Trauma mostly.. I guess.
I don't know if this is considered emotional abuse but my mom would threaten me and my brother with divorcing our dad and moving out of the house if we ever misbehaved or did something she didn't like. She did this a hand full of times, packed suitcases and all, went to her friends place (which I didn't know at the time, so I thought she really did leave for good) for a couple of days just to drive the point home... these episodes lasted a couple of weeks. I balled my eyes out and felt incredibly guilty for doing this to my dad, who was visibly upset.
We moved before freshman year, and I started attending a school where I knew absolutely no one. Everything was okay in the beginning, until my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.. metastatic and all. I was a big cry baby so whenever we went to visit her in the hospital I would ball my eyes out, so my parents didn't really want to bring me much which I understand now since I was probably upsetting everyone. She passed away, and that year went from bad to miserable. A year later my grandfather passed away as well. I remember just sitting around thinking a lot about when my parents, relatives, and friends and everyone else would eventually die - it was a dark time for me.
I was depressed all the time and couldn't really cope with all of it, relatives weren't particularly helpful with their suck it up attitude which made me nervous to share with friends because I didn't want to be burned again. I think I was systematically trying to drive people out of my life at that point because I didn't feel like it was worth it to connect with people who would inevitably leave me.
/long post sorry
