I think i am destined to be single for all my life
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Havocan
Well-known member
Many seem to blame their lack of social life on the absence of a boyfriend/girlfriend and believe that everything will get better once they manage to shag someone or get a date. Of course it won't. But what a true boyfriend/girlfriend can offer is love, closeness and attention which can be enough to boost one's self-esteem up some notches. Maybe enough for one to go out and dare to socialise a bit more.
There are people who are depressed because they've got no one, a boyfriend/girlfriend would indeed be ONE of the factors which can help them a bit. I think all in all a boyfriend/girlfriend will be of great help on the way, but not the final key to happiness.
That's why I go around and yearn for a girlfriend^^.
There are people who are depressed because they've got no one, a boyfriend/girlfriend would indeed be ONE of the factors which can help them a bit. I think all in all a boyfriend/girlfriend will be of great help on the way, but not the final key to happiness.
That's why I go around and yearn for a girlfriend^^.
no1
Banned
love is not just sex. the fact is as human beings we are supposed to be connected, which is a form of "love". not bitter and cold towards each other. or at least being 'interconnected' and 'share distributable' is the way to maximize human potential. "together we stand divided we fall"
I do try to keep my options open also, but the fact is even if my logical/rational mind thinks that it's not possible that the whole world is against me, my feelings go another way and thinks that everyone is, my reasoning can and does go that way. So I guess it kind of closes off any option to be "open to positive change" even if it does show up, because I'm in that state of mind until something REALLY shows me otherwise, and it might take quite a bit to ingrain it into my mind and body...
I do try to keep my options open also, but the fact is even if my logical/rational mind thinks that it's not possible that the whole world is against me, my feelings go another way and thinks that everyone is, my reasoning can and does go that way. So I guess it kind of closes off any option to be "open to positive change" even if it does show up, because I'm in that state of mind until something REALLY shows me otherwise, and it might take quite a bit to ingrain it into my mind and body...
faithnomore
Banned
RiiyaRox_ said:
I think there is a difference between needing a relationship, and needing several relationships.
There are people like me that have never had a relationship, and it is really awful. Its hard to not think about it.
If i had a relationship, it would make me feel relieved.
Flakeybarrk,I agree with you that making someone responsible for your happiness is not fair and quite a burden...As cliche as this saying is,it is so true that the"greatest love is to love yourself"...Without that I truly doubt anyone would be happy whether they are in a relationship or not..I notice alot of people comparing themselves to others which can really bring someone down..We have to learn to accept ourselves as we are and stop worrying over who has a better body,car,life,etc...We are all unique in our own way and wanting to improve ourselves in a realistic way is great but the key word here is realistic...
Havocan
Well-known member
flakeybarrk said:
Not exactly what I meant. I agree that it's not very nice to make another person responsible for your happiness and overall luck, that's why I said that a boyfriend/girlfriend will be a good and will PARTIALLY help, but all in all, you're the one who can cure yourself by working on your SA.
I think she/he could make one a bit happier though, but nothing is perfect and there's always ups and downs in a relationship as with most things.
DaaaBulls
Well-known member
Recluse,
Hey bud, what I have noticed is that when I feel like shit then I really have no ability to communicate with people, but when I am feeling good about myself it seems to come a lot easier. Don't try and think about things to say before you even see anyone, just try and be spontanious however hard that may be. You can always ask simple stuff to people, like if your at work just ask someone when their off of work and then that usually will make you feel better about talking instead of trying to think of a way to start a convo. Try doing some things to better yourself as well. Go to the gym a few days a week and really work hard, start eating better, when you lose weight not only does your body look better but your face becomes a better shape and thin. You will feel better about yourself, trust me. If you watch a lot of TV try and cut down watching TV and do some other stuff. Try waking up earlier in the morning and eat a healthy breakfast. See if you can see your therapist more or see two, talking to people always helps moods, if you don't talk to anyone for a day then your going to feel like shit. If you at least talk to someone a couple times a week like a therapist then that will help. Do you work in retail? If you do then try and talk to one customer a day and actually try and stop thinking about how you sound and focus on them. Stop worrying about trying to make everyone like you or getting every customer to like you, just focus on one and I think you will start feeling better about conversations, don't over whelm yourself by thinking you have to talk to everyone, just focus on a couple at a time.
Hey bud, what I have noticed is that when I feel like shit then I really have no ability to communicate with people, but when I am feeling good about myself it seems to come a lot easier. Don't try and think about things to say before you even see anyone, just try and be spontanious however hard that may be. You can always ask simple stuff to people, like if your at work just ask someone when their off of work and then that usually will make you feel better about talking instead of trying to think of a way to start a convo. Try doing some things to better yourself as well. Go to the gym a few days a week and really work hard, start eating better, when you lose weight not only does your body look better but your face becomes a better shape and thin. You will feel better about yourself, trust me. If you watch a lot of TV try and cut down watching TV and do some other stuff. Try waking up earlier in the morning and eat a healthy breakfast. See if you can see your therapist more or see two, talking to people always helps moods, if you don't talk to anyone for a day then your going to feel like shit. If you at least talk to someone a couple times a week like a therapist then that will help. Do you work in retail? If you do then try and talk to one customer a day and actually try and stop thinking about how you sound and focus on them. Stop worrying about trying to make everyone like you or getting every customer to like you, just focus on one and I think you will start feeling better about conversations, don't over whelm yourself by thinking you have to talk to everyone, just focus on a couple at a time.
