Avoiding Problems, Responsibilities and Life

[lonelee1]

Hey Everyone!

I was wondering if there was anyone out there that could relate. This goes beyond just procrastinating (which, I do all the time). Lately, I've been analyzing myself and I've realized that I have major avoidance issues. Anything that is important or any major problem in my life, I just avoid. My way of dealing with it, is NOT TO DEAL.
My mental illness (Depression, OCD, SA) is a perfect example. I've been suffering with this for well over a decade. It has completely ruined my life. But, I kept denying it or I would throw myself in activities that require a tremendous amount of time and energy so that I would be too busy to deal with it....I only end up dealing with it when the problem becomes so big that it comes to me. Like my illness, I waited until my life resembled a scorched earth policy.....
When I think about my problems, I want to have a panic attack. If I dealt with them at the appropriate time, I would be fine. But, I can't seem to freak'n do this. I'm the type of person that if I had a medical issue, I would wait until I was bleeding out of my eyes before seeing a doctor.

..........I think part of the problem is that I've given up on life. I see myself as a defect. I'm not worth salvaging. Everyday is just another day of loneliness and humiliation. I HAVE ONE FOOT IN, AND THE OTHER FOOT OUT. On the one hand, I've given up and subconsciously working towards my own demise and self destruction..........The other side of me is very passionate and energetic. This part of me has allowed for some impressive accomplishments.

My innate passion for knowledge, my creativity and my sense of humor keep my going. But, I have no personal advocate. I am my own worst enemy. I'm divided against myself.

It's amazing that I haven't committed suicide. But, that's probably due to procrastination and avoidance. :question:

a lot of this sounds like me. but you can't give up on life. i know the feeling.
you're intelligent, you're creative, and you have accomplishments- think about those good things! build on them for your esteem. besides that, look into you, are you nice, honest, etc. all those good things matter.

im an artist myself, but i haven't really pushed myself to go where i could be going with it because of these problems. i'm very hard on myself and its gotten me nowhere. so don't do it!

 

[selon]

Yeah, I know what that it's like to avoid your problems. I graduated, quit my job and didn't do anything for a few months. My family wanted to shoot me. Then I got ill, had to spend some time in the hospital and that put it all into perspective. I got back on track. But now I have to deal with what I'm gonna do after grad school and I just can't. Everyone else is doing it but just thinking about looking for jobs makes me so scared. I prefer to 'enjoy' the last few months of security that are left instead of doing something about it.

If I don't change, I'll be single, unemployed and back living with my parents 6 months from now. A very terrifying thought but one that, strangely enough, makes it even harder for me to do anything about it.

Hope you'll find your way out of it. I always think that once you hit rock bottom, things have to change, but I just keep on falling and falling. Hope it'll be better for you. Getting professional help is definitely a good start, so congrats on that!

 

[Ithior]

I think having the belief that once you hit rock bottom, the only way is up is bad for you. It just encourages avoidance. You'll keep waiting to hit rock bottom because when you do, you'll be forced to go up. Rock bottom would be something like not even having money to have a place to stay or to eat. I doubt most of the people in this forum, if not all, will reach that state anytime soon.

I don't have a solution though, I'm still in a phase of my life where things can't go below a certain point if I just keep doing what I usually do. I'm one semester away from getting a bachelor's which I didn't have to pay (my mum did, no need for bank loans). I'm still living at my mum's and she pays most of my expenses (she even gives me an allowance). The least I can do is keep studying and going to classes, which I don't have problems doing since I've been doing it for 15 years now.

But like I said, I'm only one semester away from graduating. I don't know if I'm prepared for what happens after that.

 

[selon]

I think having the belief that once you hit rock bottom, the only way is up is bad for you. It just encourages avoidance. You'll keep waiting to hit rock bottom because when you do, you'll be forced to go up. Rock bottom would be something like not even having money to have a place to stay or to eat. I doubt most of the people in this forum, if not all, will reach that state anytime soon.

True to some degree, I've actually thought about that too. But other people do hit rock bottom! Not necessarily financially. Its more about reaching a state where your heart or PRIDE tells you that you've got to get active, that you've got to do something!

 

[Ithior]

True to some degree, I've actually thought about that too. But other people do hit rock bottom! Not necessarily financially. Its more about reaching a state where your heart or PRIDE tells you that you've got to get active, that you've got to do something!

I just seems to me that, in most cases, people with SA will accept being lonely or unsuccessful. They will probably only be forced to act when it comes to basic survival or after a big shock (healthwise, a big tragedy, something like that).

