will I ever get laid?

[Catalyst]

I'm telling you this because I'm a 30+ year old in a relationship with a woman 10 years younger than I am and you're sitting at home alone every night hating women and yearning for sex.

But whatever-- enjoy knowing all the answers and wishing that everyone was good enough for you... I'm sure it will make your dreams come true in the end.

At least your mom will always tell you you're special and tend to your emotional needs.

Yep, I'm sure. I can't help but wonder why anyone with such a successful life would feel the need to constantly brag about it online and try to bully others on the internet though. You don't sound very happy. And you sure spend a lot of time here for someone who has everything figured out. LOL.

 

[Moses199]

I'm not sure how that's black and white thinking. Care to elaborate?

And I've never heard of homeless guys picking up women. Unless you mean crazy homeless guys who physically pick them up before the police are called, lol. Nah, if that's really a thing, I feel even more pathetic.

This is actually my situation lol. I've been literally homless for the last 3month sleeping with sleeping bag outside of busniess building because of my simulteniety phobia (thread: Are you scared of your neighbors making sounds? - SocialPhobiaWorld.com) however i make myself dress good and clean for the girls when i go out to do approaches lol. I havn't got a GF yet, but i got numbers. What i'm trying to say is to slow the limiting beliefs and start thinking of ways to personally develop. I have many qualities that make my goal to getting a GF hard too. For instance, Homless and African (pitch dark skin) and only attracted to girls of opposite skin color like white,arabs,mexicans. So alot of times i get limiting beliefs like they arn't going to like me since i'm not same race as them and stuff. But i try to make my goal/desire more powerful than those negative beliefs.

Another thing i would recommend you to do is routinely study 20mins a day one personal development material relating to anxiety management. And an additional 15mins researching other subjects like How to be success, insecurities, depression, spirituality etc. This will help you know what to do in your life.

 

[PugofCrydee]

I don't think it necessarily has to be a "months long" attraction building phase, though, with him getting interrogated over his career prospects, his life goals, or whatever. AFAIK, it's not like that anymore.. things can go a lot quicker, and you don't have to be committed (so long as they're fine with that, of course.. at some point, you have to be up front with intentions.)

I think the key with intimacy (physical or emotional) is to find someone you have a little chemistry with.. *some* kind of connection, and hope they find you attractive (and vice versa.)

Yep, I agree. And I certainly don't think dating needs to be a months long thing. I need to feel some kind of chemistry by the 2nd date - but usually can tell by the 1st date if it's worth pursuing.

 

[Odo]

Yep, I'm sure. I can't help but wonder why anyone with such a successful life would feel the need to constantly brag about it online and try to bully others on the internet though. You don't sound very happy. And you sure spend a lot of time here for someone who has everything figured out. LOL.

Oh boy here we go.

I DON'T have everything figured out and I'm not bragging about anything-- I'm just saying that the fact that I'm in a relationship now must mean that I at least know SOMETHING about what we're discussing here. The title of this thread is 'will I ever get laid?'... so I would assume that the fact that I am currently getting laid (and have been getting laid for years now) means that I'm at least somewhat qualified to give advice on the subject.

I wasn't trying to 'bully' you, I was trying to give you advice without sugarcoating it. You took some really bitter shots at 30+ year olds, then some shots at women, 'society', etc... but everyone is supposed to respect your opinions and coddle you?

I know at this point you're too invested in your ego to admit it, but I really hope that some of this is registering with you because I'm mostly telling you this as if I were talking to a younger me.

Your problem isn't that you have issues, your problem is that you're too immature to handle them like an adult. You want people to change into something they're not because you feel entitled to things that you're not willing to put any effort into getting for yourself. You have visions of a perfect world where women 'understand' you and want to be by your side unconditionally because you're so used to your mom doing this that you think this is what women are like. You believe that the world should change so that you don't need to.

But you're also hitting the point where you realize that women/girls don't actually want to be your mom, and that you can't change the world with negativity-- so you're assuming that the only real option for you now is to wallow in your own misery and complain about how ****ed up everything is. You gravitate to anyone who will back you up on this, and have fallen into a world of shallow generalizations and nasty stereotypes gleaned from misogynist bloggers and other spoiled millennial brats who want their girlfriends to act like second moms. You have invested so much energy into these cruel, regressive ideas that you don't even realize they're the REASON you're being rejected. In fact, you're not even self-disciplined enough to fit into the target market for PUA workshops, mostly because PUA is too much work... and you're far too depressed and helpless for that.

Believe it or not, getting into a relationship doesn't completely transform your entire life. I come here mostly because I've been coming here for years now. It has nothing to do with how happy I am... and even if I was deeply unhappy right now, that doesn't change my value as a person. I don't even get why you would bring happiness into it-- so anyone who isn't completely happy is a stupid ugly loser??? Wow, you're a real charmer!

Also-- women don't usually respond to guys simply because they're putting on a show or awkwardly pandering to whoever they think they're talking to. There needs to be a sincere human connection there or they just end up feeling alienated.