QuietDave
Member
Hey I think this is me at the moment. I am getting so concerned about it that it's effecting me everyday. 
I can't stand this Social phobia issue I want to be like everyone else, I want to have courage stand up for myself,
be confident around anyone and everyone, just be myself. I am sick and tired of this Bloody fear. Sick of treading on egg shells and being the polite guy who apoligies even when it not his fault. Okay sorry about the rant I had to get it off me chest. :x
I'm trying to change my thinking abit and question my fear but I find this difficult to act on. I'm currently think what is the worst that could happen.
I know what the worst is but I still can't act on it because of the fear.
I remeber last year in february I went to a work due and there was a girl I noticed alot. she seemed pretty and friendly as she was smilling alot but everytime she stood near to me I had a panic attack and just wanted to run. The next couple of days at work were hell because I just could'nt look at her everytime I did I just went in to panic mode.
I feel useless as a male because this is not how anyone would normally act alot of guys would go over and chat to her but not me I litterally felt sick in the stomach. I want to go over and say hello but how can you when you feel like this. it is hell on earth for me
I can't stand this Social phobia issue I want to be like everyone else, I want to have courage stand up for myself,be confident around anyone and everyone, just be myself. I am sick and tired of this Bloody fear. Sick of treading on egg shells and being the polite guy who apoligies even when it not his fault. Okay sorry about the rant I had to get it off me chest. :x
I'm trying to change my thinking abit and question my fear but I find this difficult to act on. I'm currently think what is the worst that could happen.
I know what the worst is but I still can't act on it because of the fear.
I remeber last year in february I went to a work due and there was a girl I noticed alot. she seemed pretty and friendly as she was smilling alot but everytime she stood near to me I had a panic attack and just wanted to run. The next couple of days at work were hell because I just could'nt look at her everytime I did I just went in to panic mode.
I feel useless as a male because this is not how anyone would normally act alot of guys would go over and chat to her but not me I litterally felt sick in the stomach. I want to go over and say hello but how can you when you feel like this. it is hell on earth for me
Ubersonic
Well-known member
I can think of a hundred reasons why I should be content alone, but then I see some girl and my neanderthal heart says "Me-WANT". I don't know if it's just my biological sex-yearning or what, but it really puts me down.
I can cope with most things that SA brings, but this pains me like no other. If I can figure out WHY I want a girl, then maybe I can target that source and eliminate it...
...but I'm not cutting off my balls!
I can cope with most things that SA brings, but this pains me like no other. If I can figure out WHY I want a girl, then maybe I can target that source and eliminate it...
...but I'm not cutting off my balls!
no1
Banned
yeah maybe I'm destined to be alone forever... or I was just meant to be that way. I guess that means I am a nobody and it doesn't make a difference whether I die now or later. i think it's to late for any kind of beginning at this time anyway. nobody wants an old fart like me (i'm 22) whose majority of life has been wasted and probably is a waste entirely.
Goku_ODPhi_1987
Member
I'm 25 and I'm in the same predicament as well, never having a girlfriend or kiss, its really depressing to think about which is why I try not to, and very recently the girl that I was sorta talking to went out and got herself a ghetto-ass thug boyfriend with absolutely no class, sophistication, or direction in life, I just don't understand girls I guess, those things can really shatter your confidence which is kinda how I feel right now, but I guess with time the heartbreak will heal, I'm just not sure where I can meet the next one...
seekeroftruth
Well-known member
...
I really have no idea where to meet woman, work and school are where most people meet. Asking a girl out at work would not work because you have to ask them out in front of a group of co-workers and I am out of school.
The lack of experience is highly embarrassing, I need to find ladies that would be amused by it...I am 26 and I am starting to think the pool of woman who I could actually have a relationship with would have to be between 19-23 as anyone beyond those years is already looking for commitment and a candidate for someone to spend their life with and have children with...
I really have no idea where to meet woman, work and school are where most people meet. Asking a girl out at work would not work because you have to ask them out in front of a group of co-workers and I am out of school.
The lack of experience is highly embarrassing, I need to find ladies that would be amused by it...I am 26 and I am starting to think the pool of woman who I could actually have a relationship with would have to be between 19-23 as anyone beyond those years is already looking for commitment and a candidate for someone to spend their life with and have children with...
Chrysalis
Well-known member
I think you're all very brave for writing about your personal tales, whether positive or negative - truly
I am 30 and had my first kiss at 27 - took me awhile, but it happened.
In an ideal world, everyone would be confident, SA-free and paired up - but reality, sadly is different.
I am 30 and had my first kiss at 27 - took me awhile, but it happened.
In an ideal world, everyone would be confident, SA-free and paired up - but reality, sadly is different.
littl3misstrange
Well-known member
^yeah, i do too. i feel like it annoys people.
ErinReives
Member
Oh, that all sounds too familiar. I even got up the courage to ask someone why I was so alone, and they told be that it was because I have "the lowest self esteem out of everyone they've met so far." That was pretty depressing. A lot of the things people do/say lead me to self-loathing and seeing myself as the most horrible person ever, and that's why I'll be alone forever.