I can be wrong though.

 

[selon]

Well, it would explain why I've been waiting to hit rock bottom for 9 years now. ^___^

 

[knr9311]

Yes! You just described me! I have depression and SA myself, along with another illness. It's like I have one side of me that is myself and is always encouraging, trying to get myself out of this rut... then there is the other side that just absolutely hates me and doesn't want anything to happen for me except to be miserable and die. & I'm always arguing on the inside. I tend to avoid the problems I have because it's easier to think that I can deal with them on my own. When I'm almost to my lowest point is where I'll talk to somebody. I know I need to sooner, but it's hard to change that habit. It all goes in a vicious cycle all over again. Ugh.

 

[akala]

I think I have this problem too, probably because when I was younger things would just fix themselves somehow. But now that I'm older it's probably not like that, like the amount of effort I put in is what I get back from life... So learning this the hard way I am trying to plan out some things on a calendar and I'm being more productive... I think avoiding things can sort of build up into bigger problems
and whatever i'm avoiding usually when i confront it I think "why was I afraid of that"
but then I just end up being avoidance when a similar situation comes up, so I am trying to work on it

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

a lot of this sounds like me. but you can't give up on life. i know the feeling.
you're intelligent, you're creative, and you have accomplishments- think about those good things! build on them for your esteem. besides that, look into you, are you nice, honest, etc. all those good things matter.

im an artist myself, but i haven't really pushed myself to go where i could be going with it because of these problems. i'm very hard on myself and its gotten me nowhere. so don't do it!

Thank you. I appreciate the kind and encouraging words.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Yeah, I know what that it's like to avoid your problems. I graduated, quit my job and didn't do anything for a few months. My family wanted to shoot me. Then I got ill, had to spend some time in the hospital and that put it all into perspective. I got back on track. But now I have to deal with what I'm gonna do after grad school and I just can't. Everyone else is doing it but just thinking about looking for jobs makes me so scared. I prefer to 'enjoy' the last few months of security that are left instead of doing something about it.

If I don't change, I'll be single, unemployed and back living with my parents 6 months from now. A very terrifying thought but one that, strangely enough, makes it even harder for me to do anything about it.

Hope you'll find your way out of it. I always think that once you hit rock bottom, things have to change, but I just keep on falling and falling. Hope it'll be better for you. Getting professional help is definitely a good start, so congrats on that!

Meee too! I keep falling and falling and falling. Just when I think I can't go any lower, I find myself at a new low. Hopefully, I can reverse this trend!

 

[Richey]

Hey Everyone!

I was wondering if there was anyone out there that could relate. This goes beyond just procrastinating (which, I do all the time). Lately, I've been analyzing myself and I've realized that I have major avoidance issues. Anything that is important or any major problem in my life, I just avoid. My way of dealing with it, is NOT TO DEAL.
My mental illness (Depression, OCD, SA) is a perfect example. I've been suffering with this for well over a decade. It has completely ruined my life. But, I kept denying it or I would throw myself in activities that require a tremendous amount of time and energy so that I would be too busy to deal with it....I only end up dealing with it when the problem becomes so big that it comes to me. Like my illness, I waited until my life resembled a scorched earth policy.....
When I think about my problems, I want to have a panic attack. If I dealt with them at the appropriate time, I would be fine. But, I can't seem to freak'n do this. I'm the type of person that if I had a medical issue, I would wait until I was bleeding out of my eyes before seeing a doctor.

..........I think part of the problem is that I've given up on life. I see myself as a defect. I'm not worth salvaging. Everyday is just another day of loneliness and humiliation. I HAVE ONE FOOT IN, AND THE OTHER FOOT OUT. On the one hand, I've given up and subconsciously working towards my own demise and self destruction..........The other side of me is very passionate and energetic. This part of me has allowed for some impressive accomplishments.

My innate passion for knowledge, my creativity and my sense of humor keep my going. But, I have no personal advocate. I am my own worst enemy. I'm divided against myself.