 

[Catalyst]

@Odo

^ you're making a lot of incorrect assumptions and putting words in my mouth there. All I can say is, the world doesn't revolve around you, so it's probably not a good idea to project all of your problems onto others. I can tell you are an extremely insecure and angry individual - that's about all we have in common. But for someone who claims to know so much about being adult, you have the mentality of an attention starved child. Quite pathetic for someone in their 30s. I hope one day you get better, if only for the sake of anyone unfortunate enough to have to deal with you. At least I know what I don't want to be like when I'm older. Don't bother replying to this because I won't be reading it. You aren't worth my time.

 

[nodejesque]

^ and its because of that attitide that you will probably not be successful in having sex, unless its with a paid escort.

 

[Catalyst]

^ and its because of that attitide that you will probably not be successful in having sex, unless its with a paid escort.

thanks for the encouragement. Is that how things work around here? Are you all just a bunch of miserable vultures looking for an opportunity to put others down? Yikes. And I thought my life was sad.

I don't care if it's with an escort or not. I'll get mine one day, while folks of your ilk will be busy dealing with dysfunctional relationships, break-ups, and divorces. Good luck

 

[PugofCrydee]

@Odo I can tell you are an extremely insecure and angry individual

Funny.. that's the impression you are giving me about yourself. (no offense, just being honest).

 

[Catalyst]

This is actually my situation lol. I've been literally homless for the last 3month sleeping with sleeping bag outside of busniess building because of my simulteniety phobia (thread: Are you scared of your neighbors making sounds? - SocialPhobiaWorld.com) however i make myself dress good and clean for the girls when i go out to do approaches lol. I havn't got a GF yet, but i got numbers. What i'm trying to say is to slow the limiting beliefs and start thinking of ways to personally develop. I have many qualities that make my goal to getting a GF hard too. For instance, Homless and African (pitch dark skin) and only attracted to girls of opposite skin color like white,arabs,mexicans. So alot of times i get limiting beliefs like they arn't going to like me since i'm not same race as them and stuff. But i try to make my goal/desire more powerful than those negative beliefs.

Another thing i would recommend you to do is routinely study 20mins a day one personal development material relating to anxiety management. And an additional 15mins researching other subjects like How to be success, insecurities, depression, spirituality etc. This will help you know what to do in your life.

damn, that's pretty crazy. Props to you for your efforts. Wish I had that strength. How do you use the internet though? And aren't there things higher on your priority list since you're homeless? Not trying to be insulting... I'm actually curious.

 

[nodejesque]

Im just pointing out that with such a bad attitude, women are unlikely to respond to you. But youve already mentioned that you do not want to court a woman, but rather just experience sex with an escort.

I am only being as honest and forward as you claim to be. We cant all be vultures for being honest with you. You simply will not attract women with a shitty attitude. Unless through a facade or business transaction.

Just being honest.

 

[Catalyst]

Funny.. that's the impression you are giving me about yourself. (no offense, just being honest).

hence why I said "that's about all we have in common." Not very bright, are you?

Guys, let me be clear: no amount of ganging up is going to get me to conform or be obedient. My experiences have made me resistant to bullying tactics.

 

[Catalyst]

Im just pointing out that with such a bad attitude, women are unlikely to respond to you. But youve already mentioned that you do not want to court a woman, but rather just experience sex with an escort.

I am only being as honest and forward as you claim to be. We cant all be vultures for being honest with you. You simply will not attract women with a shitty attitude. Unless through a facade or business transaction.

Just being honest.

yup. A facade is exactly what most guys put up anyway. As I said earlier, I don't reveal this "attitude" to women. I am polite to women and act indifferent in the real world. Just because I think differently from the rest of you doesn't mean I have a shitty attitude. I have the right to defend myself from emotional vultures like yourself.

Also, considering that you're a woman, you don't really have much of a say in any of this. Women don't have to put any effort into relationships. For the most part, they get to sit there and judge whether a man is worthy or not. There's a desperate guy out there for every wench. Even you.

Just being honest.

 

[Kiwong]

Oh yeah, confident socializing in my opinion is one of the most valuable skills a person can learn. The Dean at my school went from being poor in a 3rd world country to living in a mansion. But hes one of those guys that just talking to him puts a smile on your face. He can talk money right out of people's wallets lol. It also makes a person appear more physically attractive. I also went to school with a guy like that that managed to get thousands to fund his education, just by asking for it on Facebook. But ive talked to him and hes the type of guy that makes you feel like youre his buddy after 5 mins of conversation. Its like sorcery. :question:

Think about the people you like, what characteristics do they have? There are people that are really genuinely positive and give a shit about how you are going, they inspire with what they achieve, not how they look.

You can't underestimate a simple kindness that you may share with another person. There's a synergy to it. You feel good, they feel good. It is surprising how important simple acts of kindness can really help people feeling down about themselves, on this site.

To me, there is a peace about that, I feel at peace, when I share something good with someone. It might not get you laid, but it brings peace into your day, and that is what I need in my life - peace brother. I don't do it enough.

Similarly how anger, defensiveness, can really cause so much unnecessary pain. I've been there with this effing illness, someone might write something and I take it the wrong way, and it blows up into an arguement. This I have found is a part of my illness too, the anger part, the fight, of the flight or fight. And I piss people off, lose opportunities at friendships.

