I constantly feel like i'm acting all the time , and feel constantly weird.

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Desecrated

New member
honestly, as long as I can remember I feel like I'm never reacting to situations, but acting, performing my way through - it's gotten to the point where I really don't know who I actually am. I don't know what things I like and what things I don't because I just fake my responses. How do you not know if you like something or not?! and it gets worse during one on one interactions - not just when i'm out and about in society. Would I speak to anyone? Ever? Would I ever look into someone else's eyes or smile? Is anything I do indicative of who I really am, or just a contrived nothing? And how do I STOP doing this?
 
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bsammy

Well-known member
well i grew up quiet and shy so i learned social skills and i found out that even after having good social skills, i always felt like i was acting during social situations as well..98% of the time when i socialized it felt forced..it still feels that way and its to the point that i have no idea why i socialize for the most part.i got so used to forcing myself but i got tire doing that so i decided to act like the 'real me'..if i felt like talking i would, if i didnt, i wouldnt..well it turns out im much more avoidant than ever..i rarely if ever feel like socializing so should i put on the act like you do?

im in my 30s and i have noidea of who i am, what i want or if i even if i want anything ..its a very strange mindset to be in..
 
Diend

Diend

Well-known member
I made a promise to myself to be truthful to myself. I write down my deep dark desires and figure out how i can reflect that onto my social life. I havent figured it out though.
 
Claudia21

Claudia21

Member
I can relate. Also sometimes I feel that no one really knows who I am, all 'm really presenting to then is a boring facade that seems normal and easy to 'digest'. I have come to the conclusion that any interaction while I'm still living with SA and depression, wont do justice to the person I really am and the things I do value in life. My painful awkwardness around people, except my mother and brother with who I live, will always hinder me from fully expressing myself :(
 
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jaim38

Well-known member
You are not alone. I also tried "fake it till you make it" because it's the only thing that seems to work for me. I do feel ashamed everytime I fake it, but if I don't do it I come off as flat, dull, and antisocial. Acting doesn't have to be lying about everything you tell people. You can use acting to put a smile on your face, feel positive emotions, etc. Acting is just a tool; whether it's good or bad depends on how you use it.

I'm sure even normal people use acting to get through the day. I bet sometimes they fake a smile/greeting every now and then.

I think it's possible to act and still maintain a sense of self. I have to act to a certain extent in public, but when I'm home I take off my mask.
 
TreeBones

TreeBones

Well-known member
I think a lot of people with SA can relate. There are a lot of times when I feel like I'm acting and creating a self that isn't me, especially outside of my house. It's like we have an identity problem because we can't fully be ourselves all the time. Sometimes I think it's because people are their experiences, and since most of us don't really get out and experience things we aren't growing as people. I don't know, I guess I'm just rambling but I understand what you mean. maybe you are thinking on it a bit too much, maybe you might just be tricking yourself into thinking you don't know who you are. I mean I know a lot of us feel "empty",.. but not THAT empty. you've gotta know more about yourself then you think. :).
 
Quietguy11

Quietguy11

Well-known member
I feel like I am acting a little bit, too. It's really not easy having a genuine personality and innocence. Some people are ignorant of too much knowledge, and therefore, have less pressure to overload their brain with too many thoughts. I think it's because we have an overload of information in our brains that makes it hard to just relax, take a deep breath, and think things through before responding. If the pressure of anxiety and all that was off our chest I'm sure our senses of functionality would be more fine tuned. Or maybe you just have to find intimacy with someone you can honestly be yourself around. I find that I come from a family that doesn't really understand my problems, so talking to them about my problems is a waste of time for them and for me. That's why I decided to see a psychiatrist, and it has been very helpful for those who need someone who will actually listen at a professional level.
 
R3K

R3K

Well-known member
anything and everything I've ever said to anybody in conversation has only been words engineered to get me out of the conversation.

people talk to get validation of their ideas and feelings. I don't need that validation from others.
 
FriendlyShadow

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
Desecrated said:
honestly, as long as I can remember I feel like I'm never reacting to situations, but acting, performing my way through - it's gotten to the point where I really don't know who I actually am. I don't know what things I like and what things I don't because I just fake my responses. How do you not know if you like something or not?! and it gets worse during one on one interactions - not just when i'm out and about in society. Would I speak to anyone? Ever? Would I ever look into someone else's eyes or smile? Is anything I do indicative of who I really am, or just a contrived nothing? And how do I STOP doing this?
Click to expand...