It's amazing that I haven't committed suicide. But, that's probably due to procrastination and avoidance. :question:

It's the reason why at 29 i don't have a career, so any job i've had has been 1-2 years at best without really progressing and i end up changing my mind about careers to something else completely unrelated to that previous career. I think i want to work in a certain career, but then i do it and i found out it's not for me, mostly because of the environment or nature of job itself more so than the work. The politics and everything else gets in the way.

avoidance is the big thing. i'm going to see a therapist soon.

but yeah, i feel the same as you, word for word. it just hasn't worked out yet.

there was all this pressure to succeed and i think i had an inner rebel or fear that really didn't help, whilst other my age over achieved and are very successful, it is very hard to deal with at times. things can get improve with alot of effort though.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

It's the reason why at 29 i don't have a career, so any job i've had has been 1-2 years at best without really progressing and i end up changing my mind about careers to something else completely unrelated to that previous career. I think i want to work in a certain career, but then i do it and i found out it's not for me, mostly because of the environment or nature of job itself more so than the work. The politics and everything else gets in the way.

avoidance is the big thing. i'm going to see a therapist soon.

but yeah, i feel the same as you, word for word. it just hasn't worked out yet.

there was all this pressure to succeed and i think i had an inner rebel or fear that really didn't help, whilst other my age over achieved and are very successful, it is very hard to deal with at times. things can get improve with alot of effort though.

Do see a therapist. I think that would help a lot. Right now, I only have a GP but will be seeing a Psychiatrist in March. In the meantime, I've created a weekly task list. I'm not rigidly adhering to everything on my list because that will lead to disappointment and failure. If, I'm unable to complete a task for the week, I simply move it to the next week and review why I didn't have enough time and what I could have done better or differently.

There's still a few MAJOR ITEMS that need to be put on this list that I'm avoiding but eventually I'll get there. Baby steps for now. Trying to get into some sort of routine.

 

[Ithior]

What does a therapist do exactly?

 

[Lamb]

What does a therapist do exactly?

A therapist's goal is to help you solve problems you're dealing with and provide you with the skills to then learn to combat them on your own. Think of them as providing a support role. You go and discuss whatever might be on your mind, they provide you with feedback and challenge your thoughts. They may point out a patterned way of thinking you have, or give you a new perspective to look at. You might learn a strategy you're required to practice outside of the clinic, like coping mechanisms for panic attacks, or how to reduce negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. It varies by person and the style of therapy.

 

[gustavofring]

Rock bottom would be something like not even having money to have a place to stay or to eat. I doubt most of the people in this forum, if not all, will reach that state anytime soon.

I got pretty close a few times.

 

[lilmutegirl]

Hey Everyone!

I was wondering if there was anyone out there that could relate. This goes beyond just procrastinating (which, I do all the time). Lately, I've been analyzing myself and I've realized that I have major avoidance issues. Anything that is important or any major problem in my life, I just avoid. My way of dealing with it, is NOT TO DEAL.
My mental illness (Depression, OCD, SA) is a perfect example. I've been suffering with this for well over a decade. It has completely ruined my life. But, I kept denying it or I would throw myself in activities that require a tremendous amount of time and energy so that I would be too busy to deal with it....I only end up dealing with it when the problem becomes so big that it comes to me. Like my illness, I waited until my life resembled a scorched earth policy.....
When I think about my problems, I want to have a panic attack. If I dealt with them at the appropriate time, I would be fine. But, I can't seem to freak'n do this. I'm the type of person that if I had a medical issue, I would wait until I was bleeding out of my eyes before seeing a doctor.

..........I think part of the problem is that I've given up on life. I see myself as a defect. I'm not worth salvaging. Everyday is just another day of loneliness and humiliation. I HAVE ONE FOOT IN, AND THE OTHER FOOT OUT. On the one hand, I've given up and subconsciously working towards my own demise and self destruction..........The other side of me is very passionate and energetic. This part of me has allowed for some impressive accomplishments.

My innate passion for knowledge, my creativity and my sense of humor keep my going. But, I have no personal advocate. I am my own worst enemy. I'm divided against myself.

It's amazing that I haven't committed suicide. But, that's probably due to procrastination and avoidance. :question:

I'm the same way, except I wouldn't consider myself to have given up on life. I think my attitude is that eventually things will work themselves out (I'm pretty sure I got this from my mom--she's a hoarder, and is apparently convinced that the house will magically clean itself one day).
Lately, something has changed, and I've become much more proactive (maybe not as much as a "typical" person, but I've definitely made progress). I still avoid thiings, but now I use the excuse that I'm too busy. I'm not sure how I changed, so I don't really have any advice for you. Sorry! I hope you can find a way to deal with stuff in a more timely manner. I know from experience that avoiding problems makes them worse.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I know from experience that avoiding problems makes them worse.

So True!!!