Anxiety in the workplace

[cjm5261]

I was recently told during my performance review at work that my "communication skills" need to improve. I was told nicely enough, my coach took me into his office and explained to me that I need to socialize more and take an interest in my co-workers. I was then told that I have until June to make a noticeable improvement in my communication skills otherwise I will not be promoted and I suspect it could lead to dismissal.

The thing is, I feel that my communication skills have improved greatly. I now say good morning and good evening to the colleague that sits next to me, I go out to all socials, and even go out to team lunches. It just completely undermines all progress I've made to point out that my communication skills are weak. I tried explaining that is a behavioral thing and its difficult to change, but they won't really hear it. Nonsense, they say. Everyone is socially anxious at times, its not a condition.

I'm not going to take medication and I have no respect for the psychiatric or counselling professions. The only way I can make this work is to turn this into a joke. I was thinking I would walk up to my co-workers and say "I've been told I need to improve my communication skills. Therefore, I will attempt to engage you in small-talk." I will then carry around a piece of paper with a list of questions like "I hear there was a popular sporting event on television last night, I assume you watched and enjoyed it, yes?" I would then conclude with, "Why it's almost as if my communication skills have increased, have they not?" I don't know why, but whenever I am insincere and completely fake, I find it far easier to interact with others and I feel its a way to not so subtly mock my senior managers who give me so much trouble for not being outgoing.

I just thought I would share this.

 

[Opaline]

Nonsense, they say. Everyone is socially anxious at times, its not a condition.

Man oh man do I hate this. This is why we need more awareness, especially with the older generation, it seems. They just don't get it. Being socially anxious very occasionally is not a major issue, no. It does happen to just about everyone. But being chronically anxious is a totally different story.

I don't really have advice for you other than to consider printing a page about social anxiety from WebMd or some other respected medical organization and show your superiors. Have you been formally diagnosed? You could show them your papers. Do you think that would go down well? I think it would be better than mocking them, even subtly; that might have repercussions.

Question: why don't you have respect for psychiatry? Have you had a bad experience? I know they get a bad rap because of the whole "And how does that make you FEEL?" thing, but it's not always like that. If you find a good one, they can really help. It depends on a lot of things, though, like what type of help you're looking for.

Welcome to the forum, by the way. I hope you manage to get it sorted out.

 

[EternalIce]

Assuming everyone gets the joke I think that could end up being really funny...
hopefully...

 

[Livemylife]

I did something vaguely similar. I had a roommate and two neighbors in a dorm my sophomore year of college. They seemed determined to be very social, which I found uncomfortable. I decided I would pretend like I was on a reality show. I even told my friend at the time. Well it didn't really go as planned, and I ended up switching rooms, thankfully to a less social atmosphere.
I wonder if this sort of thing is a common coping mechanism among social phobics...Well I really hope your plan works. I agree that being fake makes it easier. And people actually rather you be fake than sincere if it means socializing with them.

 

[dottie]

I feel you. But. Are you seriously considering doing that? I can't tell. You will come across as a total *******. Maybe you are hoping to get fired.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Man oh man do I hate this. This is why we need more awareness, especially with the older generation, it seems. They just don't get it. Being socially anxious very occasionally is not a major issue, no. It does happen to just about everyone. But being chronically anxious is a totally different story.

Who is this "older generation," and why do you think "they" don't get it? Is social anxiety now only for young puppies still wet behind the ears? Are we no longer allowed to have it past thirty or forty? When I hit fifty, do I have to turn in my card? You and I both know quite a few people in the "older generation"—members of this forum and friends—who completely get it. We get it, we have it, and we suffer from it daily. I'm disappointed, Opal. I really am. :thumbdown:

[/crotchety old fart rant]

Back to topic . . .

 

[jaim38]

Welcome to the forum! If you had to resort to acting/faking, rest assured you won't be the only one. Actors/actresses do it for a living, customer service reps, businessmen, ambassadors too. Try not to think of socialization as fake, but as something that is required for society to function properly. There are many times when I'd rather not socialize and just be quiet, but I still force myself to because I want to give it a try. It's like cleaning the toilet or wiping your butt - things that are gross, that you'd rather not do, but are forced to do because they're necessary.

 

[Opaline]

Who is this "older generation," and why do you think "they" don't get it? Is social anxiety now only for young puppies still wet behind the ears? Are we no longer allowed to have it past thirty or forty? When I hit fifty, do I have to turn in my card? You and I both know quite a few people in the "older generation"—members of this forum and friends—who completely get it. We get it, we have it, and we suffer from it daily. I'm disappointed, Opal. I really am. :thumbdown:

[/crotchety old fart rant]

Back to topic . . .

By "older" I meant anyone older than age 30 or so. And I'm speaking generally. I'm sorry if that came off the wrong way, but I don't retract it. Yes, some "older" people do get it, and many younger people don't, but (and yes this is speaking from my own experience, not stating facts) it seems to me that there is more awareness among younger people about it. I have a few ideas as to why that might be, but I won't mention them.

If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. You know I don't generally hold closed-minded views of things (at least I think you do) and I don't intend to offend anyone, but if I do sometimes, I'm not going to take it back if I think there's truth to it.

 

[hoddesdon]

I was in exactly the same situation and as a result there was a court case based on discrimination which I won. I also won a complaint to the Human Rights Commission. If there is any anti-discrimination legislation in Canada relating to disability then you could see a lawyer about it.

 

[Froggy246]

I was in exactly the same situation and as a result there was a court case based on discrimination which I won. I also won a complaint to the Human Rights Commission. If there is any anti-discrimination legislation in Canada relating to disability then you could see a lawyer about it.

Yea it is discrimination, it's wrong. Really annoyed me reading that, how ignorant of them.

 

[Solitudes_Grace]

My advice is just ignore what your bosses say. Don't let them pull your strings. I doubt they would fire you for not socializing enough; that would just be silly. If they actually did fire you, then your job wasn't worth it anyway.

 

[goblin]

I think it sounds like a fun idea, but the sheet of paper with questions may be going a little far. I use humor in the workplace all the time to disguise how I'm feeling, but without knowing your coworkers there's no way to tell how they're going to interpret it. That's what I was warned against, anyways.

 

[Richey]

I think the only way to reduce anxiety at work is to not place it upon such a high pedestal, which may seem odd, but if you think about it, a mindset of "i'll do a good job, i'll raise my standards" is something you can approach to any task. at work or at home or anywhere, right?! ....

You can simply see the job as just a job, there are millions of other jobs out there, why make yourself sick/anxious over one job. Is it worth it? Probably not. A lot of things are out of your control anyway. Life is pretty short, goes along quickly. Care enough to do a good job, but don't care too much that it bothers you.

So I think a way of looking at it, is to just see your job as something "light", "fluffy" and not set in stone. "Flexible", you can always leave and the business could always get rid of you as well. No big deal. Its all dynamic and ever changing.