Hi there, I know this maybe a little unrelated to this thread, but I've noticed myself as well I am a new person of how I present my personality towards different people. For some, I have no problem being friendly, courteous, and having a sense of humor(if I try to not sound it's fake) However, for others, it's always the complete opposite of that. There could be times where I'm introverted, less humorous, and just full out awkwardness I send out. I really just think I'm a stranger than being myself. A stranger to myself even. I don't know why or how it happens when I express myself. Maybe I just have a verge of having multiple personality aspects, the only problem is which one shows my true identity? In this case, I don't think I have one at all. I'm just a clueless stranger...
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
everyone acts to an extent. that is what social creatures do. they all agree that certain behaviors are acceptable, while others aren't. so, we adhere to these rules out of survival, adapting (acting) accordingly. it is normal. some people are better actors than others.

it is absolutely normal to experience anxiety in a time of such rapid technological advancement combined with population boom. it makes for a confused, anxious culture. kaiser says 30% of US have developed an anxiety disorder at some point in their life. one out of three people means YOU ARE NORMAL.
 
LA-girl

LA-girl

Well-known member
Let's just say, I know when I am truly being myself and when I feel forced to put on this facade which vary depending on who I am with and what situation I am in, like I am adapting or something. Other times I am just restraining myself. Believe it or not but I am under surveillance and I know I will never get used to it or forget about it. So sometimes I feel kind of like a robot. When I know I am scrutinized and people are ****yzing me, it's like I shut down in a way. I don't feel alive. And nothing feels like it used to anymore, whether it is places, people or web-pages...like this one.

It might seem egocentric, but I miss myself. And others say the same, like my hubby....... And because everything has changed for me very drastically for many reasons, it's like I feel like protecting my past, cause I know things will never be remotely the same anymore. It's hard to write about your feelings too, because it will easily be brushed off as self-pity or complaining.
 
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dottie

dottie

Well-known member
LA-girl said:
Let's just say, I know when I am truly being myself and when I feel forced to put on this facade which vary depending on who I am with and what situation I am in, like I am adapting or something. Other times I am just restraining myself. Believe it or not but I am under surveillance and I know I will never get used to it or forget about it. So sometimes I feel kind of like a robot. When I know I am scrutinized and people are ****yzing me, it's like I shut down in a way. I don't feel alive. And nothing feels like it used to anymore, whether it is places, people or web-pages...like this one.

It might seem egocentric, but I miss myself. And others say the same, like my hubby....... And because everything has changed for me very drastically for many reasons, it's like I feel like protecting my past, cause I know things will never be remotely the same anymore. It's hard to write about your feelings too, because it will easily be brushed off as self-pity or complaining.
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how are you under surveillance? what do you mean protect your past? witness protection??? :-o just curious. it's ok to vent! especially on a mental-health website. hope you are feeling better.
 
BlueTrain

BlueTrain

New member
I'm sure everyone can relate to some degree, and this is especially true of small talk. The only time I can have a real conversation with someone is when I know the person really well, otherwise I'm just acting.
 
LazyHermitCrab

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
Yeah some people will say "oh you must be depressed" it's not like that. It just means we have a different personality, doesn't mean there's anything wrong. :)
 
TailsAlone

TailsAlone

Well-known member
R3K said:
anything and everything I've ever said to anybody in conversation has only been words engineered to get me out of the conversation.

people talk to get validation of their ideas and feelings. I don't need that validation from others.
Click to expand...

Same here. Every time I communicate with someone, I'm taking the quickest and easiest route to get the encounter over with. Short of fleeing the room or whipping out the duct tape, that is. :thumbup: So basically I'm always acting. Almost nothing I say is natural or heartfelt. I feel guilty sometimes, like I'm a phony, but I can't help it. I worry that I'll sound stupid, say too much, say the wrong thing and they'll see how messed up I am and hate me. I worry that the conversation will never end because nobody knows when to stop talking. They don't think about whether anything needs to be said, they just reel off insignificant thoughts and expect you to be interested. I'm not interested! :thumbdown:
 
C

Clemisnail

Member
Hi there.
I'm glad this topic was brought up. As mentioned in the previous posts, there is obviously always a degree of acting in social interaction...perhaps SA individuals are more aware of this than others.
I find that I am giving to everyone a simplified version of myself, to not have to answer questions, to not be under scrutiny, to not have to watch out what I may want to do in the future. And it's definitely annoying to have someone (even a close friend) come up to you and make small talk which lasts forever.
I'm guessing one of the reason for posting this topic is because we're all sometimes wondering if it would be "ok" to let down the mask and just show who we think we are/hope we are/want to be, not our acting selves.
good luck to everyone.
 
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bsammy

Well-known member
Tailsalone hits on a pretty good point, how do you politely tell or let someone know that what they are saying is boring you to death?i find this to be very common with the more extroverted types, much of the time i just do not care about every detail of someones life..in my many years of life experience i have found that i basically have to be rude just to get out of the situation..
 
Halym

Halym

Banned
I also feel like I am an actor all the time... When it comes to others, I fake everything including my feelings...
 
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