I think i am destined to be single for all my life

recluse

recluse

Well-known member
I'm 27 years old going on 28 and i've never had a girlfriend, and it's all my fault. My low self esteem/self hatred will not allow me to believe that any girl will find me attractive. I don't mean only in the physical sense but i think my low self esteem and feelings of insecurity radiate outwards and makes me appear weak and useless. I think i am am destined to be alone and die alone.
 
L

licorice

Well-known member
Recluse,why would you believe those lies about yourself???And by the why not all women find the arrogant,cocky type of men appealing...I happen to find shy,reserved men endearing as long as they come out of their shell after a while and dont project their insecurities on me,cause I can tell you from experience that it is exhausting to constantly try to lift someone up when they are down and in self loathing mode...Its understandable to be down on yourself sometimes but if its constant,I doubt you will be successful in a relationship,i can almost guarantee it wont work till you learn to accept yourself as you are with your flaws and all... All humans have flaws,we have to stop comparing ourselves to everyone else and embrace our good qualities which I know you have from what I've read....
 
Carlsbad

Carlsbad

Active member
I know how you feel man! :( I know if a woman told me her feelings for me, I would jump outta me shell, but as of now, I am too scared to embarrass myself in front of her if my feelings were stronger for her than for me. That always seems to be the case. When you die, you will be alone no matter what, but I know what you mean. It would be nice to see your partner's face for the last time. :cry:
 
DaaaBulls

DaaaBulls

Well-known member
recluse, bro you gotta stop the self pity and lack of confidence, vicious cycle my friend. Have you ever thought about going to see a therapist of some sort? I'm not here to tell you how to live your life but coming on here and writing this stuff down helps but you need to take steps to fix this shit. Honestly how do you expect anyone to like you when you don't even like yourself? It's impossible, completely impossible. Take some initiative and go and get some help, thats what therapists are there for. You'll realize your just a regular guy like everyone else, start showing interest in others instead of worrying about yourself so much. Hard to do but you gotta start now.
 
Kien

Kien

Well-known member
Not all peopel are ment for love and attractive for others. ;) NOthing strange.
 
L

licorice

Well-known member
Good idea cause sitting in front of a computer complaining about it wont help too much...The notion that you will be alone for the rest of your life is such a sad,defeatist attitude..A persons attitude is everything in life,if youre going to go around seeing everything through a negative lens and feeling hopeless then thats what everything will be.... Kien,if not everyone was meant for love and attraction to the opposite gender then that would make them gay,not that theres anything wrong with that...
 
ouroboros

ouroboros

Member
hi recluse, if it's any consolation I'm in the same boat..infact I'm in an even worse boat because I'm 29 :lol: .

Something that's started to help and heal me has been psychedelics, namely Ayahuasca, but I've still got a long way to go, and I know that routes not everyones cup of tea. Being the age I am now, relationships can seem overwhelming because I think if some girl does show an interest I'd almost feel too embarrassed as I've got zero experience.

I do think once I heal myself some more that I can get a girlfriend..it will be harder than if I was younger but it's doable. I haven't really got any advice, but I just wanted to let you know my situations similar to yours and that I think there's hope for us all yet!
 
recluse

recluse

Well-known member
I am in therapy. I have cbt sessions every month o'r so. I find that when i am in the therapy session i feel good about myself, then as soon as the session is over i don't have the willpower to continue using cbt, so i often sink into self pitty again.
 
lyricalliaisons

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
I worry about the same thing. I'll be 27 in less than two weeks & have been single my entire life. I worry that, because I'm unable to socialize with people, I'll never have the opportunity. & even if I ever get it... who would want to be in a relationship with someone as inexperienced as me? Probably no one.
 
Ubersonic

Ubersonic

Well-known member
Whenever I get down about being single I go to plentyoffish.com and do a local search for females. After seeing what's out there, I'm not so down anymore...
 
no1

no1

Banned
yep yep. but sometimes I think my ONLY problem is the insomnia. *sigh* well and the fact that I have no friends to prove that I have a social status.
 
getbornagain

getbornagain

Well-known member
I feel exactly the same fuckin way. I feel like a pile of flaming, wet stinky garbage all the time.

This is some f'n bullshit.
 
Hoth

Hoth

1
licorice said:
The notion that you will be alone for the rest of your life is such a sad,defeatist attitude.
Click to expand...

Or it can be a healthy way to come to terms with who you are and move on, freeing yourself up to make realistic progress toward being happier. There's nothing to be gained from imagining that you'll suddenly find love, doing so will just drag you down and make you feel bad about failing.
 
getbornagain

getbornagain

Well-known member
What if you believe you can't be happy alone? I've been alone all my life and I have no idea what the word happiness means.
 
ljwwriter

ljwwriter

Well-known member
Well my friend, at least you're not quite where I am: chronically single and gay.
I'm not sure about what to tell you when it comes to seeking intimate relationships. Our society seems to have a very weak sense of community these days, and people are much more focused on career and the magical spirituality found in "loving oneself" than actually connecting with other human beings on a highly personal level. OK, so maybe you'll love yourself someday, but that's still not going to be a true substitute for a relationship with someone else, despite what Oprah and the love scorned souls of the world might tell you.

The only way I can think of meeting people is to perhaps go to clubs, but that's not very helpful for many people like us. I'm not really sure where people encounter their future significant others these days. When I hear other people talk they say they met them at school or something.
Sometimes I wish many of us on this forum, (I won't say all because there are some jerks who hover here who seem intent on making others feel worse), could get together and become our own kind of community.
 
BlaiseBLATES

BlaiseBLATES

Well-known member
I Know You Think No-One Will Love You For These 'Faults' You Believe You Have.
But One Day You're Going To Find Someone Who Loves You, For YOU.
And They'll Just Accept How You Are :).
Don't Worry About It Dear, Keep That Head High!
There's The Truth Short N Sweet :).
 
L

licorice

Well-known member
Flakeybark & Hoth,coming to terms with who you are and what you are and arent capable is very liberating...If you can lead a happy and fulfilling life without experiencing love and intimacy then thats wonderful!No one should feel pressured to engage in any relationship if they feel they cant handle it...However I dont think anyone should ever give up on their dreams no matter how long they take to come into fruition...And yes relationships amongst non phobic people are not all blissful but thats their problems not yours...Pointing out other failed relationships is just an excuse....My whole point is whatever will make you happy in life is what you need to strive for despite what anyone else in the world thinks...
 
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