davey? Since she knows I'm not currently active on Facebook. Got account, aye. But ah don't use it.

Then just few hours ago, before going to bed, my Mum walks up the stairs to my room, very near tears, by the sound o' her voice and says: "Did ye hear..."

Wait! Ah know what yer gonnae say...
"Whit then?"
"Cousin Davey's in a coma efter some c*nt battered 'em ootside Chancers"
"Aye. How... Wha telt you?"
"Susan - she just telt me as we were walking up the path tae the hoose"
"You've known since this afternoon?!"
Aye. Ah thought she mentioned it tae you after I left the living room n' wus upstairs?"
"Nut, she didnae bother. Just hud yer cousin, Tina, on the phone. She telt me"
"Huh! Don't know why you weren't told sooner. Sorry..."​

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Damn dude. I really hope your cousin makes a full recovery. I am sorry something like this had to happen to him.

defiance said:

Damn dude. I really hope your cousin makes a full recovery. I am sorry something like this had to happen to him.

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Thanks. Yeah, same here. :crying: My mum got a phone call from my cousin's dad just after 10 o'clock last night. A kinda update, saying doctors are hoping to bring my cousin outta the coma in a few days if his condition has improved 0and become stable. And police huv questioned someone in connection with the assault. But my mum wus'nae told whether it wus the fella who'd done it, or a just a witness who'd seen what happened.

Though, upon hearing that news, ah said that it wus a shame my cousin's brothers didnae get to 'em first. If it was the fella who battered my cousin that the police had pulled in. :bat:

So, just praying and hoping for the best right now. raying: :sad:

That said, upon hearing that had happened to my cousin, I just sat in my room, raging. Looking at my dumbell weights, huvin particularly violent thoughts o' what ah'd do tae this fella were I ever to find 'em. :bat: Probably pelt his ribs in? Beat f**k outta him enough to ensure he didnae mess with anybuddy in ma family.

Since ah know if ah let ma anger dictate the outcome, the guy would cooped up hospital. Black n' blue - sight near gone from one eye cuz ah just kept...

Graeme1988 said:

Awrite. Well, ah did intend tae write summit different here, but ah just go with whit's hud me ragging since this afternoon. So, and slight apologises the swearing ahead..

One of my cousins is in a coma... A f**kin' coma! :crying: Some c*nt beat tha f**k oot him, ootside a nightclub in Dumfries. Leaving ma cousin with a fractured skull. :sad:

As if that wus'nae bad enough, the way ma oldest sister broke this devastating news to me wus ironic as f**k. As we return from a wee drive round town, just as we up the path back tae my house, she says:

"Did ye see that post on Facebook?"
"Am no on Facebook, dinnae use it"
"Aboot yer cousin... Davey - ken him? Went tae school wae ye?"
"Aye, ah know Davey. Whit happened, like?"
"He's been taken tae the hospital. He's in a coma?"
"A coma?!"
"Aye, some b@$%@rd went n' f**kin' battered 'em ootside Chancers nightclub in Dumfries"
"F**k! Hope he'll be awrite. Hus the fella who did it been arrested"
"Naw. Tommy n' Danny - Davey's brothers - are looking fur 'em, though. Intent on battering tha b@$%@rd themselves" :bat:​

Ah don't know why the Facebook question just irritated me. :idontknow: Like why did she just ask me if I'd hear about what happened to Davey? Since she knows I'm not currently active on Facebook. Got account, aye. But ah don't use it.

Then just few hours ago, before going to bed, my Mum walks up the stairs to my room, very near tears, by the sound o' her voice and says: "Did ye hear..."

Wait! Ah know what yer gonnae say...
"Whit then?"
"Cousin Davey's in a coma efter some c*nt battered 'em ootside Chancers"
"Aye. How... Wha telt you?"
"Susan - she just telt me as we were walking up the path tae the hoose"
"You've known since this afternoon?!"
Aye. Ah thought she mentioned it tae you after I left the living room n' wus upstairs?"
"Nut, she didnae bother. Just hud yer cousin, Tina, on the phone. She telt me"
"Huh! Don't know why you weren't told sooner. Sorry..."​

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Got a wee update on how my cousin's doing, yesterday. My Mum got a phone call fae ma cousin's dad. Davey's up n' about after his emergency operation tae save his life. But he's feeling tired, due being on morphine. Like ah wus after I had my operation done last year. Oh, and he doesnae remember anything before or after the assault. Don't know if that's a good or bad thing? Guess it depends on yer perspective? :idontknow:

So... Ah don't know where tae start? :idontknow: That much has been happening in ma life, lately. In fact, it doesnae seem to huv stopped since last year. Not that I'm complaining, like. Just, it'd be nice tae huv a moment tae look back n' reflect on things.

Mibbe that ma problem - no gieing masel' the time fur that? :question: But then there's that much responsibility oan ma shoulders, or seems to be, that I never give masel' time to really relax.

Graeme1988 said:

Got a wee update on how my cousin's doing, yesterday. My Mum got a phone call fae ma cousin's dad. Davey's up n' about after his emergency operation tae save his life. But he's feeling tired, due being on morphine. Like ah wus after I had my operation done last year. Oh, and he doesnae remember anything before or after the assault. Don't know if that's a good or bad thing? Guess it depends on yer perspective? :idontknow:

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Its possible he'll remember more after he has done a bit more healing, thats great that he is up and about though!

LoyalXenite said:

Its possible he'll remember more after he has done a bit more healing, thats great that he is up and about though!

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Aye, probably. My Mum just got the update at the weekend, so... We'll see how things go. raying:
Since there was a moment there, we were aw thinkin' the worst case scenario. But it's good that's he's up n' talkin'.