I let my anger get the better of me, and fire away, and then realise what I was angry about was not even real. It destroys my life, as much the avoidance does.

 

[Odo]

thanks for the encouragement. Is that how things work around here? Are you all just a bunch of miserable vultures looking for an opportunity to put others down? Yikes. And I thought my life was sad.

I don't care if it's with an escort or not. I'll get mine one day, while folks of your ilk will be busy dealing with dysfunctional relationships, break-ups, and divorces. Good luck

LOL are you putting a curse on us now?

Or do you think that all relationships become dysfunctional and end in divorce?!

You'll 'get yours'?

What is the other person going to get?

 

[Kiwong]

I hate to be a **** but the "at that age what's the point" really makes you sound like a shallow ****, like people in their 30s have no business having relationships or something

Old people got no reason to lurve. Make's me think of that Richard Simmons song.

 

[Megaten]

yup. A facade is exactly what most guys put up anyway. As I said earlier, I don't reveal this "attitude" to women. I am polite to women and act indifferent in the real world. Just because I think differently from the rest of you doesn't mean I have a shitty attitude. I have the right to defend myself from emotional vultures like yourself.

Also, considering that you're a woman, you don't really have much of a say in any of this. Women don't have to put any effort into relationships. For the most part, they get to sit there and judge whether a man is worthy or not. There's a desperate guy out there for every wench. Even you.

Just being honest.

I don't think there's really anything wrong with showing someone your best qualities first while trying to date them. Its not so much being fake, its like saying "hey, this here is why I'm a great guy". That's a display of confidence. When a person sees that, then they're more likely to look past any faults you have once they see them. My girlfriend knows about all my issues and surprises me everyday at how much of them she looks past and I look past hers too. That's how relationships are just built, its not a bad thing. Also you've seen right here in this thread what happens when you put your bad qualities out there first before letting people see the good. It gives the impression that there IS no good. But anyways I know you said you don't show this side of yourself in real life, I'm just talking about why men and women typically don't in the "dating game".

Also women have to put more effort into it than you think. Read some of their posts. Tbh I don't think we're all that different.

 

[Megaten]

Also to add to my point, look at all the women that stick by dudes that are absolutely horrible. They can be incredibly loyal to a man that they've fallen for. I think dudes have an advantage in that. I think the biggest issue with guys with SA is we don't know how to show our lovable qualities well or reject ourselves before we even try. That "no one will ever love me for me" idea hamstrings a lot of guys right out the gate.

 

[Catalyst]

this thread is a great example of the enormous stigma against male virgins and depressed men... On a support forum for social phobia of all places. Who would've thought. It's people like (some of) you who are responsible for turning guys like Elliot Rodger into killing machines. I wonder if any of your kind feel remorse when your need for a temporary self-esteem boost and sense of belonging causes innocent people to die.

Just a thought.

 

[Catalyst]

Also to add to my point, look at all the women that stick by dudes that are absolutely horrible. They can be incredibly loyal to a man that they've fallen for. I think dudes have an advantage in that. I think the biggest issue with guys with SA is we don't know how to show our lovable qualities well or reject ourselves before we even try. That "no one will ever love me for me" idea hamstrings a lot of guys right out the gate.

I know man. There's a lot of truth to what you're saying. I just can't do the whole good impression thing. I'm in too much pain to put on an act. And then there's that fear that once they see the bad in me, I'll get rejected. It's happened several times in my life with friendships. I initially show my best qualities and other people are attracted. But once they get to know more or I start struggling with issues, everyone abandons me. It has led me to conclude that all relationships are shallow and exploitative in nature. At it's root, relationships seem to be about people using each other (for entertainment, sex, status, money, etc).

Once again, I appreciate your posts... if everyone took your approach, I wouldn't respond so negatively. Berating me or getting confrontational is the least effective way to get through to me. Not that anyone cares, lol. I'm pretty sure their intentions were to hurt me because my views somehow offended them.

 

[Megaten]

I know man. There's a lot of truth to what you're saying. I just can't do the whole good impression thing. I'm in too much pain to put on an act. And then there's that fear that once they see the bad in me, I'll get rejected. It's happened several times in my life with friendships. I initially show my best qualities and other people are attracted. But once they get to know more or I start struggling, everyone abandons me. It has led me to conclude that all relationships are shallow and exploitative in nature. At it's root, relationships seem to be about people using each other (for entertainment, sex, status, money, etc).

Once again, I appreciate your posts... if everyone took your approach, I wouldn't respond so negatively. Berating me or getting confrontational is the least effective way to get through to me. Not that anyone cares, lol. I'm pretty sure their intentions were to hurt me because my views somehow offended them.

Yeah that's understanable, people can still do that. I still get cut off by people once they see who I am. Hell one of my childhood friends doesn't even want me to know where he lives and won't respond to my messages. Anyways don't forget that a lot of us here have the same issues, so its not uncommon for fights to break out over perceived slights. Especially on threads about gender issues or sex. I've seen it happen quite a few times. Anyways everyone should just take a step back and start over as none of us here can say we really have our shit together.