Why are you so quiet?

Ignopius

Active member
I get this question all the time when I'm out at family dinners. And it's embarrassing! My mom is the worse offender. She should know by now I am NOT a talker. :eek:mg:
 
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Monkish1

Well-known member
I come from a quiet family. Dinners with in-laws were always a shocker growing up because my parents would actually socialize. Some of us find our voices later, but some stay quieter, and some err on the side of caution. I've been all three, depending on the company.
 

AtTheGates

Banned
I stay quiet most of the time but then when I DO start talking, people get sick of me in under 5 minutes.....I cant win.
 

chibiXphantom

Well-known member
I just say "I just don't feel the need to talk unless I feel it's important, necessary, or relevant to conversation"
 

Joan6466

Active member
Or- what really helps is when someone says, "say something!"- which instantaneously wipes out every English word you've ever known....
Memorize some responses so you're ready for that question- the odd thing is- once you have a response ready- no one ever asks that again!
Say- "I'm just enjoying listening"- and memorize the body language of smiling while you're saying that. Then- you have to remove the spotlight- when a question is asked of you- the spotlight is on you- you have to throw it back with a question- any question.Memorize the pronouns so that your memory is activated. who-what-where-when so you have a question starter. "so- what's your favorite Christmas thanksgiving Easter birthday - whatever- tradition? I've seen people who look totally involved by nodding smiling, throw a question- make little comments "so true"- "for sure" "uh-huh" while they're not saying anything. You want to get to the point where you can hold a spotlight for a while- hold your space on Planet Earth- but you must honor first of all the things you do- no matter how small! (good for me- I got there! I made 2 comments! I got dressed! I stayed 20 minutes!)
 

Taden

Well-known member
I get this question all the time when I'm out at family dinners. And it's embarrassing! My mom is the worse offender. She should know by now I am NOT a talker. :eek:mg:

All I can say is that it must be a common occurrence. My guardians and the family I grew up with always pressed the matter as well. :kickingmyself: Hated it, lol
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
If you're okay with being quiet, then I'm sure you'll find an appropriate response to that question ("I prefer listening", "oh I'm just not that talkative, I prefer speaking whenever I feel like it", "I'm quiet because I choose to be, there's no real harm in it"), etc. If you're not okay with how quiet you are, work on your confidence and charisma, and trust your own sense of humor and intelligence.
 

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
I am too self-aware of this. FOR ME - I've found yes, there's anxiety factor - but also in re: to family dinners I've had little to say. Or relate with. Same with other social groups. Because when I DO - after getting past the initial anxieties and shyness that tries to get a foothold, I can be sorta not quiet. I was never content with being quiet. I hate blanking out or hearing others and my thoughts are so inward bound I don't listen to say.

BUT - if you are content with being quiet or a man or gal of few words. COOL! Nothing wrong with that! Like Sacramen says. Personally I am a talker deep within so I always struggled with being quiet and knowing I don't really want to be.

I mean look at me type I type so freakin' much! WHOAAAA. OMG. Yeah though but regardless those questions frankly are rude. Even from family. People don't ask "why do you talk so much?" I mean less frequently.
 

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
I, too, dislike being asked uncomfortable questions, whether at social events or if it's just a one on one person. It makes the situation very awkward for me, and when people try to even force me to answer those questions. They're not only Why are you so quiet but why don't you have friends, what are you going to do with the rest of your life, ect. I try not let my irritation show, but it bares my teeth and I have to sit there and stay silent. It's pretty much how people create those questions, how they say it, that makes me feel guilty about myself. I have trouble myself coming back with an answer that doesn't sound like the other person is going to judge me on or guilt trip me about. And when I don't answer their questions they go "Umm, Hello? Speak up." I hate that.
 

Ithior

Well-known member
"Why do you talk so much??" says no one ever :thumbdown:

I get that all the time, even if ironically. Always my godfather, and then my other uncle joins along.
I answer back by staying quiet with a sort of smug smile while they regurgitate their usual comments. You only lose if you talk.
 
I used to get asked that a lot when I was a teenager - I hated it. Now that I'm older, people don't say it as much. Sometimes I can talk a lot, but only if I'm comfortable around whomever I'm with. Other times, though (even if I'm comfortable around a person), I just like to be quiet and think/day dream.
 

Zaki

Well-known member
I've been asked this more times than I can count. I would usually just shrug in response and say something like, "I don't know...I just am." It can be uncomfortable for me at family gatherings. I often feel like I don't fit in, even among my relatives.
 

planemo

Well-known member
I hated it when people referred to me as "the man of few words".

My selective mutism hasn't been pointed to me for a long time though. I'm not sure how I'd respond if someone asked me why I'm so quiet now. To be honest right now, at my age, I really don't care what they think.
 

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
I hated it when people referred to me as "the man of few words".

My selective mutism hasn't been pointed to me for a long time though. I'm not sure how I'd respond if someone asked me why I'm so quiet now. To be honest right now, at my age, I really don't care what they think.

you're a man of selective words :p
 

SpaceTime

Well-known member
I've always been quiet. I used to be bothered by people remarking on it but, as others have said, that tends to happen less now that I'm older. Maybe I have learned to handle my shyness a little better too.

I suspect that talkative people get a bit unnerved by quieter people, maybe they worry that the quiet one is thinking bad thoughts about them. I've found that a few gracious words, like "that was a really nice meal" or "thank-you very much for inviting me" can put people at ease and with that re-assurance they're much less likely to get uptight about me being quiet.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I've been asked this more times than I can count. I would usually just shrug in response and say something like, "I don't know...I just am." It can be uncomfortable for me at family gatherings. I often feel like I don't fit in, even among my relatives.

Sounds exactly like me. I also don't feel like I fit in with my family or relatives. I stopped attending family gatherings years ago as result. Plus, being labelled a "freak" and "anti-social" by ma own clan has made me quite weary and selective in terms of whom I let my guard down with and talk to, without the fear of feeling self-conscious.

I dont even care they think Im completey nuts. Its actually easier because they have no expectations of me to behave in a socially normal way

Yep, it's much easier to just keep 'em at arm's length. Though, with me, it's not so much the expectations of me; but the perception of me which, I think, has been due to people making assumption, rather than getting to know me.
 

AlienGeranium

Well-known member
I've gotten that a lot in my life, especially when I was younger. Now that I'm older though, people don't seem to care or notice as much. I actually have been getting a lot of "I wish I could talk less like you" comments lately, interestingly. Maybe I'm around that age where people are realizing the benefits of holding your tongue, something I am quite familial with ::p:
 
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